| Feb 22, 2006 @ 3:34 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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Interceptor461
Posts: 24
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I've read some posts where people seem almost offended that others spank their kids - even labeling it abuse! I personally believe in spanking my child if she needs it. I was just wondering how many felt the same - or differently as I do? How about alternatives to spanking, other forms of punishment? Lemme have it, folks!
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 7:02 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,909
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I dont believe spanking does anything.
The pain goes away to quickly.I think taking away certain privileges is a better deterent to keep whatever was done wrong from occuring again.
I had the belt given to me many times when a kid.I can remember getting a pass to stay out of phy ed. because of the welts on my ass.
I know your talking about spanking but they are the same. When I wasnt allowed to play ball,go to a friends house or drive my car, it wasnt until then that I learned.
I've now got three now grown step daughters and two teens of my own and never have had to spank any of them.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 10:00 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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I once asked my daughter if she'd rather have a spanking or timeout, she chose spanking because she knew I wouldn't really hurt her and it was over quicker.
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| Feb 24, 2006 @ 3:23 AM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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I see now good in spanking at all. I have never done it and never will. How much doe's inflicting pain teach a child. It seem's like it would enocurage them to inflict physical pain and that can never be good. Hit them where it count's. Take something away from them or ground them.
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| Feb 24, 2006 @ 10:55 AM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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SylvanDreams
Posts: 2,133
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When my children were (a lot) younger, I would pop them on their diapered behinds when they got out of control. It did not inflict pain, just startled them enough to make them stop whatever they were doing... The displeasure displayed on my face did the rest, as they didn't want to upset Mommy.
As far as inflicting actual pain, I don't think it is necessary or achieves anything. A "spanking" usually does not involve actual pain, though--if it does, it's wrong! And using a belt is absolutely wrong! Leaving welts IS abuse!
But a parent must have some recourse when a child does not listen. Do any of you parents have suggestions for things that did work for you? Time outs? Taking away toys, games, TV, etc. (which never worked for me, all my kids loved to read, and I refuse to take books away....  )
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| Feb 24, 2006 @ 7:58 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Good post, Sylvan!
My boys learned when they didn't have their video games, time with their friends, school sporting events. They didn't give me too many problems until they were about 14 or so -spanking would not be appropriate. They are decent young men. My daughter has medical issues that cause some unliked behaviors. When she harms herself or others, she gets a slight swat on the behind for attention sometimes, or nice touch discussion. It depends on the situation. Sometimes it's a Dennis the Menace chair in the corner time out. I also always made my children admit wrong and apologize to people they hurt. I try to do the same.
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 5:53 AM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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Thunderscribe
Posts: 419
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I'm not a parent, but I was spanked, paddled, and saw the belt a few times.
Today, I'm very successful, have multiple graduate degrees, reasonably well-adjusted, and actually a fairly happy person.
So, even though not a parent, I don't see anything wrong with reasonable and non-abusive physical punishment.
Oh, I'm sure some of you will point out that I'm single. Keep in mind that I was very happily engaged and was going to be married a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, she will killed in a plane crash, thus me not being married. I'm now ready to date again.
So no, physical punishment didn't harm me in my relationships with other people.
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 8:47 AM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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t_h_e_b_r_a_t
Posts: 386
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Only the ignorant, unstable and/or the lazy parents hit their kids.
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 9:10 AM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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jellybean20
Posts: 10
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I am glad my parents never hit me, I may have pushed them many
times but they never did. I have friends who were spanked from an
early age and many of them have issues from it. Sad 
If you aren't smart enough to learn positive parenting maybe you
shouldn't have kids.
[Edited on 2/26/2006 11:05 AM]
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 9:20 AM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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t_h_e_b_r_a_t
Posts: 386
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Amen Jellybean, Amen!
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 1:54 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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note: I am taking part in this discussion as a parent with experience. I am currently working with the University of Iowa and the University of San Diego California on this very issue. (Can provide proof)
I am a parent speaking from experience, and experience in my own life. I was spanked, don't recall the spankings-at all. I remember being "grounded" from friends, after school events, sleepovers. Boy did that hurt. Obviously alot more than the spankings did.
