| Nov 7, 2005 @ 1:07 PM |
who pays for who?
|
|
sirdidymus
Posts: 1,087
|
i'm very curious to hear everyone's views on this topic.
here is my take... on the first date, go somewhere neutral - not dumpy and nothing over the top (these are just my views based on my personal preference - there is of course no right or wrong). I generally prefer a casual place such a Ruby Tuesday's or a local restaurant of a similar type atmosphere. I don't prefer a fancy place because i don't like to put on a show and try to confuse the issue of "getting to know someone" with "trying to impress them by spending lots of money" - if the person needs to be "impressed", they wouldn't be a suitable fit for my personality anyhow.
the date can vary widly, can be a restaurant, can be a day in the park, can be a museum, whatever...whathaveyou.
So, I goto pay, and I would say maybe 80% or more of people ("people" being "women", not to be sexist but y'know - that's all that i date so...heh heh heh) would not even offer to pay, they sit idly without even the motion to chip in.
The funny thing is, if they do offer to chip in, i politely decline their offer - but the fact that at least they made the motion to chip in - means the world to me.
It just confuses me (not in a duragatory sense so much, but confusion - nonetheless) how someone can just "sit there" and not even offer to pay their share.
I've heard differing answers about this,
==> someone woman are maybe just looking for a free meal (though my faith in human nature deters me from wanting to believe that to any great degree)
==> some woman are afraid to offend the guy by offering to pay (as i've heard some guys will get offended by such a gesture - which i don't understand, but to each their own),
==> some women feel it's a man's "duty" to pay and a "woman's perrogative" to not have to pay - just by sheer nature of having been born a woman
i'm really curious to hear various women's point of view on this as well as how other guys feel about this.
peace,
andy
|
|
  |
|
| Nov 7, 2005 @ 1:13 PM |
who pays for who? |
|
soulless_spirit
Posts: 444
|
i think that should be a give or take situation and always an issue that should be talked about prior to the date ...
soulless
|
| |
|
| Nov 7, 2005 @ 4:14 PM |
who pays for who?
|
|
sarah1983
Posts: 14
|
I don't mind them paying one time and me paying the next but I'm not here to live off somebody elses money. On the first date I'd definitely offer to pay my own way.
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 7, 2005 @ 11:50 PM |
who pays for who? |
|
DragonsDream
Posts: 220
|
My rule is simple, if you ask me on a date, you pay...if I ask you, I pay............... 
|
| |
|
| Nov 8, 2005 @ 4:13 AM |
who pays for who?
|
|
Irishka191924
Posts: 11
|
In my country there is a tradition that guy pay for his girl but it getting changing and as for me - I hate when smbdy pay for me since my childhood - because I risque to lose my independent 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 8, 2005 @ 10:22 AM |
who pays for who? |
|
summersquall
Posts: 518
|
I pay for whatever takes place on the date. I'm not looking for them to dig into their purse to pay for whatever on the first date, I think I would be more put off by that if they did.
It is a rare thing to find a woman who can maintain their Independence and still allow the man to provide and take care of her. FInding that balance is one of the key things I really look for in the first couple dates anyway.
|
| |
|
| Nov 8, 2005 @ 1:48 PM |
who pays for who?
|
|
Danger
Posts: 1,246
|
normally if you asked the woman out, you should pay. and vice versa..but if you talk about it, sometimes you can ask but say it's dutch treat...making sure they know what that means...
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 8, 2005 @ 6:11 PM |
who pays for who? |
|
bluevelvet759
Posts: 49
|
I never have a problem paying, actually a lot of men I've dated found it to be a nice change of pace for them. I've never had a problem asking men out, so I figure I should pay as well. It is nice when the guy pays as well though or even if he wants to share the costs, that's fine by me.
|
| |
|
| Nov 8, 2005 @ 6:48 PM |
who pays for who?
|
|
ruready4me2luvu
Posts: 1,737
|
IF a guy wanted to go dutch with me, he'd be going dutch ALONE. That tells me a man is CHEAP and I haven't been wrong. If the man doesnt have enough money in his wallet for 2 dinners then he shouldnt ask a woman on a date in the first place  And that crap I read yesterday on another thread in here about the guy on the date with a MD date and he said he forgot his wallet, then wanted her to pay for the entire night of dinner and a movie. NOTTTTTT! 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 8, 2005 @ 7:05 PM |
who pays for who? |
|
Danger
Posts: 1,246
|
ruready4me2luvu-that was me that ended up paying for everything.i know...stupid, but you know for me, since i never get out-i didn't mind...until he asked for popcorn!
