| Dec 29, 2005 @ 4:35 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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jersey38
Posts: 17
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My ex-wife lets her boyfriend stay over night. My feeling is it is a bad example for our 4 children. Then they will think it is OK to live with someone before you get married. Am I being too old fashion? Is it Ok for overnight guest?
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 2:38 AM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,816
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Thank you VERY much! If you're being a little old-fashioned, I'm with you there 100%!!! My ex let her boyfriends (PLURAL) sleep over all the time, and my personal opinion is that it is NOT a good example for the children!!! I recently moved, and a coworker of mine dropped by and noticed that the bedrooms here are pretty far apart and made some remark about how I could "entertain" and my son wouldn't even know it. I shot him a glance that would cut to the quick and told him in no uncertain terms that NO ONE would be staying here when my son was at home!!!! (And I've got him here on a full-time basis, but children learn not by what you tell them, but by what you SHOW them!)
Good topic - thanks for bringing it up!
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 3:10 AM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I think that you ARE being a little too old-fashioned, inregards to sleeping over/sex before marriage. However, it is certainly not all right for children to see a procession of different partners for their parent or parents.
In the past 3 years while I have been a single-dad there has been no-one who has stayed at my house, but this is only because I have been involved with no-one who I think will be around long-term. However, when/if I find a woman that I believe will be with me for a long-term commitment, then letting her stay overnight will not be a problem for me. I believe that as long as the child realizes that it is a SERIOUS relationship, then that is fine.
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 10:10 AM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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redbronze
Posts: 99
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I have to agree with all of you in some respects.. I not have overnight guests in my house, I have been raising my girls alone for the past 8 years.. They were young when their father passed away. Out of respect for them and him I could not do that.. I have seen it happen though and in hindsight I am happy with my decision to forgo the sexual thing in my house... My girls are almost grown now and I think they are doing alright... So now I am looking a little more for that someone to stay in my bed but then again he will have to be pretty special and a long term thing...
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 11:11 AM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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jersey38
Posts: 17
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Serious relationship but how long? he has been dating her 2 years what if they don't get married and then there is another one. I may be wrong but until she is married to him he shouldn't be staying over night do you need sex that badly? that, you would show your children it is allright for them to live with someone before their married. I think it is wrong we are the adults if we can't control ourself how can we expect our children to do the right thing when they become adults. I am sticking to my guns . It is wrong.
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 11:22 AM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Serious relationship but how long? he has been dating her 2 years what if they don't get married and then there is another one. I may be wrong but until she is married to him he shouldn't be staying over night do you need sex that badly? that, you would show your children it is allright for them to live with someone before their married. I think it is wrong we are the adults if we can't control ourself how can we expect our children to do the right thing when they become adults. I am sticking to my guns . It is wrong. Jersey, in your opinion it is wrong, and I respect that and am not trying to change your opinion on this matter. Each to his own.
And I DO control myself thankyou very much, and I DO raise my daughter in the right way, and to suggest that a single parent who has sex with an unmarried partner is not controlling themselves or teaching their children to do the right thing is wrong!
And yes, I will encourage my daughter to live with a man BEFORE she marries him, I do not want her to enter a marrriage having no knowledge of what he is like to live with, and therefore perhaps committing herself to a man who is controlling, dominant and disrespectful to live with. This is the year 2006 (almost), and the days of no sex before marriage are long gone.
I would classify a serious relationship as one where I see the potential for a lifetime commitment.
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 12:27 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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lilbikerchick
Posts: 213
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Two years could most definately qualify as a serious relationship if they have been seeing each other exclusively. If you're telling your children that premartial sex is wrong and living together is wrong, wouldn't divorce be wrong too? It would most definately be wrong for a child to see a parade of partners in their home for breakfast but someone that their parent has been seeing for 2 years and that the child sees at other times too would be fine in my opinion.
I would hate for my son to get married after dating a girl for only a few months just because he was taught it wasn't right to live with someone first.
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 12:58 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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jersey38
Posts: 17
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The divorce was not my idea. I would prefer my child don't divorce but he or she must also be happy and if staying married is not an option you must get divorced. I would not want my child to marry someone after two months. Love takes longer than that to develop .
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 5:23 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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My kids don't even see who I date - let alone who I sleep with.
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 5:50 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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NO!
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 10:06 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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minky
Posts: 235
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No, don't kids of divorced parents have enough to deal with?
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 10:37 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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bzsinglmom
Posts: 2
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I believe it's setting the wrong example, especially for school age kids. Once they are in college and beyond...maybe. We expect our kids to respect us, but bringing someone home might not always be best for them. I would never.
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 10:38 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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bzsinglmom
Posts: 2
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amen, sister!
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| Dec 30, 2005 @ 11:41 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,816
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My kids don't even see who I date - let alone who I sleep with.
Pete - you're really stuck on this Juan thing, aren't you. Get over it, man! That was a couple of nights ago!!!! LOL 
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| Jan 1, 2006 @ 8:19 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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lilbikerchick
Posts: 213
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He's not talking about a casual date staying the night. It's someone she's in a relationship with for 2 years. By this time these kids should already have spent plenty of time around this guy. If she's not discussing what they're doing in the bedroom with the kids, why would they think anything was wrong? Heck, they probably see this boyfriend more than they see their own dad.
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| Jan 1, 2006 @ 8:27 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,816
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I am sticking to my guns . It is wrong.
Jersey - keep sticking to your guns. If she wants to have him spend the night when the kids are with YOU, then fine. If the kids are with HER, though, I agree with you 100% - he's got no business spending the night then.
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| Jan 1, 2006 @ 11:09 PM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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torees121
Posts: 739
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I would not have an overnight guest with my children home unless it was a live in relationship. My daughter is gone to her dads every other weekend and longer during the summer. My son has his own apartment. I have plenty of time to have someone over without them being home.
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 3:41 AM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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sthyank
Posts: 23
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What if your kids don't spend a lot/any time at the other parent's house?
I am in that situation myself, and honestly don't have a real good solution. As it stands right now, my personal 'policy' is to not have anyone spend the night unless there's a *serious* chance of a long term relationship. In practice, I haven't had anyone over in quite a while. I have been fortunate enough to have friends that occasionally invite my daughter over to spend the night with their kids, and so I also get a little 'mom' time.
I'd genuinely like to hear other suggestions. My thought lately is that I may need to wait until my daughter is out of the house before considering a serious relationship with someone. That would make me sad, but maybe it would be for the best, and if I'm convinced that's the best way to do things, I'll deal -- raising my children in a secure environment is very important to me.
[Edited on 1/2/2006 3:43 AM]
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 5:20 AM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest?
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lilbikerchick
Posts: 213
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Seems to be the case with Jersey that he only has his kids 38 days a year. That doesn't leave his ex much alone time. She's in a serious relationship and deserves to be. Sounds like it's more jealousy that she divorced him and moved on. If it bothers him that much he could move back closer to his kids and give her more alone time than a few days a year.
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 5:24 AM |
When you have children is it Ok for overnight guest? |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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I would never allow a lady to spend the night unless I was married to her. I guess I am a bit old fashioned .
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