| May 10, 2007 @ 12:47 PM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ?
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SassyBeMe
Posts: 25
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I am really hoping to get some male input here ......This is a problem I have discovered since I started dating again and I wonder if anyone else has ever had this problem . I have been divorced for 4 yrs and after some effort on both of our parts , my ex and I have become very good friends . We have shared custody of our 9 yr old and get along very well now . We just felt it was important for us to get past our issues with each other and get along for the sake of our child,which we feel is healthier for the child in the long run .
He used to live a few house away from me and he was my Mr Fix It Man and my babysitter when I went out ,until he moved to the southern part of the state . He still helps me out from time to time but not as often as he used too . I know it seems odd that he would baby sit for me while I dated ,but at the time we had a "no child support order "so this was the agreement we worked out between ourselves . I also have guardianship of my profoundly retarded brother , and the ex has been trained to care for his special needs ,which makes it easier for me to go out . I have now since hired someone else to assist me with him as well , so I have two people available to help me with him when I need it .
I am usually very straight forward with the man who I am dating about this because I believe in being honest . A few is ok with it but others immediately say " Well if you two get along so well ,why are you divorced ? " and then just assume that since we get along so well that we will maybe get back together ,which then pretty well ends things before they can really get started .
While we do get along well ,there was problems with our marriage which could not be fixed . He makes a much better friend then a husband and I have no desire to ever go down memory lane with him and either does he . He is actually seriously involved with a very nice lady and I am very happy for him .
How can I reassure the potential new man in my life that the ex is no threat to any relationship we may develop ? I am wondering if our situation is just so rare and folks have a hard time understanding it . Thoughts?
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| May 15, 2007 @ 4:12 PM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ? |
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HollyDaze
Posts: 912
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I've been in the same boat... luckily my ex is finally getting married... ending the insecurity another man might have about him.. Congrats on making a friendship out of it, it takes two VERY mature people to make that happen, even for the sake of a child. Good luck on the dating, you have to find a mature, secure man to take on a good relationship with an ex.
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| May 15, 2007 @ 10:23 PM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ?
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,243
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I perfer a healthy relationship with your ex......My job is not to take sides, I want you two to be able to work out your own issues, like adults, jealousy has no place in my life. The two of you brought child/children in this world, and they are what is important.
Knowing how you relate to your ex, reflects on the type of person you are ( provided they are no physco ). But then again, the fact you picked a physco, ..............and decided to have children with him, is a red flag too........
I'm a lover, not a fighter, if you are in a constant battle with your ex, you will be battling me in no time.....I back away from drama, well unnecessary drama....
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| May 24, 2007 @ 9:50 AM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ? |
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poniepower
Posts: 657
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My ex husband and I never started getting along until about 2 months ago, when we talked on the phone for 2 hrs about our sons death, and how we could help our youngest son who seen the accident, and was having horrific troubles of his own. He was on suicide watch, and he was only 12 y/o.
Now we are able to talk about things "rationally" without him being snotty or cocky about the kids, or how I'M RAISING the kids. He's just came back into their lives 5 yrs ago, after being out of it for 10 yrs, and still didn't spend that much time with the kids in those 5 yrs.
His girlfriend of 3 yrs and I finally met the morning at the funeral home, the day after my sons accident. Her and I are now friends, and have been for the past 3-4 months.
You are VERY fortunate to still have that bond with your x husband.
But then my divorce ended bitterly, because my x was so filled with guilt from kicking me and our 5 children out, so he could be with his girl friend, guilt was eating him alive and he couldn't EVER face me because he knew he was in the wrong.
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| May 25, 2007 @ 1:05 PM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ?
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,564
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How could having a good relationship ever effect your current relationship in a negetive way? It just doesnt add up. If theres insecurities issues with the new love, then thats a completely different problem.
On the other hand, having a bad relationship will effect your current one, its a stressor no one needs or wants, then i have to ask, why continue any relationship if its bad?
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| Jun 24, 2007 @ 7:12 AM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ? |
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southerngentleman700
Posts: 1,718
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I really think getting alone with the x is the best all around.It helps so much when there is children in the picture,and as for the relationship with the new person........Helps with the relationship to keep the stress level to its lowest.But got to admit my daughter is 18 now and out on her on now,but i did have custody of her for most of the young years.And the first couple years dealing with the x wasnt no pinic by no means.