|
| |
|
| Nov 8, 2005 @ 7:14 PM |
who pays for who?
|
|
kattsmeow
Posts: 22,629
|
Reminder to men,,,Don't ask Danger for popcorn!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 8, 2005 @ 7:39 PM |
who pays for who? |
|
corvette_racing
Posts: 323
|
I usually pay because I'm usually the one that asks the girl out
|
| |
|
| Nov 8, 2005 @ 9:03 PM |
who pays for who?
|
|
BlackRuby
Posts: 14
|
If the man ask he should pay, if the woman ask she should pay. Me, I still bring my money just in case.
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 9, 2005 @ 4:49 PM |
who pays for who? |
|
Jeani
Posts: 30
|
For a 1st meeting, appitizers and beers at a sports bar. Then you work from there. I think the other person should alway offer to pay. I dont think thats realistic. I seem to drop most of the $$. I dont like feeling like I "owe" something.
|
| |
|
| Nov 9, 2005 @ 4:56 PM |
who pays for who?
|
|
hot_chick
Posts: 50
|
everything depends how long you have been with the person...
just started datin he pays, if been together for a while y not split it
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 9, 2005 @ 9:39 PM |
who pays for who? |
|
sirdidymus
Posts: 1,087
|
hey Jeani,
despite your snide little comment about the Yankees on the other thread (yeah, don't think i didn't catch that - hehehe) it was admittedly refreshing to see at least one other person that would at least take the initiatve to pay for themselves.
but so far, you're the only other person in this thread that also feels the other person should offer to pay, regardless of who asks who. the guy can then refute the offer, but it's such a wonderfully beautiful gesture for a woman to make.
i respect that everyone sees things differently, and that some guys are actually put off by that. with respect to all opinions, i don't want to feel like a woman will let me take care of her - i want where we both want to take care of one another...totally outside the boundary of any gender roles
i am surprised to find out that i'm not just in the minority but so much in the minority on this..oh well - let's just say that i'm "special" and leave it at that :P
|
| |
|
| Nov 9, 2005 @ 10:28 PM |
who pays for who?
|
|
ruready4me2luvu
Posts: 1,737
|
ruready4me2luvu-that was me that ended up paying for everything.i know...stupid, but you know for me, since i never get out-i didn't mind...until he asked for popcorn!
Yeah it was your post I thought of but couldnt remember the corect member name and didnt want to post the wrong name lol. That joker didnt need no dang popcorn right after dinner 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2005 @ 2:32 PM |
who pays for who? |
|
Jeani
Posts: 30
|
Hi there Sir!
Us female Red Sox fans are classy like that! I just met someone from here and when the bill came, I just threw in a $20. Didn't even look at it. lol. Later that night, I got an e mail thanking me for paying the bill. ( just a couple beers and appitizers, my personal fav ). Not a problem here. It just would be nice to get spoiled once in a while. Man, I deserve it! ( being a Bawstin sports fan and all
Jeani
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2005 @ 5:01 PM |
who pays for who?
|
|
Jeani
Posts: 30
|
Hey Sir!!
Where are the men that get offended by offering to pay? Will you give them my #?! LOL!
I just read your 1st post on this subject. I didn't even read it through before I answered. Maybe it's cuz I'm a bit older in my years, (41), but I'd be embarressed NOT to offer to, at the least, leave the tip. Again, just me. 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2005 @ 8:33 PM |
who pays for who? |
|
sirdidymus
Posts: 1,087
|
there was a gentleman who posted earlier, something about who might actually take offense (i don't remember the exact verbage) because he would prefer a woman that is comfortable allowing him to take care of her, sort of deal...not remembering the exact post, i believe i captured the jist of the gentleman's prior post
i feel the same as you, that both people should offer to pay. as a guy, i still believe in chivalry so i would actually politely decline a woman's attempt to pay, but the gesture alone wou
|
| |
|
|
|
|