| Apr 3, 2007 @ 10:34 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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Shortiaintlying
Posts: 1,324
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What do you want your children to learn? that break ups are nasty or that you really can have a very healthy relationship with their other parent?
I got two exes with children. Ones a very good friend, after many years, we just seem to lose foucs on what we hate about the other and their style. we learned to be patent and be willing to have talks about things that concern us. and ya know what! the children are alot better off cause of it.
now the other is different, shes stuck in the mindset we have to be at war with one another. whos better. I dont want whos better, i want what best.
what do you have? how can you make it better?
there a saying, if there a problem your 50% of the problem and 100 % the solution..
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| Apr 4, 2007 @ 10:30 AM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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Loreli
Posts: 18,571
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I always tried to get along with mine, but when he remarried, SHE wouldn't allow it. She even went so far as to tell me to quit sending the kid's school pics to my ex and his parents because they weren't my family anymore. (b*tch)
Then we did not get along after that because he became very rude and angry. My kids still went with him every other weekend, and stepmom would talk crap about me. I had no say in that, but it made my kids dislike her tremendously.
He was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago, and I had to bug the heck out of my kids to spend as much time with him as they could. They didn't want to be around her. I even called her to offer any help I could give, and she cried. Now when we all see each other we are civil, but the formative years were so hard on my kids.
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| Apr 4, 2007 @ 4:36 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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painter007
Posts: 14,966
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They are your childrens mom or dad always......there is no need to make them look bad in your kids eyes.......Kids will usually always love the other parent no matter how bad they are or seem. Seperate your self from the mess and put your kids feelings before yours. JMO
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| Apr 4, 2007 @ 4:43 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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Widower. 
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| Apr 4, 2007 @ 5:17 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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poniepower
Posts: 657
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I've tried for 10 yrs to be my x husbands friend.
I've had to give up, it's not worth me overextending myself for anymore.I'm exhausted.
He has this guilt, that is eating him from the inside out, and he somehow hates me for it. I never caused it, but I'm somehow involved in it....Could it be that he kicked us out of his life in 1996...Maybe?????????
In counceling today, my son told his councelor that he NEVER wants to go to his dad's ever again. Why? 1st of all, because he is STILL making him get on tractors, 2nd, because he's constantly calling me names and talking chit about me in front of my son, 3rd His gf won't stop shoving herself down my sons throat (my sons words today, not mine) He says he has a Mom, and doesn't want or need another one. He wants her to stop being "miss innocent" and face reality. That's ALOT coming from a 12 y/o, almost 13 in May.
My 3 daughters have also quit going to see him. For a few years now....like 5 or 6.
Someday, and I think it's going to be soon, he's going to come to the realization that it's not me...that it's something HE'S DOING WRONG.
I just hope he figures it out before he loses his other 4 kids, and not by death, by hatred. And, hate is a word that is NEVER ALLOWED in any form in my home. The kids can dislike someone if they want too, that's their choice, but NEVER HATE!!
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| Apr 5, 2007 @ 12:32 AM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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blueyes101
Posts: 7,912
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I hope this comes out right, but I have found in many of my past relationships, ( since I never married, I had plenty of time to meet single/divorced moms ) I have helped to take the drama out of the parents relationship, I have watched my brother and my friends jump through hoops with their exs, and I was able to bring some logic and take some of the emotion out and simply apply being polite and allowing more of a friendship to develop. And I have also seen fathers step up to the plate so to speak, when they found out I doing cool stuff with their kids, they started to compete with me ...... And I have encouraged the kids to give their father a chance to right some of the wrongs, and I have told my girlfriend that the dads feel like they rent their kids every Wednesday, and every other weekend...and only get a phone call when they need money for school pics or whatever........I am very happy I could help a few couples put their anger aside and help do what is best for their kids, and smooth some of the rough edges after the divorce. Doesn't always work, but is definitely worth a try.
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| Apr 10, 2007 @ 1:12 AM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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momma24
Posts: 390
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I like how our relationship...if you can call it that...works, as it is now. I stay out of his way and he stays out of mine. If I need to call him about medical stuff, we are decent to each other and discuss what needs to be discussed in a polite manor. Outside of that, we don't have communication. Oh, If you don't know the circumstances around his absence don't go into it, unless you read some of my other posts. I am not here to bash my ex, just here to help others and gain ideas from other single parents.
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| Apr 10, 2007 @ 10:51 AM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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Shortiaintlying
Posts: 1,324
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The lack of communication is understandable, but when ya gona fix it? I know I want my children to learn thats relationships don't really end, just change. And if at all possible, to be changed for the better. That there relationship isn't the same as mine.
