| Apr 17, 2006 @ 11:16 PM |
Why do men ask this question?
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3girls2boys
Posts: 17
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Hi! I'm MeL, proud single mom to *gasp* 5.
I just have to know why the first thing men ask about my kids is how many different fathers? It has never occured to me to ask a single dad how many babies mamas they have. It makes me sad when they assume because I am single with so many kids that they must all have different fathers. For the record...My oldest is my high school sweethearts and the other 4 are my exhusbands. I have told some that they are by 5 different dads (my youngest 2 are twins LOL) and number 6 belongs to someone I haven't met.
Anyone else get remarks like this or is it just because there I have so many of them?
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| Apr 18, 2006 @ 11:14 AM |
Why do men ask this question? |
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RachelVaz
Posts: 1,219
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Girl-
I have five girls - two different fathers... I don't really get asked this, but people say -"Wow- the younger two look so different- that's cool!"
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| Apr 18, 2006 @ 11:28 AM |
Why do men ask this question?
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ravensday
Posts: 388
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I have been asked stupid question also....When my daughter was a baby and on WIC, she and I had different last names. Her name was on the WIC voucher and my signiture. Well the cashier at the grocery store thougth I had stolen the vouchers becuase her name was different than mine. I told her " you have heard of marriage and divorce and remarriage right? She told me: (No lie) "Then why is your daughters name different than yours if you got a divorce?"....Ohh god. I nearly fell out laughing. Thankfully her manager had over heard the exchage and came over and explained to his employee that childrens last names dont change with divorce....only the mom's name does. She didnt say another word. I never forgot that. It was funny..
As far as the different dad's go, both kids look so much like each other that they dont even have to ask me. They look like they could be faternal twins...but they are 17 months apart. Anyone who has met both of my kids knows that tbey have the same father.
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| Apr 18, 2006 @ 1:01 PM |
Why do men ask this question? |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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Well, I don't see where that is an important thing to know. It could be they just are trying to find out if you seem "promiscuous"...who knows? I don't ask that question either...
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| Apr 18, 2006 @ 2:16 PM |
Why do men ask this question?
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DwainP50
Posts: 5,102
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I can't believe you don’t see why this is being asked. It is an important question later on in the relationship. Just to make it a little easier I will say a man with 5 different children in which he has full custody off. Wouldn’t you want to know who there mom or mom’s are? How many moms are you going to have to deal with if a relationship is in the cards? One for each child in this scenario. Some piss off and do everything to make life hard. Some of the moms are nice but are into the child’s life to where they are trying to dictate how to bring them up? One of them calling the Child Protection Authority all the time. As we know you are guilty until proven innocent with any alleged or implied improprieties kids. So why the question is asked? You might want to know what you are getting into before committing your heart.
Don’t get me wrong I love my girls and if I get into a relationship with someone they would have to love my children too as I would love and mentors there’s. 
[Edited on 4/18/2006 3:38 PM]
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| Apr 18, 2006 @ 2:58 PM |
Why do men ask this question? |
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Danger
Posts: 1,246
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i can't say as this is a stupid question, but i have asked men that have children (more then one child) if he was married more then once-if the kids were from the same mother or not. yes, it's a part of a relationship that you SHOULD know about. i agree with DwainP...
if you were to be in HIS shoes, or the situation was reversed...wouldn't you really want to know? i once met a man with 9 kids...i believe it was 4 from one 'mom' and 5 from another. but...he had 'other' kids too..but just not living in this state! OK...mark that one off!
kids are going to be a part of your life if things work out, so the more the other person knows, the better...
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| Apr 18, 2006 @ 5:50 PM |
Why do men ask this question?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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I just have to know why the first thing men ask about my kids
That is why I answered as I did.
Once you get to know if there is a chance the two of you can work, your histories have probably been brought up because you want them to know. In conversations leading up to fist dates
Dwain-I have seen "nice ex" wives or husbands lose it after their ex- spouse remarried. They presented no problems until after the remarriage. One can't always tell when people could cause you problems in relationships filled with exes and steps.
If there is a whacko or excrutiatingly overbearing individual in the picture, I would like to know shortly after the dating process begins. And prepare to deal with it-or not.
It's just not the first thing I would ask a man if he said, I have 5 beautiful children. But that is just me!
I have not dated any men with 4 or 5 children, but if there were 3 or 4 different mommies involved, then maybe asking would be to find out why none of the other relationships worked? 
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| Apr 18, 2006 @ 9:29 PM |
Why do men ask this question? |
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DwainP50
Posts: 5,102
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then maybe asking would be to find out why none of the other relationships worked? Good one Loreli! 
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| Apr 19, 2006 @ 12:25 AM |
Why do men ask this question?
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3girls2boys
Posts: 17
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Thank you for your replies. I hope I didn't sound bitter. I was just curious as to why that always comes up before even asking their ages or genders. I am so new to the dating game and there is a new set of rules since I have kids, I need someone to guide me along :)
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| Apr 20, 2006 @ 2:25 AM |
Why do men ask this question? |
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pitbullgurl
Posts: 740
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My daughter is 26 and my sons are 16 and 17...many assume, that because my daughter and middle son are so far apart....and my two sons are so close together, that they're from different fathers, but they aren't. I get asked that question a lot...and I'm in no way offended by it. Well...unless it's some ol' gossiping biddy, that's just being nosey!! 
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| Apr 20, 2006 @ 10:59 AM |
Why do men ask this question?
