| Jul 8 @ 5:27 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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cosmogirl
Posts: 202
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A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners and the lady said come again! the blonde replies no it's toothpaste this time!
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| Jul 8 @ 5:45 PM |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary.
That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy
little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her
husband and says, "Honey, Do you remember this?"
He looks up at her and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same
negligee the night we were married."
She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me
that night?"
He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."
"Well, what was it?" she asks.
He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhhhh
Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw
your brains out."
She giggles and says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's exactly what
you said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same
negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"
Again he looks at her and looks her up and down and replies,
"Mission Accomplished."
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| Jul 8 @ 6:13 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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cosmogirl
Posts: 202
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OMG!!! haha too funny! good one
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| Jul 8 @ 6:28 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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1RockinDude
Posts: 6,504
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Curious..is one humorous guy, no doubt.lol
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| Jul 8 @ 6:49 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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It seems that God was just about done creating the universe. The Lord had a couple of leftovers in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.
He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to urinate while standing up. "It can be very handy," God explained to Adam and Eve. "Would either of you like that ability?"
Adam popped a cork. He jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! It seems the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please, Lord, let me have that ability. I would be forever grateful."
Eve just smiled and shook her head at Adam's display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, then she really wouldn't mind if he were the one given the ability to urinate while standing up.
And so, the Lord gave Adam the ability to urinate while standing up.
Then, He looked back into his bag of leftover gifts. "Now, what have we here? Oh, yes, multiple orgasms..."
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| Jul 12 @ 4:39 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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dmm00
Posts: 19
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What did the Battery say to the Potato chip. I'm Ever ready if your Frito Lay.
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| Jul 12 @ 1:41 PM |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Horny pills
A woman could not get her husband to have sex with her. She went to a sex therapist and asked him to help her out. "Doctor," she said, "what can you give me to get my husband to have sex with me?"
"Try these," said the doctor, "they are called horny pills."
So the woman takes the pills and puts one in her husband’s coffee the next day. That night they finally have sex.
She like it so much that the next morning, she put two of the pills in his coffee. That day he came home for lunch and they had sex.
The next day she just pours the whole bottle into his coffee...
About ten o'clock that morning the doctor gets a phone call, it's a little boy.
"Horny pills, why?", says the doctor.
"Well, mommy's dead, sister's crying, my butt hurts and daddy's outside going here kitty, kitty, kitty!'"
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| Jul 12 @ 2:58 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
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| Jul 12 @ 3:08 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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cosmogirl
Posts: 202
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haha funny!!!!!! i loved it
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| Jul 12 @ 5:37 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Save the Instructions...
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa ppppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do."
"Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe fffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?
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| Jul 18 @ 7:26 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.'
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply, in on the Ding and out on the Dong.'
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, 'He'd still be alive if that damn ice cream truck hadn't come along
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| Jul 24 @ 2:20 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Sex In The Shower
In a recent survey, people from Detroit have been determined to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!
In the survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm 'Brut', a huge 86% of Detroit residents said they have enjoyed sex in the shower.
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison.
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| Jul 28 @ 11:14 PM |
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SweetTNgirl81
Posts: 58
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LOL!!1 This should include the Mayor too..hes something else. I miss you BOB!!!!!!!!!!
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| Jul 29 @ 5:21 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Hey Kim... This happened at a Detroit WAL-MART
A very loud, unattractive, mean woman walked into Wal-Mart
with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way
through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says 'Good morning, and welcome to
Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no
they ain't. Oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the
hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?
'I'm neither blind nor stupid', replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.'
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| Jul 31 @ 1:08 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see...size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
The salesman said, 'Let's see...size 36.'
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'
The sales man shook his head , 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second opinion - PRICELESS
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| Aug 2 @ 3:25 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Three men , a Canadian, Osama Bin Ladin and President
Bush are out walking together one day. They come across
a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes
total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a
farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land
to be forever fertile in Canada.
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in
Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall
around Afghanistan, so that no infidels and Jews can come
into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there
was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
President Bush, asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell
me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high,
500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country;
nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable."
President Bush says, "Very impressive. Fill it with water."
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| Aug 2 @ 11:30 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Yogi5757
Posts: 7
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The only problem with that joke is, President Bush is too stupid to think that far ahead.
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| Aug 3 @ 12:37 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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SpicySapphire
Posts: 29
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Where do you get this stuff!!!?? I been laughing for the past 15 min reading all your jokes. 
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| Aug 3 @ 12:04 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Well, Miss Spicy....
I'm one of those who looks for the irony and humor in life. It can be any subject or situation. I have a tendency to have fun with or make fun of just about everything, (without being too irreverent!), including what I see in the mirror. Just wish more people wouldn't look for all of the negatives, and appeciate the positives. Pick a subject, post a joke, and I'll think of something!!!! Glad you laughed... It's good for you!!!
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| Aug 3 @ 12:26 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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SpicySapphire
Posts: 29
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I love to laugh so BRING IT ON!!. 
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