| Jan 22 @ 11:31 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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TrailRider1
Posts: 630
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NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant t aken p rior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.
Now, send these to any woman who needs a good laugh, and any man who can handle it.
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| Jan 23 @ 12:27 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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jim141419
Posts: 436
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| Feb 5 @ 8:48 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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American_Woman
Posts: 5,360
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| Feb 6 @ 12:08 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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jim141419
Posts: 436
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Why was O.J. trying to escape to Knoville TN?
Police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there.
....im just sayin
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| Feb 6 @ 2:48 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Sweetheart83446
Posts: 6,434
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knock knock
who's there?
shoe polish
shoe polish who?
Huh?
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| Mar 21 @ 11:45 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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cookin_cookies
Posts: 1,137
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Do you know what the egg said to the boiling water?
It might take me awhile to get hard, cuz I was just layed!!! LOL
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| Mar 22 @ 7:17 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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camaro790
Posts: 34
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what do you call cheese that isnt yours?
nacho cheese................... 
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| Mar 22 @ 9:57 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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craftyfella
Posts: 883
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A 3 legged dog walks into a saloon and says "I'm lookin for the guy that shot my paw" 
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| Mar 22 @ 11:48 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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craftyfella
Posts: 883
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There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked. The cucumber said "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad." The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and
juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a
jar." The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough?
When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a rubber strap on my head,
stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I
throw up and pass out!. Send this to eight of your freakiest friends.  
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| Mar 22 @ 12:31 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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Need_a_Miracle
Posts: 5
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Not mine but I thought this was cute.............
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".
The moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
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| Mar 22 @ 1:12 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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LittleMsDangerous
Posts: 11,147
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The Dating Dictionary:
ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EASY..... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT..... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes,not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND..... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE..... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".
INTERESTING..... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT..... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY..... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC..... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
SOBER..... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
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| Mar 23 @ 2:44 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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1RockinDude
Posts: 6,504
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 LMD very funny
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| Mar 23 @ 6:00 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Edelweiss
Posts: 2,278
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| Mar 24 @ 12:31 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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LittleMsDangerous
Posts: 11,147
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A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender to pour him 12 shots of Jack Daniels.
The bartender lines up 12 shot glasses in a row and starts to fill them,
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12
The guy starts downing the shots before the bartender is finished filling the glasses
1-2-3-4-5-6…………..
The bartender asks the guy “Why are you in such a hurry to down these shots?”
The guy replies “You’d do the same things if you had what I’ve got!”
Bartender asks, “Well, what do you have?”
The guy replies “seventy-five cents!”
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| Mar 24 @ 7:28 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Edelweiss
Posts: 2,278
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Good One
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| Mar 24 @ 7:35 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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dilynmor
Posts: 963
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Did you hear the one about the flasher that was going to retire? 
He decided no, he would stick it out a little while longer.  
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| Mar 24 @ 9:11 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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LittleMsDangerous
Posts: 11,147
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MY PRIVATE PART DIED
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Wallace. "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Wallace," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."
"But, Nurse Tracy I can't," replied Mr. Wallace. "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."
"Yes," said Nurse Tracy, "you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"
(You've gotta love this ....)
"Well," he replied, "Today is the viewing."
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| Mar 24 @ 9:49 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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jim141419
Posts: 436
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Everytime this woman passed the pet store in her new town, the parrott said: "Hey lady. You´re ugly." After several occurences, she complained to the owner who apologised profusely and promised it wouldn´t happen again.
The next day when she passed, the Parrott said :Hey Lady." followed by a long silence. The woman turned and asked WHAT! The Parrott said " YOU KNOW."
Im just sayin
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| Mar 24 @ 10:23 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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LittleMsDangerous
Posts: 11,147
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| Mar 24 @ 10:27 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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jim141419
Posts: 436
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Hmmmmmmmmm...new picture.. 
Im just sayin
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