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| Mar 18, 2007 @ 1:51 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys?
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momma24
Posts: 410
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxU9fOz_TJg&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Echerrytap%2Ecom%2Fuser%2F365405
I watched this the other day and it made me cry. My two year old, while at the grocery store the other day, looked at me and said, "Mommy, no daddy." My heart broke. I knew the day would come that he realized that his family was different than some others, but I didn't think it would happen when he was 2. Lord, give me strength, and friends please give me ideas. 
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| Mar 18, 2007 @ 2:10 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys? |
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Shortiaintlying
Posts: 1,324
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first admit ya screwed up, even if its fathers fault you screwed up.
I had to admit that myself, even though it was his mothers fault, i screwed up.
that the first thing,
next thing is just because theres no daddy right now doesnt mean theres no daddy.
you a smert girls moms, pick well next time, pick for keeps.
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| Mar 18, 2007 @ 2:54 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys?
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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kids always have a dad.........or mom........even tho they might not be what we thought. or wanted...or good at being a parent...they are always still your childfs parent.....and they need to know that they are loved......Its not the childs fault......
My sons dad isnt what I or my sons may think or want as a parent but I always told my sons your dad loves you the way he knows how.....jmo
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| Mar 19, 2007 @ 2:25 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys? |
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momma24
Posts: 410
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Painter I know what ya mean, but I never told my son he didn't have a dad. It was just something he said on his own. He wouldn't understand a big lecture about where his dad is or anything like that at this time. He isn't saying he doesn't have a father, he is noticing other kids' families at day care, and noticing that who the other kids call dad....he doesn't have someone to call dad. That's all; yes, kids are smart but my son is not mature enough to understand the difference between the difference that you are talking about. Although I really do agree with someone else's statement that he is a sperm donnor and not a father; being adopted, I see a father as the male who gave me life and a dad as the male who taught me how to live that life. By my definition my son has a father, but not a dad.
I do not see the point in telling my son that my ex loves him. My ex clear as day told me he does not want my son and that he is not and never will be a father. He also told that to the judge. So why on earth would any sane person tell said child a lie...to what perserve feelings?? He will figure it out eventually, and the hurt will be double...one for the loss he will endure, and two because he would have figured out that i lied to him. AAAHHH, I hate men.
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| Mar 19, 2007 @ 2:49 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys?
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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AAAHHH, I hate men. I believe you should have said how much you hate that THAT man, the father of your children. Although I use the term "man' loosely, you are correct, he is nothing more than a sperm donor, and is incapable of ever being a Dad. But, putting blame on "men " will not save you or your son any hurt feelings. Not meaning to sound cruel, but you picked the guy, if nothing else I hope you can tell as many young women your story as possible, to help prevent another child from having to go through this. I see in your profile, you are not looking to a relationship, I have mixed feelings on this, I do see where you should concentrate your time and efforts to be the best parent you can be, dividing your time between a relationship and your son can be hard. But then on the other hand, you could meet a man who would accept your son as his own and give him a more complete life. I guess in the end only you can decide, I only put my 2 cents in, because I saw the anger in your words against men, and not all of us are like that, but you definitely have to look very hard to find a good one. best of luck to you and your son.
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| Mar 19, 2007 @ 3:21 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys? |
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luvmycats
Posts: 10,208
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This is a hard one, and we all do it differently. I was a single mom who had a child that the sperm donor didn't want.
I only answered her questions as she asked them and answered them as simply as I could. (age appropriate) As she got older and understood more, I went into more detail.
Being a child of divorce and constantly hearing what a no good so and so my dad was, (I knew he was, I didn't need to be reminded) I was determined my daughter would not grow up this way. I forbid anyone in her life to ever speak unkindly about him around her. I wanted her to be able to someday make up her own mind. When she would ask why he didn't want her, I would tell her, it was ME he didn't want. Yes, I looked bad in her eyes for a while, BUT she also knew who was there for her and who loved her more than life itself.
I found him when she was 15, and told her where he was. She took it in her own hands then and now they have a great relationship. (she turned 25 today) NO, she hasn't forgiven him for screwing her head up. (words from her mouth just last week) She also doesn't hold anything against me for telling her lies, because I didn't lie to her, he didn't want me...I only omitted because I was pregnant.
No matter how you handle it, things will not come out perfectly, just do the best you can do and he will grow up to understand why you had to do things the way you did. Never lie to him though. 
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| Mar 19, 2007 @ 5:07 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys?
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steveemac
Posts: 2,335
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I didn't have a "Dad" until I was four, and look how I turned out...wait, maybe that's not the best comparison...
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| Mar 20, 2007 @ 4:06 AM |
Mommy, where's my daddys? |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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ahhhhhhhh didnt know the whole story.......that makes a difference.
just love your child, teach them right from wrong...make better choices in your men....and do the best you can.
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| Mar 20, 2007 @ 2:55 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys?
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,370
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Momma, this probably isn't the best forum for you to find help - not that everyone here isn't a great parent - but if you look at places like mothering.com, there are lots and lots of people who have gone through EXACTLY what you've gone through (the entire forum is about parenting). Stay here too, of course, but you might try that one too since your profile says you're not really interested in dating right now. BTW, I'm very sorry for what you're going through.
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| Mar 27, 2007 @ 4:17 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys? |
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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Currently we have a case in this office where a male is under going DNA testing per being a possible father of a child that is 17 years 9 months old. This subject has been named as the possible father via Child Support Recovery.
