| May 25 @ 8:10 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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1RockinDude
Posts: 6,499
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 Havent you ever heard that the closest thing to a orgasm a human body can have is to sneeze..be nice no name calling ! That is the science of things 
[Edited on 5/25/2008 9:05 PM]
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| May 25 @ 8:57 PM |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class, remember it has an 'r' after the first letter."The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."
The next day the regular teacher is still sick.
When Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks him what her name is.
Little Johnny thinks hard, and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
"That's right," she coaxed.
Then, after a few seconds, Little Johnny's eyes light up and he asks, "Is it Mrs. Crunt?"
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| May 25 @ 9:09 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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1RockinDude
Posts: 6,499
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 That wasnt too crude of a joke
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| May 25 @ 9:19 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Thanks... I was wonderin'  
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| May 26 @ 5:42 AM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!
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| May 26 @ 9:06 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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1RockinDude
Posts: 6,499
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haha Curious..
And the Devil and I.R.S. have the same address
I think there is Peace, just never in the Middle East
And Iran can kiss my Gas Hole
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| May 26 @ 10:14 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it...
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Hey Dude... here's one for you and your "mystery blonde"
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
'Mommy, Mommy,' she yelled, 'we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!'
'Very good,' said her mother.
'Is it because I'm blonde?' the girl said. 'Yes, it's because you're blonde,' said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. 'Mommy, Mommy,' she yelled, 'we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!'
'Very good,' said her mother.
'Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?'
'Yes, it's because you're blonde.'
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,' she yelled, 'we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!' And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
'Very good,' said her embarrassed mother.
'Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?'
'No Honey, it's because you're 24.'
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| May 26 @ 10:19 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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1RockinDude
Posts: 6,499
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omg..lol the Mystery Blonde is a friend from way back
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| May 26 @ 10:38 PM |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES . . . $50.00"
A policeman seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time another car passed with a sign saying "Jesus Saves."
They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "well, that's a little different it pertains to religion."
So they took their sign down and the next day there they were, driving around town with a new sign which said, "Two Angels Seeking Peter . . . $50.00."
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| May 28 @ 8:09 PM |
Got a joke? Let's hear it... |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow ... But, she can't touch it 'til she's 14
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| May 30 @ 4:26 PM |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?
Well, you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.
Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters".
Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.
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| May 30 @ 11:42 PM |
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Yogi5757
Posts: 7
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If that doesn't work for you, try Rodeo Sex................You stay on for 8 seconds, then jump off and throw your hat in the air.
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| Jun 1 @ 3:42 AM |
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craftyfella
Posts: 883
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A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.
After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.
She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog.
They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!'
'Blowjobs!' the woman replied.
'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no
more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely
skeptical and laughed it off.
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and
pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.
The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone 
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| Jun 1 @ 4:16 AM |
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craftyfella
Posts: 883
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A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The little boy admitted that she did. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you." 
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| Jun 1 @ 7:41 AM |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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[e32 I hope that's a true story!!!
Carlos called his boss in the morning:
Ey boss, I not come work today I really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, my legs hurt. I not come to work.
The boss says: You know Carlos I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Carlos calls: Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And by the way, you have a nice house!!!!!
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| Jun 1 @ 2:11 PM |
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dilynmor
Posts: 963
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Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small, elderly lady.
'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'
I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.
'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'
'Ninety-eight.' she replied.
'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:
'I outlived the bitches.'
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| Jun 2 @ 7:25 AM |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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MAN AND WOMAN
WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Shit.
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| Jun 2 @ 2:16 PM |
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craftyfella
Posts: 883
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Highway Crew
One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels.
The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.
The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels...just lean on each other until they arrive.
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| Jun 2 @ 2:28 PM |
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1RockinDude
Posts: 6,499
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Yes crafty, I would always see city workers ..one in the hole working and 7 standing there watching !
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| Jun 6 @ 8:04 AM |
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Curious1
Posts: 723
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Why NOTHING is Better Than Sex.
1. There are even more positions in which you can do nothing.
2. Nothing is free.
3. You can do nothing with anybody, at any time, and nobody will spread nasty rumors about you.
4. You can eat or sleep while you do nothing, and nobody will be offended.
5. It's perfectly ok to look bored while you do nothing.
6. While you may get fired for doing nothing at work, you probably won't get sued for it.
7. Keep those hard-earned pounds -- do nothing!
8. No man would dream of forcing a woman to do nothing.
9. The less effort you make, the better doing nothing is.
10. Chances are, you won't feel the effects of doing nothing nine months from now.
11. Doing nothing when you are inebriated won't lead to any embarrassing situations later on.
12. Men and women generally take the same amount of time to do nothing.
13. You can do nothing with your kids without getting arrested.
14. You can do nothing in your car, on an airplane, in a school or work desk, in a restroom, on the toilet, in the bathtub, and on a hard tile floor in relative comfort.
15. PMS won't keep you from doing nothing.
16. Being "in the mood" to do nothing is no big effort.
17. You can do nothing if you are paralyzed from the neck down.
18. There is no point in your life at which you are incapable of doing nothing.
19. People ENJOY getting phone calls when they are doing nothing.
20. Doing nothing will never be a disappointing experience.
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