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| May 25, 2006 @ 10:26 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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observed50
Posts: 407
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In reading so many posts on here that mingle and tingle and tease and please, makes one wonder a bit about how the posters realllly see their own sexuality...in their own heads...not in the moment of presentation...but as they think and feel  their way through their singlehood and adulthood.
So at what age did you start to feel like your sexuality was really yours to explore and do with as you wanted, rather than something you had to be, had to do, to be a 'good' woman or a 'good' man? Or do you feel 'free' in your sexuality yet? Do you still feel you're trying to live what others have handed you?
I know many women in their 40s-70s who feel that divorce helped them grow out of being something sexual for others, into something sexual for themselves. (not by themselves!  ). They also feel the web, with its forums and cams, has been immensely liberating for them to talk through and experiment with their lives in ways they never would have guessed or thought to...
What age, your sexuality that you built?
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| May 26, 2006 @ 12:29 AM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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I've been thinking about this...I was probably in my mid-thirties before I feel I "blossomed". Looking back, I think it's because I married young (relatively inexperienced, both of us) and then kids/motherhood/house etc always seemed to be a higher priority than sex or rather sexual growth.
...then as my libido and confidence grew, his waned -- nothing spontaneous or "fun", just plain old routine  ...til I felt like a convenient "object", so we stopped sleeping together for years (lots of other issues, including a chronic illness) We became "roomates" and still functioned as friends/partners but I repressed my own sexuality (as a 'good' wife should within the confines of marriage  )
THEN when I got divorced, WOW!! Yep, just as you mentioned, I "owned" my sexuality, finally, and was free to "explore"...on MY terms, for once. I actually attribute my 'comfort-level' to a 'friend' who not only allowed me to be me, but encouraged it. Yeh, WOW!  It's a VERY nice place to be...and I kind of feel sorry for my ex who missed out on these things throughout our years. (Though I believe he's rediscovered his own sexuality with his new lady -- we both 'won', in the end  ...not a bad thang for old farts  )
And yep, learned a thing or two on the net  ...especially that whatever works for a couple is all good!  (...tho I kinda found that out on my own -- um, with masculine 'help'  )
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| May 26, 2006 @ 12:40 AM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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dowens
Posts: 869
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Great question!.....when I first read the heading, I blew it off, but, now after reading the whole thread I get it!...
For me, I was 39-40...divorced for two years.....but, more than my age.....it was my partner during those 2 years! She encoureged and " introduced" me to my sensual,sexual being...(T/Y, Janet!)
Unfortunately, I still find myself waiting or wanting a partner to still "define" me.....but, I usually quickly overcome that.....Funny how old habits are hard to break,huh?
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| May 30, 2006 @ 8:10 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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WickedWench
Posts: 1,613
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Early to mid thirties.
I've experimented as much as I want to at this point. I think some of the key to this is being discreet. I don't feel a need to broadcast my sex life but ......certainly I have done things I wanted..and then some
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| May 30, 2006 @ 10:13 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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I'll let ya know.  Although, I definitely see the beginnings of this "revolution." It always helps to have an UNvanilla partner.
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| May 31, 2006 @ 9:08 AM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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mangolover60
Posts: 635
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I've been 22 for 25 years.  
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| Jun 29, 2006 @ 4:18 AM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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countryboy69995
Posts: 653
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Woody? Think 8. Didn't know what the heck was wrong with me.
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| Jun 29, 2006 @ 12:40 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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DipityDoo
Posts: 377
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I would say now, at 38, but it mostly has to do with the man I am with now and our relationship over anything else. Before, sex was usually loaded with other overtones, and either I felt that there was a part of me being taken away or there was just not the level of intimacy that I feel now. For the first time in my life, I truly understand what it feels like to want to "give myself" to a man and the fit with is is just spectacular. It feels like we belong together. With all that, of course, comes a level of comfortability I've never had before and as time goes by I'm sure we'll explore more, if we feel like it. Perhaps we won't...but we can talk about anything quite naturally, which I love.
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| Jun 29, 2006 @ 2:06 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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I am still wondering if I hit it yet..........
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| Jun 29, 2006 @ 4:36 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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observed50
Posts: 407
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Dipity> good post... Great to hear that you've found a partner to increase your expression. Good luck with the exploration!
Painter...If you're wondering if its yours, its probably the case it still isn't en toto. One can sense when one builds one's own fences, versus the fences that one does because we were handed them and twisted our lives accordingly. Its not that the fences aren't maybe deeply similar, but it does mean that you build them, and they are fences which are movable, temporary, yours to build up and tear down.
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| Jun 29, 2006 @ 5:03 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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I think late 30s- but I know I am still open to changes and learning more....
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| Jun 29, 2006 @ 9:43 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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EvoPsych
Posts: 390
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I made a lot of decisions about Society, Spirtuality and Sexuality, when I was 17.
The price of being a social pioneer...is your going to have to duck the arrows, once and a while.
I believed, even at that tender age, that 99% of all the worlds religions, are about the sky pointing god apes, controling the mob.
The number of truly free people, I know in this world. I can count on both hands and still have some fingers left over. Most of the rest are simply automatons. Going though the motions of life, with a head full of bad, two hundred thousand year old wiring.
