| Dec 28, 2006 @ 8:06 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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KittyKat339
Posts: 9
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Hello everyone! I'm posting here hoping to get some good answers.
I have a 3 (in jan =;_;=) year old daughter and a one and a half month old son with my ex.
Now ex isn't very good with babies. The few times he's come to see our son for an hour or so he freaks out and hands him back whenever he fussy alittle bit or starts crying. He's better handling the older ones.
So he's only seen our son for maybe two hours total since he was born a month and a half ago. Most of that time I spent holding him. My son has basically reflux which he's on medicine for because it was causing him to not be able to breathe. When ex asked for my son for the day I considered it and started telling him how he has to hold him super upright when he feeds him, keep him upright, watch out for any signs that he stops breathing again, etc etc. He just kept getting smart arsed with me and saying "Oh yeah, basically just don't let him throw up on himself.' over and over again. Uh.. the breathing thing is ALITTLE more important?
He also wants to take him to his house where he lives with his new girlfriend and her family. They're all heavy heavy smokers. To the point that he reeks of it and he brought my daughter there twice and she came back reeking of it. I told him that he should know better than to take our daughter around people who are smoking, but to take a one and a half month old there? That's just stupid especially since I told him how my family was upset I wouldn't take my son to my uncle's house because he smokes.
So that was pretty long and kind of rambly.. But my point is do you think I should let ex take ds? I told him before that in the spring when it's warmer and he's older that's fine to take him for a couple of hours. I think for now he needs to let him get older and develop a bond with him and learn how to take care of him before he goes galavanting around showing off our son like he's Daddy of the year.
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 8:13 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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jamie95622
Posts: 59
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you had kids with this idiot,,,,should have thought of all this before,,,,,,life is about choices and looks like your stuck with this bad one,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,live and learn,,,,
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 8:36 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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Angel178
Posts: 36,330
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Maybe you could tell him that the pediatritian gave you special class on how to handle the infant. You are the only one to take care of the baby until cleared by the doctor. Explain to doctor, maybe he can write a note or something. Chances are if you make up something about the breathing care of the baby and how hard it is he won't want to take the baby too. Sometimes (at least my ex) just dosen't want to feel that he can't do something (control issue) but is more releaved when I give an out. I had a situation with the ex and my children when the 2 year old was very young. I just told him that the baby was too sick to go, and as the mom he couldn't really fight it. I'll help you make up some excuses if you would like. Don't let people criticize your choices. People change, and maybe he wasn't always like the way he is now. I was with my ex for 18 years, 9 of it married. We have 3 children. It wasn't really bad until the end, some people just snap. Good luck with your situation. 
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 8:38 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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In the situation you described, no.
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 9:47 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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As a big believer in father's rights, my first reaction was a defensive "What right do you have to deny a father the right to raise his son?" But, reading your post it's easy to see you're concerned about the best interest of the child and it's not a control/power issue.
Maybe let him have the baby for a couple hours at a time first under carefully controlled conditions (like maybe with his parents) and take it from there?
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 11:25 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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gyspydreamer
Posts: 403
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LOL no way I would let anyone who wasn't completely capable and reliable take any of my kids anywhere, at any age, in any condition. If this guy isn't going to take the medical issues seriously, then no, it would just be endangering the child to leave them alone. This is your child, no one's trophy.
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 12:07 PM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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KittyKat339
Posts: 9
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jamie95622 Posts: 29 you had kids with this idiot,,,,should have thought of all this before,,,,,,life is about choices and looks like your stuck with this bad one,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,live and learn,,,,
In the famous words of my three year old.. Well duh. Do you think that I don't realize that my friend? Life is about choices and dealing with the ones you picked and the consequences of them. I made a choice to make a baby with my ex.. after he got out of the military things went horrible and then I made the choice to keep the second child I conceived while having an IUD in place. I'm dealing with my choices just fine.
Now do you have a real answer to my question or do you have any other 'words of wisdom'?
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 12:10 PM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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jamie95622
Posts: 59
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nope that about sums it up 
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 12:17 PM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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KittyKat339
Posts: 9
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Angel178 you're right. He was a different person before and he did change. He was always very against drugs and smoking and now that he's with his new girlfriend his views have changed quite a bit. As well as whether or not he should support his children.
I tried saying a bunch of stuff about his breathing and such. But ex didn't even care. He just kept saying "Yeah I'll just make sure he doesn't throw up on himself." and he didn't even care that our son at one point stopped breathing for a minute and went blue and limp and such and I took him to the hospital.
Even if he just took our son to his mom or grandmother's house for a couple of hours that would be fine. He agreed when Aidan was born that he would just visit with him at my house until spring. I kept trying to convince him we should go to his mother or grandmother's house and do it (because I don't want to be alone with him) but he kept saying he'd just come to my house until spring.
An officer of the court that I was speaking with kept trying to urge me to file for his visitation to be at the court house. But I don't want to do that to my kids or even to him.
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 12:26 PM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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jamie95622
Posts: 59
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He was a different person before and he did change
One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.
The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.
Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.