He has always been listed in the phone book since before the alleged action took place, has owned his home in town for over 20 years. He was not married at the alleged time the act of intercourse took place, he does not even recall the Plaintiff in the action.
There are many reason why some women withhold parental information from the state; Some are concerned that the father may attempt and successfully be awarded custody. Thus their "meal ticket" may become disrupted or even disappear if custody in fact is awarded to a father.
This particular case is so sad as the prospective father and his wife, they married in mid 90's, have children which I have actually met in person. They are polite active in sports, good grades and appear to be on their way to becoming very productive individuals within our society etc.
The back ground of the child in question has experienced anything but a wonderful life. Not within my professional opinion, this verges on criminal activity on the Plaintiffs behalf. Mommy, where's my daddys? The DNA is still out on this case.
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| Mar 28, 2007 @ 12:30 AM |
Mommy, where's my daddys?
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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I knew the day would come that he realized that his family was different than some others, but I didn't think it would happen when he was 2. Momma, I feel badly for your situation, but it can turn out alright. Makes me think, though, about a miniature running battle I used to have with my ex when our son was 2, 3 and 4 years old. She'd say and do things in his presence that I didn't think were appropriate for him to see or hear, and I'd very politely tell her so. She would reply with, "He's just a baby, he doesn't know what's going on." I used to look at her quite seriously when I heard that and tell her that kids were far smarter than she gave them credit for and while they might not understand things in adult terms, they certainly knew that SOMETHING was going on, and that they were like little sponges, just soaking up anything and everything in their environment. And such is the case....think about it for just a moment. When you're 2, what else do you really have to do but LEARN - and boy, it's just amazing how much and how quickly they pick up just about EVERYTHING!
I've had to tell our son countless times (his mother is absent, sometimes noticeably) that she loves him in her own way as best she can. As he's gotten older, I've been able to tell him a little more, in a kind way and sometimes in a semi-general way, about the character and make-up of his mother, and explain to him that he's done nothing in the world wrong, that all he's ever done is to be the sweet, adorable, loving and loveable little guy that he is, but that for some people, there are things that just seem more important at the time than their children. They may love their children, but they get so caught up in what they want, and in taking care of their own 'needs' that they just don't have anything left over to take care of the needs of a little one. Now I would not recommend telling a 2 year old this, but if you just watch your son grow, you'll know how much is appropriate to tell him and at what age. Just make sure that you're ALWAYS at the point, when discussing this, that you put HIS interest and well-being first and foremost in your thoughts.
Best of luck to you....
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| Mar 30, 2007 @ 2:37 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys? |
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momma24
Posts: 410
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Thanks guys. I stressed the things that he has that others don't have. I have a tape of an old sesame street song about families..where this girl is singing about herself, her brother and her mom being family. My son loves that song; I think he is begining to understand that him and I are a family and that's ok. Sure did give me a wake up call, and something to think about.
just watch your son grow, you'll know how much is appropriate to tell him and at what age. Just make sure that you're ALWAYS at the point, when discussing this, that you put HIS interest and well-being first and foremost in your thoughts. ~ Jester
Thanks Jester, that is a good point.
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| Apr 12, 2007 @ 8:24 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys?
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Shortiaintlying
Posts: 1,324
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Im a great parent AND I grew up without a dad.
doesnt mean though it wouldnt have been better with both...
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| Jun 6, 2007 @ 12:05 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys? |
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HollyDaze
Posts: 939
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Keep in mind... those of us raising sons... we're raising future men... many of whom will become future fathers... it is up to us as mothers to raise them to know how real men behave. Get involved in Big Brothers/Sisters... befriend a male church member who would be willing to spend time with your son... my son goes to karate and has adopted his Sen Sai as his male role model... Ladies, we can only teach so much, eventually our sons need a male in thier life... when puberty hits, it's very unlikely our sons will come to us with questions, and we DON'T want them learning male traits from the wrong people. It is up to us to raise future fathers.. .up to us to break the cycle.
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| Jun 6, 2007 @ 1:34 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys?
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jamminjerry
Posts: 4,085
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ok! this has to be a troll! it is so lame! if not, she has to be blond and dane bramage!
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| Apr 30 @ 2:14 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys? |
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me5005
Posts: 3
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the hardest one is when ask why are you and mom braking out it it because of me and all you can say is no it is not your fault.
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| May 26 @ 10:57 PM |
Mommy, where's my daddys?
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gypsy29
Posts: 146
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Oh, honey! Been there done that! My kiddo would make up stories about her father. He was the best hero you ever hear of! It hurt like crazy. Once she noticed that her daddy didn't pick her up from daycare, and wanted to know why. What could I say? So I changed the subject and had my brothers go pick her up. That helped a lot. As she grew, I worried about how she would relate to men. I tried to give her lots of good male role models and was there on every sideline yelling along with the other dad's. I'm her mom, dad, number one supporter during hard times, good times, and for every financial need. We celebrate mother's day AND father's day. My favorite memory of her childhood, was when she had me come to the fathers day ceremony at her school and she took me by the hand and lead me to the front of the class with the other "dads" and told them I was as good as they were at being a daddy. It helps to know that you can raise a child as a single mom and do a darn good job. Just be honest, answer any questions he asks. BUT only the question he asks, and leave the future to the future. Good luck
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