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Pregnant by a married man.


Sep 15, 2007 @ 9:03 AM Pregnant by a married man.    
amers1715


Posts: 6
Hi everyone. I know that everyone is going to judge me here and make rude comments. I have heard them already. I am only writing this to get advice from a legal stand point. I have been seeing a married man for about a year now. I am pregnant with his child. He knows about the pregnancy and supposedly is happy about it. Which I don't understand how he could be. I am going to keep the child. I do not believe in abortion. He is planning on telling his wife in the next couple of weeks. But, I am wondering where I need to go with this. I now think that he is going to be a dead beat father. Which I would have never expected from how he reacted prior to this. I know what I did was wrong and a mistake and if I could take it back I would. But, I plan on raising this child on my own, and I will provide for the child in every way. But, what do I need to do about child support? Is there any legal action that can be taken against me from either him or his wife? Is there anything that I should do? I will appreciate any help that I can get, and all responses will be posted. Thank you all in advance.
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Sep 15, 2007 @ 9:25 AM Pregnant by a married man.    
oct_cat


Posts: 1,607
The first thing you need to do before there's any child support is to establish paternity. Not sure if that can be done now or if you have to wait until the child is born.
You also should talk with the father & advise him to tell his wife, because if you go to establish paternity, it will get out in public.
If you keep it quiet about who the dad is, start thinking about how you will soley support the child.
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Sep 15, 2007 @ 11:02 AM Pregnant by a married man.    
Loreli


Posts: 31,995
I don't know if your state has "alienation of affection" laws, but I know some that have been won.
I won't judge, but you apparently knew he was married, and slept with him.IF the wife finds out-which, no doubt she will, it may be possible for her to sue you.

I believe you have to wait until the child is born, they can do dna testing immediately. I'm not sure about amnio-there's a risk to the child, however small.

Just be aware, if he messed around on her, don't put too much faith in a relationship between you and him. I'd file for support immediately.

btw-something fishy about this.
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Sep 16, 2007 @ 5:56 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
momma24


Posts: 223
i am going to get bashed for this i know it....but in the best wishes of the child...if you can afford to support this child alone, without any financial help.....i'd say that might be best.

my reason? if his name is on the birth certificate which it will be placed there if he is found to be dna...the dad...and he is paying child support (at least that's how it is here) then he by law, has every right to that child as you do. legally speaking, he has no rights to that child if he is assumed to be the father. for example, if i did not take my ex to court for support he could not sign my son out of school, or the doctor's office...he legally had no rights to him untill he was on the birth certificate and paid me support. now that means in 10 years or so...or if i die that he can walk into my son's life and all of a sudden say....hey, i'm your dad. not in the best interest of the child. children need stability. i would think to myself if this man can give me and my child stability...before i take legal action of any kind.

and yes this does not sound like me....but this situation sounds fishy to me too.....i guess i'd think of how stable he was in his marriage to his wife...when he was ..uh...seeing you.
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Sep 16, 2007 @ 6:12 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
burnslikethesun


Posts: 11,134
he has the rights any father has it's the leg spreading, egg donors that makes it difficult. He should have first knowledge to do as he wishes, besides go ahead and do as suggested and in 15 years when the kid is repealing, guess who hes gona hate? the dad? lol noooooo
A father still has rights to his child even with out paying support. thats the law.
It burns my buttons that people take it upon themself to decide whats best for others. Others that have no real right in your relationships.
So if i dont pay you, i dont get to see my kid?
and you wonder why men dont wanna stick arround and deal with the mother? sheeshhh

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Sep 16, 2007 @ 10:19 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
amers1715


Posts: 6
I would never deny the father the right to see his child. Even if he didn't pay child support. Although the courts would be after him and there isn't anything that I could do about that. But, my father wants this man out of me and my childs life. And, I don't agree with my father on that at all. This man is the father of my child and should have rights to this child as well as me. I just am confused on everything. And, if it is his turn to have the child, I don't want his wife watching my child. She has trouble watching the two that she has already and can't take them out in public and gets stressed really easily. And, I know this first hand. And, I am concerned about how she would treat my child if she needed to watch the child. And, the father job leaves him to be on call 24/7, so if he had to go to work, then he wouldn't have much choice but to leave the child with her. But, I know that I would be willing to go and pick the child up if he had to go to work and then he could get the child back when he got done. But, I also think that he could tell his work that every other weekend he needed to not be on call so that he could spend some time with all of his children.
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Sep 17, 2007 @ 6:59 AM Pregnant by a married man.    
ColdinWisconsin


Posts: 6,066
Whooo, this is some pretty private stuff.

