| Jun 30, 2006 @ 6:52 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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My six year old daughter decided she didn't want to live with me today. She packed a backpack, with some toys and some clothes, and went down to my neighbour's house and asked her if she could come to live with them.
I made her stay in last night and all day to clean her room, with which I helped, of course, and I told her she could not have an ice cream until after dinner.
She said she doesn't want to live with me anymore, because I am 'too bossy'. Hmmm....I thought it was my job to tell her what to do....???
Anyways.....I am not sure how to handle this....I thought I would have a few years before having to deal with this sort of thing. How do I prevent this sort of thing from happening on a regular basis...like everytime she doesn't get her own way?
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| Jun 30, 2006 @ 8:29 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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I had that same problem with my daughter when she was little. Not everyone will agree with how I handled it, but it worked. I simply STOPPED everything. No dish washing, no cooking supper, no cleaning the house, no doing laundry, no running to the store. I stopped everything that I did to make our home nice and functionable. Soon as she started complaining about how messy it was and the fact that she didn't have her favorite cereal or any clean clothes, I simply packed my suitcase and told her I was moving out because SHE was too bossy and too demanding. At that point she was willing to listen to what I had to say about responsibility and why things were the way they were. It worked out well for us. (side note: it only took her two days to get "smart")
When my son pulled this same act a couple of years ago, I simply said fine! You're the boss then. You take charge if you think it's that easy. Needless to say he was confused as all get out when he realized what all he would have to do. He said that cleaning his room was pretty easy compared to the whole house, along with work, grocery shopping, cooking, dishes, laundry, etc etc.
Best I can tell you is good luck and don't take her TOO seriously. Sometimes it's just a kids way of testing your limits or exerting their own personalities.
Oh!! And don't forget to video tape it. It's great to have it to show THEIR kids when they have to go through it!!!!!!!    
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| Jul 1, 2006 @ 12:22 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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I like the way you think Harley!! Thank you....however, it is pretty difficult not to take it too seriously...it starts a precedent....  I find myself wondering where she even got the idea from so young....I figured another couple of years atleast!!
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| Jul 1, 2006 @ 3:00 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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careless30
Posts: 63
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My 5 yr. old son did this a few months ago. I don't really remember what was going on but he was having an off day. Seems like he was fussed at several times. I was working out in the yard or garage (not sure witch.) Out walks my boy suitcase in hand. Said he was running away. MY very first response was to ask if he had his toothbrush and such, then told him I loved him and to be very carefull. No talking to strangers, or crossing the street by him self. Kissed him good bye and told him again that I loved him very much and would be very sad with out him.
Needless to say he never left the block. Came back crying. He even asked if he could please stay here with me. I said yes he could and helped him back in the house with his things and sent him back to his room. After a few minutes I went in and talked to him about what he had done. I told him how hurtfull it was to me and explained that I do very much for him and his sister, but that they also had a responsibility to me. He had to mind and that wasn't going to change weather he was minding me or someone else. 5yr. old all way had to mind some one be it me or the police or a foster family, he would still have rules and chores. I also explained that everyone has bad days when they feel like everyone is mad at them and or they can't do any thing right. But that no matter what I loved him and would be very sad if I didn't have him. He hasn't tried it again. And when he mentions it he is always very apologetic. I never mention it though I don't want him to think I am still upset over it. I hope this helps, and feel free to message me any time.
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| Jul 1, 2006 @ 11:00 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Mine didn't do that until they were in their teens.They sure are growing up fast nowdays!
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| Jul 2, 2006 @ 8:49 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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They sure are, Loreli!! I think a great deal of the influence is the rotten area we live in.
Did I happen to mention that I managed to convince her to come back home for supper? At which time I made sure to tell her how sad it made me to be without her, and the only reason it was more 'fun' at her friends is because she didn't live there. There are always rules and chores and disagreements no matter where you live......hey! didn't I hear that somewhere???...thanks, BTW........then I let her know that it would be a good idea for her to move back home so we could talk about things and come up with a workable solution acceptable to both of us. I was willing to try if she was. She then went to get her backpack.....and I took her for a nice long walk.
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| Jul 2, 2006 @ 10:29 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Good parents will teach their children responsibility while they are young, and never stop until they move to the next phase of their life-winging it on their own.
And then-since some parents DO teach them throughout their young life-they'll do well on their own. It is hard for them to understand that while they are little though!
A weekly chart and little stars to put on it per accomplishment might give motivation. Especially if they are told after "X" number of stars you can pick a fun activity with a friend (movie, bowling, etc) or let them save for something they really want. (bike, skates, etc)
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| Jul 2, 2006 @ 11:15 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Yes, the star chart does work well......I have used it in the past and keep meaning to start another......Lord knows we need it!