When I was growing up, spanking appropriately was the norm. I don't know anybody that mentions suffering as an adult due to spanking. (*Beatings, alcoholism, divorces-yes.) When my children were little, their pediatricians did not object to slight(keyword) and appropriate swats on the behind. Many people I speak to truly believe that aforementioned *problems and lack of proper discipline, including spankings could be the cause of so many misbehaved children today.
Experience example:My daughter has behavior issues due to her genetic condition. She is so smitten with what adults do that she tries to be part of everything. "NO" does not work. A slight(keyword) swat on her pull upped behind gets her attention long enough to explain danger, or remove her from it. My house is like Fort Knox nowdays to protect my child from self injury and she finds new ways every day due to curiosity. Sometimes using mild "spanking" is effective in stopping her from being burned or breaking bones. Verbal does not.
Any physical contact with children has become a big issue nowdays because often the more serious offenses were not reported, or taken seriously. Children have been murdered by beatings. I have worked with caseworkers, mhdd and the governor's office on this very issue. Light and situation appropriate-spankings never killed anybody.
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 2:07 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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Mudplay
Posts: 47
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When my children were (a lot) younger, I would pop them on their diapered behinds when they got out of control. It did not inflict pain, just startled them enough to make them stop whatever they were doing... The displeasure displayed on my face did the rest, as they didn't want to upset Mommy.
As far as inflicting actual pain, I don't think it is necessary or achieves anything. A "spanking" usually does not involve actual pain, though--if it does, it's wrong! And using a belt is absolutely wrong! Leaving welts IS abuse!
But a parent must have some recourse when a child does not listen. Do any of you parents have suggestions for things that did work for you? Time outs? Taking away toys, games, TV, etc. (which never worked for me, all my kids loved to read, and I refuse to take books away.... )
I couldnt agree more. Each child responds to differnet methods in different ways. I found that the light swat on the padded rear was most effective when mine was at toddler age, when the skills of logic and reason are not well developed, and the concept of action/consequence must be as simplistic as possible.
Ive seen parents arguing logic and reason with a screaming disobediant 3 year old, and its almost laughable.
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 2:11 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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t_h_e_b_r_a_t
Posts: 386
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Loreli- please understand that your daughter is special. She does need to be handled differently than "normal" kids. ALL special kids need specialized attention. So please, do not misunderstand this time.
I saw the "slight", I did. And you claim that you are educated on this issue. Not trying to debate that either. What I want to point out, is that while some adults might intend to only deliver a slight swat, they don't take size difference, much less their tempers, into consideration when they do it. Then, in some cases, they accidentally injure the child. Many have suffered brain and spinal damage from what parents claimed to have been "a little tap". I once saw a very large man try that with my daughter when she was very small. Even though to him it was just a mild swat, even he was shocked when her whole body started to lift off the ground. Yeah, he caught her, and caught hell from me for it. But the point is, he didn't MEAN to hurt her.
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 2:38 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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greenizenora
Posts: 629
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There's a huge difference between discipline and abuse.
A spanking is done out of love and concern for the well-being of your child.
A beating is done out of anger and the need to control.
A spanking should involve only your hand and a well-padded bottom, and should only be used in the most serious of offenses. It should never be done in the heat of the moment.
A beating involves anything the abuser can use to hit another with, any body part that's available, and doesn't necessarily involve any kind of real offense on the child's part.
Spanking does not equal hitting. Hitting is a clenched fist. . .spanking is an open palm.
Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with spanking a child for extreme behavior.
If you look at trends. . .when spanking was taken out of the schools, and a parents (not just abusive ones) right to discipline their own children became grounds for legal action. . .the incidents of juvenile delinquency began to increase.
It's a personal choice whether to spank or not. . .just remember is was your choice if you find yourself with a disrespectful, out of control, little hoodlum.
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 2:51 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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yep, brat, you are right- People do need to take size into consideration! Very good observation. For those of us that know the difference, it is just a second-sense to our being!
