| Aug 23 @ 2:17 PM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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jgfran01
Posts: 41
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It will only get worst,get out before it's to late,once a man starts hitting you he won't stop,I have two words for you RESTRAINING ORDER!!!!!!
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| Aug 28 @ 10:28 PM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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katydid438
Posts: 6,712
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If a relationship is abusive,,,,staying for the children is not a good idea,,afterall children learn from experience in the home.. and history has a tendency to repeat itself...JMO
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| Aug 30 @ 10:39 PM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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MisterMatt
Posts: 81
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My belief is this. Stay together for the kids until they are old enough to cope with a divorce if at all realistic. Who knows, one might be able to get the thing put back together. But! "If wishes were horses, then dreamers would ride."
The first time I faced this was when my 11 and 13 year old son's asked me to divorce there mother and take them away from her. I told them that it was better that we stay together. I told them that there mother would get custody. If that were to happen then I would not be able to protect them.
For several years I was able to do so. But like anything else, it came to a point that I had to move. I put away the fear and filed first and got the kids. If I had been assured that I would have gotten the children I would have filed a long time ago. It would have saved the children and myself a lot of grief.
The fears and reasons why a person should file is also a question of whether your a man or a woman. I hate to say it, but gender plays a huge roll. Custodial fathers make up around 5% of single family situations. So if you love your children and your a man, you will be willing to put up with about anything and hope and pray you never get a divorce. A loving father wants to see his kids every day.
So one can beg the question, how much higher would the divorce rate be if men had a even chance to obtain custody? Scary thought, isn't it.
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| Aug 30 @ 10:49 PM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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painter007
Posts: 15,881
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And why cant men have custody?
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| Aug 30 @ 11:16 PM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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h0pper
Posts: 27
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Why can't a father? Most states have laws that favor the mother. It is old thinking dealing with the thought of the mother stay at home attitude. A father fighting to keep the children is harder to defend and win then the laws written to protect the mother and child. In my opinion, Fight for joint coustody and then as the kids get older let them decide where they want to be. Some states have finally realized that the child interest needs to be addressesd. A representative can be assigned by the court to care for the child's interest. Matters not the parents wishes here.
To often the anger of the parents gets in the way of the best interest of the child.
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| Aug 31 @ 12:15 AM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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painter007
Posts: 15,881
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Too often everything gets in the way of whats in the best interest for the children.....Its sad to see how adults use the kids as pawns......I usually have a house full of young men hhing they will fiere and hear their stories.......my heart aches. One thing they could always count on at my home....is no talking bad about a parent......fairness.....love.....and a ear to listen.......
I think more fathers should go for joint custody and not give up the right to it...jmo
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| Aug 31 @ 12:57 AM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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youbetcha
Posts: 5,875
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The reason more fathers don't is the reason I might not fight for it even though I did ask for it on the paperwork...I don't need the kind of trash brought up I believe my ex will, which is her version, not the truth IMO, that she will bring up to gain sole custody. The only child in question is my 16 yo daughter...2 years is not worth fighting over and dealing with that kind of trash in court. My daughter can still come to see me when she wants to anyway and that's all I really want.
OT: I decided to stay because my kids begged me to. Eventually my ex left in spite of what the kids wanted.
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| Aug 31 @ 1:09 AM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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KatiefromStafford
Posts: 2,127
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That is sad, YB, I am sorry she did that against the children's wishes. ; ;
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| Aug 31 @ 1:13 AM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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youbetcha
Posts: 5,875
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Our relationship was too devoid of conflict resolution...20/20 says if she did that now, it would have been better never to get married...DUH 
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| Sep 1 @ 2:53 PM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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painter007
Posts: 15,881
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The main thing is to stay involved with your children after a divorce....and to show them there is still love for them.....Kids learn from what they see us do and the way we act. Its important to be good role models always.
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| Sep 3 @ 7:26 PM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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geocentre
Posts: 62
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My parent's marriage hit the rocks hard when I was a pre-teen. Although stressful, they did stay together for the kids. After the pressures of career and child raising ceased, they reformed their marriage/relationship and are happily married today. (coming up on the 55 year mark) Individual results may vary.
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| Sep 3 @ 7:31 PM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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painter007
Posts: 15,881
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Very cool.......................Its great when people roll up there sleeves and do some work to repair..... 
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| Sep 3 @ 7:33 PM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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geocentre
Posts: 62
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Yes.. they were one of the "other" 50%
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| Sep 5 @ 8:06 PM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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painter007
Posts: 15,881
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| Sep 5 @ 9:02 PM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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MisterMatt
Posts: 81
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[QUOTE]And why cant men have custody?
This is not a simple question. Nor does it have a simple answer.
I'm not sure, but I think for the most part women have a tendency to file first. This has a tendency to determine who has first shot at custody.
As previously pointed out, the laws tend to favour mothers and stereotypical decisions. I think trends are slowly changing. But it's slow in coming.
I have seen many cases where I was glad to see the mother retain custody. But I have seen other cases were the mother having custody was the worst thing that could have happened to the kids. I think we have all seen cases like that.
I would go deeper, but I don't want to upset those that believe that custody always belongs with the mother. There are many out there that cling to this fallacy with there very lives.
My brother had this to say recently. The one that files first should get nothing unless in the case of marital unfaithfulness or domestic violence. As unpopular as it may be, I have to agree.
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| Sep 14 @ 8:46 AM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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rough
Posts: 703
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And why cant men have custody? They can - I do. But unfortunately the laws still do favor the mother over the father in most cases, even if it's not justified, but at least these days more and more fathers are getting custody - still not enough, but more than there were before.
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| Sep 14 @ 11:51 AM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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Carol386
Posts: 2,640
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My hat is off to all the men that step up and take custody of their children - its tough being a single parent, either mom or dad. My ex and I were not staying together for our daughter, we were staying together so we could try and work it out. When the time came for him to leave, my daughter was relieved. Its not healthy for children to witness some of the dysfunctional things that go on in a relationship. My sister stayed way too long with her husband and it really scares me to think what type of relationships those boys will have when they grow up.
I know there are many more on here but burns & rough   way to go
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| Sep 17 @ 8:59 PM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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MisterMatt
Posts: 81
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"My sister stayed way too long with her husband and it really scares me to think what type of relationships those boys will have when they grow up."
I hope your nephews are able to find good role models.
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| Sep 17 @ 9:22 PM |
Should we stay together for our children?
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Carol386
Posts: 2,640
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MM I hope so too - I think the youngest is going to be the one with the most issues though - its all he's known and thats very scary. Kids mimic what they see. I guess time will tell. The even sader thing is, my sister is very ill and there is the possibility that she may be gone in the next 5 years. The father of these boys has agreed (legally) that if that happens before the 2 youngest turn 18 - he will allow me to be their guardians. He will pay me support but wants nothing to do in raising them. Its very hard to be civil when his name comes up but I take the high road since he is still their father.
Again, my hat goes out to all the guys that have stepped up and taken on that responsibility
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| Sep 18 @ 11:56 PM |
Should we stay together for our children? |
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MisterMatt
Posts: 81
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he will allow me to be their guardians.
I will say a prayer that there mother can continue to raise them. Other wise, it sounds as if you have your hands full. You are brave, at least out of necessity. KUDOS.
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