| Mar 29 @ 7:46 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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Amber4U912
Posts: 33
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I have a delima. I am getting married next summer and my fiance' would like to adopt my daughter from a previous relationship. We got an attorney and was told that the father would have to relinquish his parental rights before my fiance' would be able to adopt. My daughter's biological father has only seen her 3 times in her life. We were not married at the time of her birth and he is not on the birth certificate. He has no rights to her at all. I do not recieve any type of support from him and I havent heard from him since January. My ex refuses to give up his parental responsibilities, but also refuses to see her. When we explained all of this to the judge in court, the judge still sided with my ex. My lawyer informed me that there is nothing more we can do. I have a wonderful fiance' that treats my daughter has his own and wants her to be his own. I dont think its fair that just because my ex is jealous and wont cooperate, we all have to suffer. I live in Georgia and i was wondering if anyone in Georgia has had the same problem. I would also like to hear from anyone who has had this problem...anything that will help.
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| Mar 29 @ 8:02 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 8,174
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I am an adoptive parent and there is not a darn thing you can do. You cannot force the man to be a father, and you cannot take his rights away. If you REALLY want to push the issue. File for child support and insurance rights for the child. If he balks at paying them, he may then just be willing to terminate. But I would assume that you have done that already in the best interests of the child.
When and if he does not comply...you can have a bench warrent posted on him. So...if he gets caught for speeding, he is sent to jail until he complies. But before you go those harsh routes, be sure that it will benifit both you, your child and the birth father.
But I would like to say this...you do NOT have to be a signiture on a document to love a child and be a parental figure. Let go of control and let this new man love your child. My daughter went through a phase of calling my brother-in-law daddy. He is NOT her daddy, but he was and is a wonderful male role model for her.
I do not think it is wise to EVER have had any participation in seperating a father and child. It IS as sacred as a mother and child's relationship. Live your life and be happy. And be gratful that love has given you a second chance. 
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| Mar 29 @ 8:13 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 5,802
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damn..I am impressed....excellent answer CW... a writer..a poet and a smart woman.... 
 ( and only been kissed too...  )
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| Mar 29 @ 8:26 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 3,052
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He has no rights to her at all.
...Apparently, he has rights... As with a lot of these questions, there are several dynamics to be considered; there is always more to the story. As often as not, it is the Mother that makes it difficult for the biological Father to see their child/children.
...Nevertheless, as CW mentioned, file for child support and on more than one occasion, they are happy to give up their parental rights to not have to pay. If he then refuses to relenquish parental rights, I would say he wants to be in her life and he has every right to be so... and as her Father, he should be encouraged to do so.
...Note, that from Federal ruling, child visitation and child support are two different entities.
Child Support ... Georgia
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| Mar 29 @ 8:39 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 8,174
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Absolutly!!!
May I go one step further here?
I feel that the mother (or custodial parent) has an enormous responsability to encourage the relationship betweent the child and non-custodial parent. I think you may find that he could be quite a good father if given ample opportunity to spend time with his child. (I am not taking sides here....just working with the info given)
My ex is a wonderful father. BUT, I gave him every opportunity to be one. I could have made things very difficult for him. How far are you willing to lower your pride to be a good parent?
I....
Gave up child support so that he would have the extra time and money to be with her. And this also allowed him to pay for great health and dental insurance for her. This also enabled them to go on a great many camping trips, and vacations together. He could afford to make her her own bedroom, bicycle at his house, basktball hoop, ect.
In exchange I got a daddy for her that will purchase her a fab winter coat. Goes out of his way to attend her games. Takes an interest in her grades and co-parents with me when there are problems.
I also invite him to my home once a month for dinner. Or....we three will meet up for a movie. She gets to see her parents laugh together. Talk about her life issues with her. And gives her the freedom to be a KID and not ever have to play referee between her parents.
I do these things for HER.
It would be much easier to not have that man in my life. But after a few years of hard work and shutting my damn mouth, that man came through. He is a very good daddy.
And one last thing. EVERY girl deserves to see her father as something good and a form of protection. She will base every future relationship with men on this one man. Make sure that you have provided her with every opportunity for this strong male figure in her life.
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| Mar 29 @ 9:57 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 3,052
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...Absolutely nothing can compare to the words of wisdom derived from experience!
...Without a doubt, CW just extended one of the most thought provoking concepts that all divorced parents should be reasoned with... consistent and selfless acts in the best interest of the child, with examples of success.
