| Jan 5, 2006 @ 8:24 PM |
How did I get in the middle of this??
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rickalus
Posts: 86
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Ok,so I have a little conundrum here,and am at a total loss as to what to do.. My kids are all young adults now,and I try to stay really nuetral,or all the way out of the picture when it comes to their mom,BUT..for the last 4 years,she has had less,and less contact with them.My oldest(my only daughter) is the most affected by this.She is 8 1/2 months pregnant,and also has a daughter that will be 4 years old tomorrow.. My ex has not spoken to her in 10 months,so therefore does not know she is pregnant.I figured for sure that my ex would call her on her birthday in November,but she didn't,and then I figured,ok,she will call her for sure on Christmas,but she didn't..
Well,my granddaughters birthday is tomorrow,and I am pretty sure that she will not call then either...
This is affecting my daughter very badly,and I don't think being as big as a house,and uncomfortable as hell is helping.
My daughter says that if she does not call her by the time my grandson is born,that she will absolutely never speak to her again... I do not want that to happen,but am nowhere near speaking terms with my ex.. I have sent her emails asking her to call the kids,but I have not mentioned anything about my daughter being pregnant,per my daughters request..I never got any response to the emails,although I know for sure that she read them... I'm at a loss... Any suggestions?? 
I didn't mentioned that my daughter tried calling her many times early last year,but the calls were never returned..
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 10:56 PM |
How did I get in the middle of this?? |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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Wow, does this sound familiar.
I have a daughter who is 16 years of age now. I have been divorced for about 7 years and her father lives very far from us. At first there was alot of contact. She has only seen him twice since the divorce. For years I would go out of my way to e-mail and tell him that it was affecting her terribly that he was neglecting her. When we were together she was very much a daddys girl. He would call and then go right back to the same behavior.
It drove me insane to see her hurting, but, I finally had to let go and allow her to see him for who he was. I finally realized that he had found a new life with a woman who had children and this was what came between him and my daughter.
Recently, his wife left him. He has started calling my daughter again. I can only laugh when she doesn't return his calls. She loves her dad and speaks to him occasionally, but, allowing her to deal with her pain in her own way and move past it really set her free. You will never change your ex nor will your daughter and I know it hurts.
All your daughter can do it try to change her reaction to what her mother is doing. Letting go is one of life's most challenging lessons. She is very lucky to have you for a dad. Support her, listen to her, be a shoulder for her, and tell her everything will be okay. Her mother doesn't know what she is missing and she will be the one to suffer one day. Tell her to be strong for her children. This has to be a happy time for her. Tell her not to allow her mother to ruin it because that is giving her control of her life. I know how hard it is. It's a very long road, but, someday she will understand.
Insanity is when we keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You will not change this woman. It is her loss. Let it go.
Congratulations on the new grandbaby!!!! 
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 11:22 PM |
How did I get in the middle of this??
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torees121
Posts: 739
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 Waiting that was great. I have also been divorced for 6 yrs. My daughter is 13 and sees her father every other weekend (he lives 2 hours away). I have never spoken badly about him to her. She has seen how he is, if I had spoken badly of him then I would have made her defend him. After all he is her father. He has lied to her repeatedly and I have been there to pick up the pieces. It hurts me to see her upset, but I stay out of it. I am there for her emotionally, but she has to learn to use her coping skills.
Your daughter will remember that you were the one constant beside her when she needed you. She will always miss her mother, but she knows she can count on you. I agree with waiting. Just let her deal with her own pain and heartache, but be there (as I know you will) to comfort her. Good luck and enjoy those grandbabies!
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| Jan 12, 2006 @ 11:50 AM |
How did I get in the middle of this?? |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,629
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Well, shoot. This is a heart breaker. 
I have been in the same situation with my 2 boys and it breaks your heart. Some day the parent will wake up and realise what they missed and it will be too late.
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| Jan 20, 2006 @ 9:07 PM |
How did I get in the middle of this??
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Ladyhawk920
Posts: 351
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This is so hard on a parent. I had to take my daughter for professional counseling because her dad remarried and had two small children and spent no time with her because of his new life. She could never tell him how she felt. During one visit to the psychologist I mentioned this and told him that I refuse to get "In the middle" of their relationship anymore. It only gets ugly when I put my "two cents in". He told me that is the best thing to do as the other parent....let them work it out.
They finally did work it out to a certain degree but she still can't talk to him the way she talks to me. She has done better accepting her other siblings she didn't care for at all. I told her that she shouldn't blame the kids for actions her dad takes.
When her Grandfather passed away last year......my daughter stood by her fathers side during the whole thing and never left it. She helped console others thru her own tears. I took her out of state for the funeral and she did me proud in displaying the lesson I taught her in life. "Learn to Forgive"......I know her father and his family have a certain respect for me and Amber now.
Your children know the facts in life but it's hard to swallow sometimes even when they become adults. Learning to forgive and move on with their lives is the hardest lesson to learn but will bring a certain peace when they reach that point in life.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 7:23 PM |
How did I get in the middle of this?? |
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NXSwift
Posts: 17
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Hey rickalus; i know exactly how it is. I was removed from my parents when i was growing up and i tried to contact my mother.. i ran away from home looking for her.. because she chose not to contact me. But it was better that she didnt. When i turned 18 we got re-united. The reason why she would not contact us children is because of my hateful father. When i turned 18 my father came to me and told me that my mother died when i was 5 years old of cancer. when just 2 weeks before this i got re-united with her here in Vero Beach. I dont know if this is the same thing in your case? Does your ex know she is 8 1/2 months pregnant? How about the other child? , Right now im a single parent of a child that is about to be born. I hope your daughter is making good decisions? Is she still with the babies father? Hope all is well. I have alot of respect for single moms and dads. We cant do this all on ourself.. we need the support from the other half.
Keith Alllen
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| Apr 3, 2006 @ 8:41 PM |
How did I get in the middle of this??
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school2
Posts: 77
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Sometimes it is no ones faullt. It just happens. I would
try to make every attempt to contact the grandkids ,if the daughter wants to have no contact with her mom, the kids deserve to know ,that grandma loves them. Twenty something kids are still finding themselves,so they may have to seperate for awhile, to reconnect later.
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