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| Oct 16, 2007 @ 8:37 PM |
Third marriage, fading fast
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Onewoundeddragon
Posts: 2
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OK, I'm new here, but perhaps I can get some constructive response here or more likely stir up a hornets nest.
Now, as I helplessly watch my third marriage fall apart it is easy to blame myself for it's failure, I mean, it is my third, it must be me, right?
I will confess I ignored the warning flags even before the wedding. She began isolating me, driving all previous friends and relations away, to such an extent they even came to me warning me. My children don't even want to see me anymore! But, I was in love, aside from the controlling, micro-management of my life and the rejection of all intimate advances, she was just what I needed, I think... I was told to make decisions with my big head, not my little one. She's a great cook, aggressive in all aspects of life, except one, me. The dog gets more affection than I do.
OK, a quick history. She answered a dating ad I'd placed and charmed me. I was deeply lonely and fell in love, too quickly. She lost her job and her apartment, I provided a solution, marriage. We were given an all expense paid honey-moon pachage, she refused to go, for a year. I gave the package away. The marriage has gone down hill from there.
HELP!
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| Oct 16, 2007 @ 9:02 PM |
Third marriage, fading fast |
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Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
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first I have to ask why you are on a dating site if you are still married.( Assuming you are living together still).?
Regarding "allowing" her to run your life........Sounds all too familiar. My ex left me for a wench just like you're explaining........she drove all away and made our life hell, my daughter don't even want to talk to her father.
I Blame HIM........HE Don't have the Cajones to stand up to her!
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| Oct 16, 2007 @ 9:47 PM |
Third marriage, fading fast
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Onewoundeddragon
Posts: 2
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Ah, yes... one hornets nest, coming up...
Did you read my post? Did you read my site posting? At least I'm honest. I understand you are only seeing my side of the story. What I want is the only thing you can't buy. What I want is to be wanted. Obviously, there are complications I cannot explain in two paragraphs. Thanks, Dragon
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| Oct 17, 2007 @ 10:20 AM |
Third marriage, fading fast |
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Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
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YES I did. I read this post, and I read your profile.
I also see grounds for divorce.
If you dont start them before coming to a dating site, she will definetly have grounds.
Why the F**k are you still with her if you are that miserable?
I don't see anything in this post that tells me why you are still there except she is a great cook.........Hell anyone can cook.
Believe me I am not one to advocate divorce, but if you too cannot work it out... ( Have you tried counseling?) then leave, but cheating or even being on a dating site (without her knowledge) is not the answer.
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| Oct 17, 2007 @ 5:21 PM |
Third marriage, fading fast
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0oGirlie_Girlo0
Posts: 64
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The bottom line is, if you are not happy you need to ask yourself what you can do to make yourself happy.
Does happiness include your wife? If yes, see below.
If not, get ready to shell out the bucks for a divorce.
If you decide that future happiness includes your wife, then you need to start by recognizing the problems. (With both of you) You can not fix what you do not acknowledge. So, sit down with her, express your feelings. Be TRULY honest with each other. Try not to point fingers, instead try to make her see things from your perspective. Take ownership of some of the problems. (don't blame everything on her) If you really want to make it work, I would suggest counseling obviously.
I have to agree with Kat on this one, you have no business looking for someone else, or even thinking about it while you are in a relationship with your wife. It's not fair to you, her, or God forbid any children involved.
Dragging on a doomed relationship will only result in more heartache, sadly I've learned that one from personal experience.
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| Oct 20, 2007 @ 4:59 PM |
Third marriage, fading fast |
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eastham
Posts: 6,354
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I think you need therapy. I think you need to explore why you have picked the wrong woman three times; why you enter into relationships preciptiously; why you are so afraid of your own company you are on a dating site while still married; why you need to feel needed; why you choose to ignore warning signs; why you have alienated your children; etc.
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| Oct 20, 2007 @ 9:59 PM |
Third marriage, fading fast
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Cynbaby
Posts: 984
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I can offer you this piece of advice and you can do what you want with it. First of all relationships are complicated enough. You really need to be fully out of a marriage, relationship whatever before you dive into anything else with someone.
I got divorced it feels like a lifetime ago, but there was no way I wanted to jump into anything right away. I took a year to get my life together, sort things out, stayed home and cried a bit. Then I grew strong, hit the pavement and got a job and finally I knew the day had come that I needed to have fun again and date. I started dating very cautiously, met for coffee, a dinner, did not dive into anything fast. I do wish you luck.
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