| Mar 20 @ 5:14 PM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
vbtudor
Posts: 5
|
Firstly I apologise if this post upsets anyone , it is not meant to. However having been a member of this site for as long as I can remember (I think ten years or more) and many other sites in between there is something I have noticed and I wanted to put my opinion/Get others and make an observation.
It is about single moms putting their kids on this and other sites.
When I see a picture of a woman and beside her, her child, or read that "I have two kids and they are the most important thing in the world to me" here is what goes through my head
I have absolutely no chance of getting into this girls life. Period. So I will move on
Its not that you have children. I love kids (Couldn't eat a whole one mind you) and have a son myself.
Its not that you think the world of your kids - look if you are a mom and DONT think the world of your kids - I would seriously worry about you and whether I would want to be with someone who could easily discharge her siblings so.
Nor is it that they are going to be your number one priority in your life - again this is a given.
But do you have to push them even before we meet. Its enough to have on your profile that you are a mom. From this information I will assume the above statements are true.
But someone who pushes their kids in your face and tells you they are the single most important thing in your life .- just says to me "Need a dad", "Need a baby sitter" or "Dont bother getting in touch unless you agree my kids come first"
Seriously its not necessary and just think of all those great people you may miss out on because you insist on throwing your kids in front of the world.
If you go to bar, party, friends reunion, or any place you might meet people - is the first thing you say "Hi I'm (INSERT NAME HERE) and my two darling children are the most important things in my life - whats your name?" Of course you don't cos you know what the reaction would be.
And believe me its not because men aren't interested in your kids - but they have to get to know you first - and that's impossible when they have to get to know your kids before they get to know you. Why put barriers in the way too soon
Just my thoughts and sorry again if I upset any moms out there (or parents) it isn't meant to offend, just wanted to voice an opinion.(and it is only that - I may be totally wrong and I am sure some good people on here will put me right if so)
Good luck all in your search and I hope you find what you're looking for.
Vince
|
|
  |
|
| Mar 20 @ 5:51 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
JenRNinOhio
Posts: 4,161
|
I'm going the play Devil's Advocate here just a bit ...
When I read :
" ... blah blah .. children ... THEY ARE MY WORLD ... blah blah children ... THEY COME FIRST ... blah blah... #1 PRIORITY ... "
... my first thought is "Well I should hope so!"
That should go without saying.
(Although I think my profile says something like "... I can't wait for them to be out of my house..."  )
oh yeah .... Devil's Advocate part ...
So maybe many of these women have been in a relationship ... or close to being in a relationship where the man wants to be the #1 PRIORITY .... and he resents the time she spends with her children being a mom ... ... And the guilt sets in because she is first & foremost a mother .... But she wants to nurture this relationship ... But can't do it to his expectations of her time ...
And so .... I am mother, hear me roar .... Know this from the very first contact .... My children come first so don't even THINK you can talk me into putting you there ...
 Maybe that's why.
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 6:23 PM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
vbtudor
Posts: 5
|
Well, I can tell you that when I meet a mom, I have no illusions that her kids are number one priority. I have no problem with that. I am comfortable enough in my own skin to appreciate time with a person - however long or short that time is.
And I do appreciate her kids (unless they are complete brats,then I think not interested at all, its a all for one one for all situation and if I don't like the kids I dont want to know the mom - after all they are a reflection of her). Si whilst I understand your point . I dont think it is relevant to push your kids in anyone's face before they even meet you.
I think one should get to know each other without the distraction of the kids being there (in the virtual sense not real)
As I said earlier - you would not say to someone you just met in a social situation - "Hi My kids are most important to me, whats your name" - cos you know what the response would be.
Playing devils advocate then - what do you think about men whose first comment is what car they drive, what a big house they live in,how much they earn. It may be important to you in some way - but it is not the first thing you think about is it? unless of course you are a gold digger.
I hope you find someone o give you what you want
Best wishes
Vince
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 6:30 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
BandTMom
Posts: 38,061
|
I personally don't think women on dating sites who post pics of their kids and say how important they are, are "pushing them in your face". I, for one, am enormously proud of my children and will talk about them and show their pics to people I get to know,
As for seemingly asking for a father or babysitter for their children, most fo these kids Do have a father in their lives and most women will tell you that they are not looking for one.
If a man tells me about he's material possessions in his first sentence, that's probably the only sentence he will get to say to me. Children are not possessions. They are a part of us.
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 7:51 PM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
JenRNinOhio
Posts: 4,161
|
Some single parents ARE looking for the other parental figure for their kids... Some are looking for financial help ... I am using the non-gender specific term here because I know for a fact that men (single fathers) do this same thing.
Internet sites, such as MatchDoctor allow one to fill out a profile which often includes a space to talk about your kids, family, living situation, etc. We don't (at least I know I don't) meet new people and immediately start telling them my age, my level of education, my idea of a perfect date, etc ... Part of the online profile. It's so different than meeting a stranger in real life.
I have 5 kids. I have posted links to ESPN videos with my oldest son. I have bragged about my kids in forum posts. I have written blogs about my kids.
