| Feb 3, 2007 @ 1:55 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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ncnative4sure
Posts: 801
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"Could you turn your back on your kids"
After my divorce 2 yrs ago I got a total of $23,000 in our settlement...My son kept stealing money from my bank accounts...He was drunk & high on drugs every day...He threatened me & assaulted me...The police were called to my home so many times about him...But each time I dropped the charges & let him come back home...Now there's 1 assault charge I didn't drop...He can get out of it if I drop it... But I don't want to drop it...He knows I'm afraid of him & always give into him... I have never turned my back on one of my kids & never thought I would...But I can't deal with my son any longer...Any ideas anyone....
[Edited on 2/3/2007 2:02 AM]
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:00 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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budo13
Posts: 3,609
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i don't think thats turning your back on him it is a dose of reality if he did these things to others he would be paying the price sometimes as parents we have to administer tuff love
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:03 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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stormy73
Posts: 1,181
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Yeah.. I have a TERRIFIC idea... you DEFINITELY "turn your back on him!!!"
If you drop the charges again, he'll keep doing this, you'll be out of all that money, plus, he could hurt or even KILL you while he's high on drugs, OR he could be drunk while driving, and kill someone in his car.
If he goes to jail, that would give him a chance to "clean up".
By "turning your back on him", you will basically NOT be turning your back on him, and quite possibly save HIS life, YOUR life, and the life or lives of some innocent people!
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:07 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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stormy73
Posts: 1,181
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Let me add this....
some might think that if he goes to jail, his life would be ruined. I got news for those people.... his life is ALREADY RUINED! NC... you have a chance to "ressurrect" his life. Make the charge STICK!
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:11 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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He probably needs to be on his own or have his father straighten him out the right way. He isn't going to listen to you because he doesn't respect you. I don't even know if there is a way gain his respect. He needs someone to get right into his face and slam him down........ like a drill sergeant who won't take sh!t and who will slam his A$$ down.
That's what he needs...... a good ol' military a$$ kicking.
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:14 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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TRS1958
Posts: 481
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Sooner or later you have to let him know you mean business. And sooner is gonna be better than later in this case. He has to learn that there are consequences for the actions he takes in life. That is not turning your back on him. It is merely saying that you will not put up with his actions anymore.
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:15 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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ncnative4sure
Posts: 801
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"Budo"...You are right about the "tuff love"...But even as parents it's still hard to follow through with it...
"Stormy"...You have made some excellent points...Everyone tells me I'm helping him ruin his life forever if I fail to follow through with the charges....And I need to do it not only for myself but for my daughter also....I would think he wouldn't drive drunk or high...Cause his father & step-mom were killed 2 yrs ago by a 37 yr old guy who was drunk & high...But he still does it...
Thanks so much for the ideas...Gives me something to really think about
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:21 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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ncnative4sure
Posts: 801
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Thanks everyone for your ideas...They are helping me alot...And I will always remember your wisdom so to keep me strong & not give in to him again...
And yes "Always" a good military a$$ kicking would do the job...My son's father & step-mom were killed by a guy who was drunk & high 2 yrs ago
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:28 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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If you go ahead and press charges you are NOT turning your back on your son, you are giving him the wake-up call he very obviously needs. If he is so abusive and bullish towards you, then he will be this way (probably) to many other people and NEEDS to face the consequences for his actions. It may be the hardest decision you ever make, but it will be the right one!!
What a horrible situation to be in, but be strong and stand firm to your convictions. He needs this!!
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:28 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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Some people need that kind of correction military boot camp style.
Stormy is right the more jail time a person gets the more evil they become (be careful). He needs military to straighten him out or that program "Boot Camp" for kids which is supposed to help them out. Sorry about the comment on his father, I didn't know.
Jail=bad
Boot Camp=Good
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 2:47 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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ncnative4sure
Posts: 801
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"Always"...That's ok...You had no clue his father was killed by a drunk driver
"China"...Yes you are right...