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| Oct 4, 2007 @ 7:14 PM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ?
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HopesNDreams56
Posts: 250
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 Iam still single,and my Ex,is miles away!!!!,so i don't have that problem.
Even if i was with someone,there is really nothing he can say or do about it,cause our kids would,let him know,that he left me and them,so he has no rights to say one way or the other.
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| Oct 19, 2007 @ 2:23 AM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ? |
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katydid438
Posts: 6,453
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If getting along with the Ex causes a problem, especially when kids are involved,,then maybe you don't have a mature relationship with your new SO. A fresh start does not negate the past or certain responsibilities.
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| Nov 5, 2007 @ 12:39 AM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ?
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nanakat
Posts: 254
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I have two ex-boyfriends that I'm very good friends with still. One relationship lasted 8 years...the other only about 8 months. The 8 year guy gets jealous when I talk about the 8 month guy to this day! But, the 8 month guy told me that he thinks it's great that I have good things to say about the other... he appreciates the fact that I'm not trashing him to other people and that I respect him as a friend and a person.
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| Nov 5, 2007 @ 2:42 PM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ? |
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painter007
Posts: 15,750
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the only thing that should ever matter is if kids are involved....
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| Nov 5, 2007 @ 2:45 PM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ?
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,564
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he appreciates the fact that I'm not trashing him to other people and that I respect him as a friend and a person.
CLAP CLAP
your relationship, my relationship, all of our adult relationships. show never involve the kids. They are a bonus. nothing more nothing less. No need to trash someone just because you were rejected. It just bites ya in the ass down the rooad. and the last person ya want to bite ya is your own kid.
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| Nov 6, 2007 @ 3:31 AM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ? |
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nanakat
Posts: 254
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Thank you, Burns!
The coolness of it all is that my daughter loved both of my two "boyfriends" and now that she is a single mother herself, she likes when my now "friends" (instead of being boyfriends) come around and we cook out, they love on her son and times are good. Even at her age and mine....I think it's very important to choose carefully who you let into your life. Maybe we should start to adjust our thinking so that on the first date, rather than thinking, "Is this someone I want to spend a lot of time with".....we should think, "Is this someone who will still be important to me if he/she becomes an "ex"". 
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| Nov 28, 2007 @ 12:39 PM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ?
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paulald
Posts: 2
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It shouldn't be a problem, but I know that it can be a problem from personal experience where your new SO is a little insecure or jealous. I had my oldest son with my first exhusband and my other two boys from my second exhusband. I get along with both of the dads. The only time we don't get along is occasionally when money is an issue, but that rarely is an issue. We are still friends and can discuss our children or ourselves without issues. I get along with my oldest son's stepmom and with both exes families. I think it allows my boys to get through being children of divorce easier this way and I will not apologize or change any of it for anyone else because my boys come first.
Just because someone gets along with their ex or can be friends with them, doesn't mean that they should stay together or get back together. Sometimes people just can't click as a couple, but can be great friends. Nothing wrong with that!
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| May 26 @ 12:14 AM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ? |
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andxr
Posts: 414
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Depends on how well your getting along. 
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| Jul 25 @ 6:25 PM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ?
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hotnpinkk
Posts: 1
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I applaud your efforts to remain friends for the sake of the child and if anyone you are dating can not see the importance of that then they are probably not going to be a very good influence on you or your child.
It makes me sick to see parents drag their children into their own issues. Worse yet, and happens too often, is the parents use the child as a weapon. It takes two strong people to put aside their own emotions for the sake of a child. And it is the children who should be priority, period.
Again I commend your efforts and encourage you to keep focused on the child. If the man you are dating is right, he will understand and encourage this and that will also become part of your bond with eachother.
With all that... I hate to be negative in exit, but...for all your maturity you called your brother profoundly retarded. I am sure you have felt a great burden in having custody of him but if he is mentaly challenged and you are his legal care giver, he needs the same respect and love as your own child.
Stay strong and remember there are often hidden treasures in all of lifes heavy burdens.
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| Jul 26 @ 12:45 AM |
Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ? |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,564
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Does getting along well with the ex affect new relationships ? it does. But remember this is a person you no longer have want of any more. Went from friend to non friend. So protect yourself, always be observant and watch your 6
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