| Dec 11, 2006 @ 1:10 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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sleeplessintn844
Posts: 5
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HI Everyone. I am new on the site so first of all let me say hello to each and everyone of you..After reading some of the post I thought maybe you guys could help me.
I have a granddaughter that is four now (and the love of my life) and this is a long story but I will try to keep it as short as possible.
My son was dating a girl...she got pregnant...We never knew anything about the pregnancy until the adoption agency called and wanted my son to sign over his parental rights. He wouldn't do it. They had already placed my granddaughter with a family and without a second thought we went and picked her up and brought her home with us.
I raised her until she was 2 1/2 years old and then the mother comes back around and wants to be a mom..She would never give me nor my son custody of the child. She wanted to reap the benefits of having a child, (income tax, etc.) but didn't want the responsibilities of being a mother.
I would not voluntarily turn her over to the mom because my granddaughter didn't know her. She only knew me and my son and of course our family.
Well we go to court. And the judge made me turn my granddaughter over to her mother. This almost killed me. Seeing this child cry as a stranger took her from my arms and left the courtroom.
The mother knew nothing about the child. She had never seen her before. My granddaughter had only slept with me, I am the one that fed her and took care of her.
After the judges decision she called me into her chambers and made me make a list of things the mother should know, and turn over all her medical records.
Well I didn't see my granddaughter for almost 8 months and this almost killed me. Then one day the mom got tired of my granddaughter crying and asking for me and her dad so she called. We finally got to see her again.
Well now I see her every weekend but she is not being taken care of. Everytime I pick her up she looks like a little rag doll and that hurts me. She is always sick and stays in the emergency room more than home. It's one thing after another.
I guess you can say that I am kissing butt because I know if I say to much that she will snatch her up again and it will be months before I am allowed to see her again.
I just don't know what to do. She cries everytime I take her home. She tells me that she don't want to stay with her mom that she wants to stay with me or her dad.
And I know that the court system will not give her to me. Been there done that as they say..
HELP..... 
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 2:45 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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KittyKat339
Posts: 9
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=(
What does your son think/want to do about the situation?
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 11:36 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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steveemac
Posts: 2,335
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They say, in these situations, "document, document, document." And A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words-take pics every time you pick her up, or she gets dropped off by you-eventually, your son should be able to force the court to adjust the placement arrangements-or at the very least, appoint a guardian ad litem for her...there are two things that get family court to act: non-payment of support, and actual proof of abuse or neglect...at the very very least, the courts will make her take parenting classes, and probably will send a social worker around from time to time to check on things.
good luck to both you and your son; God Bless both of you for caring so much!
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| Dec 12, 2006 @ 10:57 AM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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FunkyMonkey68
Posts: 450
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if you could some how get the er dr or nurse to call DCFS the next time she comes in. If she is there alot, you would think they would notice that some kind of neglect is happening. If they called, then you won't be "the bad guy". Also, like was said, take pictures and document everything. Maybe have a friend or neighbor at your house when she is dropped off, so that there are others that see the neglect also.
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| Dec 12, 2006 @ 4:41 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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I feel for you and your Grand daughter-it can't be easy.
Here in this state, hospital employees and school employees have a mandatory requirement to report abuse/neglect.If there is the same obligation there, it is possible she doesn't look as bad to others as she does to you. But through your love, you cared to the nth degree, and it doesn't sound like her Mom is.
Too many trips to the ER should put up red flags to medical personnel. Possibly Mom suffers from Munchausen's. I agree about the documenting part, time, date, pictures, witness statements.
Good luck. 
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| Dec 12, 2006 @ 6:23 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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I'm going to play Devil's Advocate for a minute, just for food for thought.
They had already placed my granddaughter with a family and without a second thought we went and picked her up and brought her home with us.
and yet Seeing this child cry as a stranger took her from my arms Why is ok for you to take her from her adoptive parents, but not ok for her mother to take her from you?
Also
I see her every weekend but she is not being taken care of. I am the one that fed her and took care of her. She cries everytime I take her home No where do I see where Dad could/would do any better.
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| Dec 12, 2006 @ 7:11 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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Jankia
Posts: 11,900
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I agree with LSU,to many unknowns here to side with anyone other than the childs mother at this point.
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| Dec 12, 2006 @ 8:07 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Not knowing all the particulars makes it difficult to make suggestions, as was stated already. However, if you love the child as much as it seems you do, TRY (if at all possible), to make amends with her to the point that YOU and YOUR SON can help her be a better parent, rather than involving the courts, or bringing in Family Services - total strangers who often make things worse than they started out...and believe me, I speak from experience.