Perhaps you shouldn't look to strangers for advice on something such as this. The interenet is a great resource for information regarding this type of thing. And for a small fee (about $150.00) an attorney can file for child support for you.

As for visitaton, that is for the courts to decide, not anyone else. I feel for you and this situation you find yourself in. I feel for this poor child. And I definatly feel for his wife.

This is a stiuation where no one wins. But everyone finds out what they are really made of.
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Sep 17, 2007 @ 10:21 AM Pregnant by a married man.    
burnslikethesun


Posts: 11,134
No fee needed. The county and or state already have an atturny for the children. It part of the enforcement division.
1) keep your options open, be fair.
2) protect your future and your childs.
3) do something, and keep doing, its the standing idle that will bite you in the ass.
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Sep 18, 2007 @ 8:31 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
momma24


Posts: 223
he has the rights any father has it's the leg spreading, egg donors that makes it difficult. He should have first knowledge to do as he wishes, besides go ahead and do as suggested and in 15 years when the kid is repealing, guess who hes gona hate? the dad? lol noooooo
A father still has rights to his child even with out paying support. thats the law.
It burns my buttons that people take it upon themself to decide whats best for others. Others that have no real right in your relationships.
So if i dont pay you, i dont get to see my kid?
and you wonder why men dont wanna stick arround and deal with the mother? sheeshhh

it apparently is different in other states. i didn't mean to say he had to pay me to legally be allowed to see his kid. by taking him to court for child support, he had to take a dna test...which in my state is the only way to legally require child support as that way they can prove he is the father. then he gets all the rights that cames with being a parent. you also seem to have the mind set of a person who WANTS to see his child(ren) ....is someone who is not stable going to WANT to be there for all that a parent is there for?? it's just my opinion..my child has a stable home and i am damn proud of that, so many children now a days don't have that.
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Sep 18, 2007 @ 10:29 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
your_princess


Posts: 1,750
And, if it is his turn to have the child, I don't want his wife watching my child. She has trouble watching the two that she has already and can't take them out in public and gets stressed really easily.

should have thought about that before you started screwing a married man! like cold said...no one wins in this situation and the two i also feel for are the child and the wife. As far you and the father, you deserve every ounce of criticism that comes your way. You are an adult and once ok you made a mistake...but a year?? Sounds like the fairy tale didnt turn out to be so prince charming like, and has bit you in the ass now huh!
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Sep 19, 2007 @ 10:31 AM Pregnant by a married man.    
RachelVaz


Posts: 882
We all do things we regret in life. I know all about that, for sure. But, a baby is a miracle - no matter how he or she is conceived! For now, get through the pregancy as sanely as you can. Paternal testing is quite risky, so that will have to wait. But, you can enjoy this little miracle growing inside of you. Do your research as far as the father is concerned and be ready but don't let yourself stress over it! It is not worth it! You need all your strength and energy for yourself and this little blessing! Forgive yourself and him and go into things as positively as you can - your child deserves that!
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Sep 19, 2007 @ 9:51 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
suthunsweet


Posts: 222
should have thought about that before you started screwing a married man! like cold said...no one wins in this situation and the two i also feel for are the child and the wife. As far you and the father, you deserve every ounce of criticism that comes your way. You are an adult and once ok you made a mistake...but a year?? Sounds like the fairy tale didnt turn out to be so prince charming like, and has bit you in the ass now huh!

Very well said. You knew the risk and the question is....did you really want to get pregnant....perhaps hoping this would force him to make the choice between you and his wife. Looks bad from here.

