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My boyfriend vs. my kids


Dec 1, 2005 @ 12:06 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
suthunsweet


Posts: 222
My bf and I have been dating almost a year now and everything was pretty good concerning his kids and mine until recently. He has gotten a little obsessive lately and jealous over anyone who takes up my time including my kids.

For example: Last night was the first night this week I had my kids back from their Dad's. He came over 10 minutes after we got home. When my daughter and I started having a girl talk he jumps up and goes outside mad because he said we were cutting him out.

Next, he asked my 11 yo (who was playing his Xbox) if he wanted to go with him to the store and he said, "No thanks." My son has a bit of an issue with him because he corrected him last Saturday over answering the phone when his Dad called without me knowing....I do not have a problem with them talking to their Dad...but he does.
He swells up and while my children and I watch a movie in the den he sits in the living room by himself. When the movie was over it was the kids' bedtimes so I got them motivated to get ready and go to bed.

I sat down on the couch and he doesn't say much but doesn't go home either.
I have to work (he is laid off--seasonal union worker)and I said, "Well, I have to go to bed. Let yourself out." and went to bed. He comes in my room, turns on the tv, and the ceiling fan and sits down to enjoy the show.
I got a bit ugly about that one and he says that he is going home.

I get up to lock the door behind him and he comes back around and says he is going to sit outside for awhile to make sure no one else is coming over at 11 pm!!!
I went back to bed and he comes back in the house to "stay and watch" he says. He went home at 6:00 this morning!!! Now he is angry because I told him I wanted time with my kids alone tonight and he is throwing an immature fit!

He says he is NOT trying to make me make any kind of choice, just says that he has no chance with my kids if he doesn't spend time with them without the influence of my ex and my family. Huh???

[Edited on 12/1/2005 12:37 PM]
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Dec 1, 2005 @ 2:31 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
zestful


Posts: 235
He has gotten a little obsessive lately and jealous over anyone who takes up my time including my kids.

You and your kids are one and the same,its your package.A "little" obsessive now could most likely be ALOT later.Maybe tell him that nobody comes between your kids and their parents.
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Dec 1, 2005 @ 2:46 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
suthunsweet


Posts: 222
You are exactly right there. I told him in the beginning and reminded him today....if he asks me to make a choice between him and my kids he will come out the loser everytime. NO ONE comes before my kids.
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Dec 1, 2005 @ 5:05 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
ruready4me2luvu


Posts: 1,094
Your kid's were in your life before this moron was, correct? Send his controlling childish ass packin'. What right does he have to correct your children UNLESS you told him to, and I didnt see you write that anywhere in the post. He needs to get a grip and sounds like he could have a violent tendiencies with his behavior? Show him where the door is, you'll be better off.
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Dec 1, 2005 @ 5:27 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
someone_me


Posts: 393
And he is your bf why?

Enough said.
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Dec 1, 2005 @ 7:50 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
Mudplay


Posts: 47
Is there even anything to think about here? I checked your profile expecting to see a young 20-something. You should know better. The behavior is less of a problem than the thought process that brings it about. Get rid of him yesterday.
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Dec 1, 2005 @ 8:21 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
LSU79


Posts: 319
Think back over the past year. Are you sure the controlling behaviour just started?
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Dec 1, 2005 @ 10:30 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
MelMel


Posts: 183
That is why I say upfront... the one I am with needs to take a backseat when it comes to raising.. discipling or controlling my son... He can make all the comments.. opinions and suggestions all he wants.. but its me who makes the final judgement!!!
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Dec 2, 2005 @ 9:22 AM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
suthunsweet


Posts: 222
Well, we had it out and he was doing the usual of making promises and such, but my kids are number 1.
I do not allow him or any other man, besides their Dad correct them and I will not start now. They are my kids and I never told him how to deal with his. My kids and I had a great night watching movies and just spending time with each other last night.

It's such a shame that people can appear to be so great for so long and then change on a dime.
Oh well, life goes on and so will I.
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Dec 2, 2005 @ 2:24 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
roylm2


Posts: 1
i know all weman are that way, kids come first. so men watch it, i was married for 18 years, she had 4 kids, thay always come first, and thair was nothing she would not do for them, i would not marry a woman with kids, Roy
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Dec 3, 2005 @ 9:30 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
ruready4me2luvu


Posts: 1,094
Well Roy,Whose fault was it that you stayed married to her for 18 years dude? You knew she had four children before you both said I do, correct? Not our fault, and speaking in the tone your using you just may be alone a little longer. You come across like your pissed off at every female in the world! Reality check, 95% of women your age have kids. And while I'm on my soapbox let me add this. Wtf kind of mother would any of us women be if we didn't put our children first?
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Dec 3, 2005 @ 9:45 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
zestful


