| Dec 29, 2007 @ 2:55 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 535
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The tide is turning on parents who think it's acceptable to host gatherings where alcohol and heaven forbid, drugs are served up to their underage kids and underage friends. In a community near me (Chaska, MN) a city law has been passed making parents liable for hosting minors. Other communities and counties are also looking at such laws to curb the notion that's it's "ok to let your kids and their friends indulge in such behaviors even under the watchful eyes of parents."
If this thread gets any interest, I'll run down some specifics on the consequences to parents for violating these laws. Also, how do you feel about parental rights superceeding such laws? Is it morally right to tell our kids it's alright to overlook what society has layed down for us?
[Edited on 12/29/2007 3:07 PM]
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 3:45 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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Sweetheart83446
Posts: 6,434
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Supervised or not, minors should not be allowed to drink.
Usually, when minors drink, they drink not for the enjoyment of the beverage, but for the sole fact of getting drunk. They will carelessly drink and drink, not worrying about the consequences and repercussions of their drunken acts.
Many will die from alcohol poisoning, many will die in car accidents, and many will take the innocent lives of others because they felt they were under control.
Parents who host these little parties should be held responsible and charged in an appropriate manner for these minors drinking. And parents, who would allow this, in my opinion, should not be allowed to be parents at all.
Many minors will experiment with alcohol, drugs and sex, this is unavoidable. But, a parent should do everything in their power to prevent this.
I would rather be the boring mom who plays board games and rents movies for her kids sleepover, then the cool and awesome mom who provides alcohol and drugs allowing these kids to potentially ruin their lives, if not end them totally.
[Edited on 12/29/2007 3:49 PM]
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 3:49 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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KAOS2007
Posts: 5,082
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  Lober
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 3:50 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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Sweetheart83446
Posts: 6,434
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Lober....  
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 3:50 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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KAOS2007
Posts: 5,082
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 4:04 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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blueyes101
Posts: 7,912
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Excellent point Sweetheart.... I totally understand why they have laws against minors drinking, but one thought always comes to mind. If I was a parent, I would rather have a few social beers with my teen, under my direct supervision, and controlled moderation, than to wait until they are out of my sight, and " hope " everything turns OK.
Now, I know this is not a very PC thing to do.... ( I have never been and will never be PC ) But, we send our kids to drivers training, why? well to assist them in knowing what and what not to do, a chance to " practice " while under adult supervision.... I realize this is not the exact same thing, I was just giving an example..... Keeping your older teenager under a fairly strict set of rules, is always a good idea, but suddenly they go off to college, or simply move out with friends and suddenly they are trying to be an adult, with a check book, ATM card, and bars and parties.
All I'm saying, is I would rather sit around a camp fire with my ( late teen ) child and share a beer or two, then tell them they have to wait until they are 21, and " suddenly " they are able to drink responsibly.
Having a beer with dad, is how they should learn how to control their alcohol, not winding up at a kegger, and afraid to call dad for fear of.............well.... we have all been there. Disappointment is a good word for for it.
Allowing my own child is one thing, but going behind another parents back and allowing their friends to drink, or purchasing it for them, is crossing the line.
Hey KAOS, 
[Edited on 12/29/2007 4:04 PM]
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 4:04 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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oceanlover734
Posts: 171
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I agree that parents allowing children to drink is wrong. Teenagers as Sweetheart stated are out to get drunk and have no real concept of their possible actions. I also am sure that some parents are hosting such parties without the consent of all the parents of the children. I would be beyond pissed off at someone doing this.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 4:23 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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Sweetheart83446
Posts: 6,434
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I would rather sit around a camp fire with my ( late teen ) child and share a beer or two, then tell them they have to wait until they are 21, and " suddenly " they are able to drink responsibly.
My dad always told me: “if you want to drink or try drugs, tell me and you can do it at home where it is safe and I know no one will get hurt.”
Well, from experience, once a minor gets that experience under their belt, they feel they can handle it and end up doing it out with their friends. I did. Weekends were nothing but underage drinking, devilish acts of drunken sex and the all too common drugs to go around.
Once you open that door, it is not going to close. Heck, look at myspace, it’s filled with high schoolers pictures of their underage drinking. Tons of them.
But, then again, it’s the “cool thing to do.” Especially when you live in Nowhereville and there is noting to do but get drunk around a bon fire while your parents think you are at a church sleepover.