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| Jul 4, 2006 @ 9:25 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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WickedWench
Posts: 1,613
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This is so cute!! Sorry Empath ..not to minimize your heartache but I think a lot of kids "move out" at some point.
My son did when he was around 5 or 6. We had a monstrous size fight and he decided he didn't have to contribute to the household by doing his "chores" which consisted of picking up his toys etc.
Packed his bags and away he went. I explained that if thats what he needed to do that was fine but I loved him and it wasn't my choice, but his.
An hour later I couldn't see him through the kitchen window anymore so out I went. There he was sitting on the curb crying his heart out.
'
Long story short, "we" discovered that day that he was mad at me because he didn't want to do his chores. (We already did the star chart) I explained how about working, paying bills and working together as a family ..only in much more detail which he understood.
He was just angry and wasn't sure about how to express it. Kids at that age are still looking for ways to express their emotions in a way for adults to understand, I discovered. We talked and had the "this is how you tell me you're angry" and the "this is how we deal with it to find a solution".
Doesn't work all the time but it does work most days......sometimes LOL
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| Jul 4, 2006 @ 10:15 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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lilbikerchick
Posts: 213
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My middle son threatened to run away a few times when he was 4 or 5. Depending on his mood was how I handled it. One time it may be to shower him with kisses and tickles and beg him not to go because I couldn't bear to be without my wonderful little boy. That usually got the giggles going and he forgot what he was going to do. Or the day he announced he was leaving in his underwear and cowboy boots so I told him he could go as is. Since it was my job to keep him in clothes and fed, it was his job to keep his toys picked up. If he wasn't going to do his job then he didn't get the benefits from my job. I made sure to mention the fact that he couldn't get far since he wasn't allowed to cross the street alone. They all do it and it's just for attention. Don't let it get ya down.
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| Jul 4, 2006 @ 5:48 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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crissa575
Posts: 23
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my 5 yr old is constantly trying to use his dad against me and then a freind of mine told me to tell him the next time he says i hate you i want to live with my dad to make him pack his bag and that he could only take his clothes and nothing else and i tried thatt and sure enough all thru packing his little suitcase and getting it to the door he cried that he was sorry and that he didnt want to leave me it broke my heart watching him but it worked it has been almost a year and he has not said it to me again...but i guess what comes around goes around because even tho i was in my teens before i pulled that i want to go live with my dad crap and here my son is doing the same thing i went and apologized to my mother for all the heart ache i had caused.
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| Jul 4, 2006 @ 6:03 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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Annie544
Posts: 240
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I have a cute story on this subject. Even though the daughter in this story is now 22 I think you will get a kick out of it. When she was about 10 it seems someone at school told her that you can call child services to get what you want at home. Well, one night at the dinner table she asked for something (dont remember now what the heck it was) and my answer was no. She told me I was the meanest mom and was going to report me to child services!!! So, I just got up from the dinner table and got the phone book out. Picked up the phone and pretended to dial the number. She asked what I was doing. I said Im calling child services for you!! She had a dumbfounded look on her face. I asked her if she knew what they would do?? I told her that they would come and take her away from us. And asked her if she knew what her dad and I would do? Then proceeded to tell her that him and I would do ALL things we havent been able to do since we had her. I then asked her if she still wanted to talk to them. Of course she said no...and never asked to do that again!!! I hugged her and told her I would never want anyone to take her away from me.
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| Jul 4, 2006 @ 6:23 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Thank you so much for your support and little anecdotes, ladies!! I really needed and wanted to hear how you all handled it, so I am very grateful you told me about your experiences.
I am curious though, WickedWench, how you explained to your son about appropriate ways of dealing with his anger. That is so very important all through life, and I had to learn for myself, being shuttled around from foster home to foster home..(over one hundred in all). Right now, my little 'bear' utilizes whining and crying, and I am finding it VERY difficult to keep my patience.....which is also so very important!!
Thank you again, ladies, for responding. Little bear and I are working on co-operating better, but we still have work to do. I hear these are the 'good' times???
 lol
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| Jul 4, 2006 @ 7:26 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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suzieq0808
Posts: 1,080
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Running away is a phase that most children go through. They're 4, 5, or 6 when they do it. My daughter packed her wagon and moved to the shed in the back yard. Except she couldn't get the door open by herself. When it started to get dark, she decided she'd rather sleep in her room than in the yard. My son asked me for a banana. He'd seen it on a cartoon. I didn't have one so he decided that he could run away without it since it seemed to be a rule. I can't remember which one of them asked for another little red wagon because all their things wouldn't fit in the one we had -- that one was probably my daughter.
