| Sep 15, 2008 @ 9:05 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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cOuNtRyGiRl816
Posts: 17
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When my daughter was a baby she slept in her crib until she was about a year old, and then we moved her to a toddler bed until she was almost two. Well, at that point i had left my ex husband for many reasons and she wouldn't sleep in her own bed.
Now she's 5 and I still can't get her to actually go to sleep in her own bed. It was abad habit that I let her adapt to, and now I think she's old enough to be in her own bed.
Our usual routine is when its bedtime she climbs in my bed, I lay down beside her. She will fall asleep and then when I'm sure she's soundfully sleeping, i put her in her bed. But if she wakes up in the night, she crawls back in mine, and once again, I put her back in her bed when i'm sure she's asleep.
So.....the question is what is the best method for getting her to fall asleep in her own bed???? Please no negative advice. I know it was my mistake letting her do this for so long..but now I really need help!!
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| Sep 16, 2008 @ 1:30 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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it takes a long time to undo a bad habit. Worse thing ya can do is turn a blind eye to it.
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| Sep 16, 2008 @ 4:34 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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At bedtime, lay down with her in HER bed...
routine can be hard for a child to break....the earlier the better. 
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| Sep 17, 2008 @ 8:29 AM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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cOuNtRyGiRl816
Posts: 17
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So....I put her in her bed, and sat in a chair next to it...read her a story like I do every night and then sat there while she drifted off to sleep.....We're one step closer!
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| Sep 17, 2008 @ 9:20 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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MisterMatt
Posts: 88
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We're one step closer!
Hurray! 
Went through something similar with my girls. Be patient. Be loving. Be firm. Be creative.
MM
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| Sep 17, 2008 @ 11:42 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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So....I put her in her bed, and sat in a chair next to it...read her a story like I do every night and then sat there while she drifted off to sleep.....We're one step closer!
Excellent plan! 
Yep, it's time Mommy gets to sleep in her own bed, too. 
Best of luck (even if it takes some "challenging" nights) 
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| Sep 20, 2008 @ 4:00 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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I know it was my mistake letting her do this for so long Question: While it's not the norm for a child to sleep with the parent,
I really would like to know why you think it was a "mistake"?
Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't be so judgmental of yourself.
Fact is, my son used to sleep in his own bed every night.
Then the divorce.
He's 11 now, and still sleeping with me. (And boy does he have sharp knees!!!  )
I just bought a new house and will be moving next month.
Perhaps he'll decide to sleep in his own bed then.
Perhaps not.
But with this one exception, he's a great, absolutely normal,
wonderfully terrific young man.
So...I figure when it's time to move to his own bed, he'll move - he'll WANT to.
Until then, no harm, no foul.
So...if you want your daughter to sleep in her own bed, that's great.
I wish you luck in getting her to do so. Sounds like you're going about it the right way.
But please don't beat yourself up for not having done it sooner, okay?
They're only kids for a little while.
And they like having parent(s) close...
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| Sep 20, 2008 @ 6:56 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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So...I figure when it's time to move to his own bed, he'll move - he'll WANT to.
Until then, no harm, no foul.
I agree Jester. My daughter and I co-slept for many years after her dad and I split. There are times she still prefers to cuddle with mom at bedtime, especially when life throws her a nasty curve ball, but for the most part when life is calm she sleeps in her own bed. And I honestly don't think I'd want a partner who didn't understand, accept, and allow me to practice attachment style parenting.
I found comfort in reading Dr. William Sears thoughts on the matter. He is a pediatrician, and he and his wife Martha must have a football team of their own by now. His approach, while requiring a little more time and understanding from the parent, seemed so much kinder to me, and more logical really, than typical western thought.
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| Sep 20, 2008 @ 11:22 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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mzlara388
Posts: 1,029
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sounds like you are doing great. We are now working on my son getting himself to sleep without me. He really is reliant on my voice for comforting. Has been since the divorce 10 years ago. So now I just sit and he puts himself to sleep. Hopefully a few more weeks I won't even need to do that. I told him that now we can have cuddle time before bed reading and he can go to bed like the young man he is.
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| Sep 22, 2008 @ 8:50 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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MisterMatt
Posts: 88
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I'm glad this topic was brought up. My six year old was really bad after the break up as well. She is mostly over it but there are still nights. Mostly Sunday night after she comes home from visiting her mom and Thursday nights before she goes off to see her mom. The other ten days are no problem.
I wonder if there are other single Mom's/ Dad's that have the same problem? Or is this a symptom I should be leery of?
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| Sep 24, 2008 @ 11:02 AM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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Makya
Posts: 1,131
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I couldn't even tell you. I'm in the same exact routine with my 3 year old. I hope he gets it by the time he's five.
