| Dec 26, 2005 @ 11:29 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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t_h_e_b_r_a_t
Posts: 386
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I am soooooooo sick of parents who have nothing but excuses for why their kids act out. "I have to work so I don't have time." "Well my ex...." "But at school..." "Their friends..." Being lazy and just coming up with another excuse instead of actually doing what it takes to deal with them, is why kids are getting as messed up as they are. I am a solo parent, have 2 kids, and neither have ever been any kind of behavioral problem. Even after they got bigger than I was LOL I have proven that everything else, including your job, can come second, and you can still get the bills paid and put food on the table. Sure, I have had to skip some "dream jobs" here and there, because I wouldn't be able to be a parent first. I just assumed that by even having a kid I was making the committment to be their parent.
People please!!!!!!! If you are not going to make the committment to raise your kids, yourself, without EXPECTING the daycares and schools to do it for you, or letting someone else's influence dominate your own, why do you have them?
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| Dec 28, 2005 @ 8:59 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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rickalus
Posts: 86
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Very Well said...I have noticed that way too many(any is too many)parents don't know that your kids come above everything else.Behavioral problems are negligible if you put them first.
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 3:18 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Well said thebrat! I also am sick of seeing these so-called parents letting their children getting away with anything they want, and then making exuses that it is not their fault. I also am a single-dad and live with my daughter, I work full-time, and my daughter is beautifully behaved, I have taught her respect, politeness, good manners, and she knows exactly what I expect of her, and how she should behave and treat others.And she gets rewarded when she is good (which is most of the time and costs me a fortune! lol), and gets consequences when she is bad.
There are NO excuses for the parents that make excuses, unless their child has a disorder that makes him or her that way.
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 8:03 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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Nicely put thebrat.I am a single parent of 2 daughter's and I never have a problem with their behavior. The way they behave is a true reflection of how they are being raised. I to have had to skip a chance for a better job. It is something I never gave a 2nd thought to as "My kid's will alway's come first." My kid's have learned that hard work, honesty, communciation and respect are so important in life. It is up tp us parent's to teach our kid's value's and to respect other. Unfortunately the reality is to many parent's don't see it that way. It is so sad.
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| Jan 1, 2006 @ 11:15 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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Missy_21484
Posts: 31
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Preach it sister!  I totally agree... I had this conversation a few days ago with an individual who was so full of excuses why their youngest acted so obnoxious and got away with everything... "I work fulltime and she doesn't get as much love as my oldest got." Thats crap! I see so many parents with excuses.. its pathetic.
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| Jan 12, 2006 @ 1:04 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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ashieng
Posts: 11
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You are absolutely, positively, 100%....wait a minute...I agree with you mostly.
Yes, people rationalize too much...make too many excuses...however, some people have more control over the education than others.
Take yourself for example. You say you are a solo mom with two kids. You say you don't have problems with their behavior. Good, more power too you.
But how about those of us who have shared custody? It's still no good to make excuses for what our kids are doing wrong, but when my daughter learns some behaviros away from me, and I spend time trying to correct it -- it sometimes feels really unfair.
For example; my daughter is 6. Everyone who meets her oohs and aaahs about how cute she is and how well behaved she is. And for the most part, I agree with them.
Ever since she was very small I have tried to teach her to chew her food with her mouth closed. However, we live in Taiwan where it is normal to talk with your mouth full, to spit out fish bones etc on the table, things like that. My daughter spends a lot of time at her grandmother's, Taiwanese, and she is a major culprit of exhibiting bad table manners.
She treats her grandma rudely as well. I tell my daughter not to talk to her grandma like that. I ask grandma to please call her on it. Instead she says to her "Don't say that when your father is around. He'll get angry."
Once, while she was in kindergarten, when I wanted to correct her for chewing with her mouth open and makin smacking noises, she protested "But Daddy, all the other kids eat the same way.The food tastes better that way." AAAAAYIO!! What can a parent do?
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| Jan 13, 2006 @ 10:03 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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t_h_e_b_r_a_t
Posts: 386
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Keep being a parent. The part about having to correct what she learns from others, is just part of the job. If you don't want her to have these repulsive habits, which is completely understandable. I mean what if goes to a country with more civilized manners? Sorry, but the other parent, their family, the kids' friends and teachers... there will always be someone who teaches your kid things that aren't right. It is your job to undo the damage.
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 7:22 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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CynCity
Posts: 556
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It's still no good to make excuses for what our kids are doing wrong, but when my daughter learns some behaviros away from me, and I spend time trying to correct it -- it sometimes feels really unfair.