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| Jul 4, 2006 @ 10:31 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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My little bear made sure to request permission to move to Idaho with me. lol She also asked all sorts of questions like 'when I move will I still see you?' and 'when I move will you still love me?'....I answered her, and maybe this wasn't the right approach, but I said that I would always love her, but she wouldn't see me again after she walked out that door with her suitcase, and no, she wouldn't be able to come with me to Idaho. My guess is it was not the right way to handle the situation, but I wanted her to know the seriousness of what she was doing.
Now that I see how you ladies handled it, I hope to do better if there is a next time. I am not quite sure why, but I just don't have the patience with her that I used to when she was smaller. Then, I knew I had to do everything for her because she was not able. Now, however, she is old enough to handle some responsibility, and I find that I get disappointed and frustrated because she doesn't want to do anything but go out and play with her friends. Am I expecting too much of her maybe?
So many issues. The one thing I hate the most, is that I have had to do this pretty much alone...my questions answered from books bought or borrowed from the library. Now I have help and advise and anecdotes here.......it is like a big burded lifted off my shoulders.
I wonder if I still would have set out to "break the cycle" if I had known how hard it was going to be??? 
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| Oct 13, 2006 @ 11:13 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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poniepower
Posts: 1,733
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I helped them pack their clothes....they didn't go far!!
Were back within a half hr, if they even left at all. The garage was only across the deck.
Now I try to tell my oldest to go and she ends up staying....she's 19...LOL
I must have done the wrong thing by packing their clothes in a red handkercheif and tying it to astick when they were little 
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| Oct 18, 2006 @ 12:07 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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Well, I haven't heard about her wanting to move out since that time, and she has tried very hard to be more helpful.
Homework is the 'battleground' these days. She'd rather play now, and do the work later. Unh uh...no go. So she dawdles and fools around and spends twenty minutes to look for a pencil and sharpener...and on and on. I stopped helping her look for that dratted pencil, mentioning nonchalantly that if she kept her room tidy it would be easier to find things. I noticed tonight when I tucked her in that her room has been tidied and she has her pencils all lined up on her dresser. That made me smile.
Last night on the bus we had a small discussion about allowances. On her own she offered to sweep, mop, dust, vacuum and keep her room tidy, but when I mentioned that a big thing she could help with was putting her own clothes in her dresser after the laundry was done, ( I wash, dry, fold, and stack in sorted piles ready for tucking into drawers), she said "No, that's too hard, Mommy."
Then she asked me if it was possible to get a quarter allowance for everytime she went out to play,  and what would happen if that was how it was done? I told her she would be very rich, and I wouldn't be able to buy her new shoes this weekend....so she quickly scrapped that idea.
Kids are so cute....trying so hard to be little adults. You just have to love them. 
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| Oct 20, 2006 @ 1:36 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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Oh my now i feel guilty, at 6 i ran away, i was guess fed up, made it all the way to the back yard and hid----until darkness came,got cold and hungry--hey mom ? 
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| Nov 30, 2006 @ 12:25 PM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"...
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blueeyed_irish316
Posts: 2
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My daughter is 9 years old (this weekend) and she told me a couple of times she wanted to go live with her Daddy I was too mean. 1st time was when she was 6 and I told her fine, started dialing the number for her father, and told her I was going to have him come pick her up to go upstairs and pack. She threw a huge hsyterical fit, crying she did not know how to pack.. SMILE I told her I would go help her. So now she tried it one more time and I said really go and pack, No mommy NO I don't want to leave.
I think they need to know that we will not be blackmailed and they better think about what they wish for.
SMILE
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| Dec 16, 2006 @ 1:15 AM |
6yr Old "Moves Out"... |
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momma24
Posts: 410
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When I ran away from home, I was 14. Only...I really ran away from home. The had the cops looking for me..the entire neighborhood...everything. It was summertime, so I didn't have to worry about the cold that much...what I had with me was warm enough and I had enough cash to last a good long time. When I finally went back home, my parents asked me why I left and told me how worried they were...how happy they were that I was ok..and how mad they were that I ran away. They had me draw my family a few times...and then explain the pictures. They asked questions like...why I drew an orange sky and not a blue one...why our red brick house...was colored grey. We talked through the pictures and came up with a feelings box. Everyday, we put a piece of paper with our feelings on it...in the box and at the end of the week we read the box at a family meeting. (If something serious came up it was handled right away of course) It worked for our family. I mean, we got into our fights and stuff, but I never ran away again, and my brother never did it at all. The pictures worked wonders...they had me draw them all the time..if I couldn't talk about something they had me draw it. Sometimes I wrote poems about what I felt and that worked too. 
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