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| Mar 9, 2006 @ 3:13 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here...
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Teddy_Bear050
Posts: 91
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Ok, so I'm back, and yes I know I've been gone from the boards a long while now. As you've guessed, it's because I've hooked up with someone, no not from MD, but never the less. Ok, so here's the deal.
The sex is unexplainably the best I've ever had in my life, and I'm quite sure that it will be the pinnicle of my life. That having been said, the only problem that I have is getting her off from a clitoral orgasm. I've found and exploited her g-spot on many occasions and she loves it (cause no one else has ever done that for her), but when it comes to giving her the big-O, it just seems somewhat impossible. So here's the rundown.
She was married to this other asswipe for a long time. During the past 5 years, she'd had NO SEX. So it was quite the release the first time we were together  , moving on... She masturbated a lot during that time to compensate, and when she did, she would keep her legs together tightly while she played with her clit. So thats problem A, because when I'm inside her, no matter how good it feels, she has a problem cumming because her legs aren't together.
The other thing is that all the s.o.'s that I've had (aside from one) had an exposed clit that I could either lick or suck on and with the technique I have would make it really easy to get them off. Problem here is that... quite frankly, I can't find her clit. I can see the spot where it would be, and it is there, but it's like it's in hibernation and won't come out to play.
So I have two questions. One, what can I do to get her to cum easier when I'm inside her? I've thought of changing positions when she's on top so that she's reverse cowgirl and then I'd have her lie on my chest and keep her legs together that way, but I'm not sure that'd work. My other question is, how can I orally stimulate her better. I mean I can use my fingers to stimulate her g-spot, but I just can't get to her clit. Any women with similar anatomy that have some advice, or any guys that've had the same problem?
I thank you guys greatly in advance for any words of advice you can offer me. Things are going very well with us aside from just the sex. She has two wonderful children whom are 12 and 8, and between her and myself we have everything in the world in common, and what we don't we've already accepted. She'll be moving down where I live (hopefully) in the fall, so I'm really excited about that!  , and her kids are great, and they have no problem with me being in their lives.
Thanks again,
Teddy
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| Mar 9, 2006 @ 7:31 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here... |
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peaches_n_cream2002
Posts: 302
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The clitoris is like the penis, in that when a woman is turned on, it swells. All I can suggest is to spend time on her, without regard for your own pleasure, just work on pleasuring her, not only genital pleasing, but everywhere. Find out where her spots are....ears, necks, thighs, etc.
And find ways to turn her on that aren't physical, talk to her, do things for her, romance her.
Make her comfortable, ask her things, find out what she likes, make her realize that you are in this to please her just as much as being pleased.
We girls are so used to guys that just get their own jollies and have no idea we're bored and not enjoying anything, so we just get used to it and give up on asking for anything. Let her know it's not just about you.
Open communication and trust are KEYS to good sex. As are patience and selflessness.
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| Mar 9, 2006 @ 7:58 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here...
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liquidmidnight1
Posts: 82
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Ted,
Let her take the lead, the entire way, as if, right now, you are just the dildo she rides to completion. Let her find her heat and orgasim through riding you in the way she needs. If your heart is there and she has a capable heart you she will come home to your heart, if not, not. Love is like cooking spaghetti.. when you think it's done, good to go, you take a strand and throw it to the ceiling. If it sticks it's a done deal, if it doesn't, then it isn't. 'nuff said.
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| Mar 9, 2006 @ 8:03 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here... |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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Sounds to me like you are giving her attention. She may actually have a biological issue. The first place for her to ask would her doctor. It may also help her if she would start masterbating with her legs open. You can even assist her in this task. Have her get some erotic literature and the two of you can work on it together. Just my suggestions. I am glad that you have found a good person. Hope our suggestions help.
Good advice Peaches 
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| Mar 9, 2006 @ 9:43 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here...
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bevrice
Posts: 11,141
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You might suggest to her to practice masturbating differently, learning to orgasm without her legs together. Get her a rabbit, or tell her to use the shower massager, get her a hand held one. Turn the light on and make her let you examine her, have her show you her clitoris. manipulate it or have her manipulate it with the lights on and you observe.
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| Mar 9, 2006 @ 9:51 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here... |
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,517
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The clitoris is like the penis, in that when a woman is turned on, it swells. All I can suggest is to spend time on her, without regard for your own pleasure, just work on pleasuring her, not only genital pleasing, but everywhere. Find out where her spots are....ears, necks, thighs, etc.
