| May 18, 2006 @ 9:18 AM |
Betrayed
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BeaBea
Posts: 6
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How do you go on when you are betrayed by someone who taught you what integrity is and always trying to do the right thing?
How can I trust again?
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| May 18, 2006 @ 1:30 PM |
Betrayed |
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Cupcake43130
Posts: 1,747
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It is never easy. I've been there. It's been over 2 yrs and I still struggle with trust issues. You have to dig deep inside yourself and draw on your inner strength. It is hard to trust again, but take little steps. There are good people out there....don't let what happened to you jade your future. I have made that mistake too, and passed on an opportunity for happiness because of it. Hang in there girl....it will get better and easier with time.
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| May 18, 2006 @ 2:22 PM |
Betrayed
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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I'm kind of confused here...a person who taught you integrity and doing the right thing betrayed you? What kind of betrayal?
If it's just about breaking up, it's tough, we've all been there. We learn from it and move on, the pain will go away.
If it was a friend-they don't sound like a very good friend.
Trust is gained by each individual and the relationship we hold with them. We shouldn't let past hurts compromise future possibilities for happiness. You are young, look for the good in the people you meet!
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| May 18, 2006 @ 4:00 PM |
Betrayed |
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altogirl67
Posts: 1,309
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It's confusing when a person's behavior conflicts with who you thought they were. But don't let their behavior influence yours. Keep the good things you've learned and move on. Sometimes it just takes awhile for a person's true nature to come through. Life is full of lessons and this sounds like one of them.
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| May 19, 2006 @ 7:43 AM |
Betrayed
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suzueQ873
Posts: 4
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yes we have all been hurt at sometime but it is not easy.I was hurt 2 years ago and i thought i was in love with him..but i saw his true colours....i did not want to see him for what he really was blinded by love???? no i wasnt....one year after he left me he called me and wanted me back...so i went to dinner with him and saw him a few times and he had not changed i had....and noe i do not answer his callls or txts....he is chasing me.....when i am over someone i never go back and he is feeling the hurt i felt...and now i look at him and think what did i see in him...it will happen to you but some ppl it takes more time than others.Think of yourself as aperson that does not need to be treated this way and you will find you may as i did not need him anymore....good luck suzue:))
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| May 19, 2006 @ 7:53 AM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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We simply have to set our own standards and stick by them, no matter what happens around or to us. We have all been betrayed ion one way or another, and yes it hurts, but we always live to fight another day.
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| May 19, 2006 @ 11:55 AM |
Betrayed
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BeaBea
Posts: 6
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Many of us will be blind by game players, messed up people before. I truely feel different in my case. We have met in a healthy hobby event, the second time we met we did not leave each other for three days and night. At the end of the metting, we both felt that we wanted to work to be an union together, and both felt embrassed by the fastness of it. We have things that we have to work out before our marriage. For three years, every single day we work towards out goals and supported each other. We both work very hard and support each other towards this goal. About two months ago, all out problems are pretty much worked out. We started to move forward much faster than before. I have always been very comfortable and trusted him, because I can see and feel that we are working together as partners.
In three years, there are temptations, road blocks. I don't only trust him for his words, I also see and work with him so I know that his integrity is sincere.
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| May 19, 2006 @ 1:56 PM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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So what's the problem Bea? It all sounds perfect to me, so in what way has he betrayed you?
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| May 19, 2006 @ 6:38 PM |
Betrayed
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BeaBea
Posts: 6
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In what way is not the issue. There is another test on our road and he failed. He has betrayed me, and dishonored himself as well. He knows it and still wanted it. He is like a moth flying into the flame. That's why it is so hard to trust anymore. Where is a person's bottom line? I have be in his shoe before and I knew what it is like. I just could never even considered dishonoring myself and betraying other people because the precious thing is so sacred.
Now it's such a mess. I have to pick my life back out from a very entwined three years. It's so hard. Everything I did in the three years is to work toward to be union with him. Everything I do now has his shadow in it because I grew with him.
Even the stuff I have at his place represent my heart, my precious pass, and our future. Yesterday I went to his place when he is at work to gether my stuff, I found such an invasion of me at his place. I couldn't take them all. I only took the things that is my irreplaceable past. But there are also things that I need in the future and now I don't know what to do.
He ask me to go on Saturday to sort things out so he can mourn too. I don't think I should go. But there are still somethings that means and define me, although they may be replaceable.
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| May 19, 2006 @ 7:57 PM |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,909
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In how you were betrayed is an issue if you want advice from us...complete strangers.
If you only want an answer to your question...
How can I trust again?
I will give you mine,it most likely wont go over well with alot of people on here but after 50 years of life and this ever changing world we live in I personally trust no one.
Sure I trust family and friends that I have known throughout life but anyone else has to earn trust for me to trust them.
Its a tough world BeaBea,you allready know that,respect goes hand in hand with trust.Both of which are deteriorating along with good moral behavior in todays world.