"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"
"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.
"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"
Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"
"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"
"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.
"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"
So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.
Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.
"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"
The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back.
"I could not help myself. It is my nature."
Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.
moral of the story,,,,,people don't change,,,,you just don't always see them for what they are
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| Dec 28, 2006 @ 5:25 PM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,150
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No. Emphatically no. The child already has severe health issues. Then if you let him take the child when you already have misgivings, you will be at fault as well if something happens to the child. I agree with the officer of the court.
Look at how he responds to you advising him. He is NOT responsible. Are you going to be? It is your choice. That baby is helpless. You are not. You put that baby in his hands and you will be taking all responsibility for the child's life. You already know better. You have had others advise you against. His own actions/reactions make you uneasy. There is a tiny baby at stake here. It is not like you are loaning him a car he bought for you. The baby cannot be replaced and the consequences would be hard to deal with if there are any adverse happenings. I hope you make a responsible decision and don't let anyone use manipulation or emotions to influence your decision.
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| Dec 29, 2006 @ 8:20 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,330
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Jamie-frog story is very true. My ex-husband didn't really change, he just got comfortable with me and knew that he could controll me. He knew that I would always take his crap so not to embarrass myself in front of my parents. Well, no more. I stood up for myself and protected my children from a bi-polar alcoholic. He can be sweet as pie and charming too. But if something makes him angry or jealous, he becomes the scorpion!
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| Dec 29, 2006 @ 8:27 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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Angel178
Posts: 36,330
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KK339 - please do something for me. I know I don't know you, but I can understand you. Do what the court officer advised. I also did not want to subject the children to a court house especially since the older two are now 7 and 9. I'm trying to make the divorce as "normal" as I can. But don't let him come to your house and be alone with him. You never know what "shape" he might show up in. (Alcohol, etc) It bothers me because I know what a man can do when his control is taken away. (I now have a restraining order due to an event when I was alone). I'm not trying to scare you at all, but if you already have the fear of being alone in your head, it's there for a reason. I went to court and the visitation of my children has to be with one of his family members. It is another option to the court house and your house.
Hope this helped a little 
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| Dec 29, 2006 @ 11:20 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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gyspydreamer
Posts: 403
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Kitty, if you can't handle the idea of meeting at the police station, you can have the visitation arranged so that it can be done in some safe atmosphere, or just plain have it supervised. If you have ANY reason to fear being alone with this guy, then just plain don't. Keep in mind that if things went badly, the kids would be right there in the middle of it. The fact that he didn't seem to care about a baby turning blue and needing to go to the hospital is proof enough that he isn't responsible enough to be left alone with the kid.
As far as jamie and her scorpions and judgmental attitude go  
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| Dec 29, 2006 @ 11:27 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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Angel178
Posts: 36,330
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Yeah Gyspy  Very nicely put!!! 
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| Dec 30, 2006 @ 2:58 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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momma24
Posts: 410
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Hey Jamie...are you her mom? It ticks me off when people give me crap about me being a single mom; oh you should have waited. Thing is you don't know the story, condoms fail, birth control fails and doctors can be wrong. My son's father was told he would never have children, and I was told I would never support a child to term....guess what? Our son is now two years old. I wish people would stop preaching like they have any right to do that, she is asking for advice on one issue not a morals lecture from a stranger.
My question hun is, is there visitation in place by the court? My son's father and I were never married, and currently I have full custody and placement. Now if he wanted to take our son I could be nice and let him (although he told me and the judge he wanted nothing to do with our son, and has not called since he was 2 months old) or I could tell him to take me to court for visitation. If there is no legal proof that he is the father, legally speaking (the judege told me this) the "allegded father" has no rights or claim on said child. I am not saying it is the right thing to do to use a child as a weapon, but I will say it is the right thing to do, to NOT place your child in a position that you are not comfortable with. If you do not feel your child's health should suffer a smokey place, tell him no. If he wants to see your son sooo badly, it won't matter to him where he sees him, apparently he does not care for the child, he has another reason in mind. IF he cared for this child, he wouldnot put said child in an unhealthy place. Just my honest opinion.
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| Dec 30, 2006 @ 8:55 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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steveemac
Posts: 2,335
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KittyKat, listen to momma24, she usually is right on about things-she's wise beyond her years ...I was going to post a lot of advice, but the best I can say is reread her post...and love that child with all you've got; that's the biggest thing we can do for our kids-help them feel loved, needed, and appreciated.
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| Dec 30, 2006 @ 10:31 AM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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Any parent that does not put the health and safety of their child first, should not take them alone until they DO.
Courts here will set up meeting places through the YMCA or other very public places. There are people called "child advocates" that will generally help you start the process. (google online to find ones in your county, city, state)
Good luck-write me anytime if you need to talk!
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| Dec 30, 2006 @ 5:34 PM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old?
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,150
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As well as whether or not he should support his children.
Anything happen to that baby, one less child for him to support. Keep that baby safe.
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| Dec 30, 2006 @ 10:15 PM |
Would you let ex take your one and a half month old? |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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This isnt a trick question is it?
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