And find ways to turn her on that aren't physical, talk to her, do things for her, romance her.
~peaches_n_cream2002
Wow... I can't believe you're only 22... well said!
Do they teach you that stuff in school these days? 
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| Mar 9, 2006 @ 10:31 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here...
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Teddy_Bear050
Posts: 91
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Peaches,
I'd say good advice, but the very sound of my voice sets her off, so stimulating her without actually touching her isn't an issue trust me. And as for forplay, my question was in reguard to when we're having sex. Our forplay can last up to an hour on it's own. Licking, biting, scratching, nibbling, caressing, groping, etc... Lets put it this way, I know what I'm doing, so I know that it's not me or the way in which I'm not properly stimulating her before hand. Thats why I said it was something biological that I hadn't seen before, because I know how the clitoris works, and I'm telling you that even when she masturbates, it's not exposed, at all.
Back to the issue at hand...
I did make the suggestion to her to masturbate with her legs open, and she has tried it, but it takes her so long that her hand either gets very tired, or she gives up, or just closes her legs anyhow to get the orgasm and be done with it. I can understand her frustration becuase as I said she's been doing this for almost 6 years, so it's not like I'm gonna walk in and up and reverse the process. But I'm working at it.
Liquid,
I like your advice best, and next time we're together, I'll let her take the reigns and see what happens. She did at one point, and really went buck wild on me, but um... her "conditioning" couldn't keep up  , so it was hard for her to keep at it. But it's ok, like I said, I'm the first partner she's been with that not only knows about sex, isn't afriad of it, and doesn't mind exploring things. So it's gonna take her a little time to just get used to that and hopefully when she does the little "C" will present herself :P
Heh, thinking back on it, the very first night we were together, even from masturbating she couldn't get off because she said she was so nurvous, which I can understand, but I think that might have something to do with it now as well. Maybe she's pressuring herself too much to orgasm. I'm not gonna say anything cause I know it can be the same for guys, you say one word, and the mentality literally stops you from being able to perform. So we'll see what happens and I'll definately keep you guys updated.
Thanks again for all the advice, and I'll mix and match to see what happens the next time we're together. It's a semi-long distance relationship, so it'll be another 9 days till I get to see her :'(
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| Mar 10, 2006 @ 1:53 AM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here... |
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peaches_n_cream2002
Posts: 302
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Wow... I can't believe you're only 22... well said!
Do they teach you that stuff in school these days?
lol, thanks Lee. This is the second time today someone has questioned my only being 22 years of age. Like I said in the other thread, I observe a lot, and I read a lot, and I know what works for me.
I'm not currently in school, and they definitely don't teach it there. I did just see a performance of the Vagina Monologues last weekend, maybe that did it. lol
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| Mar 10, 2006 @ 11:58 AM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here...
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WickedWench
Posts: 1,613
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Try not being inside her first of all. If she's trying to have a clitoral orgasm then the stimulation for that needs to come from outside, not within.
Physically, the clitoris is located at the top of the "^/\". Yes it does hide and there is a 'hood" but in order for it to "cum out to play" you need to stimulate around it first.
Maybe don't go there right away. Women aren't geared the same way as men and occasionally men have trouble understanding that part. Men can recieve oral right away with little to no foreplay but women need to be aroused or teased.
More foreplay, ie licking her lips, her inner thighs, gently (ask her direction on what "feels good" for her) lick from one end to the other, stroking her labial lips very softly, tease her nipples while your doing this if she is into that, AND tell her you LUV her scent. Some women prefer non-direct contact (meaning lick around it or rapid fast butterfly licks OVER top of it where the hood is but not directly on it) and some prefer direct stimulation ON it. You might have to explore to find out what works for her. ( what a GREAT adventure)
The problem might be in the "approach" or it could be psychological as well. Some women don't believe that their "scent' is ...attractive. (Little do they realize it's an aphrodisiac)
Good luck and I'd ask to let me know how it "cums" out but.
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| Mar 10, 2006 @ 12:02 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here... |
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WickedWench
Posts: 1,613
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I forgot!