That was really good!
...It may not all pertain to you Amber, but some of it certainly does and food for thought.
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| Mar 29 @ 11:32 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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oceanlover734
Posts: 171
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Your advice from CW is the best and I hope you listen. I have custody in Ga of my granddaughter. The state did go after her dad for child support and insurance and I have to say it was the answer. Please understand I had raised her the first 3 years w/o his help or him seeing her other then a couple of times when she was a baby. At age almost 3 the state stepped in for support. I showed up in court in Atlanta much to his surprise and yes I was pissy to him. He said he wanted to be in her life and it made me mad but I stepped back and after being a bitch I said okay. I had conditions that he had to meet and main one was he better not walk out on her again. I asked for him to be consistant in her life. To his credit he jumped through my hoops and for over 6 years now he has done basicly what I asked. Best part is my granddaughter has a dad who she knows loves her. Give your child the gift of giving the dad a chance. I now am trying to allow her mother that same chance though to be honest it is very hard for me to do as she is my daughter and she walked away from this child in a way that hurts me more. Think I'll get CW to help me on that one .
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| Mar 30 @ 1:24 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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Amber4U912
Posts: 33
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I appreciate all of the advice and it was helpful, but maybe I need to clarify some things. The reason her biological father is not a part of her life is because he beat me up and choked me almost to unconscience while I was pregnant. He was in jail for the rest of the pregnancy and just got out in January. I took her to see him while he was in prison and made every effort for them to have a realtionship. While he was in jail he made promises to take care of her and be a good father, but I havent heard from him.
Once again, I really do appreciate the advice. I just wanted to let you guys know the rest of the story.
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| Mar 30 @ 1:36 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,002
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Congradulation on all of your joy. New baby.  New love.  And all happiness.
All you can do. All you should do is ask the father of the child. What happens, what comes from it, is what you put in it. Where you fooled so bad that you made the mistake with this man and had your child? Or can you view that its a wish, hope. The father is right where he belongs. For now. Help is needed. Help will be given. Theres always hope. Yet even prison does not denie a man to still be a father. Youre right. 3 times is definately not enough. But you should understand why he cant. Behind bars makes that hard an all ya know. So I guess another responsiblity for you to chose how to handle. Do you take her more to see him during visitations or less?
How short of a time all of this has happened. And you are already for another relationship? I wish you luck and suport through this time.
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| Mar 30 @ 10:46 PM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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momma24
Posts: 390
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I just had to wonder...what is best for the child. scorn me if you will...and some will, but this child has a loving mother and step-father no matter how you look at it. I don't honestly believe that having the father or mother involved because they are biologically related is a good idea unless they want to be involved. have you ever been forced to do something you didn't want to do? it sucks huh? my point is....once you sue for child support and insurance and all of that...the father will have rights legal rights not just the well he is the father argument that i know i am going to get for saying this. you might just consider leaving well enough alone. you have a loving two parent home...why push a third party into a happy setting? i am not saying to lie to the child about who daddy is...but don't make the child suffer from a parent who doesn't want to be one....ya know? having two loving parents is better than having one come in and out of the child's life....and having the child know...daddy doesn't want to be here. i think that would hurt any child. jmho
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| Mar 30 @ 10:47 PM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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momma24
Posts: 390
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oo i myself am adopted. i am also a single mom. just wishing ya best of luck is all.
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| Mar 30 @ 10:57 PM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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Amber4U912
Posts: 33
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I agree with you momma and thank you for you best wishes. My greatest fear is suing for child support and insurance because then my daughter will have to be legitimated by him which makes him the father in writing and then he can sue for custody. He has been nothing more to her than the sperm that made her. For that I will always be greatful to him because my daughter is my world, but I do not want him to be a part of her life. I tried and gave him plenty of opportunities to be a part of her life and he turned them down. Now that I have moved on, he is jealous. He is not a good role model for my daughter and I dont want her seeing him and he doesnt want to see her. It is a damned if I do, damned if I dont situation.
I know life isnt fair, but I think if my fiance wants to adopt her then I think I should be the one to make that decision, not a person that hasnt been there or even wanted to see her.
I know there are alot of fathers out there and mothers too that have been on the opposite side of my situation and you have actually wanted to be a part of your childs life. In those cases I feel that the biological parent should have a say so in what happens.
