| Dec 5, 2007 @ 10:01 AM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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behonestaboutlove
Posts: 384
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My sons dad has been dating a lady since february of this year and she seems nice and all. When I met her I introduced myself and shook her hand.I was pleasant and polite. I got a letter from her yesterday and in it she said my son has been calling her mommy and that herself and my sons dad have not corrected him. He is 4 and may not understand all this stuff. She asked me in the letter if I am o.k. with it and if I am not to let her know and she will understand and that her and my sons daddy will then have my son stop and explain to him that she is not the mommy.
Uhm..no I am not o.k. with it, I am his mommy and no one will ever take that away from me or replace me. I am wondering why since february he has been doing this and she waits until now to inform me of it and ask me if I am o.k. with it. I feel like it may be a little late now to have him stop doing it and I m a little bothered by the fact that he is calling her mommy but what am I to do now? I am all cool with my sons daddy moving on with his life as I am doing with my life and I understand that someday this lady may be his stepmom but I am the birth mother and I raised him for the most part on my own. He loves me and calls me mommy also. I am also wondering if this is messing him up or confusing him. I don't want my son to be messed up psychologically. My two moms?  I know my sons daddy was always kind of prickish with my boyfriends and he would get possesive and controlling of my son around my boyfriends and would keep making sure it was pointed out that HE is the daddy. I never acted the way he is and let someone else say they are my sons daddy but now he is doing same thing to me that he would flip about. something not right here IMO.
advice anyone? suggestions?
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| Dec 7, 2007 @ 11:32 AM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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My boy Boston called another woman mama before he called his own one. This would have rocked me. Tawns is such a good mom in her own good mom kind of way. She was hurt yet bounced back with. Its ok, that just means he loves this other person, as much almost as much as he love his mom. Not really mastering comunications and lables, its easy for a child to call something what its not, yet mean smaething almost like it.
So i guessIm saying that be happy theres another person in this childs life he views with the love he feels from his own mother.
And is that really a bad thing?
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| Dec 9, 2007 @ 2:55 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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McLovin450
Posts: 297
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If I was a kid, I would try calling every hot woman "mommy".....then I would cry for the nipple.
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| Dec 9, 2007 @ 3:01 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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Luisa909
Posts: 1,571
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McLovin !!! 
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| Dec 9, 2007 @ 7:33 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,629
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I am sorry for the rude person that posted. This can be a heart renching thing.
Gosh, he is only four, and I would say because he hears her children call her mom, he is too. Don't put any more into it at his age than that.
He is very young to even know who to call what right now. As he grows, he will then understand that she isn't his mom and he might call her by her name then.
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| Dec 10, 2007 @ 11:48 AM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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McLovin450
Posts: 297
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mommy?
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| Dec 12, 2007 @ 4:40 AM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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missbehavyn
Posts: 45
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He`s 4.... this is the just ONE of the consequences of split parents... at least she had the decency to tell you.. she didn't have to, so instead of hating on her for how long it took her to tell you, perhaps look at the only person in this that matters.. YOUR SON! Shittttt!
You`re worried about confusion... maybe should of thought about that before lying down with the father and making the son who is now a product of a split family.. don't hate the new woman or be pissed about your son calls her...
Truly yes, you are HIS MOM, make sure he knows that in all YOU DO..
*ugh* why do people ask these kinda questions on the www*
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| Dec 13, 2007 @ 5:11 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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gypsy29
Posts: 146
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Four year olds do this. The person with daddy must be mommy. If it bothers you, then have them make a different title for her or just call her by her name. It is usually a matter of simplicity not that you are being replaced. I would take as she is a nice lady and it is easy. BUT if it were me, i'd have a little fit. Not a big fit, just a little one. Ask her how she would feel if her children called you mommy. That may change things.
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| Dec 15, 2007 @ 11:35 AM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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Thats what can happen in divorces......and thats one of the reasons I didnt date for so many years......too many people coming in and out of the parents lives and the kids getting confused. People its ok to be alone and raise your kids...try it...the strength you find inside yourself will only make you a better person..
