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| Jan 27, 2006 @ 11:40 PM |
Should you tell him/her?
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richmondcowgirl83
Posts: 1,062
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Ok you've been sleeping with this person for over a year. You've experimented with this person, done things you would never have dreamed of. When it all started you both were understood it was just sex. You recently realize you have serious feelings for this person. Do you tell them?
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| Jan 28, 2006 @ 12:53 AM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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Ask him if he thinks of you as more than a friend with benefits, and if he has ever considered you for a long term relationship.
I think that this is the easiest way to bring up this question without him perceiving it as an ultimatum. He might feel that the sex is going to come to an end if he gives you an answer that you don't want to hear.
This is the best way to ask in my opinion.
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| Jan 28, 2006 @ 1:04 AM |
Should you tell him/her?
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sjpinatl
Posts: 671
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If ur sleeping with him, can't you tell how he feels about you from the look in his eyes or the sound of his voice? IMO touch can be deceiving, but the eyes and voice tell it all...
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| Jan 28, 2006 @ 1:53 AM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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touch can be deceiving, but the eyes and voice tell it all.
I couldn't agree with you more....and even if talking on the phone (when you can't see his eyes), if you pay VERY close attention to the tone, the rhythm of his voice, any subtle little differences (a pause that lasts a nanosecond too long, for instance) - you can hear things that his words will NEVER say.....try it, it's quite an enlightening experience!
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| Jan 28, 2006 @ 9:35 AM |
Should you tell him/her?
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Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
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Try to hold a gaze with him....The eyes are the window to the heart and soul, if he is uncomfortable with that, he may not hold the same feelings....( Shoulda followed those rules with my ex-  )
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| Jan 28, 2006 @ 4:58 PM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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greenizenora
Posts: 629
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You recently realize you have serious feelings for this person. Do you tell them?
Only if you're sure you can handle possible rejection and an end to the sexual relationship as well.
If the sexual relationship ends, it may also make any resulting friendship awkward.
Before you confess examine every possible outcome, and make sure you're willing to accept every one of them.
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| Jan 28, 2006 @ 7:26 PM |
Should you tell him/her?
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Green is right, you gotta work out whether or not you are prepared to potentially lose what you already have in pursuit of more..
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| Jan 28, 2006 @ 11:38 PM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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RAKS37
Posts: 617
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Somehow I just can't wrap my mind around it.
How did telling someone you care for them or that you love them become a mistake.
Yep you might lose him.
If that's all the deeper it goes
so what
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| Jan 28, 2006 @ 11:42 PM |
Should you tell him/her?
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suzieq0808
Posts: 1,080
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How did telling someone you care for them or that you love them become a mistake.
I think he means that love is always worth the gamble. I agree.
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| Jan 29, 2006 @ 2:42 PM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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jponce1
Posts: 8
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Why you going to ask anything? keep enjoying yourself if something is due to happen it will. Just keep having sex if is good is good maybe he feels the same way , But Why take the spark out of it? 
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| Jan 29, 2006 @ 4:05 PM |
Should you tell him/her?
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lukleslov
Posts: 36
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Sex is emotional, no getting around it. Are your feelings coming based on the intimacy of sharing sexual relations for over a year or it is based on the person underneath. Ask yourself...would I feel this way about him if sex was taken out of the equation. If you can seriously answer yes, then tell him, if not, then keep enjoying what you have, or call it off if it is becoming too hard to stay emotionally unattached.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 1:17 AM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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peaches_n_cream2002
Posts: 302
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If you don't tell him, depending on the kind of person you are and how you "carry" your feelings, it may strain the "relationship".
I had this happen with a friend, though we weren't involved for a year, just a few months. When I realized I had feelings, I just began to ignore him, because it hurt too much to be around him. Bad idea. It really hurt him, and when we did start talking again we fought all the time. Then one day I made a comment and he was really confused about it. We talked and found out he had similar feelings. We've stayed just friends due to distance, but there's definitely more than sex between us.
Just talk to him about it. Tell him that you're not expecting anything, but you just wanted to be honest.
I'm a big supporter of honesty. I think white elephants in the middle of the room are unneccessary.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 9:28 AM |
Should you tell him/her?
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simplegal873
Posts: 141
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There are many different kinds of love. The friend who becomes so near to you that you care about them and love the person/friend that they are, absolutely let them know TODAY, and if you are that close, they should know the difference hopefully. Just let them know you care and you think they are a great person. Yes, I have and do tell friends I love them, because, well I do and its just the way I am.
