| Nov 5, 2006 @ 8:49 AM |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,337
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Thanksgiving and X-Mas coming up for me. I have to share holidays with the children's father. Last year I got Thanks, he got X-mas day, this year reversed. I know that it's the fair thing.  Still, it was very hard being with all of my family (neices and neiphews, etc) and not having my kids there. Not looking forward to this year. Does it get easier? Maybe as they get older.  Anyone else feel this way, or am I just a selfish mom? I know you dads also go through mixed feelings, how do you fill the emptyness?
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| Nov 5, 2006 @ 2:08 PM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I do not share any time at all with my daughter's mother, I have it all, but I can't imagine how hard it would be to spend the holidays without my daughter. Her mother actually asked me last week if she could have my daughter for Christmas - I said no way.
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| Nov 5, 2006 @ 2:14 PM |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,337
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Wow, not many dads have full custody. Good for you! It's horrible!! I try and keep busy and keep in my mind that I will see them soon. It was hard last X-Mas. We have a big family, and I felt a hugh void. We have joint custody, so I have no choice. Can't say no. 
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| Nov 5, 2006 @ 2:18 PM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Can't say no.
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| Nov 6, 2006 @ 8:23 AM |
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sweet_n_small1
Posts: 753
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See if your family will have a celebration on a different day so your kids can be there. If not, hang in. You will be sad, I know, but it is the right thing to do. Best not to let the kids know how sad you are too because then they will feel guilty if they have fun, and you wouldn't want that. Good luck..keep your chin up! 
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| Nov 6, 2006 @ 11:34 AM |
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poniepower
Posts: 1,733
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My x hubby and I are s'pose to get shared holidays too. It never ends up that way though. He takes them early Christmas morning, so they can go to church, and is s'pose to bring them back early...his idea of early is 7 pm that night.
On Thanksgiving, he does the same thing.
This year on Easter, I kept the kids all weekend. We spent the w/e over at my sis's. It was the 1st holiday without my son, so I guess I was being selfish, but at the time I didn't care. I wanted my children with me!
I'm sure this Thanksgiving and Christmas will be the same as always. But this year will also be a ALOT different too. Jason isn't here. I may keep them for the whole day Christmas day. He can have them Christmas eve. There have been times that they've told the kids...if you don't come Christmas day, you don't get your gifts. .....I don't understand the bribing, but I guess some people are like that.
The last 2 yrs I didn't even decorate for Christmas. No tree, nothing! Because I knew I"d be spending it ALONE without the kids there. Which I did.
This year is going to be different though! I know my son would want me to have Christmas for his new nephew, and that's what I'm going to do. Have Christmas for my new grandson!!
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| Nov 6, 2006 @ 12:47 PM |
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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My daughter's father and I have had shared holidays for 16 years now.
At first not having her here with me for Christmas was VERY difficult. That lasted for 3 years. Then I found out that some of my newer friends were going through the same thing. So, instead of sitting around crying on Christmas day without our kids, we decided to have ourselves a little party. So every other year on Christmas day, we party. We have a little gift exchange and dinner (we all contribute) to the meal, and then after dinner we sit around and trash our ex's. It helped a lot to get it out of our systems with other people who understood what we were going through. By the 5th year of having this "shared holiday" party, we ended up with 17 people. We always had a great time!!
On Thanksgiving, we do the same thing. Except no gift exchange. But after dinner, instead of having the usual bash session, we start decorating for Christmas. I like putting my tree up the day after Thanksgiving, but the other little decorations get done on Thanksgiving night. It helps to chase away the blues about the kids not being with us.
My daughter turned 18 in January so she can pretty much decide for herself now where she wants to spend the holiday. She's decided to keep going with the every other holiday thing.
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| Nov 6, 2006 @ 9:38 PM |
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mzlara388
Posts: 1,029
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My ex husband gets my son for Thanksgiving because he takes him to Oregon to visit his family. We share Christmas. Christmas Eve we go to church with his father and my son sleeps at my house. We always have a tree and the presents on Christmas morning at my house. His dad gets a call (as early as it may come), and he comes over for presents. Then he goes to his father's for the rest of the day.
It works so far.
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| Nov 6, 2006 @ 10:12 PM |
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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My family started celebrating xmas eve more than xmas years ago so everyone could go to the in-laws on xmas. So, regardless of whose turn it is, I usually take them xmas eve and let the ex have them xmas.
On Tday, I'll usually stuff them early, then let the ex have them....works great for the traditional Tday nap.
