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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 11:15 AM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids
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genalynn
Posts: 121
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My boyfriend and I both have children from previous relationships. They are all older, ranging in age from 18 to 9. We also have 1 child together who is 15 months. He only sees his kids every other weekend, vacations, etc. My kids live with me. The problem is, every time his kids are over there seems to be a different set of rules for them than there is for my kids. I try to treat his children the same as I do my own. I don't discipline his kids, I don't feel it is my place to do that. I mean, I may have them sit down or something if need be, but that is as far as it goes. With my kids, he will get in the middle, even when I am already in the process of disciplining them. My kids aren't allowed to eat in my living room, and he will be the first to tell them if they try. But just this past weekend, his son was eating cereal on my couch, and he never said anything. Another time, my daughter had poured herself a glass of milk, and didn't want it. He scolded her about being wasteful. Then no more than 5 minutes later, his son did the same thing with a glass of kool aid and he just told him, "that's ok. you can drink it later" I know this may sound trivial, but those are just a couple of examples. It goes way beyond that. I have tried to talk to him about this, and he just says that he doesn't get to see his kids very much and that he doesn't want to spend the time he has with them correcting them. I can understand that, but at the same time, I don't think my kids should have to deal with the difference that he shows. I'm afraid we are going to end up breaking up because this REALLY bothers me. Am I right, or am I overreacting?
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 2:39 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,905
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His kids,My kids,Our kids.........Our house.
"Our" meaning that you both make the rules and it doesnt matter who stays at your house,they have to obey your rules.
Him wanting to candy his kids because he only sees them on weekends is no excuse,he still must treat them as his children and educate them according to the house rules.Better to find out now If you are both unable to work out common rules between your child and his.
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 4:03 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids
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genalynn
Posts: 121
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It's nice to finally know that I'm not alone in my thinking as he would have me believe. Thanks Jankia 
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 4:46 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,905
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Your welcome but remember,that is only one opinion and I would like to know how it turns out for you.
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 4:51 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids
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genalynn
Posts: 121
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I'll keep you posted jankia
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 8:26 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids |
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suzieq0808
Posts: 1,080
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I haven't had to deal with the yours, mine, and ours thing but I've had to deal with different rules at different houses. My kids proved to grandparents and others that kids understand different rules for different houses. They also understand if they're under different rules than other kids. Talk to your boyfriend. Establish your house rules. All the kids will respect and appreciate the consistency. Good luck.
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| Feb 8, 2006 @ 12:01 AM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids
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irish20835
Posts: 1,224
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Dont have a signifagant other ( hence the reason im here ) But i do have a roomate ...and 3 great kids . it is our house ...the kids know the rules and we ( the adults) are the enforcer of those rules. he ( my roomate ) has ALMOST the same athority I do . what he say goes . just the same as me ....cept I do have veto powers .
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| Feb 8, 2006 @ 5:30 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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In any home one set of rule's should apply to all the kid's. I had this problem with my ex wife. She was not fair at all when it came to my kid's. It was a major reason why we are divorced. I will never go through that again. You need to both agree on one set of rules. If not you will have quite a struggle. I wish you the best.
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| Feb 21, 2006 @ 10:31 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids
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tezra
Posts: 195
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I have to agree with the rest. The house rules should be the same for everyone. If this bugs you, can you imagine how your kids feel?
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| Feb 23, 2006 @ 5:18 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids |
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genalynn
Posts: 121
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you know tezra, you are absolutely right! and thank you 
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| Mar 12, 2006 @ 12:02 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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my door is open bring in the kids.
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| Mar 12, 2006 @ 8:45 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids |
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Wulfchyld
Posts: 459
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How interesting. A set of house rules is the best way to go. However, I know as well as you all that it doesn’t mater if they came from the same factory or not they are very different people. Yes the house rules apply to all, and each child will have a set of rules that apply to their needs. Bobby can’t chew gum but Jessy can, Debbie can’t take a shower but Angie can. The reasons vary but you all know they are good reasons.
A good solid set of house rules, that the adults comply with as well, is what will get your family into a harmonious environment. I would suggest writing those rules out and making sure you and your spouse agree on them. The hash out the exceptional rules for each of the kids. You are the parent, regardless of who’s kids are in the house. Because you didn’t birth them doesn’t make you the door mat, and your husbands insistence that the rules are different for “his” kids will only push you away from them.
Discipline doesn’t have to mean in the corporal sense. However without the authority to correct wrong behavior it will create a great rift in the relationship. It sounds to me you have already discussed the dynamic of his, hers, and ours and it was ignored. This must be corrected and you need to decide if all the kids are yours, regardless that you did not birth them all.
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| Mar 17, 2006 @ 5:13 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids
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genalynn
Posts: 121
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thank you wulf.....your insight has been a great help. How easy this would be if I could get him to see things as you do!!!
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| Mar 24, 2006 @ 11:22 PM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids |
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marie0521
Posts: 1
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You are over reacting. Your kids live with you and he just wants them to be disciplined... try to understand that he doesn't get to see his kids much so he doesn't want to give them a bad impression of him. Just talk to your kids, talk to him. Maybe let him know that you don't want the kids to be confused. I don't think it's a good thing to scold kids. Tell him you just want everyone to be treated the same. Since after all, you're one big family now. If you have problems, talk it out. Don't always think that there's a way out. Whether it's kids, yours or his or other things, things like this will always come up and how you handle it will be the basis for how your rrelationship will be.
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| Mar 28, 2006 @ 11:11 AM |
His kids, My kids, Our kids
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genalynn
Posts: 121
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You think I'm overreacting because I don't want my kids to be treated one way and his to be treated another? It's ok for my kids to have a bad impression of him, just not his own? I think what makes the bad impression is ALL of the kids seeing him making the differences, and some feeling less important than others! I don't mean to sound upset or defensive by my reaction. I did afterall, ask if people agreed or thought I was overreacting. I'm just trying to understand your viewpoint as it seems to mimic his.
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