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Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads


Nov 9, 2005 @ 6:54 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
treefity


Posts: 18
Just wondering how difficult it is for single moms or dads to date. I had a VERY hard time when I started dating again as far as women practically running away when they found out I was a devoted father. My ex didn't have nearly as hard a time with it. I think it's because guys are often looking for a short-term fling, and the fact that a woman has kids doesn't get in the way of that. Women (at least in their early to mid-20s) seem to have their ideal wedding and married life planned out, and a stepdaughter is not in that picture.
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Nov 9, 2005 @ 11:11 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
luvntahoe


Posts: 9
From my experience, women have the tougher time dating after a divorce where kids are involved since, most of the time, the woman has custody of the kids. Men seem to have it easy cuz they can come and go as they please where the woman has to plan ahead and fit dating into kids (generally speaking).

You'll find the right one that would think step-kids would be an asset! Don't get discouraged, enjoy your child(ren) and being yourself and the "right" woman will appear right before your eyes!
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Nov 9, 2005 @ 11:27 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
pinklily


Posts: 25
ok...I am very upfront and honest about my kids. I have 4. 2 boys and 2 girls. YES from the same father.

Most men run when they hear that and that's a good thing. If they can't handle the thought...they aren't meant for me.

Dating as a single parent isn't easy...but can be done. Just don't involve the kids right away.
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Nov 10, 2005 @ 1:25 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
romanticwriter


Posts: 53
It's funny how you seem to label men into one category....this is not true at all...guess you seem to be meeting the wrong types to get that idea in your head. There are some guys out there that do have the patience when it comes to dating a single mom because they are a single parent as well and know what is at stake. Guess southern guys are like that....this northern guy is nothing like that at all.
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Nov 10, 2005 @ 8:57 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
tanikazzz69


Posts: 1
I have been a single mother for 8yrs, which i surpose is my choice, although when i tell men that i have 2 boys, they run real fast..
If i had a choice whether to date a man with kids or without i would go for a man with kids, i have no problems dating a man with kids... But men do have problems with a woman with kids..
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Nov 10, 2005 @ 9:53 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
chinabull2000


Posts: 7,009
I'm a single-dad and always prefer to date single-moms purely because I know that they probably have the maternal instinct that my daughter would need, plus they'll also understand that I can't just drop everything on a whim if they want to go out somewhere. Being a single parent means than PLANNING is necessary 9 times out of 10, and people without kids never seem to realise that!
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Nov 10, 2005 @ 10:08 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
LSU79


Posts: 319
I guess I'm lucky, I have joint custody, so I have a week on and then a week off (more or less). Since my kids are young (10 and 15), some women my age would prefer not to get involved since they have already raised theirs and they are free for the first time as adults, and I can't say I really blame them.
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Nov 10, 2005 @ 11:32 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
EyesofBlue72660


Posts: 11,459
Thank you, LSU!!! I raised my soon to be 21 year old son and helped raise my two stepsons for 13 years. To put it bluntly.....I did my stint. I was a devoted mother and wife and I always put my kids before myself!!! I am now on my own for the first time and because I know of the obligations and sacrifices, I prefer not to go through those again....it's time for me. If I meet someone that has young children, I don't allow things to go any further. It would not be right to them and, more importantly, to their children. One day I was joking at work and said that my second question to a guy was: "Do you have any kids?" Someone asked me what my first question was....I replied, "What is your name?" LOL But it's really true.
I've been there...done that and choose to do something new! To those with children...don't let them rule your life, but for their sake, be there for them, raise them the best you can and then worry about yourself. Don't let anyone come between you and your child....you will thank yourself once they're grown.
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Nov 11, 2005 @ 6:56 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
colorfulfun


Posts: 6
To all of you who say you don't have time to date because of kids. I use to say that to. I got sick and tired of every other weekend relationships and never having time to get to know someone. So I gave up traditional dating! Lets face it; it was not working

If a man is not willing to be my friend first than why date him any way.

First of all there is absolutely nothing in my profile to suggest that I would ever be interested in "hooking up" so I don't attract that type. Next I talk to them a bit on e-mail and if no red flags fly I try to meet them.

If it happens to occur on a weekend when my kids are away then maybe a traditional date is ok? But be careful.

I have found that it is just fine to meet carefully selected men in public places even if it has to be a kid friendly place. Come on, my boys know the scoop. They know mom is single and would like to have a good man to share life with. They also realize I'm not bound to run off and marry the first man I meet. Public outings that include the kids are a great way to get to know a man with out the pressure of a traditional "date."

Another interesting point is that my children do not assume moms on a date just because we meet a man for lunch. On the way to a second such "date" with a man one of my children commented that "he" seemed like a nice man and asked if he had a wife. Apparently the little fellow had no idea that mom was considering dating the man in question.

Meet him at McDonalds the first time. The kids can play in the play area. The bonus of this is you can see how he reacts to kids. If it is a bad reaction you just saved yourself from wasting any more of your time (or emotions.)

If you like him plan a daytime outing to a car show or something. My kids are boys and love cars. We aren't in a phony romantic setting trying to feel something, were just getting to know each other. That's how it would work if you met him the "traditional way."

