| Apr 3, 2006 @ 10:39 PM |
Young Grandmothers?
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ravensday
Posts: 388
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My 16 year old daughter is 4 months pregnant with my grandchild. I was devestated by the news. I was upset because neither she nor the father used protection. But now here I am 40 years old and I am going to be a grandmother. I thought grandmothers were suppose to be old, gray and settled. I am far from any of those. Has anyone else been through this? I am newly dating and how do I explain to someone about this? I date predominatley young guys. I dont want my new guy to be freaked out by the fact that I will be a grandma.
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| Apr 4, 2006 @ 12:11 AM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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Well as devastating as the news is, congratulations!!
The closest I have been to this particular problem was when we thought my 17 year old daughter was pregnant. I never in my wildest dreams thought it would happen. She lives with her dad in another state.
When I first heard the news I was ready to make a "phone call" and have the guy "taken care of". I was VERY angry. Then I called a much older male friend of mine (who is very wise indeed) and he told me, life happens and you can't change it. Getting mad or upset isn't going to change it, having the guy roughed up isn't going to change it (might have made me feel better for a lil bit though).....and making a bigger deal out of it than it is, is only going to cause your daughter to withdrawl from you.
Turns out it was a false alarm. So I was saved from the grandma at 40 thing (actually would have been 38 at the time)............Best advice I can think of at this time is this. If you treat the pregnancy with joy and happiness, surely the man who loves you would be happy as well. If you don't mention the word "grandma" too many times, maybe he just won't pick up on it and put two and two together. Sounds silly but sometimes the best way to deal with something is to simply not deal with it at all.
Good luck!!!!!!! and CONGRATS AGAIN!!!!
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| Apr 4, 2006 @ 12:23 AM |
Young Grandmothers?
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fineartist
Posts: 124
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It will no doubt be a time of adjustment for your daughter for becoming a parent at any age is a life changing event, even more so when one is so young. However, it is the difficult times in life that help shape us into better people. I hope the father will take responsibility and do what he should in order to help support his child even if he and your daughter do not plan on marriage.
As a "younger guy", whether or not a lady is a grandmother isn't going to affect whether not she and I make a connection and are able to have a good time. Grandmothers, just like anyone else, come in all varieties. Who says a grandmother can't be a vivacious hot tamale? 
Every life is precious and a success against the odds if you consider the enormity of our world and beyond to the galaxy and even to the rest of the universe.
Congratulations on the news of your granddaughter, ravensday!
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| Apr 4, 2006 @ 3:06 AM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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pitbullgurl
Posts: 740
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Hey Raven...welcome to the forums!! 
It may be a little unsettling for you now, but take it from a voice of experiance....when you hold that little one in your arms, you'll be so darn proud to be called "grandma".
I had my daughter at the age of 17, then she gave birth to her daugher shortly after her 18th birthday, so....I became a grandma at the ripe ol' age of 35!!  People still mistake my grandchildren for MY children, but I very quickly correct them and proudly boast that they are my grandchildren ( I have three now!!  )
Two of my freinds just gave birth and I have to think to myself....glad it's not me!! I get to spoil them rotten...and send em home.  It may take you a little bit to get used to the idea of being a grandma, but once you do...you won't be able to imagine your life without those precious little faces!! 
I dont want my new guy to be freaked out by the fact that I will be a grandma.
I have in my profile that I'm a grandma...and it certainly hasn't deterred anyone from contacting me. It really doesn't matter what others think...IMO. If they are freaked out by the fact that you're a grandma....oh well...just move on to a MATURE gentleman....one that will truly enjoy the prospect of having a close relationship with a woman such as yourself....an attractive, young grandma . Congratulations and enjoy Raven!! 
[Edited on 4/4/2006 3:17 AM]
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| Apr 5, 2006 @ 9:36 PM |
Young Grandmothers?
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ravensday
Posts: 388
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I want to thank you all for responding. Now I know that I am not alone. I am putting my myspace.com link on here as I will be adding stuff about the baby as the months progress. I have her ultra sound photo on there now.
thanks again.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=60997253
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| Apr 5, 2006 @ 9:47 PM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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Loreli
Posts: 18,175
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Hi Raven-
As hard as it may seem right now...my son became a father at a young age (18) and he was scared to death. So know that what you're feeling about fears is not just you! My son is the best parent I think I've ever seen, loves his son so much. And that little boy has brought equal joy to me as when I had my own kids.