It’s every parents choice. And it rests on every parenst head at night weather or not their child is coming home in one piece or with a toe tag.
Many of these underage drinkers have children. Yes, its common for 18- 19 yr olds to have kids, well, many of these minors children are becoming mother and fatherless because the parents were provided with alcohol from and adult who was legally allowed to buy it.
If someone can not make the right decision on safely drinking, they should not be allowed to do it. Most underage drinkers, like I said before, drink, get in their car, and then go kill themselves and others on the way home.
It’s not worth it. Alcohol ruins the lives of millions of people every year and it’s pointless. It pisses me off.
My fiver year old son use to tell people, “When I grow up, I want to have a mustache and drink beer like grandpa.” FIVE YEARS OLD!!! Something is wrong there. So, my mother and I informed him beer is a bad thing, not a good thing. He no longer wants to drink like grandpa when he gets older.
Hugs blue and ocean.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 4:48 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 7,946
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theres a huge difference.
My son gets older sure at home is where i want the learning experience to come from. Yet I would be absoulutly on the hunt for whoever else provided it to my son.
Nor would i ever sponsor a party at my house where other peoples children are ya know drinking. i would let anyone take responsiblity for my son and his action. nor will i contribute to those of someone elses child.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 4:53 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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blueyes101
Posts: 7,912
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It is a delicate balance, I agree. I realize our laws were written for our protection, but if you look at the whole picture, all things together do not make sense. You can drive at 16. you become an adult at 18. You can be drafted, or join the armed services and give your life for your country. You are physically able to produce a child at 10-13. And just because you turn 21, does not make the dangers of alcohol any less dangerous.
Knowing your limitations, how you act, are all things every single person must eventually find out.... For some, age does not suddenly make people more responsible... And neither does experience, but I guess they have to start somewhere.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 5:06 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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Sweetheart83446
Posts: 6,434
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I guess I just see things from a different perspective and I am a bit more sensitive about it knowing several people who have taken their lives or have had their lives taken from underage drinking. I have seen a child become motherless because of underage drinking, one was enough to make my mind up. When you see a three year old walk into to his home that is being packed up and say, “momma?” And then see the look in his eyes when he realized she isn’t coming home and this is no longer his home. When you go to that girls funeral and see her face stitched, bruised and her lips half gone, because the parents wanted to make a point on underage drinking, you learn to have zero tolerance for underage drinking.
But, like I said, it’s a free country and we are all allowed to make our own choices that are none of anyone’s business as long as they are in the home. I have no right to judge anyone for what they allow their children to do. Personally, I would rather teach my son that drinking underage is wrong, as is drinking as an adult irresponsibly.
But, I am one of those people who would rather take the hard way out and teach about it, rather than say, “here is a beer son, have at it, your at home anyway, nothing can happen to you.” Yea, nothing will happen until he goes out with his friends and remembers how safe and cool it was drinking at home, nothing will happen until he doesn’t want his parents to find out he was drinking with friends and trys to hide it, possible making the biggest mistake of his life.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 5:47 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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KAOS2007
Posts: 5,082
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My parents let us have the occasional drink at home... but then again, I had/have extraordinary parents so I guess it's a moot point coming from me.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 5:51 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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blueyes101
Posts: 7,912
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I'm sorry you went through all that. I understand how difficult it must be to ignore something that had such an impact on your life.
I guess I am more of a realist. If that mothers life was taken by a simple auto accident, cancer ( anything other than drinking ) would the effect on the child be much different? I'm sorry, I mean NO disrespect what so ever.... I do realize that drinking can cause lots of pain to not only those who drink, but also others as well.... But I also know that just because you drink, doesn't mean you are going to be a statistic, and learning some common sense about alcohol will go a long way to help prevent such things from happening.
If you or anyone has given up drinking, it is usually because something happen to change your mind, not simply because your parent told you it was bad, or bad for you. If that was the case, very, very few people would drink. At some point in your life you will be offered alcohol, at some point 99% of us will experiment with it. How old you are, and what you learn from these experiences will have an impact on your views of alcohol.
And sweetheart, if you can convey your thoughts fears, and feelings enough to your children to help them not be a statistic, than that is the most important thing.