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| Apr 10, 2007 @ 1:43 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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momma24
Posts: 390
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The lack of communication is understandable, but when ya gona fix it?
What makes you say there is something wrong here? It isn't like I am calling his father names or getting angry about the past...we simpy don't interact with each other. How can you say that is a relationship? If I still had a relationship with him, though we haven't talked in over a year, then by that standard do we ever really break up with anyone? Are friends from kindergarden our friends 50 years later if we haven't spoken to them since grade school? I disagree with you here, relationships do end and it is a matter of maturity to handle life afterwards with respect. If at some point my son decides he wants a relationship with his father, I have no right to stop it from happening, nor would i have the right to stop his father from seeing him. As it stands that is simply not the issue. I see nothing here to "fix". 
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| Apr 10, 2007 @ 9:27 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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Shortiaintlying
Posts: 1,324
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he is the father of your child, like it or not theres a relationship. Not my rules, take it up with god. but to each their own.
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| Apr 10, 2007 @ 10:30 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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mzlara388
Posts: 1,008
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My ex and I work hard to be friendly and parent my son together. This works when he's sober. When he's not it's a battle of wits to have communication or anything. We left on the terms that I cared about him but didn't want to live the life he did anymore and it wasn't healthy for us (me and my son).
I would like to continue being friends so we can enjoy our son. We don't belittle eachother (in earshot of my son). We try to be as civil as we can around him too. We just limit the time we spend around eachother so we don't fight. After 9 years we figured it out.
He doesn't like it when I date but has actually babysitted for me so I could date a few times. He hasn't moved on and found another yet. He's not ready and that's ok. I would be supportive of him when he does.
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| Apr 10, 2007 @ 10:45 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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kewlkajn
Posts: 529
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I'd like the kind where I'd have to put flowers on her grave. Those fake ass plastic ones that get all faded and look like shit. Maybe a balloon that says "Hope you get better soon." No, I'm not bitter!
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| Apr 11, 2007 @ 8:05 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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Shortiaintlying
Posts: 1,324
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See the problem is, its your bitterness. take it and change it so the present out shines the past.
How sweet a revenge then huh?
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| Apr 11, 2007 @ 10:21 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 14,833
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I have 2 ex's....I get along with my older childrens father fine, and although they didn't have much of a relationship with him when they were younger...now they do because I was careful not to down talk him in front of them....I always encouraged a relationship with him no matter how strained it might be....it paid off for them.
My youngest who is 15, has chosen her relationship because of what he has sowed into her...which has been nothing. Again, we talk amicably, and I encouraged her to call him, etc. as she was getting older. This one did not pay off for her yet....maybe when she is older he will come around. but point being....I can talk to either without arguing....I give them respect as human beings and their father....that is all I would want for myself...regardless whether they deserve it or not........ I'll let God work out the rest.... 
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| Apr 11, 2007 @ 10:38 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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blueyes101
Posts: 7,912
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| Apr 12, 2007 @ 7:20 AM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 14,833
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| Apr 12, 2007 @ 11:22 AM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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juzhey
Posts: 379
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Sure, if the ex is a decent person, you should try to maintain at least a civil relationship. Unfortunately, some of us can't say that about the ex, and if they aren't good people, you shouldn't pretend that they are. Lord knows I tried to be civil with my son's father for a VERY long time, but it was a losing battle. He was just plain scum, and there was no getting around it. The times he did have contact turned out to be detrimental to the kid, so I gave up.
Honesty and objectivity are important things for kids to learn. Just because someone is related doesn't mean they walk on water. This ex, I like the "see no evil, hear no evil" relationship I have with him (no contact for a couple of decades). Won't even pretend he is anything but what he is.
The people who live across the street are a perfect example of parents who just didn't belong together any more. Even if she got her boyfriend before she even moved out, they seem to have a very amicable relationship.
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| Apr 12, 2007 @ 11:33 PM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 16,006
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Him in Wisconsin and me in Texas. Nicely talking on the phone and email. At a distance. But polite...
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| Apr 16, 2007 @ 1:52 AM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex?
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momma24
Posts: 390
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hehehe I love Wisconsin. 
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| Apr 17, 2007 @ 2:01 AM |
What Kind of relationship do You want with your ex? |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 11,354
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there a saying, if there a problem your 50% of the problem and 100 % the solution.. I AM the one giving 100% for all my kids the fact that only the oldests father ever gave any type of support (and that only monetary barely) shows how much they care about theirs kids...
luckily the one I was most worried about having to deal with I am a widow from.. my son did NOT need that kind of role model EVER 
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