How did it happen that you just saw "some large man" feel a need to discipline your daughter at all... ? Seriously- I'm not being a snot, so don't judge this question-i'm curious.
When a parent is present, they are the only person that should take responsibility for discipline of their own child. Unless that parent is in a loving, binding relationship with somebody and discipline has been discussed.
(Yes I do have knowledge and experience-credentials can be sent. )
Special needs is just a label. She is still a child and I still expect my daughter to be treated as a regular person-including discipline. The more "normal" she is treated, the more she grows. There are other children not labeled as special needs that need special discipline!
(note:I didn't misunderstand you last time, either. I joined a conversation that I have experience with. It was a general topic, just as this is-neither mentions regular, unleaded or ethanol people. It was general. I walk in here, as you claim to, with open mind, and open heart) I just love people!
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 2:57 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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[QUOTE]right to discipline their own children became grounds for legal action. . .the incidents of juvenile delinquency began to increase.
Many would agree with you, Green-maybe even the juvie officers and police department...
I had a friend that never fenced their yard because "talks" with his children made them never pass the sidewalk. I wish it could work with every child. Oh, but he spanked along with the talks in the beginning. Wasn't necessary after that! I'm glad,,,,
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| Feb 26, 2006 @ 6:44 PM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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Dad2Four44
Posts: 56
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My ex wife used to use what's called an obediance stick. I found out about this from the kids during a custody battle. What it consisted of was a 12" (foot long) hot gun glue stick. When the kids misbehaved, she whould slap them with this stick...it was a spare the rod, spoil the child thing. This behavior of hers, among other issues in her home/homes was why I ended up with custody. On another note, one of my twins ruined a brand new pair of tennis shoes playing by the river...he was not allowed to be there in the first place. When I caught him over by the river and called him home and saw his shoes were ruined, I smacked him once on his butt on his way into the house, a neighbor saw it and called the police on me for abuse. When the police arrived, they saw I didn't harm my son physically at all and determined the claim unfounded. My point...Today's punishments are far different then when we were young. Corporal punishment is not tolerated anymore and the kids are allowed to get away with much more then ever because the consequenses and accountability has deminished. I look at my kids now and I see very kind, polite, generous and faithful young people and am proud to call them my children...I Love them very much.
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| Feb 28, 2006 @ 10:19 AM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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tezra
Posts: 195
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I don't think the laws against corporal punishment are to blame for the way kids act today. I believe that it is too many parents not being parents. Expecting the schools and daycares to do their jobs for them, and using those same things to blame for negative behavior. "Oh well, what can I do, he learned it from the kids at school." I say so what, once they get home it is your job to correct that. Schools are for scholastic education, and daycares are to care for them in your absence. Neither's purpose is to raise your kids for you.
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| Mar 1, 2006 @ 9:34 AM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?...
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t_h_e_b_r_a_t
Posts: 386
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What happened to the OP? Got the impression this thread was going to get high jacked off topic, so I just sent a private response to his email account. Just got a message back thanking me, and his account has been cancelled. Did you guys scare him away or what?
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| Mar 2, 2006 @ 12:02 AM |
Corporal punishment- spare the rod?... |
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careless30
Posts: 63
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side note _ Corporal Pnishment is still legal. Some school districts still enforce it. I had to have a doctor sign a statment at my daughters last school every year to prevent them from "paddling" her.
OT I think spanking is ok aslong as it is done properly. Never spank with any thing other than an open hand and NEVER when you are mad. If or when my children do something that is completely unacceptable that makes me so mad. I send them to there room to wait while I calm down. The wait is always much worse than the spanking any way.
Spankings are not the only form of puishment I use. The also have favorites taken away and get grounded. I am aways complimented on my childrens behavior and rarely have to disipline them because I never threaten (without following through), and I am very consistant. MY kids know what they can and can't do. And are never spanked for a first offense of something thats never come up before.
I am a strict and loving mother. All the kids in the family say I'm the cool mom  even though I am the toughest to get away with.
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