| Oct 22, 2006 @ 10:29 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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I just found out a dear friend and coworker has malignant brain cancer.
He kept himself in pretty good shape and doesn’t smoke or drink. Two Friday’s ago, he had a seizure getting out of his car coming back to work from lunch. He was immediately taken to the hospital and cat-scanned. They found a small tumor at the top of his brain and scheduled surgery to remove it, which was performed last Tuesday. He was sent home to recover this past Friday. I just found out they tested the tumor and it's malignant. He will start chemo shortly.
He had no history of seizures prior to the attack, nor even knew he had a tumor.
Btw, he is the same age as me, 46….very scary stuff.
I really didn’t have a reason to post this other than express my shock and profound hope for a successful recovery.
This is the first time I’ve had to deal with a close friend having such a serious medical condition. If others have gone through this before, maybe you could share your experiences and how you dealt with it.
Respectfully.
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 10:44 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,895
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Yep,that is scary stuff indeed.Last spring my favorite clerk-helper at the lumberyard,always sat with him watching our kids play football every fall found out of the blue he had only two months to live.He didnt make it two months,pancreatic cancer got him sooner.He too was only 52.
Our friendship wasnt as close as yours but it was still shocking.
Can happen to anybody at any time.Heart ailments are serious in my family,out of six boys and my dad,I'm the only one to make it to 50 without one.
Pray for him Motown.Miracles do happen. 
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 10:56 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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Thanks Jankia. I'll pray for everybody, believe me. 
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 11:05 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,605
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My adopted 'sister' (we've been friends for over 35 years now) was diagnosed with a brain tumor about 7 years ago. In her case though, she had a problem with tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and her doctor kept telling her it was nothing to worry about. She eventually found a doctor who'd listen to her and arranged for an MRI that showed the tumor. She had the surgery with only minor complications (slight paralysis on one side of her face), but she's planning on driving from the Keys up here to Phoenix next spring, then driving down to South America with a friend who'll be stayng down there, and I'm trying to figure out how to join her down there and come back up with her...she was 53 at the time of the surgery, but it had apparently been there without symptoms for some time. The oddest thing was that her husband (who's passed away since then, but of prostate cancer) had a brain tumor at the same time and was airlifted to Miami for surgery.
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 11:20 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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loisday
Posts: 1,333
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Mo, we will add your friend to our prayer list. I lost my elder sister to CA. She was only 32, with 2 year old twins!
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 11:29 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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While writing my Muse yesterday, I touched on something that I think can be spun out for you here, Mo. Though you have a kind heart, my friend, and I'm sure all of this is merely preaching to the choir.
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Life holds no guarantees. People grow, they change; things happen to us and suddenly there are no more tomorrows left. I personally don't want to have any regrets when I reach the end of my days here.
Love, in all its forms and colors, is never wasted but time can be. Therefore it behooves us to do and to say those things that let others know just how much they mean to us while they are still here and healthy and whole. It shouldn't take a tragedy to realize the gifts we receive from our various friendships and relationships; indeed, if we were all even a bit more appreciative of others and actively demonstrated it on a regular basis, everyone's stress level would be just that much less and perhaps in that would be found at least a modicum less number of serious illnesses?
But when a serious illness does strike someone you know, give your Self a bit of time to absorb it and to understand the fears it brings up inside of you. Then take a few deep breaths and remember that your friend or loved one is going through the very same thing, only to a much greater degree. The best thing you can do is simply be there for them. If they need to talk through their experience and feelings about it, just listen. Actively listen. If they want to maintain as much semblance of normalcy as possible, support them in that effort. Behave the same way you have always behaved with them, do the same things you have always done with them as much as possible.
What do you say to them? Simply say, "I'm sorry. What can I do to help?" or "Do you want to talk about it?" And mean it.
But whatever you do, don't desert them because YOU feel uncomfortable about their experience. True Love (and I don't mean the romantic stuff) is a verb and even a simple card or email that says "I'm thinking about you" often just the boost needed to make it through a bad day. Maintain your usual level of contact but most of all make a point of touching them in some way when they aren't going through surgeries or other milestone events of an illness. For everyone rallies around the Big Bad Scary Moments but it is during those between, that are far greater in number, when encouragement and support is often most needed.
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 11:30 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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sjpinatl
Posts: 671
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Motown;
I'm sorry about your friend. I can't really relate to your shock as I have always known some people with illness. And I grew up in a household with a mother with cancer and a brother with Leukemia. But I can relate to how it is hard to experience through your friends and family.
I see you posting that your friend took care of himself and your shock. In reality, taking care of yourself does not assure you will not get a stroke, heart attack, cancer, etc. I know people who exercise and are seemingly most healthy who ended up with you name it.
My other brother had a heart attack at 31(had a weakness there since he was in his teens), and is now needing a second heart surgery. i'm facing that I may be the only one left. My Mom needs a major surgery, will be her 4th, some of her bones are basically rotting from all the radiation she had over the years. They are putting it off because it will be difficult to recover from. And my best friend in Atlanta has been diagnosed with a brain tumor since I met her and is now in a wheelchair and we can't go out anymore. I am overwhelmed at the moment. It is hard to enjoy the good things when there is so much pain around you.
Sometimes I think there are two types of people. One type who really understands the pain of the human condition, and the other type who can turn another cheek and actually think it is a good idea to bring children into this world, who may end up with chronic illness or pain...
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 11:31 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,625
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Sci, that is so true! Thank you.
