| Oct 17, 2006 @ 3:31 PM |
what do you think about this??
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chubby_apple78
Posts: 7
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I am going to tell you guys about something that has been going on with me and I expect whoever answers to respond from their gut feeling as bluntly and honest as you can possibly be.
Okay so here is the thing, the past two years I had been in a relationship with a man I am going to call "Henry." When I first met Henry I was trying to get over someone else and even though I was with Henry I couldn't forget the other person. Although, I was still in love with my ex, I was still faithful to Henry. Turns out Henry cheated on me with his exgirlfriend. So I decided to end things with him. He asked me not to, but I told him if he still had feelings for her I understood exactly what that was like and I let him go...because although I did care about him I wasn't close to being in love with him...so I let him be.
So for a few months I didnt answer Henry's phone calls because I started to date someone else. This new person was so much fun at first and then he became an abusive and jealous weirdo. So the day I decided to call that off, Henry calls. I was really upset about the other guy so i decide to go have dinner with Henry. I dont know if it was because I was feeling vulnerable or what, but that night was so magical......We didnt do anything sexual...it was just his company....and oh my gosh, when he touched my face to kiss me and the kiss itself......just made me melt like butter....i coudl feel all the passion behind it. And from that day on, Henry and I were together again. things were good for a while and then his ex started calling his phone and started showing up at his house. at this point I thought, I am not going to give in to her that easy anymore. so I decided I was going to fight for him...so basically he was going back and forth. he never admitted to it.......but i had a feeling and later i find out it was true.
my problem is, that i dont know how to show my feelings. I am not a girl who smothers guys with affection. I am not a jealous freak. and I usally need to hear I love you first before I say it....Its not a good way to be, and i am working on it...but thats me.. Anyway, he didnt propose,but he told me he'd like to get married. he said he could imagine himself with me forever and he wanted me to have his children. until that point, we would always use protection. but he wanted to have a baby........soon after that, I had a suspicion that he was still seeing her.....so i got mad and broke things off.........I didn't take his calls for a while and just tried to forget him. that happened in dec....and then in march he came to my house because i wouldnt take his calls andhe knew if he came over i'd talk to him. He just came to tell me he had got that other girl pregnant and that they were getting married that week. why he told me i dont know....he coudl have just kept it to himself and never talked to me again and just live his life.
I said I never wanted to see him again, but I eventually did. We haven't had any sexual contact since he married........and thatss the honest truth. We go have dinner or for walks and he just holds me. so the question here is what the hell are his intentions. he is not getting sex from me. I give him more drama than he should put up with. i throw tantrums i am always mad and bitching at him and he still is around. I think to myself if i was him i'd say "f this..." He can't possibly love me like he says he does because he would have not married her right? I dont know...i honestly have no gut feeling.......i am just confused. what do you all think about this??/ sorry if i made this too wordy, i am really hoping to get some outside insight......so let me know and be honest!
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 3:48 PM |
what do you think about this?? |
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TigerSoul
Posts: 31
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I think you just spent way too much time explaining that you're being some married guy's squeeze on the side. I don't care how much history you have, he's got a WIFE.
Don't take it the wrong way. I get it. The only girl I ever felt was "the one" never worked out, and I probably tried just about every convaluted MacGyver trick to get her back because my gut told me it was meant to be.
But sometimes your gut is wrong. Him not being with you either shows a conscious choice or a lack of balls (maybe both?). Move on.
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 4:04 PM |
what do you think about this??
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chubby_apple78
Posts: 7
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you're right about moving on. I've been trying to. I am not trying to be anyone's squeeze on the side even though thats what it seems like. I'm trying to move on here and everytime I think i am strong enough I fall with a voicemail or an email or surprise visit. but i suppose i need to try harder to move on........ugh!!
anyway, tigersoul, thank you so much for your honesty. I appreciate it!!!
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 4:26 PM |
what do you think about this?? |
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palehorse
Posts: 105
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Ditto on the comment from TigerSoul. Break clean.
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 5:44 PM |
what do you think about this??
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TigerSoul
Posts: 31
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Please please, call me Craig.
You should get a massage from Pale. After each session, I'm told that he pats you on the ass and mutters,"Good game, good game."
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 5:57 PM |
what do you think about this?? |
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chubby_apple78
Posts: 7
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i hear you all loud and clear. Its true I should move on, but the fact is that he keeps looking for me.......and i know its my fault if i answer........my question here is...........why is he doing this to me? I dont understand men or him really....why would he does this to me....I know i shouldnt want to understand and just move on, but i'd really like to know why he does what he does.
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 6:38 PM |
what do you think about this??
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TigerSoul
Posts: 31
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The answer it doesn't matter why he's doing it to you. Maybe he's a jerk who wants to pumpkin pies to put his finger into. Maybe he lacks the fortitude to end the marriage he's in and pursue you instead.
Either way, he's cheating on his wife and you are WILLINGLY acting as part of it.
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 6:43 PM |
what do you think about this?? |
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browneyes1101tx
Posts: 12
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Apple: He knows you like the attention so he keeps coming back to give you more. If he does this to his wife he would do it to you also. I know move on is hard. We have probably all been rhere and heard that from some one. I myself would like to have a male in my life but i will not just settle to have one. So i go out with my girlfriends and have a great time. I keep being told when least expected someone will come along. I saw that last february one of my friends and I were out and she met someone and they are still together and probably going to marry. Good Luck and please do move on and stay away from married men. You dont have a future with that.
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 8:38 PM |
what do you think about this??
