| May 20, 2006 @ 3:39 PM |
Holding Your Hands
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BeaBea
Posts: 6
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Dear Andrew Kouri,
Remember following the 3rd day we have met, we have decided to work to be together? We sat on your blue little couch, look at each other in the eyes and say "LET DO THIS". Both of us knew then and did not say "Let's Try This". We talked about the obstacles and time. We have decided to hold each other's hand and climb the mountain of life together.
My mom asked me why? We are at such a different place! I stick to my promise and say, 'I will give you patient.'
My dad says he is too far, it's not worth it. I say, 'we will wait and see.'
In my heart, I know then I will not let go of our hands and I will offer you support and faith and love and patient.
Even June ask me why? Is it worth it? I told her that we are going to work together and I will work with you.
I didn't just pull and push along our way, I come close to you as a partner as well. I accepted who you are and your friends, your dark little room, your cold run down apartment. I came and help you out anyway you needed.
Three years now has gone by, and we have held each other's hand. We both pull and push each other. You have gone much faster in life after you have got a professional job. You wanted to settle down.
You look and say, 'she's not with me!' Yes I am falling behind because of my immatruity. I am having a hard time because of my past and I am almost over it. I just needed two more weeks to graduate and I would be free of my debt to my family. I will be able to move on to climb to where you are. I needed your patient and faith in return.
In just one more week, we will be able to really put almost all of our obstacles behind us and climb another part of the mountain together. But you look back at me and you look around. You see somebody at your level who is ready to go.
You say to me, 'I'm sorry you are still not grown up, I found somebody who had.' So you let go of my hand. Although it is suppose to be your turn to pull me over with love and support, you let go. So I fall & fall & fall into a botomless pit.
I couldn't hold on to the cliff I'm trying to go pass because I have trusted you to never let go. I have lost my footing and fell. Falling too fast and I could not grab at the cliff to hold on.
You have let me go at a turning point in my life. Two weeks before my final exam for a graduation me and my family have been working for 10 years. After this last leg of the journey, I will be able to mature as a woman and look at my life with you. But now I am scared and hurt and have fallen way past of what I have worked for.
I ahve four significant relationship in my life. Sunny, Bruce, Alejandro and then you.
With Sunny, we didn't hold hands, we didn't know what it meant. We may hold each other's corner of the shirt and climb. The corners of our shirt ripped one year after his mother die. We both let go. But still I travel with him at his toughest times.
Then I met Bruce. he said we can travel together because we are soul mates. But he never offer his hand. As we travel up and over the life of mountain, I slowly learned what love is. I reach out my hand. At that point, he left. He left because he could not resist my hand anymore. He left me heart broken, but I did not fall. Maybe a little. I come out of it knowing what is love and how to love. I have hope that I can succeed one day. I got back up on my feet and move on.
I am ready to explore and Alejandro came along and kicked me in my face. It hurts and and I fell. But I have been holding onto the cliff at that time and I caught myself.
With youI ahve trusted and we held onto each other's hands for three years. We have never once waver to let go. There are temptations, tests, and rough patches. All we wanted to do is to hold on to each other and owrk it out. our hearts are together.
I know we were in some trouble, tests again. But I am in such delicate time that I though you would really give me patient and faith. After my graduation in two weeks, wecan really try to climb another obstacle. I have trusted you to not let go and to pull me over.
If I am really far to reach, you are suppose to come closer to me. To considered my situation and help me. Just like what I did when you are in a dark little room, when you are in a cold run down apartment, when your divorce paper is never started.
You feel like I have a wall and is shaking off your hands. That's when I needed you to hold onto me the most, and reach out for me.
Now you move on with someone else and left me there. I will stand up and go from there.
Yet still I hope one day we'll say, 'Phew! Almost lost you there!'
Silli Goose
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