All of ya have been so helpful....THANKS
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 3:08 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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shchmaja06
Posts: 113
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I responded to your blog, not the forum, but its along the same lines. Good luck to you - stay strong
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 3:29 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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I would have done it in a heartbeat immediately after the second theft or assault (or just the threat of it). I'd have done it BECAUSE I loved my child, and would have recognized he was out of control (and had obviously not been able to absorb the concept of "respect" or "bounderies" after the first time he got way too far out of line.)
But then I was always a practioner of the 'double-standard' in family affairs: I'm the BOSS and you're the KID.  (heh, sometimes labelled a "hardass", but boy-oh-boy it worked out well)
And though it will probably be the hardest thing you've ever done, you might insist on jail time/boot camp (not probation) AND counselling for anger management (and other 'issues' he may have)
The ONE thing you cannot allow though, is to let feelings of GUILT into YOUR life. HE has made his choices (over and over again) and perhaps the only thing you can feel guilty or sorry about is that you let him get away with too much for far too long  There's probably councelling available for you, too, or a support group...because you're not the first OR the last parent to be in your shoes now, NC4 
[Edited on 2/3/2007 4:09 AM]
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 3:44 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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sweet5red
Posts: 9,706
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If you go ahead and press charges you are NOT turning your back on your son, you are giving him the wake-up call he very obviously needs. If he is so abusive and bullish towards you, then he will be this way (probably) to many other people and NEEDS to face the consequences for his actions. It may be the hardest decision you ever make, but it will be the right one!!
What a horrible situation to be in, but be strong and stand firm to your convictions. He needs this!!
amen china i left my son in juvie lock up before sometime ago and it was the best thing i ever did.. tough love works.. Sweet N Louisiana
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 4:55 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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dont think of it as turning your back on him think of your other child you are in essence turning your back on her letting this continue... he could assault HER is that what you would want?? letting his butt sit in jail and making him get help is the ONLY rational thing to do,for YOUR safety AND your daughters .. goodl uck and my prayers are with you..
[Edited on 2/3/2007 4:56 AM]
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 4:55 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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luvmycats
Posts: 10,208
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I agree with everyone here. I had to have my daughter put in Juvie just overnight once. I let it go far too long. I finally had to kick her out of my house when she was only 17. She now thanks me for it. She has since cleaned up her act, put herself through school, is married and has a little one of her own who she adores.
I also have a brother that nothing worked on. He has been in and out of the pokey all of his life. You just never know how things will turn out, BUT you cannot allow him to treat you and your daughter like this.
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 5:42 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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i would definatly let the charges stick
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 7:37 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,699
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There is an article in this months AARP magazine about a situation very similar to this. A shiftless lazy 26 year old kid who won't get a job and move out of his parents house. All the kid does is stay drunk and party and take money from his mother. The professional advice is pretty much the same as what you got here, tough love. As long as you enable his lifestyle, it will continue.
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 8:34 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids
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Loreli
Posts: 25,411
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NC-
As others before have said, do not feel guilty. Your son needs help big time. You didn't state his age but here, if they are under 18 you can sign them into a program home where they stay for one to two months, get clean, get counseling. After that, it's up to the individual, and too many don't take steps to do that for themselves.
You should be able to live your life without the kind of stress he puts into it.
If you have been a loving parent he will come back to you, even if there is anger at first.
Good luck. 
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 8:47 AM |
Could you turn your back on your kids |
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winterrenegade
Posts: 1,528
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honestly, let him sit in jail, you both need the space.
you need it so you can stop bending over backwards for him and too learn yourself what tough love is.
he needs it cause he needs too learn that you have had enough of his crud and ain't doing too take any more.
but in my opinion you just need too learn how too stand up for yourself, even when it comes too your kids, what you are doing is a perfect example of why you need too take control of your childs life.
not trying too soulnd disrespectful too you nc, but this is why it's called life
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