The romantic entanglement? Hmmm, well obviously for me, that person would definitately have passed the friend/love stage at some point much earlier in the relationship. Very likely much much earlier. It takes time, a long time, to get to know someone on such an intimate level and when the right time comes, the answer to this question will be easy. You might not even have to ask. A year, well thats a good length of time. Can you tell he wants to be with you and nobody else? There is your answer.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 10:51 AM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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richmondcowgirl83
Posts: 1,062
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I know there is feelings there... why else would he sit in the hospital waiting for me when I pulled all the muscles in my back & shoulder, more or less drive there during an ice storm. I don't think he did it just to laugh at me... even though he did. He's a very anti-socail person & is on meds. for it... the fact the he doesn't have to take them to be around me, I think is another big sign. It shows he's truely comfortable around me. Along with the anti-socialness... he's gone out in public with me. We've gone shopping & goofed off together. For him thats a very big deal... he pointed out to me. The only person he's been able to go any where with was his brother & now he just calls me up. I know this doesn't sound like its anything but he has told me time & time again that is a big deal to him. Him being comfortable with someone & able to go outside of his house with someone that isn't family is a big deal & a big step is his recovery to his problem. I feel there is something there that it is me that he so comfortable with. I know he doesn't have the same feelings I have. I can see that in his eyes like everyone says. He loves me company, he loves my help, & he loves having sex with me. As far as being IN love with me... NO. I'm going to tell him though, I think he already knows. Why else would he have brought up the conversation of everything thats he's been able to do since meeting me.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 12:26 PM |
Should you tell him/her?
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lukleslov
Posts: 36
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Definately looks like it already is a more than sex relationship, whether you've labeled it that way or not. If its meant to be it will. Good luck 
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 7:09 PM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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altogirl67
Posts: 1,309
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It does sound like you have more than a friends with benefits kind of thing going on. You definitely have intimacy and commitment whether you've discussed it or not.
Just be prepared for rejection if you tell him... it still COULD happen and if you're going out on that limb you need to be prepared for it to crash to the ground. Not saying it will, but don't discount it as a possibility.
Remember too that there are people who prefer that things remain unspoken and even though he may have strong feelings for you, laying your cards on the table may freak him out.
GOOD LUCK!!!! 
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 7:15 PM |
Should you tell him/her?
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richmondcowgirl83
Posts: 1,062
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Remember too that there are people who prefer that things remain unspoken and even though he may have strong feelings for you, laying your cards on the table may freak him out.
you hit the nail on the head....
I tried to talk to him today... I called him & said we needed to talk. He ask if something was wrong, I said yes. He asked was it physical, I said no. He asked was it emotional, I said yes. He said he doesn't want to hear it, we have a good thing. He used mine own line on me. Emotions Ruin Friendships.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 7:43 PM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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altogirl67
Posts: 1,309
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Sweetie, it's just a difference in beliefs and personality. I'm one of those people, like you, who prefer to get things out in the open and discuss them. It's hard for me to deal with people who aren't like that but the older I've gotten the more understanding I am of differences in other people. Some people like it all out there and some people don't. They prefer to just live it and enjoy it and never discuss it. If you want my advice (and I know you didn't ask for it) just enjoy your relationship with him. He clearly thinks you have a good thing and he's trying to enjoy it. Also, if he has a social phobia, dealing openly with emotions is probably terrifying for him. Just enjoy him and see how it goes... that's what I would do.
Also, I don't think emotions ruin friendships. I love my friends and would do anything in the world for them. Friendships to me are intimate relationships without the sex. I'm very loyal and treasure every one of them. If there is no emotional graitification, what's the point?
If you need to talk, feel free to email me anytime.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 11:42 PM |
Should you tell him/her?
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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yes you have a good thing as he said.....but the question is, is it good enough for you?.......are you going to be able to only live with it the way it is now...because chances are it will never be anything else ever....so do you want to live with it this way or do you need/want more...if you don't get it out in the open you will hurt worse later than you do now.... at least be honest with yourself and it seems like you are doing that... so ask yourself this question... if nothing has changed 2/4/5 yrs from now will i be happy or will i feel like i've been cheated and lost 2/4/5 yrs waiting for him to change his mind and want more?
another important thing is to Listen to what he says....take him at his word and don't try to rationalize it and make it anything other that what he says.....
Good luck either way!! 
[Edited on 1/30/2006 11:53 PM]
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| Feb 2, 2006 @ 3:49 AM |
Should you tell him/her? |
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imotherearth
Posts: 75
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no, and try to get those feelings out of your head.
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