None the less, the deed is done and now you must forget yourself and think about this baby who did not ask to come in the world like this but is coming none the less.
The father will have rights once his name is on the birth certificate and paternity established. If he chooses to have his wife watch the child there is NOTHING you can do about it on his time period.
Don't expect her to welcome you into their lives with open arms or your child either. She is the victim here and you can pretty much bet he will tell her, but he won't leave her.
If he is socially prominent or "not the type to do this type of thing" a pregnancy will bring it into the open and if she does file an alienation of affection suit against you things will really blow up. He will want to avoid that.
I have seen this happen....you will be labeled, she will be adored as the victim (no matter what his "reasons" for the affair), and he will be in a bad situation of his own making, but I have seen it happen too many times where he will blame you.
Best thing you can do is go talk to an attorney right away. Protect your child!
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Sep 20, 2007 @ 11:01 AM Pregnant by a married man.    
RachelVaz


Posts: 882
I agree BUT...
you cannot waste too much of your time & energy on him and his wife... what is done is done.. and now you have a precious little miracle growing inside of you! - enjoy and focus mainly on that - not on the father! Be prepared, yes but you cannot beat yourself up over how this baby was conceived. He or she feels what you feel so do your best to concentrate on loving yourself and this baby! I will pray for you because babies are a blessing no matter what!
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Sep 22, 2007 @ 4:30 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
burnslikethesun


Posts: 11,134
aint they
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Sep 23, 2007 @ 7:16 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
KAOS2007


Posts: 5,797
And, if it is his turn to have the child, I don't want his wife watching my child. She has trouble watching the two that she has already and can't take them out in public and gets stressed really easily.
That's rich.

What a mess. Another child being brought into this world because of the careless, self serving actions of a supposed "adult".

You should be seeking legal advice from a legal expert in this area, not on a damn website! Maybe for once? You could put your now unborn child's needs ahead of your own.
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Sep 23, 2007 @ 7:31 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
burnslikethesun


Posts: 11,134
sooo cute when ya turn on your mommy anger...
And shes right
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Sep 23, 2007 @ 9:27 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
imhope


Posts: 80
Everyone makes mistakes, but if you where dating a married man for over a year I kind of think you knew what you where doing & it wouldn't fall into the mistake category. Unfortunately the child is the one who will pay the most at this point.

The laws are different in every state, so you should really speak to an attorney who would know the laws there. In some states his wife could actually take legal action against you since you knew he was married. Also, I believe almost all, if not all states automatically give both parents joint custody of the child & they do DNA testing at the childs birth to prove paternity. While the child is in the custody of the father you cannot stop him from taking the child near his wife(remember she still is his wife & he is living with her) he is allowed to do whatever he wants to with the child as long as it's not endangering the child & you can't stop him. I hate to scare you, but the father also has the right to reguest that the courts give him primary physically custody of the child(perhaps on the grounds that he could provide a better home for the child-he is married & his wife understands about the child & is willing to accept it,he has a home, steady employment, etc.). These are all things you should have thought about BEFORE you slept with a married man, especially if you where having unprotected sex. At this point the best advice i could give you is to speak to an attorney.
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Nov 6, 2007 @ 4:44 PM Pregnant by a married man.    
swingpup


Posts: 3,097
A suggestion....Obtain an attorney now!!! Something to consider and of course your attorney shall discuss this with you, if the married man you've been seeing has the ways as well as the means and the DNA provides conclusive evidence that he is in fact the father, a child custody case maybe in the offing.

An example; Some women that are "in the system" never relinquish the name of the actual father. They may lead DHS or Child Support Recovery and courts in directions where in fact DNA is requested as well as required via court orders per an attempt to establish paternity. This may include men that she has slept with but also men that she is sure is NOT the father. When the DNA test is returned as non conclusive the subject is off the hook per child support.

Why would a few women do this that are on state assistance? To insure they have a "meal ticket." If the biological father is not located then a child custody issue shall never have to be dealt with.

Some know and understand where and when paternity is established and in the event the father is gainfully employed, fully responsible and a good citizen that he may desire to obtain an attorney and file a child custody action.

We have handle cases on both sides such as these through out the years. There is never a true winner only a loser. The loser is unfortunately most always the child.
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Nov 11, 2007 @ 1:19 AM Pregnant by a married man.    
SensualGemini


Posts: 13,986
kaos: What a mess. Another child being brought into this world because of the careless, self serving actions of a supposed "adult".

"Two" of them

.
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Nov 11, 2007 @ 1:56 AM Pregnant by a married man.    
beckyiv42000


Posts: 16,872
he has the rights any father has it's the leg spreading, egg donors that makes it difficult.


as a few have stated already it takes two to tango .... the blame should not be laid solely upon the mother ..

for the OP.. just think of the future of the baby... in YOUR heart you will KNOW what to do ..if you have reservations about his wife caring for the baby .. have it dealt with in the custody or visitation hearings.. good luck

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