| Apr 16 @ 3:01 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,907
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*The Dog's Diary *
8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
*The Cat's Diary *
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little angling
objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ... for now.
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| Apr 16 @ 3:08 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,360
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Definitely. The dog is sleeping on the floor by my feet, while the cat is reading as I type, deciding when he's going to pounce on the mouse (always when I have just typed out some unrecreatable gem, which he will wipe out forever).
Bad cat. 
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| Apr 16 @ 3:56 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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| Apr 16 @ 5:18 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,088
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my cat's diary:
i wonder whose lap i will sit on today. it will have to be someone who looks as if they are doing something....and just as they go to push me off, i will begin to purr. they'll feel too bad about pushing me away, so i'll just be able to sit there for a half an hour, or perhaps more. i will have to sleep under the covers tonight, as well, but it cannot be with the same person whose lap i sat on today, or else they will suspect something.
i love these humans. even if sometimes they're late in feeding me and if they won't let me eat off one of their human plates, they're still awesome.
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| Apr 16 @ 6:12 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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 LGQ.
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| Apr 16 @ 6:13 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries |
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katydid438
Posts: 6,787
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Today...
I'm pretty mad at my new Mommy today. She locked me in the laundry room while some guy was renovating the bathroom Well Ha! Ha! Ha!  I got her back because the guy didn't get finished today like he was supposed to 
Now Mommy will have to take a PTA bath in the basement sink tomorrow 
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| Apr 16 @ 6:19 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,088
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my other cat's diary (this is Jazmin, the ragdoll...the other one was Harley, the Siamese)
Deer Diaree,
ZoMg 2day waz awsum. I playd wit da catnip Arnold Schwarzenegger and someday I will get da catnip i no it. OmG mai head hurtz cos I keep beatin it in2 hard objecktz i dunno wai i do dat but i will keep dooin it i dun think i can help it. WTF OMG SHINY OBJECT nvm. 2day I chased da crankee owld cat under da kitchun taybl and it were funiii!!!!
Lurv
Jazmin
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| Apr 17 @ 3:48 AM |
Dog/Cat Diaries |
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sirdidymus
Posts: 1,087
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| Apr 17 @ 5:10 AM |
Dog/Cat Diaries
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keeno
Posts: 2,037
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wally says,
"don't touch me, it's time for my nap"
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| Apr 17 @ 10:10 AM |
Dog/Cat Diaries |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,907
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My dog Bear says:
"Let's see...What can you do for me today?"
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| Apr 17 @ 1:07 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,494
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How to Wash the Cat...
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
love,
The Dog
wet cats
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| Apr 17 @ 1:57 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries |
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keeno
Posts: 2,037
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for you dog lovers
click here
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| Apr 17 @ 4:02 PM |
Dog/Cat Diaries
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,494
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Like Cats And Dogs
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8. They're moody.
9. They leave hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They are great at begging.
8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
9. They leave their toys everywhere.
10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion: Dogs are men in little fur coats.
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