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 11:56 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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daisy315
Posts: 4,946
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I was diaganosed with a brain tumor when I was 30... the docs kept telling my husband I had a sinus infection. My prognosis was not that great, but with the prayers of alot of people I made it thru ok..
Prayer works Mo...
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 12:06 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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donna65806
Posts: 5,127
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I will add your friend in my prayers
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 12:16 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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Hey mo some are tough and will keep the pain and hurt inside till the last minute,chemo is real rough but will ask some of the bro upstairs to look out for him
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 12:34 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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I'm sorry about your friend, Mo.
That was really nice, Sci.
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 1:08 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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sweet5red
Posts: 9,698
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my best friend passed away 3 years ago and she was more like my sister than my sister.. she had ovarian and Uterine cancer that was already too far gone when it was found.. i found something which i put in the comments page space on my daughters my space.. it says.. always say i love you to those you love unspoken words are the cause of many heart breaks.. and she said MOM what was that suppose to mean.. I said felicia it should speak for itself but i love you.. Sweet N Louisiana ps and sorry i forgot myself MO i am sorry about your friends illness.. my prayers go out to you and them.. 
The Rest Of Mine Trace Adkins lyrics
Artist: Trace Adkins
Album: Greatest Hits Collection Year: 2003
Title: The Rest Of Mine
(Trace Adkins/Kenny Beard)
There's no guarantee that we'll see tomorrow
Heaven only knows how long we have
So there's no way I'll ever for one second let you wonder
Just how long my love for you will last
'Til my last breath, 'til I'm called on high
'Til the angels come and I see the light
To the very end, 'til I give in
To the last beat of my heart
No I can't swear that I'll be here for the rest of your life
But I swear I'll love you for the rest of mine
'Til my last breath, 'til I'm called on high
'Til the angels come and I see the light
To the very end, 'til I give in
To the last beat of my heart
No I can't swear that I'll be here for the rest of your life
But I swear I'll love you for the rest of mine
No I can't swear that I'll be here for the rest of your life
But I swear I'll love you for the rest of mine
[Edited on 10/22/2006 1:14 PM]
[Edited on 10/22/2006 1:57 PM]
[Edited on 10/22/2006 1:58 PM]
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 2:56 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Great insight, Sci
But when a serious illness does strike someone you know, give your Self a bit of time to absorb it and to understand the fears it brings up inside of you. Then take a few deep breaths and remember that your friend or loved one is going through the very same thing, only to a much greater degree. The best thing you can do is simply be there for them. If they need to talk through their experience and feelings about it, just listen. Actively listen. If they want to maintain as much semblance of normalcy as possible, support them in that effort. Behave the same way you have always behaved with them, do the same things you have always done with them as much as possible.
Mo, "stuff" happens without that "logical" cause and effect reason -- to GOOD people. I think the best lesson we can take away from these tragic situations that force us to acknowledge our own mortality is to enjoy and appreciate every single day as if it may be our last...carpe diem. 
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 3:21 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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Thanks, Sunny, Loreli, Katt. Unfortunately, I speak from experience.
But as always, everyone is different so YMMV.
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| Oct 22, 2006 @ 3:28 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Mo hon all i can say is ..
I just lost my brother in law in may and just being there for them CAN be the hardest part... but I wouldnt trade all those memories for everything in the world... just be there for him Mo and be the GOOD FRIEND I know you are Prayers said for you and him
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| Oct 23, 2006 @ 9:40 AM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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MICHIGANGIRL11
Posts: 1,649
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Mo....I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I lost my very best friend when I was in the seventh grade, she died of a brain tumor during surgery. My dear friend and co-worker Liza is battling her second bout of cancer. Be there for your friend, call him, stop by, offer to run errands for him. Liza did so much for me while I was off work dealing w/my cancer treatments, now I'm doing for her. I don't know if men do this.....drop him a card, I send Liza a card every week just to let her know I'm thinking of her. Trust me, receiving messages from friends makes a big difference in peoples lives.
Mo, I will pray for your friend and please keep us updated on his progress.
Take care,
Migirl11
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| Oct 23, 2006 @ 1:26 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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Goodness_Gracie
Posts: 710
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Mo I will say prayers for your dear friend. Life throws us those curve balls we sometimes are expecting it. That is why I tell people don't put off tomorrow what you can do today. Sometimes it is to late.
Sciurusniger said it so well. My father has cancer and even family members know of it and all of a sudden stopped calling or even come to visit. I know its scarey for them the not knowing what to say or how to act. This bother's my Dad him thinking what did he do wrong. He kinda jokes and says well I can't pass it to anyone like a cold or flu. But it hurts him deeply.
Like Sciurusniger says. Absorb it and be there for him. Before, during and afterwards. Even if its a phone call, a quick drop by. Just a shoulder to lean on truely does help. Just being there or around and him knowing if he needs you for anything you will be there. Thats what true friends are for. But Mo you seem like a very genuine man. I know you will do the right thing! 
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| Oct 23, 2006 @ 1:29 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses
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Danger
Posts: 1,246
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Sci that was soo well said...
and Mo..listen to her words...
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| Oct 23, 2006 @ 2:27 PM |
Friends With Serious Illnesses |
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lj450
Posts: 9,550
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Take lots of pictures, spend as much time as you can with them, and pray for their comfort. Thats pretty much all you can do. We all live day to day, thinking it will go on forever.......its a rude awakening. My cousin was 42......it was a little less than two months from diagnosis to funeral in Aug......a miserable two months.
The thing to do, is count your blessings every day......let people know how much they mean to you before anything happens. Take pictures, slow down and enjoy life......it can all be swept away in a heartbeat.
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