| Feb 4, 2007 @ 11:25 PM |
Been There Done That
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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How many of us have ever made the statement "Been there done that"? I'm willing to bet that most of us have. Occasionally we say it in an offhand sort of way, directing it at some amusing thing we've seen or heard. Other times, we're pretty serious about having really "been there and done that".
Life hands us all different trials and tribulations that we must go through, hopefully successfully. Some people are able to handle great burdens, while others crumble under the slightest bit of stress. Some people rise to the top quickly by pulling themselves up by their bootstraps while others struggle to remember where their boots are. There are those that get to know someone before taking them to task about something offensive or over an off-color comment made in the heat of the moment. Then there are those who simply form an opinion about a person's one statement without bothering to get "the whole story" or "all the facts".
You have people who will take the time to sit down with someone and use their life experiences to help or aide someone in their quest for greater learning or to broaden their scope of understanding, and then you we have people who will use their life's experiences as a tool of destruction. People who will say "I've been there and done that therefor I am smarter, wiser, and more experienced than you".
Let me show you what I see happening.
Woman: My husband cheated on me. I hate men! They are scum!
Man (in response): Well, my wife cheated on me with my best friend and then left me and took my dog.
Woman (trying to one up the man): Well my husband beat me when I caught him cheating on me and then he shot my dog and left me pregnant with a mortgage to pay.
Man (in yet another attempt to one up the woman): Well, too bad for you, but my wife not only took my dog and cheated on me but she wrecked my truck and burned down my house and stole all of my money and left me with 500 kids to take care of.
I'm pretty sure you see the pattern here. We might all be able to say "been there done that", but does that make the other person's life experiences less meaningful? We learned things from our life experiences and some of us took our sweet time learning them. We eventually saw a pattern form from certain behavours and learned to avoid them. We eventually realized that the kind of person we were attracted to at a certain age, isn't the same kind of person we're going to be attracted to at the age we are now (in most cases). I guess what I'm saying is that some people mature faster than others. It's not unreasonable to believe that someone half our age can, and will, learn the lessons in life that it took us a longer time to realize.
Who are we to sit in judgement of anyone else's life lessons? Who are we to say they aren't mature? We didn't know them BEFORE they learned that lesson. Perhaps they matured a great deal, perhaps they did not. Who are we to say?? And why is it that we feel a need to "one up" someone's life experiences with one of our own??
Perhaps I am ranting, even though I'm just rambling on about something that I've noticed, not only on here, but in other areas of life as well.
Any thoughts???? 
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 11:39 PM |
Been There Done That |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,629
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I do know people that no matter what has happened to you, they have had the same thing or worse.
What I have come to learn is, to listen to people. We have all had times we just needed a shoulder, a hug, or to just say yes, I know what you are talking about.
I have told my boys, "No matter what happens, someone has been there done that before". 
Even though, when it happen to you, it is some how different.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 11:44 PM |
Been There Done That
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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I agree the person needs to vent then. But what if ever conversation this person has done it more, worse, better , etc. than anyone else? And this person comes into every conversation whether invited or not? And to top it all off, you find out that much of what this person says is actually lies? Then do you still give them the benefit of the doubt and respect what they say?
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 9:46 AM |
Been There Done That |
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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I guess what triggered me to write this is something that happened yesterday at a friend's house. It really bothered me to hear a couple of the "adults" do this to a 20 year old girl.
This 20 year old girl lost her mother (to cancer) when she was only 13. It was a horrible time. I remember it well. I've known this young lady since she was about 8 years old. I could tell you all of the things that she has been through, but it would take entirely too much time, and to be honest, it would really be up to her to decide if she wanted her life spread on the internet. I don't envy this young lady the things she's been through though. To be completely honest, I'm not sure that I, personally, could have survived all that.