I guess I don't feel the need to invest in a relationship at the exclusion of my children. I don't want a guy to think he can show up whenever my kids are gone, we are a package, take all or leave all! I want to see how well he will adjust to life with kids, my kids! We, my children and I, will make our decision about him together. He should allow his feelings for me to develop (or not) based on reality. And reality is I have two very active little boys. If he rejects them he rejects me. If he hurts them I will open up a can of whoop ass the likes of which he has only seen in his nightmares.
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Nov 11, 2005 @ 7:39 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
StarDust62


Posts: 353
i would agree with that except that my kids arent even in their teens yet, and til they are.........well it is when i get the sitter , then I can..........and if the guys cant understand that, or are pushy about it, then I dont think they are for me anyway.........jmho
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Nov 14, 2005 @ 5:19 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
NXSwift


Posts: 17
I am a single parent to be... Dating must be hard. its hard now. cause people know that my child is comming in to this world. Granted i have full cutody of this child.


Keith
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Nov 15, 2005 @ 9:05 AM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
StGermaine1


Posts: 8
Do not feel alone in this. I to am a devoted dad. A single dad on top of that, who has to teenage sons living with him. My daughter, all by the same mother, lives with her. As soon as a woman finds out you have 1, 2, or even three children they hightail it for their car, 99% of the time. Hate to say it, not looking for a mother for them ladies, they already have a great mother. What your roll would be is friend and mentor, not mother. What I would like is a partner for me now. A companion to share things with. The good, the bad, the awesome. So all you ladies out there, stop thinking that all single dad's are out looking for a new mom, a built in baby-sitter so they can go fishing woman. I would rather do all that with you!!
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Nov 15, 2005 @ 10:33 AM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
suthunsweet


Posts: 222
I date a man with two teenage sons and I have a teenage daughter and a preteen son myself. I can't say it isn't difficult sometimes.
These boys' mother died a couple of years ago (their Dad was no longer with her and he had already gotten full custody of them prior to her death). They have been raised very differently than my children and sometimes that leads to conflicting interests. Also, my children's father is still very active in their lives as we have total joint custody.
There have been times when the boys' Father was working or going somewhere that he left them with me and yes there have been times I felt like a babysitter. How did I handle it? I treated them like my own children as much as possible, but there were things I let slide as they were NOT mine. We got along well until their Grandmother stepped in and she is a majorly jealous person over them and caused a rift between us that has made it where we hardly speak to each other and I refuse to "babysit" them (they are 16 & 14)especially when my kids are with me.
I knew coming into this that dating this man meant dealing with his kids and he knew the same about me. When you are in your 30's it is very rare to find someone who does not have kids.
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Nov 15, 2005 @ 11:15 AM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
EyesofBlue72660


Posts: 11,459
It's sooooooo tough trying to "blend" families. I wish you the best!

We got along well until their Grandmother stepped in and she is a majorly jealous person over them and caused a rift between us that has made it where we hardly speak to each other


The day I got divorced, the two women that I made the happiest in the world were my mother-in-law and his first wife!!! I was the third happiest since I no longer had to put up with them!!!!

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Nov 15, 2005 @ 4:38 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
lilbikerchick


Posts: 167
I'm a single mom of 3 boys. I prefer to date men with kids. The #1 reason is, I'm not having any more. I just don't see the point in getting involved with someone who wants to have a kid of their own someday when I'm not willing to do that.
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Nov 15, 2005 @ 10:33 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
Pete73052


Posts: 12,699
I'm a divorced dad with three kids. I have more custody than my ex does. I have two nights a week that are free - that's it. Tonight is one of them . It doesn't leave a lot of time for a relationship but that's OK with me. The person I'm looking for will be understanding about this. It's tempting, in such situations, to think about blending families, but that hasn't been something I am willing to consider for the time being. You have to be pretty sure about the person before blending families because unblending a family can be a lot more painful. I'm not in any hurry to find the right person - and certainly not in any hurry to find the wrong one.
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Nov 16, 2005 @ 10:14 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
cowie


Posts: 2
Too bad for the women that turn and run the other way. I have nothing but repect for a father that want's to raise his children, even if he has no choice but still does it. I've been a single parent of three for six years now.No father around to help. It's very hard but very rewarding too.Good luck to you and you kids.
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Nov 17, 2005 @ 12:54 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
Reikirunner


Posts: 10
I prefer men with children. I went out several times with a single dad who had custody of 5 kids. It was a beautiful experinece! Usually, I date men who have children - either custody or spend more than average time with them. Very sexxy men - warm, affectionate, passionate and understanding! I have 2 daughters and our family outings with dates and their kids are too much fun!!! (I gravitate toward friends or dates who have kids becuase it does make life more interesting and actually easier)
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Nov 21, 2005 @ 3:54 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
salama23


Posts: 14
i dont know maybe cos im still in my 20s but dating is still too easy for me, its getting boring, need a challenge
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Nov 21, 2005 @ 9:26 PM Dating: Single Moms vs. Single Dads    
blueeyes1128


Posts: 35
The thing with dating and habing children that I have found is that...I have custody of my kids.....most of the men that I meet have them only on the weekends. When you try to go out one of you always have kids....there is really no together time. Don't get me wrong I love kids and I don't have a problem with a man that has them. What I do have a problem with is all the men that do not have custody saying....I have "perfect" kids. Well, mine are NOT perfect. I am sure that their dad says they are because he only has them 6 days a month! I have them the rest of the time. At times they are a true joy, at others, they drive me up the wall! I am just sick and tired of hearing a man tell me how perfect his kids are and how bad mine are. Well, I hate to tell you buddy but, if you had them every day and went through the day to day stuff with them I bet you wouldn't think that they are so perfect!!! Yes, you would still love them with all your heart and go to the ends of the earth for them but, having them a few days a month is NOTHING like having them day in and day out.




Sorry....I'll get off my soap box now
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