I have never given one second's thought to a man coming into my life to be the new daddy or to assist financially. How would you know that from my profile? How would you know if I WERE looking for a new daddy or babysitter?
I can see if the first emails she sends to you are primarily about her children... THAT could be a red flag ... but if it is just the profile .....
To answer the situation you posed ... If a man starts out talking about his material possessions ... as B&TMom said:
"....that's probably the only sentence he will get to say to me..."
BUT when a man posts pictures of his car, boat, motorcycle ... I don't automatically think he is bragging ... Maybe just showing some of his interests.
I have learned a lot as I have rambled about this earth for these many years. One of the most important things I try to pass on to my children is: Every one & every situation is different. See life with fresh eyes every day.
and BTW .... Just my opinion.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 7:55 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
willowy1
Posts: 9,199
|
five children ? It doesn't show! 
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 7:57 PM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
uab_5
Posts: 4,759
|
Hey BandT,
Gotta new movie title for you based on this thread?
I dropped some clues.
I personally really love seeing a woman with her children. I find motherhood incredibly sexy.
My fiancee has the most charming son I've ever met, who is chomping at the bit waiting to call me "Dad" since he has none.
I love him like he's my own flesh and blood I do!
S
H
A
L
L
O
W
V
I
N
C
E
I the OP finds what he's looking for.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 7:57 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
JenRNinOhio
Posts: 4,161
|
sheesh
Woman!
Don't you read profiles????
and thank you
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 8:02 PM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
willowy1
Posts: 9,199
|
shallowwillow I just look at pics! 
I don't have kids, but I think maybe some women post pics because they are new to the internet and are proud of their children? They are not thinking about pervs.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 8:38 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
Jankia
Posts: 11,907
|
Ok..say your a woman that has kids but is single.It would be nice to think you could find a mate that will accept another persons kids but in our real world...not all do.A woman that lets everyone know what the priority is in her life at this time by making that perfectly clear cuts out those that think they have absolutely no chance of getting into this girls life. Period. So I will move on Fine...move on,she wants a man that will include her families life along with hers more than a man that considers that family as being pushed in there face.
Would you rather a woman hide her love for her kids on a dating site and not tell you about them until after you meet?
Years ago I met a lady from another site that traveled across the country to meet me.I knew she had kids but I'm glad it was her money that was wasted making the trip because I didnt know she was still married until after she got here.
The point is...be honest about yourself and your family as a single parent on a dating site.
Your honesty may weed you out of other peoples list of desires but it also weeds out other peoples desires that dont include your own.
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 8:48 PM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
willowy1
Posts: 9,199
|
Bingo Jankia! Those men should also write this on their profile in bold. I won't raise another man's offspring, because I want to be the only child in your life.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 8:50 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
Jankia
Posts: 11,907
|
 Funny...but true.
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 8:52 PM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
kjac
Posts: 8,163
|
For me, the attachment to the children were never the issue. It was the attachment to the man who gave her the children.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 9:34 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
BandTMom
Posts: 38,061
|
Some women have moved on form that attachment and some haven't. And then there's those like me who don't even know where that man is. 
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:23 PM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
vbtudor
Posts: 5
|
ok, i accept that women love their children, that was never in doubt.
My issue was that women put their kids first above all else. No problem with that either, but I would like to meet YOU before I am inundated with your kids - is all I am saying.
As said, I have no problems with kids (have a niece of 14 months who is my world) but why does the first person I see have to be the child. Love kids,but want to love the mom first, is my reason for being here, not to be a father - to be the lover
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:28 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
BandTMom
Posts: 38,061
|
How are you inundated with someone's children from their pics or a few words on a profile?
I have my boy's pics on my profile and I do talk about them, especially my little one. But if I meet someone, it will be a while and we will have to be sure of a relationship before they meet my boys.
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:47 PM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
uab_5
Posts: 4,759
|
I've known my fiancee's boy for about thirty seconds less than I've known my fiancee.
My love for him is different than for my fiancee, and in many respects stronger.
But our case is atypical.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 10:43 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
Jankia
Posts: 11,907
|
As said, I have no problems with kids (have a niece of 14 months who is my world) but why does the first person I see have to be the child. Love kids,but want to love the mom first, is my reason for being here, not to be a father - to be the lover
Thats as understandable as someone else whose reason for being here is to hopefully find both..right?
|
| |
|
| Apr 22 @ 6:38 AM |
Single parents and dating sites
|
|
juliep65
Posts: 10
|
i don't know what the big deal is lots of guys with kids do the same thing
|
|
| |
|
| May 2 @ 5:25 PM |
Single parents and dating sites |
|
dixielady37
Posts: 53
|
I don't read the profiles on women on these sites but I will say that the men with kids are just as guilty of the same behavior. I'm a single mom of four and it kinda irritates me when I see a man has posted "I have kids, they are number one and if you have a problem with that then move on". I move on..not because of his kids or the fact that they are number one (DUH that's HOW it should be!) but because of the in my face kinda attitude. It's almost as though they are subconsciously sabotaging their dating efforts. I can see where it would be offputting to men as well. I also don't agree with parents posting pics of their kids on dating sites either but that's another topic:)
|
| |
|
|