| Mar 19 @ 2:24 AM |
New mom
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tash054
Posts: 14
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I've recently become a new mommy and although I'm completely loving it, the more I read about different techniques and parenting styles the more I realize there are tons of different view points such as Dr. Sears, Spock, Karp, etc. Do you recommend any good books of a parenting style that you hold firm to or that you feel worked best for you?
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| Mar 19 @ 3:09 PM |
New mom |
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painter007
Posts: 14,967
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I read all sorts of books but what I came down to realize is...kids need love, and rules. And if they mess up, tell them it is their behavior that is wrong not them....This is what I tried to follow and I have to say my sons are 17 and 19. and have never given me any trouble...and I have been a single parent for 14 years. I also knew I would mess up and when I did I told them sorry. Good luck, its is gonna be a wild and fun ride.
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| Mar 19 @ 7:50 PM |
New mom
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SensualGemini
Posts: 3,052
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...Congratulations on the new daughter!
...Like Painter, I have raised four sons totally alone for the past 16 years or so. Having read several books on parenting, beginning some 30 years ago, they do seem to vary quite a bit; just as children, just as adults do... thus, there is no one set of standards that fit all children, but rather basics for all.
...For the most part, it is all about teaching and raising them to develop to their fullest potential and becoming an asset to society... they all grow up to be adults and that begins with respect for themselves and for you as the parent.
...For you, that does begin with consistent boundaries and yes has to always be yes and no has to always be no, as kids can spot a fake... a mile away. Lack of, does not mean they will not love you, which is a normal instinct, but rather they will not respect you, which takes consistent effort from day one; not suddenly when they are 15.
...Discipline varies by the child, whereas one can be shamed and another knows nothing but a swat on the butt. Two of mine would go to tears if shamed and the other two, I could talk until I was blue in the face and they could care less.
...Counting to three or God forbid, to 10, allows the child to wait until about 9 3/4 before they decide what they will do and that is not parenting and quite annoying to everyone else. What you see at 4 years old in a child, is exactly what you will see at 14, but in a larger body.
...At this very moment, that baby's mind is almost empty, not cluttered with the day to day issues of adults. In a way, they are smarter than most adults and quickly learn to process logic that obtains what they want, rather than what they actually need... and it never stops!
...You are the parent and you set the boundaries for certain behaviors, but encourage other behaviors to flourish. They are always beautiful, bright, intelligent and can do anything they will apply themselves to and do need to be tested in a variety of ways to build that self confidence in a loving and kind way.
...Don't try to live what you wanted your life to be as a child, through your own children, as they are not you. As a parent, we open "doors" for them to view for themselves, encourage the well rounded basic education which includes the arts, music, sports, dancing, etc. We teach them by example of integrity, morals, ethics, etc.
...You are the Mother, the example of what she should be when she grows up. The influential male in her life, will at least be the partial example of what she subliminally searches for in a future husband; so tell your husband this.
...You have a daughter and like a son, I would most definitely encourage her to obtain all the education she can, which includes college. I know, it seems a long way down the road, but it really is not and start planning today. No matter what, she will then be able to support herself and any potential children... and never have to stay in a abusive relationship or marriage for the financial security of it.
...As you go through this process as a participating parent, you will also learn more and surprised at how much you actually have forgotten; you will make mistakes and don't be afraid to say "I am sorry."
...And always remember, the world does not love our children as we do and it is our responsibility as a parent to protect them. I know this will sound mean, but as far as I am concerned and until I believe differently, everyone is a potential pedophile.
Good luck! ... but it will require more than just a wish.
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| Mar 20 @ 12:32 AM |
New mom |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 7,946
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Pagan Parenting. Cant remember by who.
Weird as it sounds. This book has helped with alot of break threws with my Autistic son.
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| Mar 24 @ 8:38 PM |
New mom
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gypsy29
Posts: 99
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The best advice I ever got was from my pediatrition.
"a crying baby is a breathing baby"
It saved my sanity!
Seriously, read all the books, get the advice, listen to all the moms/dads, and then take what makes sense to you and toss the rest!
Congrats and good luck
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| Mar 27 @ 3:48 PM |
New mom |
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Amber4U912
Posts: 33
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I, too, am a new mom and it a life changing experience. With my daughter being my first child I was bombarded with advice and rules and the way top parent. I felt very overwhelmed. The advice was appreciated and the books allowed for helpful insight, but you should just trust your instincts. I was often given advice that I didnt take and Everyone told me that I was doing it wrong but I hve a very happy and healthy 9 month old daughter. I must have done something right. I guess the best advice I can give would be to read books and collect information and use your best judgement on what you think is right for you and your baby and above trust your motherly instincts. They have brought me a very long way in such a short period of time. I hope this helps
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| Apr 26 @ 10:23 PM |
New mom
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whatagal
Posts: 723
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Reading how to parent is like reading how to ride a bike. It's the experience that comes with the learning. It's a process.
