| May 7, 2008 @ 1:18 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 25,657
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SaintBacon said:
I'm all about supporting a friend and lending them an ear, but dammit, God helps those that help themselves, so crawl off the pity wagon and start discussing solutions, not problems!
There ya go!
LGQ, I know what you mean.
and never once did she ask how I was or provide a shoulder when I needed someone. Worse than that was when Dan started being an asshole to me....she completely ran out on me, completely....stopped calling, etc. She hasn't called me in about a month, so I decided I really just don't give a shit about her problems anymore. I'm just done....
Loreli, there is a difference, you know that.
if they just poured their heart out to me.....if they were trying. (key)
That IS the KEY! Trying. The users and abusers, manipulators don't try...well, to change their lives anyway, when you offer solutions and they either ignore everything offered or get mad because you won't support them in their crying. That is until you offer them money or sympathy.
It is good to support someone that occasionally needs help like a vent ear or shoulder. It is the ones that ALWAYS do it like LGQ said...
She's always got SOME sort of problem with a boyfriend, a kid at school, her roommate at college, her family, or whatever....and it has ALWAYS been like this. She'd call me up and complain to me for hours about how she didn't know what to do and could I give her advice and all this crap....and never once did she ask how I was or provide a shoulder when I needed someone. Worse than that was when Dan started being an asshole to me....she completely ran out on me, completely....stopped calling, etc.
Yeah, that is a NOT friend.
Those are who I am talking about. Please do not try to cloud this anyone. I will tell you right now, the one's that will try to cloud the issue have their OWN give. give, give AGENDA. Yeah, give... TO ME! Those that HAVE experienced the UAM type, they KNOW them after the first two or three times they go on about their stuff. You just KNOW. But sometimes they can be funny. Like that experience I had. I still laugh at my naive little self. Geez.
Pamdemonium said:
If you learn from the manipulation, then all isn't lost.
There ya go! Yeah, the next time, it won't work.
[Edited on 5/7/2008 1:24 PM]
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| May 7, 2008 @ 1:27 PM |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,006
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wow this post you did was timely SE... just this morning had to deal with a person who always comes to me whining about the OTHER women in his life  I finally just said "I'm NOT in the mood to listen to you whine.. grab yer big boy undies on and get the F over it .. YOU pick these women who use and abuse you NOT me ... I don't whine to you but I do try to be a friend to you .. yet today you tried to put me down because I am still single and on a dating site (like you are again) ?? I really don't need a supposed friend like you.goodbye " I have for two years listened to him whine about this women used him ,that one did , blah blah, it gets taxing after a while yanno?? ...anyway about ten minutes later I got an apology letter from him beggin forgiveness *sigh* But boy telling him exactly how I felt this morning FELT GOOD.. very freeing and maybe it will cause him to take stock in HOW he treats others  
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| May 7, 2008 @ 1:34 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,112
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Dont give what you shouldnt. Or will regret later. Dont enable someone to be in a bigger hole. Dont bitch and whine about the choice YOU made. No one stuck a gun to my head when gave what i did when i did. If ya cant read it skip it. I realllllly dOnt Care.
Bitter old people are best left alone. 
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| May 7, 2008 @ 1:46 PM |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,006
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Bitter old people are best left alone.
sometimes bitter old people have a reason to be that way and just need someone to talk to .. and giving them a friendly ear can be the turning point for them to come around and realize not all people are bad or what have you ... jess saying.. its called compassion 
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| May 7, 2008 @ 1:49 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,112
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and giving them a friendly ear can be the turning point for them to come around and realize not all people are bad or what have you .. So like a use. A job. Ill offer my ear when I think I can. Just like the hammer I gave to steve that never got returned. But in either case Im not gona give and give and then bitch and moan about MY choices. Thats called, healthy.
