| May 13, 2007 @ 9:57 PM |
Jealousy
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Godless
Posts: 652
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I talk to about 100 people a day, whether it be online, in email, on phone, or in person.
In a get to know you and see where things are going kind of way, I talk to about 4 men at present. Make that 3, actually, because I'm always honest.
Recently, character 4, who I've never met mind you, went on a rampage of sorts. A rampage at the mention of having a date. I had just gotten done talking to one of the 4 about said date, and it was no big deal... but, this guy basically called me a player and a slut. Excuse me?
Do people automatically assume exclusivity at the talking stage? Or, maybe it is that sex has become such an instantaneous thing that people just assume if you're talking or dating that you're f***ing as well and should not talk with or date anyone else?
I don't get it.
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| May 13, 2007 @ 10:04 PM |
Jealousy |
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1cebit2iceshy
Posts: 152
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So what you are saying is that you have an opening for a non rampaging guy at slot #4 
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| May 13, 2007 @ 10:11 PM |
Jealousy
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Godless
Posts: 652
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zactly! 
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| May 13, 2007 @ 11:03 PM |
Jealousy |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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Do people automatically assume exclusivity at the talking stage No
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| May 13, 2007 @ 11:56 PM |
Jealousy
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,559
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people are funny... taking people on the net as anything more than entertainment is quite involved... until folks meet there is no chance of anything beyond friends,
I've met hundreds of people, maybe thousands, and in 10 years of failure, I have learned that its just a social action on the net, that mythical chemistry we seek is a rare and wonderous thing... but is seldom found....
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| May 14, 2007 @ 1:00 AM |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,952
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until folks meet there is no chance of anything beyond friends,
sweetheart, please speak for yourself only...everybody's different in that area....
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| May 14, 2007 @ 1:08 AM |
Jealousy
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Dukums
Posts: 1,686
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Do I expect exclusivity in the talking stage? Nope! However I do not date someone who is dating someone else. I do not view dating as a trip to the grocery store where you examine and squeeze all the oranges before picking one. I only date people who are not currently dating anyone. People are not produce. Hearts are involved including mine and I do not want to be compared to all the other guys on the "list". Other people are fine with this approach, but not this boy. I have too much self respect to allow myself to be denigrated to the level of that reality tv show where there were 3 guys or gals all competing for the one contestant. So there is my 2 cents. I will get out from behind the pulpit now. 
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| May 14, 2007 @ 7:40 AM |
Jealousy |
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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I talk to about 100 people a day, whether it be online, in email, on phone, or in person.
Sounds like a lot of time on your hands...
Recently, character 4, who I've never met mind you, went on a rampage of sorts. A rampage at the mention of having a date. I had just gotten done talking to one of the 4 about said date, and it was no big deal... but, this guy basically called me a player and a slut. Excuse me?
With all due respect, this is where class comes in. As in "a lady never tells". Talk to as many as you want, but do NOT tell them about each other. It is not lying or being dishonest, at a "talking stage" it is just talking, you haven't committed to anyone and therefore have no obligation to tell them about other people you talk to.
If a guy was openly telling me that he's talking to 3 more girls, I'd write him off on the spot. Not because I'm imagining exclusivity but because of his need to inform me that he's doing it. Ask yourself, why did you tell him, really? Perhaps there was a little bit of making him jealous?
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| May 14, 2007 @ 8:23 AM |
Jealousy
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Godless
Posts: 652
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Sounds like a lot of time on your hands...
I talk for a living. Little judgmental, there, don't you think?
With all due respect, this is where class comes in. As in "a lady never tells".
I don't find any respect in deceit, sorry. I treat others as I would want to be treated, with dignity, respect, and honesty above reproach.
If a guy was openly telling me that he's talking to 3 more girls, I'd write him off on the spot.
And that's your choice, I suppose, but you are limiting yourself and probably washing your hands of some potential good friends.
Ask yourself, why did you tell him, really? Perhaps there was a little bit of making him jealous?
No, not trying to make anyone jealous. For Pete's sake, I'm 41 years old and have better things to do than purposely cause drama. He asked, I answered, he freaked out.
Now, how about you ask yourself why you made the assumptions you just did.
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| May 14, 2007 @ 9:05 AM |
Jealousy |
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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Now, how about you ask yourself why you made the assumptions you just did.
Based on what you posted. I don't know you, so I can answer only to what's there in your OP. And what's there sounded like I described.
I talk for a living. Little judgmental, there, don't you think?
And I'm supposed to know you talk for a living... how? You wrote this in context of talking to people online. How can I know you meant your job?
I don't find any respect in deceit, sorry. I treat others as I would want to be treated, with dignity, respect, and honesty above reproach.
You're confusing deceit with none-of-your-business kinda deal. Deceit would be if you're dating someone, in a relationship with someone. Since you're just talking, there's no deceit.
