| Apr 15, 2008 @ 5:01 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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NawtiKitty
Posts: 323
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OK..yet another potentially volatile thread but with the intention of educating and sharing
Do men get less than a fair deal when it comes to access or custody? I do believe they do.
I can only address how things have shifted in Canada and that is to say that now both parents are required to work out some form of a "parenting plan". There is no such thing as sole custody anymore unless one parent is not involved in the child's life and the other parent seeks "sole custody" out.
"Typically, as a parent of the child, you automatically have joint custody of the child with the other paren
The woman is no better equipped to raise a child than a man is.
I also believe that just because this human erupted from a woman gives her no more rights than the father.
So.......let's talk
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 5:20 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 17,992
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I think that parental rights are equal, but each parent really does have a certain role to fulfill in that childs life. Women are naturally more nurturing, whereas men have wonderful insight into discipline and common sense things as well have a keen sense of wanting to provide for their family. Women give great emotional support and understanding to their children. Men AND women make good teachers for a child,but in different ways. Neither one losing any parental rights within their prospective roles.
I don't care what women may say.....but a woman cannot operate in the role of a father,nor a man operate in the role of a mother. BUT together they can offer their child the best of both worlds. Noone should have any higher rights than the other, but should work together equally to raise their child.
Here in Indiana, I feel the men usually are getting the short end of the stick, which in my opinion is not fair at all. I applaud the Canadians for their wisdom in making each parent an equal in sharing parental rights. 
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 5:35 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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Do men get less than a fair deal when it comes to access or custody? Yes ask any man that has to sit threw it. Lady justice may be blind, but she sure is sexist.
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 5:36 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 17,992
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I agree Burns.....unless of course you are still looking to hang me today?  
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 5:39 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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kissmya55
Posts: 290
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Absoluty. It is up to the mother to make sure that the daddy has unlimted access. I don't care how much you "hate" him. Unless he's David Hasslehoff, he get's to see his kids!!!!
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 6:19 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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It is sad how many times I have seen the kids go to mom..when the father is the better choice to raise them..more stable and more responsible .. a good equal parenting is always a better option but when one parent cannot or does not PARENT the only real loser is the child 
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 8:15 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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NawtiKitty
Posts: 323
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Women are naturally more nurturing This could easily be construed as the "nature vs nurture" debate and honestly, it's sexist-mho.
I've seen some men that were far more nurturing that many females.. gender has nothing to do with it and attributing that it's more one gender than the other eliminates an entire part of our society. Just because men don't "nurture" in the same way women do does NOT mean to say that they don't nurture.
whereas men have wonderful insight into discipline and common sense thing as well have a keen sense of wanting to provide for their family.
 And women are stupid? please..I happen to fully disagree with this completely. You're making women out as though they don't have any sense at all. And thanks but I have that same "urge" to provide for my family as any "one" does
Women give great emotional support and understanding to their children
Now see it's this kind of attitude that would PREVENT men from EVER having custody. It's old archaic and totally predating this century.
I find this offensive..I'm being honest and it has diddly to do with the title of the thread
Which is about CUSTODY and ACCESS?
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 8:22 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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BeachCrete
Posts: 8,600
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Do men get less than a fair deal when it comes to access or custody? I do believe they do. ...I don't believe they do...and in most instances it's for the best...I mean the men must prove the mother unfit to try and take custody of the kids....what really makes me upset is when a father trys to prove the mother unfit to care for the kids when in all reality she isn't....He was able to do that with his money and a good lawyer...Now that's uncool 
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 8:30 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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I mean the men must provethe mother unfit to try and take custody of the kids.. You just proved it is. While women do not. Its just a given that placement is primarily given instantly to the mother. INSTANTLY. And there you have the unbalance.
Now stop kissing ass. 
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 8:32 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,615
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Women are naturally more nurturing
Yikes, I can tell you never met my mother. She was a neurotic alcoholic and rarely had a thought for anyone but herself. My dad was the opposite - he was the one who took everything on himself.
The inequity that I've seen and hated was when the custodial fathers that I knew couldn't get a fair shake - a woman having to take a day off because of a sick child was no problem, but definitely frowned on for a man....etc.
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 8:42 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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BeachCrete
Posts: 8,600
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Now stop kissing ass. ...I'm not kissing ass...I'm just stating what happens most often in todays judicial system when a father tries to get full custody of his kids.....the man usually doesn't get the kids unless the mom is unable or unfit to take care of them-FACT 
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 8:45 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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NawtiKitty
Posts: 323
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Now see Beach I think that's unfair completely and the real loser is the children. No one should have to go thru that to have access or custody.