Just remember...
Love your child and enjoy every moment when they are tiny. That time passes so quickly.
Set definite boundaries for your child. Have a routine for them...especially a definite bedtime and bedtime ritual.
Discipline and punishment are different...never punish in anger!
Be watchful of what you say.
Be attentive to them as a person but always remember you are NOT their friend, you are their PARENT!
Learn to count to ten...more than once.
Give compliments sparingly.
The best gift you can give your child is by being a happy person. 
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| Apr 30 @ 3:04 AM |
New mom |
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SunBabe
Posts: 11,767
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Just remember... Love your child and enjoy every moment when they are tiny. That time passes so quickly. Set definite boundaries for your child. Have a routine for them...especially a definite bedtime and bedtime ritual. Discipline and punishment are different...never punish in anger! Be watchful of what you say. Be attentive to them as a person but always remember you are NOT their friend, you are their PARENT! Learn to count to ten...more than once. Give compliments sparingly. [ie: When they're deserved, not just to make them feel good all the time...because kids hold it against you, eventually, if they feel they've been lied to or can have trouble when they find out real life isn't always so nice.  ] The best gift you can give your child is by being a happy person.
EXCELLENT advice! (And remember to keep your sense of humor )
Here's a site with some very useful do's and don'ts......
Babyinstructions 
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| Apr 30 @ 4:02 AM |
New mom
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alivealiveoh
Posts: 12
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congrats tash. there is no definitive way to raise a child, just do what your heart tells you to (unless it tells you bad things).
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| Apr 30 @ 10:52 PM |
New mom |
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painter007
Posts: 14,967
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A child starts as a clean slate.......and the thing they need the most is a loving forgiving heart...that guides them gently but firmly.......They watch how we treat other people...they see everything and mimic and learn....Just by asking questions...shows you are on the right path. good luck...and give lots and lots of kisses and I love you's
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| May 8 @ 8:35 PM |
New mom
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Angel178
Posts: 21,508
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Tash....I was looking for a place to post this....thought you would appreciate it.....
5 min ago, I walked into the livingroom and all was quiet.....
My 3 children popped out of a box that they had decorated and yelled "Happy Mother's Day"!!!!!
They said that they knew it was early but they wanted to suprise me.... 
No matter what goes on in the day to day stuff.. little things make it all worth it...
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| May 9 @ 1:57 AM |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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When they get to be too much - there's a little vein above their temple that - if you press on it for a few seconds - makes them fall right to sleep.  
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| May 9 @ 8:03 AM |
New mom
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Angel178
Posts: 21,508
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Does that really work?
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| May 9 @ 10:02 AM |
New mom |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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It's what my mom used on me... and I don't have any problems do I?     
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| May 9 @ 8:05 PM |
New mom
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Angel178
Posts: 21,508
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no.....not at all
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| May 23 @ 10:44 PM |
New mom |
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lilred2004
Posts: 3
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Gonna have to keep that advice in mind as my son seems to cry the second I put him down. It is sooo hard not to rush right over to pick him up. Ughhhh being a totally single mom is harder than I thought it would be as well. Have 2 ther sons and their dad wasnt home much but at least I had some help....
Keep ur head up New Mom you will figure it all out
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| May 24 @ 9:30 AM |
New mom
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 7,946
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My sisters a new mom. Wont let the kid crawl anywhere, and still up in the middle of the night when the child calls. Hes almost nine months. I asked my bro in law how he does it. He stated, as soon as she leaves. lol. He by the way aint a new parent.
can ya tell.
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| May 26 @ 4:04 PM |
New mom |
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MisterMatt
Posts: 38
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Wouldn't it be nice if babies came with their own "How to" book. LOL
I couldn't imagine raising a baby alone. But after four kids, it seems doable. Baby swings saved my life (and sanity) more times than I can count. Also, gentle music helps a lot. Nothing harsh or loud. Also a ticking clock helps.
Take a deep breath and never forget that babies are little people. Miniature adults in training.
I found books to be nearly useless. Except for areas of nutrition and health.
I suppose I would face this challenge much like I have raising my own children alone. Enlist as much help from my mom as possible.
Trust your instincts. Never react out of anger and approach everything with love.
Take heart, newborns do grow up. But after raising teenagers, I would rather they were still newborns. LOL
Enjoy the moment, they grow up way to fast.
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