Ashieng, it sounds as though you are attempting to do the best you can given the circumstances. No parent is perfect, nor are our circumstances, in cases of divorce. We can only give our children the most love, guidance and encouragement we are capable of in a given time frame. It sounds as if you are attempting that, and I commend you for your efforts. There may be times you have limited control over your child insofar as in-laws and other parents are involved... just remember to use the time you have very wisely and teach to the best of your ability.
Best of luck to you and yours! It sounds as though you are giving your child every opportunity she deserves!
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 9:58 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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Loreli
Posts: 25,418
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One parent alone, and often even two happily married people, cannot do everything by themselves. Parents must be good parents, teachers must be good teachers, and lawmakers SHOULD put education and health of every child equally first.
If somebody is fortunate to have this happen- Please give me references.
Sometimes children have medical issues that cause behavior problems. (documented personal medical history, not excuses) What do you do-haul off and whack them if they are deaf, blind, delayed? Some parents do not have the good fortune of "great jobs" they passed by so they could be a wonderful parent. Sometimes adults have job with tenure and benefits they cannot harm their family that they love by giving that up. Oh-I know! Let's all go on welfare! We can stay home and be responsible entirely for our own kids behavior then!
I really don't understand the real "brats".
I raised two wonderful young men who had to deal with a handicapped sister, and did so with far more grace than people with this attitude will ever have.
doesn't mean my child with medical problems with ever be a perfect angel. But I love her anyway.
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 10:22 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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Bamaboy37
Posts: 12
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Sometimes no matter how much you do it is not enough. I cannot be with my sons 24/7 because I have to work. They are 17 and 14. I really did not have a problem with them until their Mother died of a drug overdose 2 years ago and suddenly they began to act out and get in trouble. They had not been around her in over a year due to her lifestyle, but now they seem to remember her as a saint.
I hate it, but leave it alone since she is deceased. People kept telling me at first that they were acting out of grief, then it was to get attention. This was my own family and close friends.
They began to act out outside of the house and the police became involved....the oldest ran away to go to a party with some bad kids that I had said he could not go to. He just never came home and I finally had to call the police to help me find him. It has gone on from there.
I quit my job and stayed home with them for over 2 months until this week hoping to maybe get things back on track....wrong. The school has called me in twice for them skipping class, smoking in the bathroom, etc, etc.
I am not making excuses because I know I am not a perfect parent and I am raising them completely on my own.
I tell them every morning and every night how much I love them. Maybe I am too hard on them by not letting them go more, but when I have in the past they have gotten into trouble. It's like a two edged sword here.
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 10:29 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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ruready4me2luvu
Posts: 1,737
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Bama you just keep on doing waht your doing. You are the parent, not their friend/buddy. They may hate you now but they will thank you later. It may even take a couple hard knocks with the law and a few street scuffles but they will learn. Good luck and keep us updated. Its not your fault of theirs that mom did what she did and always make them know that too. 
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| Feb 8, 2006 @ 10:08 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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t_h_e_b_r_a_t
Posts: 386
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"One parent alone, and often even two happily married people, cannot do everything by themselves. Parents must be good parents, teachers must be good teachers, and lawmakers SHOULD put education and health of every child equally first.
If somebody is fortunate to have this happen- Please give me references."
To those who believe this, perhaps you should rethink having kids in the first place if you feel you won't truly be able to deal with all of these issues. It IS a part of parenting.
"Sometimes children have medical issues that cause behavior problems. (documented personal medical history, not excuses)
I realize that as my child was born with next to no white blood cells. Constantly sick with one thing or the other until her blood "evened out" when she was about 3. Sure she was crabby and difficult a lot of the time from being so sick and in pain. These kids just deserve a bit more attention and care.
What do you do-haul off and whack them if they are deaf, blind, delayed?
You don't haul off and whack them under any circumstances!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is child abuse.
"Some parents do not have the good fortune of "great jobs" they passed by so they could be a wonderful parent. Sometimes adults have job with tenure and benefits they cannot harm their family that they love by giving that up."
You should have made the decision as to what was more important, your kids or your career BEFORE you had them. Doesn't matter if the job is your dream job, or how much you make, your child should always come before that. Too many people think that a second car or a bigger TV is actually important, and allow that kind of petty greed to be an excuse as to why they have to chase the almighty dollar so much. Just too many ways that creativity can replace cash.
"Oh-I know! Let's all go on welfare! We can stay home and be responsible entirely for our own kids behavior then! "
Sarcastic pop offs like that are the lousy parents' best friend.
"I really don't understand the real "brats".
I raised two wonderful young men who had to deal with a handicapped sister, and did so with far more grace than people with this attitude will ever have."
Which attitude? First you start by making a bunch of excuses about why a parent can't be a parent, then you say that you actually did the job even under your circumstances. I am confused.