Is it the same from state to state? Do they have any laws requiring both parents to sit down and work out a parenting plan? We have that here now I think?
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 8:48 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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Jankia
Posts: 11,907
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I cant see as how you make a rule thats generalized.This all has to be looked at in a case by case manner over time.
First the two parents must come together with a parenting plan thats best for the kids,not for each other.If they cannot someone has to be the primary keeper and alot has to be looked at before its done.
Is the child a female or a male for one.I dont care how great a father you might be there are some aspects in raising a daughter that fathers will be poor at.That goes the same for sons raised by the mother.
I'm not saying men arent able to raise there children but women are "programmed" in raising them.
Custody/access should always be done with the primary concern for the children,not for each individual parent.
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 8:52 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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BeachCrete
Posts: 8,600
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^^^^ I totally agree Nawti ...My point was that it's not in the childrens best interest if a father with money and a good lawyer can get full custody of the kids, while in fact the mother is perfectly capable of taking care of them ..I wish that fathers an equal chance of getting full custody of the kids in todays society, but in fact they don't so some dads go to extreme's to prove the mother unfit .
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 9:36 PM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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NawtiKitty
Posts: 323
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but women are "programmed" in raising them.
Nope Jankia.. We aren't programmed..well..hang on..maybe we are..we're given dumb dolls to play with when we're little girls instead of shovels. We're given easy bake ovens so we'll learn how to cook./ Disregard Jankia lol
Yup.. I missed that day we were given all the "stuff"....We might be programmed but that doesnt mean we're all good at it.
I'm way better at earning a buck and building stuff..Im loving and womanly but..I can't cook if my life depended on it..nor do I care.
But Im warm and loving and nurturing to my son and I think men can be too...they just aren't given the chance by society or the courts and that's unfair to the kids.. IT passes on the predated ideas that this is how it should be done. Do we give them the dolls? The Easy Bake ovens?
Custody/access should always be done with the primary concern for the children,not for each individual parent.
THIS is what it should be....
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| Apr 16, 2008 @ 12:49 AM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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j_goose
Posts: 2,911
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My situation...
Mom had two Dui's one with the kids in the car.
I chose then to leave her. Courts side with mommy 9 out of 10 times. Of course this goes county by county in Ohio.
I got Joint Custody (Shared Parenting) because--to quote the magistrate--"The Mother is just as important as the father." Which is true in most cases, but not when the mom drove around drunk with the kids in the car.
Shared Parenting is a joke as far as the support order goes. She lives with her mom and dad, but their income is not considered when calculating household income. Again according to the magistrate, "It's a blessing that her parents let her live there."
She has one bill...her car payment. I meanwhile have to pay for my house, groceries, and all sorts of other living expenses.
So fair? In visitation rights, usually it is. As far a everything else...no farking way...
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| Apr 16, 2008 @ 1:05 AM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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no farking way... 
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| Apr 16, 2008 @ 1:29 AM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 17,992
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And women are stupid? please..I happen to fully disagree with this completely. You're making women out as though they don't have any sense at all. And thanks but I have that same "urge" to provide for my family as any "one" does
You said women are stupid...not I. Just because I didn't say women have common sense don't assume I think they don't. I am a single mother and I am quite certain I have an "urge" to provide for my family and have wisdom and common sense as well! I merely brought out a few traits in both sexes.....but not meaning both don't have. I also stated I think shared custody was a plus. Please don't misconscrue what I have said..... I have brought home the bacon AND fried it up in the pan for more years than I'd like to discuss!
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| Apr 16, 2008 @ 1:30 AM |
The Unbalance of custody/access
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j_goose
Posts: 2,911
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mmmmmm..bacon....
I'm hungry... 
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| Apr 16, 2008 @ 3:10 AM |
The Unbalance of custody/access |
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MuskogeeBill
Posts: 599
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In the U.S. the woman is given custody about 95% of the time. We do have what is laughing refered to as "co-custody/ shared custody." If the mother so desires she can, and often does, stop all visitation,access. If she so desires she can cut off all access to medical,dental,school,anything to do with the childs life. Regardless of any court awards the father may have gotten or been conned into.
The "official" stats say that the mother is given custody only 85% but they include the mothers that have died,are in jail, have abandoned the children or are other wise absent.
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