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matisse731
Posts: 39
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Dear Chubby,
If your sure you want honest. It's a game he's got going and you just keep playing. He can't keep it going with you if you stop playing. Don't try, just STOP
I know it sucks being alone but I've been around a little longer than you and I speak from experience. It's better to be alone than with someone that's a cheat and persuades you to join the cheating game.
Tiger, Pale, and Browneyes, all told you right. Connie
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 9:14 PM |
what do you think about this?? |
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palehorse
Posts: 105
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Craig,
A pat on the ass & "good game"?? LOL! Ancient Chinesse secret maybe? 
Must be something you learn in massage school. Glad I missed it!
I may hammer with my fists & fingers, but I don't do the pat on the butt technique!
Back on topic, if he's married & still playing around, the guy is a scum-bag "player". Don't answer his calls, letters, psychic thought-waves,....NOTHING.
Best wishes to you & I truely hope you follow our collective advice!
~Roy
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 10:32 PM |
what do you think about this??
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TigerSoul
Posts: 31
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Roy -- you'd be floored at some of the crude jokes we had in massage school. Pretty much all social conventions and blankets are gone when you're in a class full of people alternately getting naked under a sheet to practice on each other. =)
On an unrelated topic, I've discovered that playing my harmonica drives the dogs crazy...and I mean CRAZY. And I'm not *that* bad. Ok, well a little bad...but still.
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 12:56 AM |
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magicalgirl
Posts: 12
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Why is he doing it? Because he can!!! Plain & simple... Do you not feel worthy enough to be loved for who you are & what you stand for? The guy wants his cake & he wants to eat it too & you are "allowing" him to do so... It is never easy letting go of someone that you love or think that you love, but if he had really loved you Hon he never would have played around on you... Not even once...
Yes Palehorse the crude jokes while on the table are hilarious & being in massage therapy school was some of the best times I had... OMG the jokes...lol.. sheets no sheets? accidental uprisings, oh no what do I do? How do I ignor that tent on the table? etc...Yep Craig you nailed it!!
Namaste,
Magic
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 1:46 AM |
what do you think about this??
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lacyvsq
Posts: 6,161
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There are some men who can never get enough. Henry sounds like one of them.
You are still looking at him through the eyes of love. Put him on a movie screen and watch him go between you and her and watch him say the same things to you and her and touch the two of you the same way. Play the movie over and over until you can see what sad pathetic players all three are.
Then change the movie and see how you do not want a man who uses the same lines on you as her. Make you very large and happy and confident as you wish the two of them well and then walk off into the sunrise. See him for the small, selfish man he is. Play the new ending to the movie until it makes you happy to see yourself putting behind you a life that will never give you fulfillment, and opening yourself up to a new day. Whenever you think of him or he calls or contacts you, remember the movie.
Walk into a new sunrise. Blessings!
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 4:28 AM |
what do you think about this?? |
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emewz44
Posts: 6
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sounds like your this guy's boredome time or i need my ego fed time person!
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 11:15 PM |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,150
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I had a brother like this man, Apple. This guy is a cheat, pure and simple. If you quit the game, he will find someone else. If he left her or she left him, and hooked up with you, he would find someone else OR her to cheat on you with. He needs the excitement or danger to be happy.
That is who he is. There are people like that. They have to have that thrill and lacy is so right. I would be at work when I did construction and my brother worked for the same company. I had to work with him one day. The whole day, he stayed on the phone back and forth between these two women and told them both they were the only one, that the other woman was just...whatever, can't remember the story.
Exactly the same stories and they BOTH totally went for it.
Now, you have a choice. Be one of the dumb women he is playing with or get over it, get smart. You will eventually learn the hard way or you can learn the easy way.
Oh, and one more thing, my brother sexually abused one of the women, abused her child which turned out not to be his child and beat both women. Another thing, later when he did have his own daughter, he did things that led us all to believe that he was sexually molesting her. Can't prove it.
Keep going back to this guy and you will have lots bigger sad tales to entertain people with. Perhaps there will even be children to suffer as well. Stop the madness now, before more suffer from the mistakes you are making.
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 11:33 PM |
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baldy855
Posts: 451
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Sometimes it's just not about feelings. It's about behavior and character.
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| Oct 21, 2006 @ 12:26 AM |
what do you think about this??
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markster25
Posts: 3
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one always has regrets on decisions they make that don't turn out how they would like them to be, or what they pictured their life to be, or where it is going... Can you really endure the baby's momma drama and be the real woman, or the "other" woman, which sounds like what he has been treating you all along. Classic! Goes back to why I ask why are humans so shallow? "Humans is just a figure of speach." Come on, what tha?"
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| Oct 21, 2006 @ 5:14 AM |
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Pwilliams09
Posts: 4
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I'd have to say that he is doing this cuz one: he married her for the baby; two he cares about you, but feels like the only way to make it right with the other girls is to stay with her even though he doesn't love her. Now for the cold hard truth...he wants as much as he can get and I've even heard women say it is the thrill of knowing that you could get caught that makes ppl want to cheat. Like all have said it's time to find a nice guy. I'd just like to add a big, tall guy friend that can chill at your place so that the other guy gets the message that youv'e "moved on" and he should go home to his wifey.
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 1:35 AM |
what do you think about this??
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ArchChef
Posts: 2
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Sounds like you are going for the wrong type of guys O_O!?
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 1:55 AM |
what do you think about this?? |
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chubby_apple78
Posts: 7
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I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to respond to this thread. Thanks for all your honesty. I wrote this when I was very emotional...yes, I was very upset....not really at him, but myself for letting him get to me and even more mad at the fact that I thought He couldn't get under my skin anymore.....and he did!
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