| Jan 2 @ 4:37 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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theresam77
Posts: 1,731
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For my New Year's Resolution this year, I decided to take up jogging. I discovered I missed the sound of heavy breathing. 
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| Jan 2 @ 5:53 PM |
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craftyfella
Posts: 827
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a 3 legged dawg walks into a saloon and says "I'm lookin for the guy that shot my paw" ok,ok so I'm off my game 
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| Jan 2 @ 7:00 PM |
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American_Woman
Posts: 5,324
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Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses Tickle Me Elmo for a vibrator
Hey Crafty!!! We missed you!!!
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| Jan 2 @ 7:31 PM |
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Juliecd
Posts: 181
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How about the nearsighted turtl that tried to rape an army helmet 
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| Jan 2 @ 7:31 PM |
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American_Woman
Posts: 5,324
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A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?
The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
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| Jan 2 @ 7:32 PM |
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Juliecd
Posts: 181
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I forgot the "e" in turtle 
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| Jan 2 @ 7:38 PM |
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craftyfella
Posts: 827
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did ya hear the one bout the owl n the goat.....they had a hoot n nanny
I'm in hee haw hell
thanks AW, just passin thru
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| Jan 2 @ 8:08 PM |
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dilynmor
Posts: 948
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A Mexican firefighter and his wife had twin boys ...he named one of them Jose and the other Hose-B.
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| Jan 2 @ 10:57 PM |
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Sweetheart83446
Posts: 6,343
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Hose B..
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| Jan 2 @ 10:57 PM |
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Sweetheart83446
Posts: 6,343
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Hose B..
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| Jan 3 @ 7:39 PM |
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DG1971
Posts: 877
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I have to admit I can't think of any on my own, this one I found on another site, its real funny, especially if you like horses:
A horse breeder phoned up a stud farm and asked if he could send over a
representative to check out the stock, with a view to buying a horse.
He said the representative would be easily recognised because he was a
midget with a speech impediment. The stud groom agreed and waited until the
midget knocked on the door.
"Hello, I've come to check out your hortheth", said the midget.
"Sure, do you want a male horse or a female horse ?" asked the stud
groom. "A female horth, pleath" said the midget, so off they went to the
paddock to look at the horses. One lovely well bred filly caught the midgets eye.
"Can I check her ears pleath ?" said the midget - so the stud groom
lifted up the midget to check the horses ears, then put him back down.
"Nith ears.......... now can I look at her eyth, pleath ?" - once again
the stud groom lifted up the midget to check the horses eyes, then put him
down again. "Nith eyth ............ now I'd like to thee her twat pleath"
The stud groom had had enough, so lifted up the midget and shoved him
head-first into the horses 'you know what' and put him back down again.
The midget coughed and spluttered, and then said....................
"Perhapth I should rephwase that...... can I see her wun awound a
widdle bit ?"
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| Jan 3 @ 7:41 PM |
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DG1971
Posts: 877
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here's a shorter one. some Tennesseans might be offended......... 
Q: What do you call the sweat that forms on a hillbilly's balls while he is shagging his sister?
A; Relative Humidity
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| Jan 3 @ 8:15 PM |
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craftyfella
Posts: 827
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So thats what they call that, wait till I tell sis and granny
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| Jan 4 @ 12:45 AM |
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Juliecd
Posts: 181
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There was 2 flies in the kitchen. Which one is the cowboy?
The one on the range
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| Jan 4 @ 2:43 PM |
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MusicMonster
Posts: 2,961
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Horse walks into a bar, sits down on the stool..
Bartender walks up and says "Hey Bud. Why the long face?"
-MM
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| Jan 4 @ 11:11 PM |
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MusicMonster
Posts: 2,961
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A man spoke frantically into the phone,
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" The doctor asked.
No, you idiot! The man shouted, "This is her husband!"
-MM  
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| Jan 4 @ 11:23 PM |
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kweenzrike
Posts: 497
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What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale???
Northern fairy tale begins.... "once upon a time"
Southern fairy tale begins.... "ya'll ain't gonna believe this shit"
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| Jan 4 @ 11:31 PM |
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MusicMonster
Posts: 2,961
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| Jan 5 @ 9:54 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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craftyfella
Posts: 827
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Hay ya'll you aint gonna believe this shit.....these 2 baby seals walk into a club....
Alright that was a sick one..sry
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| Jan 5 @ 3:26 PM |
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theresam77
Posts: 1,731
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How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
Six.
Why?
It just DOES, okay??
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