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| Mar 30 @ 11:06 PM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,002
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once you sue for child support and insurance and all of that...the father will have rights legal rights not just the well he is the father argument that i know i am going to get for saying this. Spoken like a true baby mama.
Check your law. He has just as much rights to the child as you do. Under law before you sue. Until you have a parenting plan. The father has just as much right to the child as you. Therefore if he wanted to pick the child up from school he could do so and the school by law doesnt and can not stop him. If he wanted to take the child to his church you can not stop him. If he wanted to take the child to a different state. You could not stop him. If he wanted to intoduce every girl he dated to the child as mommy. I guess you couldnt stop him. As he could not stop you. Ya gona need the court to take away rights from the father.
I know life isnt fair, but I think if my fiance wants to adopt her then I think I should be the one to make that decision, not a person that hasnt been there or even wanted to see her.
Ya said it yourself. Life aint fair. And life in this society preclaim that the bio logical parent have more right over their child then even state. What you are purposing would open a whole lot of rights yourself able to lose. And from what I have read. Until you receave proper consuling your choices are more likely then not lead to the wrong ones. Repeated habits, repeated history. Aint my world aint my rules.
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| Mar 31 @ 7:45 PM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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BandTMom
Posts: 25,226
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Before you do anything about child support, etc, get a lawyer. You need to seek legal and physical custody of your child or it will be exactly as Burns said. Child support and visitation is set at the time too.
Good luck, I just went though this last year but it is necessary that you do this or he can take her any time you want.
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| Apr 1 @ 11:20 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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j_goose
Posts: 1,896
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I feel that the mother (or custodial parent) has an enormous responsability to encourage the relationship betweent the child and non-custodial parent. I think you may find that he could be quite a good father if given ample opportunity to spend time with his child. (I am not taking sides here....just working with the info given)
I agree with everything you've said, however, there is a misconseption about "custodial parents".
I have a shared parenting program in place which gives 50% custody to me. "Custodial" (mind you in OH, the guidelines vary county to county) is really for mailing purposes only. During the week, they still get on and off the bus at my house on my days, but school mailings (progress reports, report cards, etc.) are sent to her. (not that she has anyinterest in them at all, but that's another story for another thread)
But in answer to the OP, go for the child cupport. There are many free legal aids in any state, and it's LAW, so fighting a long drawn out court battle isn't in the best interest of the children and the courts usually see that. Either he'll give up his rights to avoid payment, or he'll wake up and want to be a part of his child's life.
I cant understand why anyone would have a kid and not want to have anything to do with them. Kinda makes me a bit ill, really.
To quote a movie....."You need a liscense to fish and to drive a car, but they'll let any asshole be a parent."
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| Apr 3 @ 9:58 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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Loreli
Posts: 18,681
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Lots of very good advice.
Yet, one thing stands out, to me: He went to jail WHILE you were pregnant, and you stated he just got out.
So...it would be kind of hard for him to be there more. 
Still, I would be concerned about his anger issues-those should surely be addressed by the attorney.But if he wants to be part of that child's life, you DID have a relationship with him...he can't be ALL bad, right?
He could have supervised visitations.
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| Apr 4 @ 10:06 PM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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Jankia
Posts: 8,623
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Your fiance doesnt need a court order to adopt your daughter,he only needs to love her.
She will appreciate that more from him then a paper that says shes adopted.
He sounds like a good keeper Amber so he will appreciate that more himself because love is for all of you...family.
As far as to what her last name will be,after you are together as a family for awhile she can legally use both names.Her biological fathers name-her step-fathers name because it will be her mothers as well.
We have a family in our church that does just that.
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| Apr 4 @ 11:23 PM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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Amber4U912
Posts: 33
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My daughter does not have her father's last name...she has mine. Georiga law states that the child must have the mother's last name unless the father is present in the hospital to sign legitimation papers and the birth certificate. I had no choice in the matter, but this is how I wanted it to be. I have sole custody of her so I think she should have my last name.
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| Apr 5 @ 10:02 AM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights
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Jankia
Posts: 8,623
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Well,there you go Amber,she will have your last name as well after your married so other then an official document from the county she will then be your new husbands "adopted" daughter.Whats important is her relationship with the person whose last name she will share,not what the court will or wont let you do.
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| Apr 6 @ 3:53 PM |
Relinquishing Parental Rights |
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painter007
Posts: 15,117
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A child just needs to know they are loved......whoevers name they have. jmo
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