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| Sep 30, 2008 @ 11:21 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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MisterMatt....just out of curiosity....other than the change in sleeping habits, are there any OTHER changes in her behavior after she comes home from her mother's house that you've noticed? I'm just curious because my son used to see more of his mother right after our divorce. He was five when the divorce was final. Anyway, after he'd spend a day or two with her, it took me most of the following week to "reprogram" him, if you will, so that he was the same person I had dropped off at his mother's. It was really strange. (It's so much easier now that she doesn't want to see him any longer.)
So, I was just a bit curious as to what other behavioral differences you may have noticed.
And Makya? Don't worry about whether he "gets it" by the time he's five or seven or nine - or any age. All kids grow up differently, and if you just give him your love, he'll move on to the next stage at the right time for him. Let him walk before teaching him to run.... 
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| Oct 1, 2008 @ 1:06 AM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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KatiefromStafford
Posts: 2,750
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My sons were a bit older when the split happened so they didn't seem to need this as much, but my guess would be that younger children need to be with mom or dad as proof for them that the parent still there isn't going to disappear, too. They are too young to reallly grasp the concept of divorce, they just know that dad or mom isn't there anymore. I might be wrong, but that would be my take on it.
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| Oct 1, 2008 @ 2:46 AM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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My sons and I all slept out in the family room in sleeping bags till they were probably 10 and 12.....and it didnt harm them....They are strong, independent, young men.......In fact they are 18 and 20 and just 2 weeks ago they came home for my bday and they grabbed their bags and we all ended up on my king size bed laughing and talking......oh, I forgot to add the boxer and lab that climbed in too....
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| Oct 1, 2008 @ 7:50 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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MisterMatt
Posts: 88
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[QUOTE]So, I was just a bit curious as to what other behavioral differences you may have noticed.
Well Jester, there is the fact that she is clingy. She tends to be naughty for about three days. Yes, I have to reprogram her. Some Sunday nights it's so bad she won't let me out of her sight. She gets angry really easy. She will talk about how nice it is to be home.
My twelve year old wishes that visitation was only on Saturday. Or that it would start Friday night and end Saturday afternoon. She has also stated that Friday nights are okay, but would rather sleep at home rather then at mothers. Be picked up and dropped off each of the days.
Ya know, now that I write this out, I'm beginning to really question what happens over those weekends. But the girls are tight lipped, won't talk. I think I may have a real problem here.
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| Oct 3, 2008 @ 4:17 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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My sons would behave differently when they got back from visiting their dad. They would be a bit feisty....and just not nice...lol Even the teachers would comment that they could tell that my sons had visited their dad......After 3 days of reprogramming Id say...THATS IT....and then things would get back to normal....
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| Oct 7, 2008 @ 11:10 AM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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My kids have always been able to cuddle with mom... sometimes its just to fall asleep or if they woke up scared... sometimes just because they needed to be held or sometimes because I needed to hold them... but all of them would rather sleep in their own beds now... but every once in a while we still snuggle to watch a movie or sumpin...
Mister Matt... side note here .. after dealing with my great niece and helping my sister take care of her when she got custody (this would be her granddaughter) I would notice MARKED changes in her when she came back from visiting her mom.. NOT good ones  .. some facial ticks and being totally withdrawn again and then some wetting problems would occur... these then started to appear just before she visited her mom too  like she was dreading going to see her mom...well her mom and step dad fought and the child was ignored she would come home filthy and hungry to my sisters ...I included my observations in a letter to the court along with other things I had noticed and had first hand knowledge of when the mom tried to get custody again ... suffice it to say shes a druggie and only interested in HER and how having my niece will bring in $ to spend on her and her and her s/o not on the child and she USES the child as a tool to *get even * and HURT my nephew.. trying over and over to get him to blow his top so she can cry ABUSE .. thank god he took to heart all the parenting classes he took and can SEE what she is doing and ignores it. He focuses on the CHILD and her welfare.. Matt maybe depending on the age of your children a school counselor MIGHt be able to help find out WHy they are acting the way they are .. it might be nothing more than they dont want to be HURT again by seeing her and leaving you instead of other more awful things happening .. good luck
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| Oct 8, 2008 @ 1:36 AM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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MisterMatt
Posts: 88
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Thank you.
I have requested that the school counselor talk to both girls. But I haven't heard anything back yet. I asked about a week and a half ago. I suppose I need to give them time. I'll start making phone calls next week. at least great minds think alike. It's comforting.
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| Oct 10, 2008 @ 10:52 AM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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You need to keep on the counselors hon.. otherwise they will forget ... again good luck
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| Oct 11, 2008 @ 10:06 PM |
Co-Sleeping......Need advice |
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chevymn
Posts: 159
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I just wanted to add one little thing here. D.H.S. told me that children are not to sleep with their parents after two years of age, they also said they would remove my daughter from my costudy if I didn't change the sleeping arrangements immediatly. She was three and a half at the time. They never said anything to my wife who didn't even have a bed for her.
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