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| Dec 16, 2007 @ 7:50 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,909
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Well said painter  I was the same way while there mother has been married twice since our divorce.My three step-daughters would ocasionally call me dad but I corrected them because I'm only Jon to them,not there father.
There step-mother should also correct your son regardless of his age.How can you teach honesty and truth if that isnt done?
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| Dec 23, 2007 @ 9:45 AM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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I agree with Jankia.
My boys called their stepmom by her name.
Of course, they claimed to not like her, so I don't know if emotions come into play.
But there is only one Mom and one Dad. JMHO
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| Dec 23, 2007 @ 2:17 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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I don't have kids, but here's my 2 cents anyways..... Mom and Dad decide to split, for whatever reason....... His life has been torn apart, and will never........... NEVER be the same again.... So he is forced to " deal " with the situation the best way he can...
If he feels comfortable calling her mommy, isn't that the most thing here? I may be wrong, god knows it's not the first of last time, but if he didn't like her, for whatever reason..... He would not feel comfortable calling her that..
So what if he has two mommy's, I'm very sure some 4 year old somewhere wishes he had one woman to love him enough to call her mommy....
These things work themselves out...... let him deal with it the only way he can figure out by himself.
Many times I feel sad I never had a child, but reading things like this, and being a day or two away from Christmas, I am very thankful I never married the wrong woman and/or had a child with them.. The last thing a child needs is to hear his parents arguing, or giving guilt trips about who gets the child for the holidays.
It is not the name they call you, it is the love in their heart that truly matters.
I suggest you put your ego aside, and have both parents do whatever they can to do what is best for the child.... For you are not only shaping the mind of this child, but also his heart...and his soul... He has nothing what so ever to rely on to try to understand such an adult problem, and we are robbing the children of the world of their childhood, by trying..... or expecting them too...
You show him love, and he shows it back... Isn't that enough? Cause it should be.
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| Dec 24, 2007 @ 8:40 AM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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You always make good sense, Blu.
But here's the only thing that would sit in my mind...
Was the new wife introduced as "Mary, for example" or "your new Mommy"?
If, over time, a small child just started calling another woman mommy, that would be their feelings. But if the "title" was put on them by an ex, that would not be right. JMHO
And yes, kids unfortunately have to hear too much heated discussion. (But they surely would even if parents stayed together!) It's more HOW you argue.
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| Dec 24, 2007 @ 12:24 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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I dated a woman many years ago, her daughter was 7, the little girl adored me. Not as her moms boyfriend, but just me being me. When marriage was discussed the mother told her daughter she would have 2 dads..... Freaked the poor girl out, and our relationship was never the same... What mom did was absolutely wrong..( We can call that clue number 1 as to why I never married her. ) So, I do understand your point Loreli..... I took the only info provided, My sons dad has been dating a lady since february of this year she said my son has been calling her mommy
I assumed a young boy was trying make things as normal as possible. But I do understand the outside influences. I also took into consideration this has been going on for 10-11 months. So, it was not showing any adverse effects on the actual mother/son relationship...
I think we all get a feeling on the details that are not there. I personally feel more sympathy for the child, than the mother who got her feelings hurt. I'm just being honest, and I apologize if these words cause any additional hurt. This is JMHO, well maybe not so humble.
I see this child spending the rest of his life without his parents being together, he will grow out of the mommy stage in a handful of years. As he grows up he will have more life experiences to help him put the facts straight, for now, if it brings him any comfort, and makes his life feel a little more normal.... Just let it go. For his sake........ It appears by bringing this up, it could force him to decide who he loves more.... One of those things you just feel, not anything a 4 year old should have to decide. It would not only the change feelings of the adults involved, but how they treat him after his answer, at that will last for years.
As a side note, the 7 year old little girl got married at 27 a few years ago.... I was invited to the wedding..... After not seeing this little girl for 20 years, she was able to look past her mothers crap, and remembered our friendship.. So, kids figure things out.... It's just the parents crap/issues that makes it take longer than it should.... Dancing with her and talking about her jumping rope in my kitchen and me taking the training wheels off her bike, meant much more to her than what name she was supposed to call me 20 years ago.