As far as people you date? If they don't like it-forget em!
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| Apr 5, 2006 @ 10:00 PM |
Young Grandmothers?
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Scooterkist
Posts: 83
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I became a Grandma at 36 ! And it never bothered me a bit. When I looked at that baby, a warmth started in my toes, went up my body and stopped inside my heart. He is 14 now....and 3 more followed him.
All's I can say is...
Grandchildren are the rewards we get for not killing our kids.  (don't take me literally)
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| Apr 7, 2006 @ 3:32 PM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 20,181
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Oh I love being a grandma.
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| Apr 12, 2006 @ 8:22 PM |
Young Grandmothers?
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tahoma
Posts: 9,718
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I also became a grandma at 36 and it's just the GREATEST! Being a young grandma you get to do so much more with the little tykes. Like the time I took him snowboarding for the first time! And just think... you may still be alive to see your Great-grandkids!
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| Apr 13, 2006 @ 11:26 AM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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flgirl9664
Posts: 4
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Raven know you are not alone here..I am going thru the same thing I found out my 17 year old daughter is also pregnant. And one of the first things I thought after the initial shock wore off was that I was to young to be a grandmother at 41 . But now I am looking forward to it.,
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| Apr 14, 2006 @ 11:36 AM |
Young Grandmothers?
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tezra
Posts: 195
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Soooooooooo glad this is not something I have to worry about. My son went on his first lunch date at the same age raven's kid got pregnanat? LOL Just goes to show that if you don't raise them right, they will make more for you to raise before they are ready to handle it properly. Fortunately, my son is a gentleman. He is also mature enough to KNOW he isn't ready for kids, and isn't STUPID enough to do anything that would make him a father before he was ready.
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| Apr 14, 2006 @ 4:50 PM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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ravensday
Posts: 388
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Just goes to show that if you don't raise them right, they will make more for you to raise before they are ready to handle it properly
I did raise her right. I talked with my daughter constantly about sex and its concequences since she was old enough to understand. I put her on the pill. I told her that she needed to take it everyday. However, any parent knows that you can not stand over them 24/7. I tried. Once they reach a certain age, they develop minds of thier own. They make decisions. Some of them not the right ones. I raised my son the same way and he knows to use protection. I think you can only tell your children the right way to do things and then you have to leave the rest up to them.
And if I were you, Tezra, I wouldnt be so smug.  Boys can bring home babies just as well as girls can. It only takes one time with out protection and then you have a life time of responsilbilities. And I thought my daughter was smart enough to avoid the situation also. Just goes to show that we do not know our children as well as we think we might. Kids are going to have sex. We did it, they will do it. Its how you prepare them for it that counts. My daughter and her boyfriend made a mistake. That does not make her badly raised. Just a bad decison maker.
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| Apr 14, 2006 @ 5:01 PM |
Young Grandmothers?
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Loreli
Posts: 18,175
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Soooooooooooo glad I have wonderful children, one of whom is a wonderful father, of a wonderful little boy. Everything happens for a reason. This was called love.
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| Apr 14, 2006 @ 8:50 PM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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BlueRoze
Posts: 26
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I'm 36 and I'm going to be a grandma June 4th to a little girl. My daughter is 19 and will almost be 20 when she has baby and I think the father is more excited about the baby coming than she is (don't get me wrong she's happy too but he's more happy).
I guess what they say "What goes around comes around" is true cause my mom was a grandma at around the same age also. (i was 16 and 11/12ths when i had my oldest girl).
I am so excited that little girl is going to be sooooooooo spoiled.
Cheers :) 
as a side note: ........ Think about how my Mom, Dad and my grandmothers feel......... they will be Great Grandma and Grandpa(56yrs old) and Great Great Grandmas (74yrs and 79yrs old)
if you think you are too young to be a grandma...... think how your parents/grandparents will feel too and you will be glad there are no greats in front of your new grandma name lol
[Edited on 4/14/2006 8:56 PM]
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| Apr 15, 2006 @ 12:15 AM |
Young Grandmothers?
