| Jun 14 @ 11:27 AM |
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Angel178
Posts: 21,500
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First off let me say happy father's day to all the dads!
With that said....my situation is this....my children see their dad under supervised visitation...which is fine. The supervising is his family. He dosen't drive, so pop pop usually dose one of the driving ways...I do the other. As of last night I had not heard anything. My daughter asked him last night and he said that no family was going to be around and that pop pop was golfing. She hung up and cried....
But moooooom....it's father's day! She was devistated. I made her feel better by telling her that we would go to my parents house and she could celebrate with her other grandparents...it's grand"father's" day! That made her feel better.
I guess I'm writing this cause he still blames me for making the supervised visitation and that is why my children are heart broken and he can't see them on father's day. I still think if he really cared he would fight hell and high water to be with them tomorrow. I just hurt for my children....and what the years to come will bring. They still believe in their father.... 
Umm....maybe I should move this to a blog....but I do feel better for venting it 
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| Jun 14 @ 11:23 PM |
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BandTMom
Posts: 24,988
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I'm with you, Angel.
My boy just asked if we could call his dad tomorrow.
It broke my heart to tell him that I didn't even know for sure where his dad was. I didn't tell him that because of his father's selfishness, our call would not be welcome.
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| Jun 20 @ 1:21 PM |
Heart broken children
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 14,833
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Angel......the things we do to protect are children are endless and I am sure you had this supervised visitation set up for a perfectly good reason. Tough love is just that....tough!
I never spoke out against my youngests father (now almost 17) because I knew in the end she would formulate her own opinion of him. She did...and it was not good. He just stopped calling or sending gifts for birthdays after she became a teenager. When fathers day came this year....she just looked at me like...so what? Just another day for her. Very sad...but she had to figure it out for herself. I did what you did when she was younger...carried the relationship with him and her...for her sake. I cannot carry it now....she has to learn relationships for herself.
Good or bad.
You keep doing what you are doing Angel....it is ok and you will be glad you didn't talk bad about him to your kids.....trust me....they will form their own opinions as they grow older....and they will respect you for it.....especially when you wouldn't speak ill of their father. Life isn't always easy and it is that ugly side of life that we try so hard to protect the lil ones we love from..........all we can do is the best we can do! 
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| Jun 24 @ 8:02 AM |
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Angel178
Posts: 21,500
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Thank you both!
Here's the latest. He saw them this past Sun to make up for Father's Day (By the way....I found out that he was in Wildwood-a party town at the shore-with his friends) 
Sunday, they arrived home at 9:00 pm. They said they were starving and hadn't had dinner. Nothing since lunch....remember, I also have a 3 year old....
They told my mom yesterday that they didn't go outside cause it was raining. They had to sit in their father's room all day (playing video games) and not come out. They were not allowed in the rest of their house cause their grandmother was in the basement "sick". (She is a sever alcoholic)
Now I need to e-mail him and find out the extent of the story. My older two are 9 and 10. They don't make up stories cause they still don't know anything their father does is inappropriate yet. They are too young.....
It has taken me till today to be able to be calm enough to think about e-mailing him. Sooooo.......did my three children really spend the day in one room like caged animals? They said they had nothing to eat or drink all day  
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| Jun 24 @ 8:19 AM |
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horizon000
Posts: 735
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I don't understand this. There is no way on this earth that I would give up time for anyone ar anything not to spend with my boy. While I may not be text book superdad, I know he loves the time WE spend together and he loves the things we do together. He is a ratbag as am I. I know I will be wished a Happy Fathers Day, but Dads who love thier kids unconditionally and actually get to spend time in thier kids lives hear that every day of the year. 
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| Jun 24 @ 8:24 AM |
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Angel178
Posts: 21,500
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That is the way it should be.
He says he wants to see them, but after a few hours....he is done.
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| Jun 24 @ 8:30 AM |
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horizon000
Posts: 735
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Thats sad. My son knows that BOTH his Mum and Dad are there for him.
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| Jun 24 @ 8:34 AM |
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Angel178
Posts: 21,500
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Yes....it is sad....but here's my thing...
Visitations are supposed to be supervised......
They said pop pop was downstairs watching tv all day, so.....
Was their dad downstairs too? If so, who was watching the 3 year old? 
And, if their dad was alone in the room with them all day, who was supervising him?
Either way.....unacceptable 
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| Jun 24 @ 8:43 AM |
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horizon000
Posts: 735
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I still say sad. It is the kids who suffer. Not the Mums. Not the Dads. Play it cool and wait till you are calm to hear the deal. I will play devil's advocate. Nine and Ten know what is right and wrong. They will turn a blind eye and stick up for thier dad, but it wont be long before they start working things out for themselves and start laying blame. It is still sad yet however it is a fact. Do right by them Angel. I know you are, and they will love you for it
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| Jun 24 @ 8:47 AM |
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Angel178
Posts: 21,500
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I will and thank you.
I will contact him to find out the story before I react. They came home sad and that bothers me. He always feels he is above the law...hense the supervised visitation, so I have to keep a close watch.
I still never bad mouth him to the children, but I will not let them be in a bad situation either....
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| Jun 24 @ 8:49 AM |
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horizon000
Posts: 735
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Play it cool and you will do allright
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| Jun 24 @ 10:59 AM |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 20,366
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I'm thinking that maybe you should contact the friend of the court and talk to them.
They usually have a mediator or someone that can talk to the kids and find things out. Going head to head with him might not be the thing to do.
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| Jul 18 @ 7:01 PM |
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painter007
Posts: 14,967
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Angel......what helped me deal with alot of this same stuff was.... As long as the kids are always safe....I just accepted his behavior..it would hurt my heart...but my sons were used to it. I knew he did love his sons as much as he knew how to. They also accepted their dad and understood he did love them both...with everything he had in him.....he just showed it and did what he could do. 
I know this is past Fathers Day...but could apply to any day
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| Jul 19 @ 5:55 PM |
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mzlara388
Posts: 1,008
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Boy I know this story...been down this road too. My son has been let down by his alcoholic father many times. It's also why he can't have him alone yet. I don't trust that my son's needs will be met.
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| Jul 22 @ 7:59 PM |
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gypsy29
Posts: 99
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I dealt with this for 15 years while my daughter's dad ran around, getting high and not doing a darn thing for her. I always bit my tongue, or we made cards (call me petty but no way was I spending money on him) and would take it to his sister and she would get it to him when he showed up. Then we would do something just us girls. The coolest thing happened one year in church that told me I had done the right thing. The kids in church made their fathers a card and wrote neet sayings on it and then called their dad up to the front of the church and read it. Sambino wrote "happy father's day, mom" and read it in front of the church. No eyes were dry.
Your kids are not stupid, and they will figure it all out. just love them and support them as best you can. But be sure to let your ex know that you expect him to ensure their safety or the visits will be supervised by a social worker at his expense. You can request that! Good luck.
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