Who would have thought, that we'd come to this new century, with the internet, probes to Mars and the outer planets, The secrets of the atom within our grasp and a majority of idiots would still care who you had sex with?
I simply belive in Good and Evil....and I have yet to find anyone who can give me a satifactory explanation, why sleeping with whom ever I please, man or woman, would be evil.
On the other hand, that whole Book of Revalations thing, is about the most inherently evil idea, ever laid out by the mind of man.
But thats just me...
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| Jun 29, 2006 @ 11:35 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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torees121
Posts: 739
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I would say 36. I have had more "awakenings"this year than ever. I do not intend to slow the pace down any either. I finally feel like I am my own slave master 
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| Jun 30, 2006 @ 12:00 AM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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luvshorses644
Posts: 1,571
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Great question. I had to think about this for a bit. I believe I thought my sexuality was really mine when I left home at 19 and began the social realm of sexual exploration in my own place, without having to worry about where or how. This was by no means true. I worried about whether what I was doing was how the partner enjoyed it, how I read it should be, if I was performing correctly, etc., etc, etc.
Then came the marriage (at age 22) and, much like SunBabe, we were both so inexperienced.. which lead to motherhood in the next year. Add to the stress of motherhood and housework for another individual while working, and the sexual playtime became more of a scheduled recreation. We had our routine because of children, schedules, etc.
With the divorce, came the freedom to explore my needs, my wants, my desires and I found that I had literately been on a very restricted diet as far as what was pleasurable, what I could reciprocate to make it more pleasurable for my partner. I was open to new techniques, new role playing, new aides that would enhance the experience and my libido went thru the sky!
But this is a learning technique between the two partners... and that is where the sky is the limit and possibilities are endless provided both are willing partners to each others wishes and desires.
And.. that's what I'm talking about!!!
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| Jul 1, 2006 @ 9:16 AM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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Hotshot_79
Posts: 63
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This one took some thought. I think it must have been a couple years after my divorce, so around 39-40. I finally gave myself "permission" to do and ask for what I wanted for a change.
I do agree with you about the net. It has opened my eyes to a lot of things I could never have imagined I would do, much less want to. I recently cancelled my membership on an adult site, I learned a lot not just about sex, but about myself as well. (along with learning that is not a place for me) I always thought I was very open minded, but some of the things I learned on there to each their own. I will say it filled a void that had been with me since loosing my husband and I learned a lot about him as well. (he had a lot of secrets) 
Now, if I could just find someone to practice on!
  
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| Jul 1, 2006 @ 12:01 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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Halfevl333
Posts: 187
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For me, unfortunately, I have yet to find out. I have tried, but unfortunately, trying to find a partner who is open and willing has been almost impossible. I would love to explore and try lots of things but no luck doing so. Seems like every woman I end up with turns into Mother Teresa just about the time we started dating even if she was with half the males in town previously... ROFLMAO...
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| Jul 2, 2006 @ 10:55 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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WickedWench
Posts: 1,613
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I know many women in their 40s-70s who feel that divorce helped them grow out of being something sexual for others, into something sexual for themselves
I find that the older a woman gets, the more liberated she is likely to become but that isn't necessarily true for all. I reached mine in my early thirties, immediately after I left my husband.
I'm pretty open minded about sex and can discuss it easily, comfortably. I'm very comfortable around the human body so there isn't much that surprises me. Growing a child and wanting him to be comfortable with his own sexuality has allowed me to be even more frank. I want him to be able to talk to me about whatever he may be thinking so fostering an open dialogue is essential. Masturbating isn't a dirty word in our home ...but it is a private act. I haven't gotten around to "It's also really kewl to do it in front of your partner". Some things are better.....to the imagination LOL
That same attitude applies to discussing sexuality with other humans too and it never fails to blow me away how many women and some men too, are really uncomfortable talking openly about it.
We're sexual creatures and it's another bodily function .....just like eating.
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| Jul 9, 2006 @ 12:42 AM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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LilNinny
Posts: 19
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For me it was 19. I have always know what it was I wanted, but sometimes, finding someone who will explore with you is not so easy. As far as my sexuality, some things you just have to take in your own hands and go with it The question for me is, if you have a partner who is 'vanilla' and not willing to experiment or try new things, do you take them at face value and still try to make the relationship work, or do you move on? (I know that sounds kinda harsh, but for me, sex is a big part of any functioning relationship)
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| Jul 10, 2006 @ 9:16 AM |
What age, your sexuality was yours?
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Halfevl333
Posts: 187
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For me after numerous Vanilla relationships... I have decided that I have to stop settling and go for what I want. So if a woman refuses to sexperiment then I am history no matter how well we match up in other ways. Life is too short to not be able to enjoy it the way I want to...
I agree..all the other stuff is important but without sex the way you want it, none of the rest matters...
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| Jul 10, 2006 @ 3:49 PM |
What age, your sexuality was yours? |
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banshee494
Posts: 7
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I didnt really become very very sexually free until last year...when I was 46!!
Always felt horny but never able to really let it go.
I went for some shaman healing and the healer helped to unblock some stuff I have been holding onto for years.
And now I want sex every day at least once,,,more if I can. And God i feels totally amazing....like never before!!
Luckily my husband is working from home and is a few years younger than me too....(he is thinking of advetising for another man to fill in LOL).
He is tired......I am very happy....haha.....
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