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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I'm not saying that I condone teen pregnancy, but many years ago if a girl wasn't married and pregnant by the age of 16 she was an old spinster...lol
Thank God times have evolved since then, but I think I see Blue's point. My cousin got pregnant at a very early age but my aunt and uncle and my grandparents were thrilled that they would have more time on this earth with the baby. I guess it's all in how you look at it. Society is definitely dictating a standard on this one.
I'd personally like to see my daughter graduate college and start her career before she thinks about marriage and babies, but after all is said and done, it is her choice. I can only love her and be there for her.
Congrats to you young grandma's. You're gonna have a lot of fun with those babies while you're still young enough to enjoy them!!
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| Apr 15, 2006 @ 12:28 AM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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My daughter and her boyfriend made a mistake. That does not make her badly raised. Just a bad decison maker. Very well said. You would think that some people here have never made a mistake in their lives, eh? It is ever so easy to pass judgement on anothers life of which you have very little knowledge of!!!
I thought grandmothers were suppose to be old, gray and settled Nope, you'll be fine!! Just be thankful that you will get to enkoy your grandkids whilst you are still young enough to do all the things you want to do with them! What's done is done, and now you must enjoy it!
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| Apr 15, 2006 @ 7:18 AM |
Young Grandmothers?
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tezra
Posts: 195
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"I did raise her right. I talked with my daughter constantly about sex and its concequences since she was old enough to understand. I put her on the pill. I told her that she needed to take it everyday."
Didn't it occur to you that by this behavior you were acting like you condoned her having sex at such an early age? Sounds like it to me.
"However, any parent knows that you can not stand over them 24/7."
That is why you teach them morals etc.
"And if I were you, Tezra, I wouldnt be so smug. Boys can bring home babies just as well as girls can."
Considering he is already 25 and not so much as a scare to date, and your daughter is knocked up at 16,,, I think that says it all right there. I raised a decent young man who knows how to act.
"It only takes one time with out protection and then you have a life time of responsilbilities."
But there is no excuse for even that one time to be happening at such a young age.
"Kids are going to have sex. We did it, they will do it."
I hate generalized statements like this. Apparently your kids, but at 16, not me and not mine.
"That does not make her badly raised. Just a bad decison maker."
Sorry, I just can't agree with that. I am actually horrified that so many have the attitude that this is "just the way it is", when it isn't. The same way that kids of today aren't smoking as much as their parents did, they are also learning the dangers of sex. Well, at least mine, and those they associate with. But where ever you go, you will almost always find that the two groups (not going to label them) tend to keep to their own.
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| Apr 15, 2006 @ 7:39 AM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Considering he is already 25 This is strange, because you said "not me", yet your age is stated as 34, and your son is 25, therefore he was born when you were just 9.
But there is no excuse for even that one time to be happening at such a young age. Humans, both kids and adults, make mistakes. Some have more serious consequences than others, but one of the most important issues is that the kids are raised to bear and accept the consequences with maturity. I don't believe that children are ready for parenthood at 16, but mistakes DO happen, kids can be overcome by excitement. I for one know how possible that is, and I wouldn't dare to "judge" the parents as irresponsible or label them as haveing brought up their children badly.
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| Apr 15, 2006 @ 9:09 AM |
Young Grandmothers?
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tezra
Posts: 195
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Your first comment just reflect how seriously I take this site. Didn't really bother noticing what was in all those boxes LOL
The second...
"Humans, both kids and adults, make mistakes."
I will agree that it was a major mistake to put a child on birth control instead of telling her she had no business having sex and making sure there were serious repercusions if there were any clues that she was tramping around.
"...and I wouldn't dare to "judge" the parents as irresponsible or label them as haveing brought up their children badly."
I just wouldn't feel like they had been available to that child enough to teach them how to be a mature, responsible adult. I mean how else could a kid be 4 month pregnant at the age of 16??? That is just plain sick and wrong. And guess who is probably going to end up paying the bill for this kid? Or is the OP stating she is also willing to provide for this kid if her kid can't? As I have already stated, parents like this are why teenage pregnancy is on the rise in this country. I have asked a lot of kids who do things like this, "Do you even HAVE parents?" I really wondered if they had been raised by wolves or what.
I also didn't miss the bit where the OP was mainly worrying about HER social life and her dates freaking out over this. Shows just where her priorities are.
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| Apr 15, 2006 @ 9:24 AM |
Young Grandmothers? |
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Lovely1368
Posts: 112
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Yes, she does seem to only be worried about what her dates will think.
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