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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 1:23 AM |
sex jokes
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stormy73
Posts: 1,181
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These two jokes just popped in my head....
Q. Why did Helen Keller masturbate with her right hand?
A. Because she moaned with her left hand! 
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench, talking about their lives....
1st old lady - "Do you remember the minuet?"
2nd old lady - "Hell, I can't remember the ones I f***ED!" 
Do YOU have a sex joke?
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 1:33 AM |
sex jokes |
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ExacerbatedTaboo
Posts: 1,401
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Q.What's the little toilet paper balls called after a woman wipes her p***y?
A.Clitty Litter
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 1:39 AM |
sex jokes
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stormy73
Posts: 1,181
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Six gay guys were sitting in a hot tub, when a blob of semen rose to the surface.
"Okay.. who farted?" 
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 1:42 AM |
sex jokes |
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ExacerbatedTaboo
Posts: 1,401
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Q. How do you know when the avon lady just got laid?
A. Her lipstick
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 2:34 AM |
sex jokes
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WAYleftofcenter
Posts: 11
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Q: Why do some women end up with brusises around their belly buttons?
A: Because blonde men are stupid too!!
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 2:37 AM |
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Felstaff
Posts: 87
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DOH! I'm sorry all...(I KNEW that straight jacket wasn't tight enough)
I'll try to contain her, but can't make any promises!
Jonathan
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 2:41 AM |
sex jokes
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ExacerbatedTaboo
Posts: 1,401
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A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crude. Let's try to rephrase that."
"Ok, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 c*cks last year.
[Edited on 11/26/2005 2:42 AM]
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 3:14 AM |
sex jokes |
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ExacerbatedTaboo
Posts: 1,401
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nobody has anything?...That sucks 
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 3:50 AM |
sex jokes
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sleepless29
Posts: 31
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The mother of a teenaged girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating SUSAN!"
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 3:52 AM |
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sleepless29
Posts: 31
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- Name?
- Abu Dalah Sarafi.
- Sex?
- Four times a week.
- No, no, no male or female?
- Male, female... sometimes camel...
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 4:42 AM |
sex jokes
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lennym
Posts: 43
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Grandfathers Wisdom:
This once again confirms that the most important information in your life
won't come from a teacher, the library or the internet, but from a mentor
and on a very personal level. My long-passed grandfather's birthday is
coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce.
The long walks we used to take. The long drives. The special trips he would
make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him, and the advice he
used to give!
Much was wasted because I was young when he died. If he were alive today
and sharing his gems of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems were well
and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of
grandfatherly advice, came when he paused, looked me in the eye and said,
"Son ... don't marry a woman with big hands. It makes your pecker look
smaller."
Makes ya almost wanna cry, don't it?
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| Nov 26, 2005 @ 7:12 AM |
sex jokes |
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yoseph
Posts: 181
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ok ive been at work, here is the only one that comes to mind at the moment:
a young attractive woman goes to the doctor for a check up.
he notices an "M" on her stomach, he finishes the examination and says,
"ok every thing appears to be fine. but i have to ask, why is there an 'M' on your stomach?"
she replies
"my boyfriend plays sports for Michigan, and he really loves his team and always wares his jacket when we have sex."
weeks later another young woman comes in, and she also has an "M" on her stomach. he finishes up and asks
"whats with the 'M'?"
and she gives the same answer...
a few weeks later a different woman comes in. and he notices an "M". so he asks
"your boyfriend go to Michigan?"
she replies
"no, but my girlfriend goes to Wisconsin."
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| Nov 27, 2005 @ 1:01 PM |
sex jokes
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sweetblueyedarling
Posts: 52
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ok, here it is...the womans husband walks into the bedroom,where she is trying to sleep, with a sheep under his arm. he says...honey, this it the cow i have sex with when u have a headache. the wife rolls her eyes and says...u idoit, ur so stupidddd, thats a sheep! the husband replies...yeah and if u were as smart as u think u r...u would have known i was talking to the sheep.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 10:31 AM |
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Sweet624
Posts: 44
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that is really a nice one, sweetblueeyedarling!!!
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 12:52 PM |
sex jokes
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Outdoorjoe
Posts: 36
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What is the difference between a job and a wife?
Job still sucks after a year!
What is the differecne between parcley and p****?
No one eats parsley!
How do you get a nun pregnant?
f*** her!
What does a blonde say after sex?
Are you guys all on the same team!
What f***s like a tiger and winks?
;)
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 1:01 PM |
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lj450
Posts: 9,550
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Most of mine are too offensive.....but what the hell!!!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A lickalotopus
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
An Asssosoreus
Whats the definition of a woman?
Life support system for a p***y
Whats the diff between a b*tch and a whore?
a whore f***s everyone, and a b*tch f***s everyone but you!!
and last but not least.....
Why do women douche?
Because a p***y cant go *makes sound of hocking up lugi and spitting*
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| Nov 29, 2005 @ 10:17 AM |
sex jokes
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Sweet624
Posts: 44
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lj,I love the one about the difference between a bitch and a whore!! Well done!
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| Dec 5, 2005 @ 6:09 AM |
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Sweet624
Posts: 44
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There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
say two Hail Marys!
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| Dec 5, 2005 @ 9:33 AM |
sex jokes
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MischeviousAngel
Posts: 277
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I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...
I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU...
I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU MOAN AND GROAN.
I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY...BEG FOR ME TO STOP.
I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU.
YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS.
ALL MY LOVE,
THE FLU
Now get your mind out of the gutter........
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| Dec 5, 2005 @ 10:10 AM |
sex jokes |
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 13,047
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What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A tearjerker.
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