The best scenario for that child is a solid family unit where everyone helps each other rather than blames or attacks one another. Please don't take that personally, I don't mean to imply that you do that....it just happens waaaaay tooooo much.
It's the hardest route, but possibly the best for the child. Good luck!!
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| Dec 12, 2006 @ 8:11 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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sleeplessintn844
Posts: 5
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Well I won't make any comments here. I may say something that I regret later. Especially to LSU...
Don't pass judgement on me or my son. We are the ones that have raised this child..not the mother.
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| Dec 12, 2006 @ 8:25 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Its an unfair Justice System Sleepless...just ask me I know..and I do understand what your going through..just have to take it one day at a time..
Where is the "Justice" for babies so young?
Who cannot speak in grown-up tongue;
Where is the "Justice" for "Baby Cory",
Within` these words an untold story.
Where is the "Justice" that is his right,
Too young too little to win the fight.
Where is the "Justice" for "Baby Cory"?
Lost in the words of this untold story.
Where is the "Justice" for a baby so scared...
Torn from the arms of his Nanna who cared;
Lost in the system of strangers and paperwork.
Lost in the words of an untold story.
The tears i cry are here to stay...
My heartbreak is real both night and day.
Deep within` these words i write;
You`ll find the message of my plight.
This is a part of a poem I wrote about my grandson..your situation isn`t uncommon..I didn`t just write it for Cory I wrote it for babies everywhere..theres more to it..but i think thats enough..
Hang in there ..it will get better with time.. 
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| Dec 16, 2006 @ 10:47 AM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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gyspydreamer
Posts: 403
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No clue what the laws are like where you are and all, but was wondering why the father didn't petition for custody. The mother wanting to give the kid up for adoption should have been just one of the points raised on his behalf. Also, grandparents have the right to petition for legal visitation, so you wouldn't have to do so much butt kissing, as you put it.
And sorry, not judging you or your son, but your posts do leave out any part your son has had in raising her, so LSU's questions do come to mind.
I also fully agree with all suggestions to DOCUMENT any suspected abuse. What would happen if YOU took the child to the docs because of your suspicions and made them document and report their findings? Sure, mom might be hiding the true cause, making up stories etc that keep them from making reports, but...
First thing I would do is start calling CPS over every suspicion. Might want to check into others (daycare, teachers, babysitters, neighbors..) that may have substantiating information/eye witness accounts.
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| Dec 16, 2006 @ 11:44 AM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 6,889
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As everyone, just guessing here.
...In the beginning, you said that you have been raising your grandchild and that, was not what the courts wanted to hear. As the parent, your son should have been raising her and would have more legal standing in custody, than a grandparent. You never mentioned the relationship of the original family that wanted to adopt her, but if it was her family, then it was in fact your son that obtained the original custody, by being the other parent.
...Nevertheless, you obtained the child from foster care, by Grandparent's rights or possibly your son exercised his rights as a Father. From that point on and since lawyers meant legal fees and often lots of them, no news was good news... in there was no demand for custody or visitation by the Mother, so no need for the expense.
...As you have read here and I am sure, your now attorney has told you, your son, the Father, should have petitioned for custody at the beginning. In lieu of, if he was a minor, you should have. And of course, he should have petitioned for child support from the Mother, or in lieu of, full custody. Not that she could pay it, but it would offset what he is now paying her, or she would have given up her rights. Nevertheless, that is hindsight...
...Today, the hearing is past, the Mother now has custody and you wish to travel a path to change that. I am sure that your son now pays child support. First, your son legally has visitation rights and in most states, so do the Grandparents. I have no idea why scheduled visitation was not addressed at the original custody hearing and can only presume, your son did not ask for it... or he was not present. You, as a Grandparent could have and still can petition for visitation, but as you say, you now see her every weekend.
...For custody, you will have to prove the Mother unfit and that is a long road for an individual through the court systems, but a short walk for the Department of Family Services.
...I would hesitate to bring Family Services in to defend your position, but you could be subtle and contact them for help with concepts and ideas in raising the child. Once again, not an attack on the Mother, but rather their assistance. This will allow them to see what is actually going on (they quietly report most anything into a file) and could very well prove to be an asset down the road.
...As it now stands, you see her every weekend and I would concentrate more on making that time, quality time. You could try to work with the Mother and become a friend, rather than an opponent in raising the child; this is obviously in the best interest of the said child. Your son can petition for scheduled visitation and have it court ordered. You can petition separately as a Grandparent, for a different time.
...But at this very moment, attempting to make the Mother into your daughter, being her best friend, is going to be much more positive for the child, than going back to the courts.
Good Luck!