Anyway, we're sitting in a room with several adults, two of whom are visitors from another state, and a fairly sensitive topic comes up (well, sensitive to some). Assissted suicide. This young lady gave her opinion on it and these two "adults" immediately started dismissing her as if she had no valid opinion. They truly went out of their way to point out to, not just the young lady, but to everyone in the room, how this young lady couldn't possibly have a valid opinion because she was only 20 years old. What does she know about living?? Most of the people in our "circle" truly respect this young lady. She has always been respectful, never argumentative, and always steps in to help out whenever a hand is needed. She's had a steady job since 15 years old and managed to save up money to do things she wants to do. She graduated high school (with excellent grades) and went on to take classes at the local community college. She really is a good person. An INTELLIGENT person, but simply because of her age, she's dismissed as "inexperienced", for not having "lived through what we have lived through" (quoting the couple from yesterday).
Sorry, but that really chafed my backside. Oh! I suppose I should mention that this couple is a tiny bit younger than myself. I'm 40. She is 32 and he is 34. Just going by what you see here and other areas, I suppose I should discount their opinion simply for that. There's no way they could have possibly experienced in life all that I have, or have garnered as much intelligence as myself either. (yes......sarcasm).
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 9:54 AM |
Been There Done That
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redhairNfreckles
Posts: 4,698
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But what if ever conversation this person has done it more, worse, better , etc. than anyone else? And this person comes into every conversation whether invited or not? And to top it all off, you find out that much of what this person says is actually lies?
Sounds exactly like a guy that I dated for a few months. He would try to best everyone about everything. Finally, I had enough and ended the relationship. Big deal, I was only dating him because he had a kewl motorcycle.... 
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 9:55 AM |
Been There Done That |
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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You are right Harley -- that couple was out of line.
Wisdom and experience is not measured by age!
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 11:34 AM |
Been There Done That
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Harley there is just no accounting for some peoples rudeness... hugs to both you and the young woman...you probabaly showed alot more restraint than I would have 
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 11:38 AM |
Been There Done That |
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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Ive done most of everything in life that a person would like to do, but have learned more by just listening to others
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 3:07 PM |
Been There Done That
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luvmycats
Posts: 10,208
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This makes me think of LGQ, and Julia. To be so young, they have so much wisdom. When new people come here and make rude comments about their age and lack of life's experiences. It boils my blood. 
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| Feb 6, 2007 @ 4:20 AM |
Been There Done That |
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,559
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we all have experiences... and on differing levels... you look at people overseas, and the struggles to survive, Holocaust survivors, Prisoners of War, etc...
I always try to listen, and learn... and there are young people, old people, and odd people who have many things I can learn....
today's society has too much emphasis on the individual... we no longer look out for others, or strive to help our fellow man... so many folks haven't a clue on how to see things from another person's viewpoint...
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| Feb 6, 2007 @ 10:05 AM |
Been There Done That
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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Grumble---------------- 
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| Feb 6, 2007 @ 10:07 AM |
Been There Done That |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,955
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This makes me think of LGQ, and Julia. To be so young, they have so much wisdom. When new people come here and make rude comments about their age and lack of life's experiences. It boils my blood.
Sometimes people like that do make me really angry, too...but I'm beginning to understand that maybe they just can't understand people like Julia, Guerrero and I.
And you can't blame people for what they don't understand.
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| Feb 6, 2007 @ 10:20 AM |
Been There Done That
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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And you can't blame people for what they don't understand.
I agree. You can't blame them for that. However, you CAN blame them when they go running off at the mouth about things they don't understand or failing to ATTEMPT to understand.
today's society has too much emphasis on the individual... we no longer look out for others, or strive to help our fellow man... so many folks haven't a clue on how to see things from another person's viewpoint...
Ya got that right!!!!!
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| Feb 6, 2007 @ 10:22 AM |
Been There Done That |
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MarcusAHero
Posts: 15
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Quote
"A little learning is a dangerous thing;
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:
There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
And drinking largely sobers us again"
Alexander Pope
Essay on criticism
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