| May 25 @ 11:13 PM |
children first?
|
|
fromscratch
Posts: 41
|
I have been divorced for a couple years now, my son will be 6 in june. I havn't dated anyone since my ex and i divorced...Part of the reason is that i just havn't been ready and the other is that he ( my son ) is very loving and gets attached quickly....I am so scared of meeting and dating someone then my son will get attached and him getting hurt if the realationship was to fall apart..does this make sense? lol How do i go about not being alone anymore? 
|
|
  |
|
| May 27 @ 3:03 PM |
children first? |
|
tahoma
Posts: 10,305
|
That is a tough one. My only advise is to go on some dates, find a woman that you like spending time with before you bring her to meet your son. Talk with her, make sure that you two really want to be together and find out how she feels about your boy. Children are resilient... don't sweat it too much, have fun out there but be choosy as he**!
(I'm really surprised none of our more sarcastic posters suggested getting a dog)
|
| |
|
| May 27 @ 5:10 PM |
children first?
|
|
DJ1024
Posts: 147
|
just because you're dating someone doesn't mean they get to meet your kids. i don't hide the fact that i have kids, very young kids but i don't introduce my kids to a date. and a relationship would have to be really serious for me to involve him in my kids life for the same reason you said, i don't want my kids to get attached to someone i'm not sure will be in our lives for awhile. so just date & enjoy some adult company but that doesn't mean you have to introduce a date your son.
|
|
| |
|
| May 28 @ 7:19 AM |
children first? |
|
oct_cat
Posts: 418
|
I agree with the previous posters here, (how about a cat instead, Tahoma . . . they have no qualms about letting people know if they like them or not!!).
Spend some time with your date, get to know her, see first if the two of you click. After some time schedule a "date" involving your son . . . maybe the 3 of you going to a zoo, or some place your son would like. See how the interaction is with all 3 of you doing something together. And even tho your son is only 6, kids are usually much smarter than parents give them credit for. If things continue going smoothly, tlak with your son about the woman. Soemtimes you'd be surprised at how a child can give a parent some of the best advice without realizing it!
|
| |
|
| May 29 @ 7:51 AM |
children first?
|
|
SweetSolstice
Posts: 15
|
What I find disturbing most about these situations is that there are actually people who will start dating someone and before you know it the kid is calling them mommy or daddy.
I don't know about most people but my son is nine and I have been split with his dad since before he was two. I lived with a guy for five years of that time and still would never let my son call him daddy. I know that's off topic just a bit but I'm getting there.
Basically what I'm saying that supporting the previous statements being made about waiting to let people meet your child is this:
You consider not just waiting but waiting a while. Again kids are resilient and smart, but what sort of image do you want to project if they meet every woman you date after three or four dates eh?
It is natural to want to be someone and no crime in getting on with it. You simply have to be careful how much interaction these people get with your son. Anyone worth having will understand your need to protect his best interest.
|
|
| |
|
| May 29 @ 9:13 PM |
children first? |
|
fromscratch
Posts: 41
|
Thanks for EVRYONE'S insight, much apprecited... 
|
| |
|
| Jun 1 @ 3:10 PM |
children first?
|
|
burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,861
|
You go slowly. When ya found one that makes you even happier, when youre confident, and know beyond a doubt. Then youre ready. JMO
|
|
| |
|
| Jun 2 @ 11:12 AM |
children first? |
|
tahoma
Posts: 10,305
|
Words of wisdom from one of the BEST fathers I know 
|
| |
|
| Jun 9 @ 10:05 PM |
children first?
|
|
teddybearagain
Posts: 712
|
Agreed, that Burns is da best !!!
IMO, .. First, .. always let her/him know from the get go you have kids. (not you, just in general). Then, let them make a decision then if they want to even explore a relationship. Sometimes kids can and do factor into a decision, which I respect.
I have a son who's 10, I speak very open with him about my life, but on his level. I think if parent's are more open with their kids, and let them understand that mom and or dad still desire, crave, want, need, .. companionship from another man or woman, the kids are more open to accepting a "stranger" being around. Crap, half of it's in the attitude we as parents put out there for the kids to see. If we as parents get too fickled about it, and hung up over the "oh my gosh", how will my kid react, .. then the kid senses that.
I have friends over my home, ..male and female, so it's nothing for my son to meet my "friends". After all, shouldn't we start out as friends first? By the time you may be ready to introduce him or her into your child's life as a SO, the kid may be more acceptable of it, if you've already introuduced them in the manner above, ..friend.
Dang, did that make sense?
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|