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 10:45 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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Martin666
Posts: 2,195
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Sleepless--I spent 25 years as a Child protective Services Supervisor in Detroit.
Call the Protective Services worker and express your concerns. There's probably also a caseworker still involved with mom following placement of the kid back with her. There may well also still be an ongoing series of dispositional review hearings at court every X number of months--that's federal law.
If mom is doing as bad a job as you say, she'll eventually lose the kid. Social service will then be able to evaluate you as a relative caretaker. BUT--if you knew of these problems and didn't report them, Prot Ser is likely to see you as NOT being suitable for placement: you allowed family dynamics to control your decision to report or not, which means that you didn't watch out for the best interests of the child.
Call them--call them now--and call them everytime there is a substantial issue that appears to put the child at some type of immediate risk. Step forward and take immediate action.
And document everything, yes.
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| Jan 22, 2007 @ 2:17 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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tatiana329
Posts: 1,122
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Sleep, the missing component is your son in this situation. He is the parent and has more pull than you as a grandparent. The situation must not have looked so good with him for the judge to just bypass him in what he was able to provide for the child.
I'm sorry for your situation and it really is a big mess.... for the child involved. Hopefully the parents of this child can learn to be parents and not lean so heavily on you with time. After all, it is their child and they do have responsibility to the child.
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| Jan 22, 2007 @ 11:38 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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momma24
Posts: 410
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I don't know if this would work as the child is a bit young, but a friend of mine gave her niece an audio tape recorder. It fit in her pocket and she taped everything her mom and her mom's boyfriend said for a month. The couple didn't know about it, and it was used in court. It is not illegal to audio tape someone if they don't know about it though it is illegal to video tape record someone....but that might depend on the state too. (I didn't know that untill my Journalism professor who has been in the business for 35 years told me so!)
All ended well for my friend who's niece now lives with her father and not her mother and that boyfriend. Also as soon as this child can write, have times written down along with dates...yes document...but I found out from my cousin that it has to be like a journal...and not be post dated documents. If the judge thinks you filled in information after the fact, it might be dismissed.
Just trying to help, good luck and GOD BLESS>
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| Jan 23, 2007 @ 10:47 AM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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tatiana329
Posts: 1,122
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she catches you trying to tape record her, she will be understandably upset and you won't see the baby anymore.
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| Jan 24, 2007 @ 2:22 AM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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momma24
Posts: 410
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no, you missed the point...the child had the tape recorder. But that is why I said I don't know if it would work in this case...my friend's niece was a bit older and was old enough to keep things on the DL.. It worked, and the judge allowed it.
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| Jan 24, 2007 @ 9:15 AM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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tatiana329
Posts: 1,122
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The child had it ? yikes... how old was the child?
If it were me, I would do my documenting through MY PHONE where when she called to record the conversation, emails and any other items of question... as well as record her convo when seeing the mom.
It would be a very serious thing for the mom to catch the kid with a tape recorder and it could still end up with the mom cutting off the grandmother seeing her, since legally the grandmothers rights are not very strong ( child has both a mother and father). Here would be a better way and would not only have more impact but better longer lasting results and that is to have the father make himself a more responsible dad and try to get custody of the child himself. He would have far better luck than a grandparent trying.
no>?
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| Jan 24, 2007 @ 11:43 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do...
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momma24
Posts: 410
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I dunno. I was just recalling something that worked for a friend of mine. Not saying it is the end all solution, just something to think about. Each situation is different, and what one judge allows another won't and so on. ok, I tried...good luck hun.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 1:41 PM |
My Poor Granddaughter...What Should I do... |
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ad33
Posts: 67
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If it were me, I would do my documenting through MY PHONE where when she called to record the conversation
Not to be rude Tatiana, but this is illegal(federal law) without the person being recorded having knowledge.
I understand where you're coming from; there's been times when I've wanted to do the same thing over custody issues with my stepson.
My ex's lawyer advised us against recording unless father and stepmom knew about it.
Sleepless, what empath said is very good advice, but so is what martin said.
I would encourage you and your son to step up and do the best you can to be as close to that little girl as possible(what empath said). I would also sit down with someone at child protective and tell them your concerns, and that you are documenting everything; keeping a journal, taking pictures, etc.
Don't let the mother know this is going on, just do it.
Picking her up for a visit, take a picture of her playing in the yard, or with a favorite toy.....if the mother questions it, tell her it's scrapbook material 
You see where I'm going with this??
You will be saving your credibility with the courts for the future, and you will have more visits while keeping the contact with the mother civil; all in the name of the child.
A lot of this is what I did which eventually forced my stepson's father to give him back to us.
Best of luck to you 
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