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RachelVaz
Posts: 1,219
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More than one father or mother for that matter is not that unusual... especially in this day and time... I used to feel kind of ashamed... and then I would just look at my girls... I think you have to be okay with yourself and with your capability to be a good mom to your children... that is what matters.. if you are okay- your children will be okay........
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| Apr 20, 2006 @ 4:03 PM |
Why do men ask this question? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I think that it is a natural thing to ask, after all, when there are kids involved in a new relationship, who the absent parent of those kids are is very relevant to the whole relationship. It's certainly not the first thing I would ask, but it wouldn't be too far down the line before I asked it, and it would certainly not be meant in an offensive way at all. And also, I don't think that asking that question automatically means that the guy thinks there are different fathers for your kids.
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| Apr 21, 2006 @ 8:05 AM |
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poniepower
Posts: 1,733
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I also have 5 kids.Even though 1 is not physically with me, I STILL have 5.
Their reaction, is usually "wow, 5 kids!"
I just tell them "yeah, when I finally figured out what caused them, I quit!" LOL
I'm usually the one to bring my kids up 1st though, because I'm proud of my children, and they are a HUGE part of my life. If the guy isn't into kids, then there's no sense in wasting anymore time. I've never been asked how many fathers though. I'm not sure it would matter, since I'm pretty much the Mom and the Dad to all of my kids. But, yes, My oldest's bio-whatchmacalllit didn't want to work and grow up, he wanted to play house..he was 18, I was 19. The next one's dad, (I was on birth control pill) found him in bed with my sister, and my 3 youngest, well, he liked his alcohol and girlfriends a little more than spending time with us. We were married. So in a nutshell, I feel my kids were better off with me from the get go......and I've loved them every since I found out I was preggo!!! A mother's love NEVER stops, ya know. I sometimes think it's too easy for "some" father's to leave, and in some situations it's for the best of the child. . This was my case anyways. I know I probably hardly touched the OP's question, but I do tell them straight up about my kids. What caring mom wouldn't brag about their kids! What caring Dad wouldn't brag about their kids. I'm sure it goes both ways. There's women asking the men how many "women" were they involved with, how many kids they got. I've only had one "opportunity" to be involved with a dad where the (UGH!! "MOM") was "involved". That's why we had them 28 days out of the month and they weren't to court for divorce yet. I raised those 3 kids for 3 yrs. They're still in my heart to this day, even though he's remarried.
Sry for babbling...it's the meds...but I think I'm done now
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| Apr 26, 2006 @ 4:58 PM |
Why do men ask this question? |
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brenkrng
Posts: 47
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I would have to agree with rachel i too felt weird when someone would ask me if my kids had different fathers but I guess it dosent really matter bcause the 2 oldest there sperm donors have nothing to do with them and the baby her daddy is here everyday.. all my kids call and know him as dad so i guess thats all that matters..
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| Apr 26, 2006 @ 5:06 PM |
Why do men ask this question?
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paperchase417
Posts: 101
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wow, the balls it takes to ask a question like that...
I'm not going to lie, I'd be curious, but I'd wait and try to piece it together myself. As honest and open as I try to be with people, I'd feel like a dirtbag blirting out such a potent question. He may as well ask you if your in it for the child support checks.
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| Apr 26, 2006 @ 10:46 PM |
Why do men ask this question? |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,895
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Thats an asinine question for a man to ask anyone and that is the first question you always get asked? I dont see what difference it makes to anyone when someone has more than one child how many different fathers the kids have.
Stupid people ask stupid questions. 
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| Apr 27, 2006 @ 8:24 AM |
Why do men ask this question?
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Goodness_Gracie
Posts: 710
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Well to a point I see nothing wrong with asking......but most proud parents due brag about them cause they are proud of them. If it looks like the relationship could blossom into something more or just as friends those things need to be discussed. Like Loreli said you do want to know what you will have to deal with. Being a Peds Nurse I have seen first hand how many families have half siblings. You would be surprised at the numbers. One is due to many divorces and many have remarried. Alot have gotten married to high school sweethearts and divorced and then remarried again and some remarried again and therefore had more children. I do start out with I have 4 kids and a Grandson who I adore. I have been asked same father for all 4 and I just let it roll off my shoulders and chuckle and say *Yes*.....  Sometimes you have to put yourself in other's shoes (figure of speech) and not take things so offensively......and some are just curious and want to know and other's yes want to know how many you been with. Just life ya know so 
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| Apr 27, 2006 @ 8:30 AM |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Stupid people ask stupid questions
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| Apr 27, 2006 @ 11:49 AM |
Why do men ask this question?
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paperchase417
Posts: 101
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Its rude, but at the same time, if a single woman had 5 kids from five different men it would speak volumes to me. Especially in conjunction with her age and the respective ages of the children.
Say the woman is in her mid 20's and her youngest is like 7 or 8, you can gather she started having sex young. You could also gather that she has a good deal of unprotected sex. Also, either she has bad taste in men, or some serious issues in order for not a one out of 5 of her babys daddys was able to keep her satisfied in a relationship. Then ofcourse there is always the chance that shes just plain ol' easy, loose ~N~ dirty.
True those are just assumptions, but atleast you have idea of what to expect. If the reality isn't that terrible, then good for her, but at least your prepared for the worst.
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| Apr 27, 2006 @ 9:08 PM |
Why do men ask this question? |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,895
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Thanks for the Tinker,it kind of applies to the stupid questions asked alot on this forum too.
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