Posts: 235
I take it you have no relationship with your step children then,right Roy?
After 18 years of helping to raise them?
Your misssing out on alot of life there my friend.I married a lady that had three daughters in grade school.After being divorced for almost 10 years those kids still visit me frequently,made me a grandfather and great pies every holiday.They have two fathers and I'm proud to be one of them.
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Dec 4, 2005 @ 1:41 AM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
mejaneyoutarzan


Posts: 198
Honey, there would be no question in my mind about telling this man goodbye. Discipline is one thing, but no matter what these are your children, and they are a huge important part of your life. They don't need to see this type of immature behavior displayed by a grown man? I don't like my Ex either, but not matter how rotten I think he is, he is still my childrens father, and a part of their lives. They can pick up the phone and call (or recieve calls) any time they like (within reason, of course).
And as for him coming back into your home and spending the night watching.....Yikes, whose house is it anyway? I believe there are issues here with respect for you and your children. And certainly no trust on his part. I would seriously reevaluate this relationship. If you love your children like I love mine, as most Mother's do, you should deeply think how this is affecting them. Good luck.
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Dec 4, 2005 @ 2:29 AM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
Angel54214


Posts: 22,374
suthunsweet-I noticed in your profile your kids are part time, is it joint custody? If so and the time your kids are with their dad, do you and your boyfriend spend quality time? Now if the both answers are 'yes', I strongly see there is imaturity on his part! I only see the relationship heading south.

If your children see you unhappy when he is around, they can't make any change to the situation, only you can. If you feel relaxed and in relief when he is not there while the kids are, something is all wrong. If your not ready to end it just yet due to evaluation of everything going on, try setting up a meet with him in a small local restaurant for breakfast or lunch when the kids are with dad. Be prepared ahead of time on what you want to cover and your feeling. Maybe it will get resolved on issues, or maybe you will make a final decision. That way you won't have no regrets or blame yourself for anything because you did everything you possibly could do to salvage the relationship and still continue to be an awsome mom. I wish you the best and keep us posted ok?
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Dec 5, 2005 @ 9:13 AM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
suthunsweet


Posts: 222
The weekend was a good and productive one. My children were with their Dad, so I spent it Christmas shopping and spent a pretty good while talking to my bf. He sat there stunned and said he hadn't realized how he was looking. He said he guessed he was acting like a highschool boy with his first crush, but was having a hard time living 50 miles away and knowing I lived in the same town as my ex and a couple of men I dated.
I told him he had to either trust me or let's end it because this obsession (yes that is the proper word in my book) had to go. I also told him that my kids were my priority and that they were there first. They did not ask for the divorce nor anything else that happened afterward and their Dad would ALWAYS be their Dad and they were allowed to communicate with him at anytime. I don't care how his own situation was, mine is total joint custody (1/2 time with each of us). I won't allow him to make them feel badly for talking to their own Dad when they want to.

He knows I am very serious about ending it and swears he loves me enough to do whatever it takes to make it work. We will see. I care alot for this man, but again I must say my kids come first.

Roy, you ARE missing out on alot. I do not know your situation, but I built a pretty good relationship with my bf's sons and it has been really fun having a larger group to have holidays with and do things with. The boys are 16 & 14 and my daughter is 15 so she has taken them to some of her school functions and they mingle with her friends as well as helped "babysit" a group of 10-11 yo's for my son's birthday party this year. There ARE advantages to being with someone with children and women are supposed to nurture and protect their kids. Maybe you need to say more about your situation.
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Dec 17, 2005 @ 12:15 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
RenoSP


Posts: 4
kids come first, I am raising my two girls bymyself. I spent 18 years with a bi-polar woman to protect them(no regrets, they are good girls).

Yes Roy, their kids are going to come first. You can leave your friends, spose, but family should be forever.
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Dec 18, 2005 @ 8:54 AM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
walkingman


Posts: 639
The first thing I look for in a person is how she would treat my kid's. Raising them is my #1 priority. It has made me very selective when it come's to dating. Anyone who put's their boyfriend/girfriend before their kid's is selfish They need to get their prioritie's straight!!!!!!!!!
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Dec 19, 2005 @ 12:52 AM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
kabooby


Posts: 253
your b/f acted like a big baby
If he cant understand the relationship you have with your kids then he isnt even worth bothering with.
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Dec 24, 2005 @ 9:52 AM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
t_h_e_b_r_a_t


Posts: 386
I only read the first paragraph of the initial post, and that was enough. Your kids are yours for life. No man/boy/punk should ever be allowed to come between you and them in any way. If he can't deal with the fact that you are their mother, find an actual man instead of a wanna be looking for a replacement mother.
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Dec 25, 2005 @ 1:50 PM My boyfriend vs. my kids    
Mudplay


Posts: 47
It should also serve as a warning that if you are dating someone who is very frequently more than willing to "unload" their kids somewhere so they can hang out with you on a regular basis, then they are not likely to respect your parental philosophy of putting your kids before any other outside relationship.
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