Now since it is YOU who views omission as deceit, on the same token, he can just the same be jealous of your admission. In other words, he has the right to be jealous since you are the one putting him in that situation.
A classy thing to do is to just not tell anyone anything until there's something to tell. Always keep all your business to yourself and everything will be hunky dory.
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| May 14, 2007 @ 10:16 AM |
Jealousy
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Recently, character 4, who I've never met mind you, went on a rampage of sorts. A rampage at the mention of having a date. I had just gotten done talking to one of the 4 about said date, and it was no big deal... but, this guy basically called me a player and a slut. Excuse me?
from your post YOU mentioned that you were dating others not that HE asked..
Good rule of thumb unless specifically asked WHY on earth would anyone brag (yes that is what it was in my opinion) about going out with 4 guys?? and then not expect someone to get pissy?? You have to remember too ... some people think from the level of intimacy of the conversation that you are only being that way with THEM. Apparently in your OP you left out a few details and I can see where Mary was coming from ...JMHO
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| May 14, 2007 @ 10:38 AM |
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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...come on...some of you ... (Grumpy..Mary and even you Becks)..have to get real here....
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| May 14, 2007 @ 10:44 AM |
Jealousy
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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| May 14, 2007 @ 11:07 AM |
Jealousy |
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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number 4 assumed that he was exclusive..but in general that is a strange assumption to make on a dating site....Mary read into the post and said that the op was wrong for being up front and totally honest
..a lack of communication and disclosure ( And it would get worse if we followed mary's advice) is exactly what caused number 4 to go off.. this is a dating site with 10000's of members..
Grumpy is just that.....
taking people on the net as anything more than entertainment is quite involved IMHO it is not an involved process.. all it takes is....communication..
The Op is not bragging..but trying to make her point..and maybe find a way to fix this problem... by not being up front IMO will just cause even more issues with people (# 4) who have unjustified expectations...
Recently, character 4, who I've never met mind you, went on a rampage of sorts. A rampage at the mention of having a date......, this guy basically called me a player and a slut. Excuse me?
being up front and honest and dating does not give #4 the right to call anyone that..
if she was not up front and honest about her other relationships..and he found out down the road that she was dating others while all the time he was thinking she was only talking to him... then I would agree...that she was a player... but a slut??? come on...get real... 
(edited to add an "r "to grumpy... sorry bout that... 
[Edited on 5/14/2007 11:30 AM]
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| May 14, 2007 @ 11:17 AM |
Jealousy
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julia143
Posts: 1,696
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I am jealous....I don't "talk" to four people at one time..... 
I am guessing it depends on WHAT you were telling these individuals. If you told him that you really liked him and you saw potential...then I don't think it fair you tell three others the same thing....just sayin....
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| May 14, 2007 @ 11:45 AM |
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Godless
Posts: 652
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And I'm supposed to know you talk for a living... how? You wrote this in context of talking to people online. How can I know you meant your job?
Funny, I thought I said "I talk to about 100 people a day, whether it be online, in email, on phone, or in person."
You're confusing deceit with none-of-your-business kinda deal. Deceit would be if you're dating someone, in a relationship with someone. Since you're just talking, there's no deceit.
I guess we just look at it differently. When someone asks me something, I'll either answer truthfully, or tell them it's none of their business. Seeing as I've done nothing wrong, I fail to see the class or good in being anything other than truthful.
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| May 14, 2007 @ 11:48 AM |
Jealousy
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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"I talk to about 100 people a day, whether it be online, in email, on phone, or in person."
I still can't find a word "job" in this sentence...
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| May 14, 2007 @ 11:50 AM |
Jealousy |
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Godless
Posts: 652
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from your post YOU mentioned that you were dating others not that HE asked
I can see how that would be misinterpreted. I was basically saying that he went off at the mere mention of it and left out that he asked me.
However, I'm not going out with 4 guys. I was going on a date. One date with one guy. And, as I see it, I can date however many men I wish, just as any man can date as many women as he wishes until it is agreed that said two are exclusive.
Point being... I don't understand jealousy at pre-relationship stages of introduction. I barely understand suspicion caused by jealousy.
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| May 14, 2007 @ 11:52 AM |
Jealousy
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Godless
Posts: 652
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I still can't find a word "job" in this sentence...
I still see phone and in person. Semantics don't bode well, do you actually think I would be talking to that many people for shits and grins?
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| May 14, 2007 @ 11:58 AM |
Jealousy |
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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I still see phone and in person. Semantics don't bode well, do you actually think I would be talking to that many people for shits and grins?
*sigh*
Lady, I told you already -- I don't know you from a hole in the wall. I don't know what you do or do not do for a living. You started your post stating that you talk to a 100 people daily and then spoke about possible romantic interests. There is no way in hell for me to know in which capacity you talk to these people.
If you want opinions or advice, or simply to vent, try to be as specific as possible. My crystal ball is at the shop today.
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