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| May 20, 2006 @ 10:09 AM |
Betrayed
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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This has happened to all of us so in our live's' .It is truely hard to understand your case without knowing what happened. I was married for 11 year's between my 2 marriage's. I have no regret's about it. It is these learning experience's that make us stronger and wiser. You will think about this for a while but the memorie's will diminish as time goe's on. One day you will meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with. You will then rarely think of the past but look to the future with that person. No one said life was easy. I would feel blessed to have your health and in time you will be happier than you ever imagined possible. It will just take time. It is best to to break all tie's with this person as seeing him will just stir up old memorie's. The best thing to do is not have any contact with him again till you are strong enough where you can see him and won't bother you.I think you can trust again but it may take being married or engaged for it to happen.It all depend's on the person.
I can't stress enough that this take's time. I think it take's a good year to get over a person you are in love with. Take this time for you. It will make life so much easier. It has for me. Best of luck to you.
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| May 21, 2006 @ 2:05 AM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Bea, it is really hard for any of us to give any pertinent opinions or advice without knowing how he betrayed you. Saying that, betrayal is always painful no matter what form it takes, especially when it by someone that you trusted implicitly. You need to find the strength to move on from this, and also take your time: you are young and beautiful, and there is a bright future ahead for you.
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| May 21, 2006 @ 8:18 PM |
Betrayed
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observed50
Posts: 407
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Bea..let me offer a path away from your sense of things...
Betrayal is a pretty common human dilemma. People promise, they break promises. Oftentimes, when we use the term 'betrayal' we use it because the broken promise, the disintegrated integrity, occurs around behavior with another person. Most of us who are older have experienced it in many forms.
Is there a way to stop betrayal? No more than one can stop the tides. Promises and intertwined futures are brought together in our best moments, and also in our fear. My ex-wife, when a child, promised her god that she would be a nun if this god would allow her friend with cancer to live. Her friend lived. Note how I said...'my ex-wife/' She never delivered on her promise to her god. She offered her promise in her fear of a friend dying...and her willingness to negotiate for her friend's life. Did she plan on not carrying through with the promise?? I doubt it. Kids promise gods things all the time. But like adults, their promises are offered within the context of believing they will hold to those promises, not knowing how much life will change, and make holding those promises, far harder than thought or known.
Think of what we do when we 'trust' another...we take our heart, our emotional well being, and we put that well-being in their hands and say..."Take care of this for me.' Knowing full well we're dealing with an animal with dark secrets, hidden fears, unknown dysfunctions, we basically tell them...'my emotional well being is in your hands. Don't mess it up!" You can hear that when people scream/shout or otherwise hysterically tell another..."I TRUSTED YOU!!!!!!!!!!" 
And despite knowing our own insecurities and weakness, we give this person responsibility for our well being when we're seldom very good at taking care of our well-being ourselves. Jankia suggests that he doesn't trust anyone not his family and friends, but many of us even have family and friends who have betrayed trust...
And that's simply who we are...broken, fallible, messed-up critters. Sure...trust is nice when it works. But we all fail at it. We all mess it up. We all fall short. Not from some evil sense of things...but more than anything, because another human being cannot be responsible for your well being. Only you can...and there is no avoiding life's walls, gutters and cliffs. One can only hope one lands softly with enough strength to stand again.
Instead of fearing the future because you hurt now, see what life is asking of you to learn. As Gibran once wrote..."Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." It isn't about your failure...or the other's. Its about your mind not knowing what to do when someone else couldn't take good enough care of your heart. Your youthful dreams led you to believe they could...life came along and said..'Stop that! They can't!. They can carry your heart a ways...but not too far. It is yours to carry."
So how do you go on...with compassion for he who betrayed, knowing he ran with you as far as he knew how. How do you trust again? Why is that the goal? Why isn't the goal instead, 'how do I let go needing someone else to keep my world safe for me to feel for others?"
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| May 22, 2006 @ 9:30 AM |
Betrayed |
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MICHIGANGIRL11
Posts: 1,649
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Jankia, how did you become so wise? Your advise makes much sense to me.
Thank you,
Migirl11
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| May 23, 2006 @ 1:36 PM |
Betrayed
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BeaBea
Posts: 6
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Instead of fearing the future because you hurt now, see what life is asking of you to learn. As Gibran once wrote..."Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." It isn't about your failure...or the other's. Its about your mind not knowing what to do when someone else couldn't take good enough care of your heart.
Yes, it hurts and I fear the future, not because of fearing that someone else couldn't take good enough care of my heart. Rather it is becasue of the disappointment in human nature. I always have and still will believe in the good nature in human. I know firmly that I have it and can do it. I have been in his shoes and did the opposite. It is not the first time someone left me in the journey of my life and say bye; not the first time someone betray me in my life either. I may be young and looked innocent, but by far not naive. He saw something he wanted and is willing to paid with his honor, respect to get it. What will he get out of it? I got more out of the same situation doing the opposite. I kept my honor and respect as well as the other people's.
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