Hugs right back atcha.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 6:29 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 535
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After several attempts to write a story, my mobile device keeps timing out. OK, short and sweet in two parts. The biggest problem for me sitting down with my 12 y/o daughter in a few years, for a few beers; I'd likely be arm wrestling her for that last beer in the 6 pak. I can't break an 8 year tradition of my not drinking to provide home schooling on the subject. Part 2 in next post. Field Training.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 7:09 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 535
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On a long drive with my daughter two weeks ago, we came upon a car flipped over in the ditch. Being the first on the scene, I told my daughter to look for a blanket or towels in the back of my vehicle. After calling 911, I made my way down into the steep ditch to check on the occupants. Inside the over turned vehicle I found the driver, male -mid 50's laying on the hood liner, stirring, breathing laboredly.
I called my daughter down to help. The smell of boozey breath and urine was evident, as well as dripping gasoline. Keeping my kid a safe distance away, I got the driver's door open and got the man out. We layed the blanket out on the snow covered ground and helped the man to lay down on it.
The man was having great difficulty breathing (broken ribs) The next to arrive on the scene was the state trooper who had oxygen, thank God. The trooper reached into the man's coat pocket, I presume to look for wallet /ID, and instead pulled out shattered remnants of a pint vodka bottle
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 7:33 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 535
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OK. part 3 The trooper took our statement after the ambulance left the scene with the man. The trooper finished up by looking at my daughter and saying, "You may have a future in EMT work and/or ER Medicine." "I have NO doubt you would have known when to start CPR and done it in text book fashion." "Did you see what I pulled from that man's coat pocket?" My daughter nodded. The trooper finished by saying. "Then I know you will carry this day into a bright future."
There is no way I could have given this experience on the opposite side of a shot glass.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 7:54 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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BandTMom
Posts: 24,988
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Unfortunately an aspect of teen-agers growth and development is the belief that they are invincible.
"It won't happen to me", "Nothing can hurt me", etc, are not only statements,from our young people, but true beliefs they have as they pass through this stage of growth and development. And you can educate all you want, but it isn't going to change things when they are teen-agers.
Educate early and hopefully some of this will carry over to their teen years.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 8:20 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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blueyes101
Posts: 7,912
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Excellent story BW,  ( I love learning lessons ) but I have to ask, if we look 5, 10, 20 years in her future, will the lesson be never drink alcohol ever, or do not drink and drive? Will she never ever touch alcohol to her lips?
How about showing a corps that dropped from 10,000 ft before you go skydiving.
Go to a morgue and see a car accident victim ( no drinking involved ).
Show the body of an electrocuted man before playing golf. ( never really know lightning may strike ).
Meet a paraplegic who broke their neck/back riding a skate board, a bike, roller blades, slipped in the shower....
I guess my point is, If you create enough fear, some will not experiment. But some will. And simply blowing out 21 candles does not make one ready, or should I say a more capable/responsible drinker.
Lessons are taught many ways... You can read a book on how to drive a car, you can read 1000 books, but until you have actual seat time behind the wheel, simply being over the age of 16 does not make you a safe driver.
How many people do you know who have never burned themselves? Everybody knows you should not touch anything hot, but we still do, and each time we do we learn from it. But some learn faster than others. And simply saying, don't touch that it's hot, doesn't always work. But I will add, it sure saves a lot of pain when they listen.
BW I hope your daughter always remembers that lesson.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 8:24 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you.
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gypsy29
Posts: 99
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my brother is a bartender and has dealt with under age drinkers in his time. I am pretty sure he would kill any one who gave my kid booze.
Fortunately she isn't interested in anything stronger than a 5 dollar cup of fancy schmancy coffee.
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| Dec 29, 2007 @ 9:06 PM |
Parental Hosting Laws, Coming to a neighborhood near you. |
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 535
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Very good point, Blueyes. I agree. Fling out the guidence and wisdom and hope that it sticks. Every individual has thier own learning curve, and some never learn or learn too late. unfortunatly. Now, a link to the Social Hosting Ordinance as passed by the City of Chaska. I must retract my statement saying that the law applies to parents and their own minor children at home. But if interested, note how the law throws a large net over the issue. statutorally. http://www.startribune.com/local/west/11545066.html Thank you all for your input. We earned a red hot pepper (maybe by virtue of my 3 post filibuster) sorry bout that
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