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| Dec 24, 2007 @ 12:52 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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That's a sweet story, Blu...i bet she adored you for her reasons. You can't MAke someone love you...sometimes it just happens.
I bet it did for her with you. 
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| Dec 24, 2007 @ 12:53 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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Kids dont understand the impact of what they are calling the adult figures in their lives.....All they want is to feel safe......
My ex got remarried 8 years ago.....and my first thought was....what if they call her mom, what if they like her more......it was scary..but, I knew that I loved them with all my heart and just wanted them happy...and if they wanted to call her mom then thats how it would be..all I could do was love them and things would turn out as they should. I knew it was my ego that would of been bruised, and I needed to get past that...
.My sons have a good relationship with their stepmom....its a friendly one, but they didnt see her or their dad much....so the calling her mom never did happen.
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| Feb 17 @ 12:35 AM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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justme123
Posts: 71
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my son calls me momma-quila and my mom momma-nana because we are both raising him and he hears me call her mom and nana kids name others by what they hear them being called...as long as he knows you are his mommie why does it matter what he labels anybody else as all the rest will come and go but you are that childs world the only way for him to know is to test the waters keep it in mind and don't let your feathers get ruffled to much
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| Jun 14 @ 12:05 AM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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angel2
Posts: 12
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i can relate..i have been div from kids dad for 7 yrs now.i have a 10 and 7 yr old..the stepmom makes me call her momma april and if they do not,they get into trouble.it really upsets me..my kids has one mommy which is me and has one daddy witch the wife is married too.how dare her makwe my kids call her momma.i told my kids to call her april.i am gonna have a long talk to the father and tell him that his wife isnt welcome at my house and have a long talk with him..kids hates going to dad's cause of her and their 1/2 brother who is 9 mo younger than my son.
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| Jun 14 @ 2:33 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Angel,
you may want to talk to a child counselor.....for them to start something you didn't approve of was not fair. So now, make sure the children are comfortable with what happens.
Good luck!
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| Jun 16 @ 1:42 PM |
My son calls another woman mommy =\ |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Being in a relationship with a man with kids can be hard..I know I had odd feelings when me and Mac started dating.. I felt like I was intruding on a family ..albeit a divorced one... .I was stepping into a role of the Alpha female in the family.. now being a single mom for most of my kids lives being the Alpha female was already there ...heck so was being the alpha male haha ..but to enter anothers family circle and assume that role is tough.. Not too long after we started dating one of his boys asked if they would have to call me mom.. I was floored.. I never expected that for sure.. and he was watching my reaction when he told me.. yes I was taken aback.. and my feelings were mixed.. did I want them to call me that?? In one way yeah.. because I have come to love them ...but in another no because to me that would take away from their birth mom.. Even tho he has raised them by himself for going on 9 years now... she IS their mother...I feel there can be a variety of names we call those we love.. it still niggles at my upbringing to call his mom by her first name or his dad by his first name... I was raised until you are married they are still Mrs____ and Mr.___ then after you can call them Mom and Dad or something similar ... As I was growing up I had a few other women in my life that we like mothers to me.. but I had always called my mother Mom or Mommy so the other women I would call Ma.. Another thing that can make a big difference is how much TIME this other woman invests in the child...AND how she treats the child..(and the same for if it was a man) I know some mothers who have basically bailed on the kids ..(dads too  ) not taking any time to visit with them or help raise them and that still expect to be considered their mommy and or daddy ..and when the stepmom or dad is doing all the things the mother or father should be doing they get upset about it... (now Im talking about those who HAVE the ability to do the things a mom/dad should do but dont) to me those women/men should be grateful that SOMEONE has stepped in to take care of their children and not be petty about what the kids call them.. and if it bothers them ...to step up and earn back the name that is what a child gives to someone who is taking care of them...Now if a child is being FORCED to call a step parent by Mommy or Daddy that in itself is wrong.. a similar name can be used . not the one that the birth parents should be called ... this of course as always is JMHO...
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