"doesn't mean my child with medical problems with ever be a perfect angel. But I love her anyway. "
There is no such thing as perfection, even for those who do think their child is perfect in THEIR eyes. But any and every child deserves love. We OWE it to them for deciding to bring them into this world in the first place. And some of the "special" kids can see the world in ways that others would never imagine. Kind of magical at times.
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| Feb 8, 2006 @ 12:43 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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Bamaboy37
Posts: 12
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Thanks for the encouragement, RU. It was really needed right now. Both boys got busted at school with dope two weeks ago and since they were both already on probation they are probably going to have to go to the rehab program here.
Sometimes I feel like a failure. Their Mother (I use the term loosely) taught them how to roll a joint when they were 9 and under. That is how I was able to get full custody as we were already divorced. She only got limited visitation at first and then none at all as her lifestyle became worse and worse. Now they think of her as a saint and me as the devil. I am trying tough love, but I can't always stick with it.
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| Feb 8, 2006 @ 4:21 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,418
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Some of us take alot of years of a lot of bad and appreciate what good we have, in whatever amount it is bestowed on us. Im sorry about your child brat, but her condition seems to have been far easier to get under control than a lot of other children's issues-and those are the ones i am talking about.I have a good job with good benefits, as most families must have in today's economy BEFORE you start a family, purchase a home, etc. Some of us can do both and put the proper priorities where they belong. Those fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom-hooray for them. I think you need to reread what I wrote-I made no excuses-I gave reasons. I have 18 specialists and a good number of teachers that do not think Im a lousy parent for speaking my mind as I did. You should open up both your heart and mind to other people's situations, instead of being judgemental in general.
Good helath to your child. 
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| Feb 9, 2006 @ 11:13 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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t_h_e_b_r_a_t
Posts: 386
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Loreli - Ok, I went back to your first post.
"One parent alone, ... Please give me references."
I took the time to go to the school, grill the doctors and ask for second opinions, joined the Anti-Bullying Task Force to deal with the violence in schools... Don't EXPECT anyone else to do your job for you.
Already addressed the rest of it as far as I can see.
"but her condition seems to have been far easier to get under control than a lot of other children's issues-and those are the ones i am talking about"
Maybe it sounded easier because I didn't snivel about all the difficulties, like most waste so much time doing. But it was pretty out of line for you to make any kind of assumptions. How could you possibly know anything? Try to imagine what it is like for a child with no white blood cells.
The only valid point I could find in your last post was that people really need to be stable BEFORE they have kids. That I do agree with, but it is not always a choice. What about those who get pregnant due to rape? They didn't ask to get pregnant, and may not be willing to murder their own child just to get out of the responsibility of being a parent. And just being at home doesn' t make you a good or bad parent. Those who lay in front of the couch watching soap operas while their kids run wild don't get any points just for physically being there.
"instead of being judgemental in general." Right back atcha'.
And I sure can't understand where you got that everyone has to go on welfare to be an involved parent. Just plain nuts.
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| Feb 9, 2006 @ 3:25 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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ruready4me2luvu
Posts: 1,737
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Brat this bashing is getting totally rediculous with you. Bama if you need a friend to talk to email me.
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| Feb 9, 2006 @ 6:47 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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Loreli
Posts: 25,418
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On to happier subjects!!!! Good health to all of you and your children!
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| Feb 10, 2006 @ 12:00 AM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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t_h_e_b_r_a_t
Posts: 386
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You call that bashing? 
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| Feb 10, 2006 @ 4:15 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses
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Loreli
Posts: 25,418
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sorry-I couldn't help myself.
Brat- look up Jacobsen Syndrome. My daughter had a 3 month life expectancy, she is 9 years old, because I fight like hell for her life. I don't sit around and complain-I act. I'm on her medical executive board. If her behavior gets a little out of hand, I could care less if it annoys people like you. She will get there some day-but she wouldn't have that chance if the other medical issues hadn't gotten attention first.
For the record, she has vision, hearing, muscle, bone, hip,immune, heart, neurological, learning, platelet and blood problems. Sniveling? I don't start nasty threads insulting others. Speaking for myself- all I did was read your attack and respond. There's a saying-be careful what you ask for-you just might get it.....
My daughter's life has been all about educating the uneducated. I fight with schools, politicians, and doctors everyday. .
When people point out flaws in others-how many fingers point back at them?
Have a great day, and if you want a Sister in child health-you can write nice to me anytime you want!
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| Feb 10, 2006 @ 5:25 PM |
Sick of parents with excuses |
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genalynn
Posts: 121
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LORELI My best to you and your child!!!
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