Ted when she rubs her legs together what she is in fact doing is massaging her clitoris. You can be inside but she's in essence masturabating to find release and if she's trying to climax and you're inside, maybe that's intially too much. Perhaps just concentrating on clitoral climax initially til you "get it down".
Yup I used to myself .....long ago before I started "exploring".
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| Mar 10, 2006 @ 7:59 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here...
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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Teddy......try this site.....http://www.tantra.co.nz/
Also, the two of you might do some exploring on the internet...together......educate your self on some different techniques.......there is so much out there...and one never knows it all .... Good luck
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 9:35 AM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here... |
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someone_me
Posts: 506
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Heh, thinking back on it, the very first night we were together, even from masturbating she couldn't get off because she said she was so nurvous, which I can understand, but I think that might have something to do with it now as well. Maybe she's pressuring herself too much to orgasm. I'm not gonna say anything cause I know it can be the same for guys, you say one word, and the mentality literally stops you from being able to perform. So we'll see what happens and I'll definately keep you guys updated.
Teddy, you hit the nail on the head here. A lot of what you are experiencing here has to do with her and her mind. A woman's mind has so much more to do with her having an orgasm than a man's.
I would say the biggest and first step is to help take the pressure off of her in thinking she has to orgasm and help her to just relax and enjoy the feelings and pleasures you have to offer. Apart from procreation, sex is about pleasure. It's not about performance (although the performance is there if you know how to pleasure ).
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| Mar 15, 2006 @ 4:28 PM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here...
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Teddy_Bear050
Posts: 91
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Thanks guys!
4 MORE DAYS!!!
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| Mar 16, 2006 @ 10:39 AM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here... |
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Circe00
Posts: 37
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1st off Teddy glad you have found someone. Sounds like you 2 hit it off. 
A womans mind can take over in the bedroom. This could be somethin that she unwillingly is doin to herself.
Another thought is that it could be physical.
Most clits that hide do come out and play (swell) when aroused.
It doesnt sound like you need much advice so I really dunno what to tell you. I think this is an issue with her more than with you. If she feels she is use to it one way maybe her mind isnt letting her believe she can be satisfied any other way.
Her clit is up in there LoL you should feel like a lil bump until it starts to swell. Ya'll need to talk about this. Tried any toys? Just a lil silver bullet will make it come out to play and if it doesnt she really has a serious problem.
Ok for me... sometimes will my clit is being stimulated my legs want to close also but if I am being fingered at the same time (or insert toy here) they open up LoL But right b4 she blows LoL they wanna close again.
Shiat I dunno wth to tell ya man. get her online.. Look up some stuff, get some toys but by all means talk this out. If you cant get it figured out maybe she should seek medical assistance.
Best of luck to you Teddy!
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 8:30 AM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here...
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Teddy_Bear050
Posts: 91
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Ok, so we were together a week, and spent pretty much 90% of the time in bed as I'd expected 
The clit, still not comin out to play. I asked her about it, and we talked about it for a while. She's just always masturbated by rubbing it through the hood, so if/when it does come out and she touches it, she says it hurts. I equate this to the first few times I had gotten head. I'm uncircumcised, so it really was kinda painful for a girl to be all over the head and was really hard to tell them, "stop, your hurting me." But eventually I got used to it, and things are of course much better now.
Back to the g/f...
So she showed me where to rub, and I think I have the spot down pretty well now, I can even tounge it if I'm down there. I guess I just want it to come out and play. We did try a vibrator while I was inside her, and she had it on her clit for a while, but I think the sensations of me being in her were too much for her so she ended up tossing the vibrator to the side
At any rate, it definately doesn't bother me now as much as it did, just because we talked about it a lot. It's gonna come out and play eventually, and if it doesn't happen in a month or so, then I'm gonna suggest that she ask her OBGYN about it, and go from there.
Again a BIG thank you to everyone and all your advice. Glad to know there are people who still care enough to help others out.
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| Mar 30, 2006 @ 11:43 AM |
I'm back!!! And I actually need a lil advice here... |
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kinglouis2005
Posts: 856
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hmmmm very interesting.
I had been with one woman in the past who , on the surface, appeared to have no clit or a very small one at that.
Of course everything was dark but I tried like hell to find it since I LOVE to go down on a lady...eventually I just had sex with her and that was that..
She went back to vermont or virginia or something like that the next day so no repeat performance....
hmmm shoulda turned the light on though and done an inspection..
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