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| Nov 7, 2006 @ 6:19 AM |
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Luckygem
Posts: 3,531
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I only have to share my youngest child who is 3 with his father, I have always had him in the morning on christmas because I love to get up early with the kids usually 4 or 5am and have a big breakfast and open presents that is my special time with all of them. I have them all to myself and dont have to share them with anyone. My oldest daughter and grandson came and stayed last year so it made it even more of a special morning. I dont mind too much that my youngest leaves on christmas with his Dad he usually comes and gets him after 3pm anyway.
Thanksgiving is pretty much the same, my family usually eats between 1-2pm and his family never eats til 5-6. I believe that this way has worked for us so far and when our son gets older and can make up his own mind then we will change it if we have to.
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| Nov 11, 2006 @ 3:55 PM |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,912
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I always left it up to them to decide the who,when and wheres of family holidays.They would always choose to be with me on Christmas Eve and their mother on Christmas Day.On Thanksgiving they would do the same...both.Come over here for dinner around noon and then back to there mothers for Thanksgiving supper.
There never really was any emptyness felt by me when they were happy with however they chose to celebrate.
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| Nov 11, 2006 @ 4:01 PM |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,337
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Well, we had a deal. Last year he had the children on X-mas and I had thanks. He told me the other day that his family is all away for Thanksgiving. So "fine, just take them" he said. But then I feel guilty and feel that he should have them for X-mas, but he had last year. He said, " you know that my family really only does X-Mas together. So what , should I let him have X-mas every year? He makes me feel so guilty even though we have a deal.
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| Nov 11, 2006 @ 5:00 PM |
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Luckygem
Posts: 3,531
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No, you should not let him have them every christmas unless you can have them equally on the holiday......you in the morning, him in the evening and switch every other year. I dont mean over night I mean just split up the day.
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| Nov 11, 2006 @ 10:23 PM |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,912
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Think about the fact that kids are not stupid.When they know how much you both love them equally,they will make sure themselves how long or when they should be with each of you.Even at a young age.Let them help to decide shared time.
It doesnt always have to be about yourself or your ex.
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| Nov 11, 2006 @ 11:03 PM |
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mzlara388
Posts: 1,029
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yes Jankia. Mine understands we both love him and want to share the time with him.
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 4:00 PM |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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My children's father and I have been divorced for almost 12 years. When I lived in Baltimore, and he and his family lived nearby, I always let him have the kids for the day of the holiday because they had big family events. I just thought it was important for the kids to have those experiences. I celebrated with them the day after. The kids always joked about their "second" Christmas. Honestly, it never really bothered me. Except that everything was closed, so if I didn't plan for what I wanted to eat or drink the day before, I was s.o.l. Did you know the only places open on Christmas day are Chinese restaurants???
When I moved to Tennessee five years ago, I continued that habit of letting the kids go to their dad's in Maryland. They had time off from school, so it was convenient, and I had the pleasure of having them with me all the time. It seemed a fair trade. We started celebrating our Christmas on New Years Day, after they got back. There have been years that I did all my shopping for them in that week following Christmas, because I knew I could get some great sales.
This year is actually going to be a little odd, because as they've grown older and have their own schedules (jobs, college, etc.), they don't want to take that much time away from home to travel to Maryland. I might actually have them with me on Christmas Day! They'll both be home for Thanksgiving, but my son will spend it with his girlfriend's family and my daughter wants to go to her boyfriend's family thing. So, we're doing our little family dinner on Friday. Even when they're home - they're not home! 
MJ
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| Nov 17, 2006 @ 11:52 PM |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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This is gonna be the FIRST year that my oldest will not be here for thanksgiving and she is not sure about making it for christmas either she lives out with her dad now in AZ along with her hubby while they attend school and work and start thier married life ... this is so unfair ... Imight just have to INVITE myself to her dads for christmas  hes really NOt gonna like that tho but he has spent his share of holidays here at my house so he could be with his daughter and brought his son along with him and we had wonderful times .. am I being unreasonable to think i should be able to go there?? 
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| Nov 17, 2006 @ 11:54 PM |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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I dare ya! 
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| Nov 18, 2006 @ 12:14 AM |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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haha Sunny... its not a big thing really I have visited out there b4.. in fact last time I was out there I tried sleeping on the floor to ease the tension... okay so that didnt work (big boobs and hard floor NOT GOOD!!) anyways the next night I aske dif I could share his bed .. I did sleep on MY side against the wall .. no snuggling even.. and it was funny he was like TOTALLY confused I think ... to the point of when we left he grabbed me and kissed me  so um yeah me going out there is not really a big thing just would seem kinda funny to me
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| Nov 18, 2006 @ 12:20 AM |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Actually, I was kidding...and know that you two have handled things pretty cool through the years.
I wasn't sure if he had a lady-friend living with him, though. That could be interesting, but knowing you, everyone would still be at ease (well, unless you climbed in their bed, even if it would be against the wall  )
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