| Aug 10, 2006 @ 9:13 AM |
Our children and their spouses
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scarletsara
Posts: 239
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How do you keep your mouth shut when you think your son/daughter-in law is
taking advantage of your child  of course they can't see it, they are in love.
He works and pays all expenses, she goes to college on-line (her funds) but pays no bills and says all chores should be equally shared.
I think she should do more at home, is my thinking old fashion?
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| Aug 10, 2006 @ 1:13 PM |
Our children and their spouses |
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Bojangles102
Posts: 471
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Sara, it's their relationship...I'm sure that you don''t know 'everything' about the relationship....as it is now you might be too close....at least your nose is.
She'll be your daughter in law for as long as she is your daughter in law.If she isn't already, she may be the mother of your grand kids....and I'm sure that you want to be involved in those grand kids' lives as much as possible. And your daughter in law has much to say about how much time that you spend with them.
If you insist on intervening you're probably putting yourself in a no win situation.
I suggest that you just be polite to her and bite your tongue on issues that are between the two of them.
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| Aug 10, 2006 @ 9:18 PM |
Our children and their spouses
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scarletsara
Posts: 239
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Bo,
Thanks for your imput, but as I mentioned I know that I must continue to keep my
opinions to myself. I was looking for some pointers on how to do that while my child
complains to about the situation. It breaks a mothers heart 
Lighten up dude you're going to overload 
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| Aug 10, 2006 @ 10:23 PM |
Our children and their spouses |
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Bojangles102
Posts: 471
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If he whines to you about it just tell him to do something or do nothing...He made his bed. He has to lay in it or get out of it...
Family counselling might help.
Tough love from a mom would tell him not to bring his troubles into your life.
BTW, I"m not overloaded....You asked for advice..I offered mine. Sorry I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear.
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 4:22 PM |
Our children and their spouses
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ravensday
Posts: 388
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Scar you have to cut the apron strings. You had to learn how to live peacably with your husband, and I am sure your mother-in-law probably had a few things to say about how you were "keeping your house". Just remember that they will eventully get everything right in their own home. They have to learn just like you did and the rest of us did. I had an interfering m-i-l from hell. She thought she was trying to help her son, but it only made things worse for me and my husband (we are divorced now--a lot due to her interfernce). I know as a mother you want to see your child happy and content but they chose to marry this person, they have to learn how to deal with thier decison. I would tell him he needs to talk to his wife about the problem, not you and then change the subject. You can not go through the rest of your life solving his problems for him. He was adult enough to "say I do"...he needs to be adult enough to disucss his issues with his wife with her.
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 6:22 PM |
Our children and their spouses |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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If I thought my daughter was being used or abused in any way, shape or form, I would... ~sighs~... I would want to break the guys arms, legs, back, everything.. but I expect that if it ever came to it, I would just bite my tongue, certainly while the it stays at the same level that you describe Scarlet. Trying to become invoilved would in all likelyhood drive a wedge between you and your son, and no-one wants that, least of all you.
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| Aug 19, 2006 @ 8:13 PM |
Our children and their spouses
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suzieq0808
Posts: 1,080
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My daughter's not married yet but I think my actions would be the same. Whenever my daughter complains about her boyfriend, I give my opinion. Whatever she decides, I support. Except actual abuse, verbal, emotional, or physical. I would NOT be quiet about that.
I had a mother-in-law who didn't like much of what I did. She never, ever said so. Even though she tried not to be, she was very transparent. I could read her like a book. She treated me with the utmost respect because I was her son's wife. Obviously, we weren't close but I respected her for her respect. She stayed with us for a couple of weeks when our baby was born. She's a good woman.
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| Sep 1, 2006 @ 3:10 AM |
Our children and their spouses |
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moonstarr
Posts: 109
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You say the woman you do not agree with here is your daughter in law. She's married to your son. Your son chose her. So, likely, she will not be going anywhere. Personally, my advice would be to try to keep the peace. That is his wife... if you feel his complaining about the relationship is something that makes you sad (understandable) then maybe ask him to settle his issues with her.
I know my mother in law and I do not get along at all because of the way she interferes with my relationship with my husband. It's very frustrating... so yes, my advice would be to try to keep the peace. You're of course allowed your opinion/stance on the situation, and to feel what you do, but just best to keep the peace.
If he does absolutely insist on coming to you with the problems between him and his wife, and he also feels she should do more at home, encourage him to talk with her about it, but probably best not to voice that to her yourself ...
I don't necessarily think being concerned about your son's situation is old fashioned or a bad thing either one... but be cautious about how you choose to handle the situation - personally in a similar situation as listed above (which I'm actually in), I would understand your concern for your son but would not tolerate having my mother in law in the middle of my marriage - those issues I feel should be between a husband and a wife.
If that sounded harsh, sorry... just I'm in a similar situation to that and I am the daughter in law in my case...
[Edited on 9/1/2006 3:17 AM]
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