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| May 7, 2008 @ 1:55 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 25,657
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You got that right Becky. I can't tell you how many times when I STOPPED supporting the whine that the whiners changed. It is all about boundaries. HEALTHY boundaries. You do not do anyone any good enabling their pity party. Instead, if you enable their self support by encouraging them, you are benefitting you and them. And ultimately, the world.
I wrote that blog about compassion. Sure, compassion is wonderful but it is to get us to HELP others not to disable them by doing stuff FOR them. That weakens people. Sure, throw money at me baby, I will take it. But I would rather you point me to services I can learn to do for myself than depend on someone else that has a finite amount of money, strength, time and patience.
I don't want to bog someone else down. My favorite phrase to give or to hear is...
And what are you going to do about that?
or
What can you do differently that could change that for yourself?
Oh, and speaking about timeliness, Becky...it is all about the planet. This is all happening because the planet is shrugging off the crap. We have to let go of old dense energies in order to embody the new positive energies flowing into the planet now.
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| May 7, 2008 @ 2:39 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,006
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So like a use. A job. Ill offer my ear when I think I can. Just like the hammer I gave to steve that never got returned. But in either case Im not gona give and give and then bitch and moan about MY choices. Thats called, health
you are obviously NOT grasping the concept Burns... You can BE there for someone till they abuse the friendly ear the loaning of $$ etc.. then it is your choice to continue or not..right?? but having COMPASSION and at least TRYING to help others by giving them a helping hand up , not a hand out, or lending a friendly ear so they can at least FEEL that someone cares will never be a bad thing  its when it continues and changes to abuse of your compassion that its wrong.. and should be stopped before it leaches all compassion from you ... and turns you bitter  I didn't see ANYONE bitching about giving until the giving was being abused and then only in the sense that they (me)realized what was happening and stopped it... it was a sharing of experiences sheeeeeeeesh
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| May 7, 2008 @ 2:43 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,112
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Oh im grapsing it. But ya just think im wrong cause I disagree. Nothing out of the norm there.
back to your Ive been used.
Im out.
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| May 7, 2008 @ 3:12 PM |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 7,545
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...That was good Loreli, as family is family and although we try not to enable negativity, may not get along on a daily basis, we have to be there for them if needed.
...Personally, I have an Aunt that has had "two" hysterectomies...
...If anyone is with me and she is around, I tell them right up front, if they ask her how she is doing... I will come back and pick them up in a couple of hours; it is going to take awhile to hear it all. 
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| May 7, 2008 @ 3:17 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,006
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Oh im grapsing it. But ya just think im wrong cause I disagree. Nothing out of the norm there.
back to your Ive been used.
Im out.
yanno what Burns ?? Im not sure WTF crawled up your butt lately but I'm about tired of your crap..more than a few times I post something and you have to post your snide innuendos etc.. first you jump my shit in the feminism thread because I believe one thing an you another... then DELETE me from your freinds list because we disagreed AFTER being on it for two years or more..VERY CHILDISH ... instead of talking to me in email or what have you..you basically stormed off in A HUFF ....I have never deleted a FRIEND off my list because of a one time disagreement I have always let things calm the heck down.. Heck even me and YB agreed to disagree you REALLY have issues son .. unless someone kisses your butt 24/7 and strokes your ego they are against you .. grow the heck up sheesh... 
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| May 7, 2008 @ 3:19 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,006
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I guess this was a cleansing day for me ... that had been buggin me for weeks WHEW!!!
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| May 7, 2008 @ 3:43 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,112
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Making it personal huh. How brutish. Think what you want. Theres no possible room for discussion with someone as perfect as you.  Good day.
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| May 7, 2008 @ 3:46 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,006
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Personal yes.. you been doggin me ...I'm done letting you do it .. simple as that 
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| May 7, 2008 @ 4:26 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators |
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Bluebonnet72
Posts: 2,882
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Have you ever met people that always had some sort of problem? They are always telling you their sad story? One story after another? Well, those people are users. No I haven't....or better few of them.
They were not users, abusers or manipulators..........they were people who had serious troubles with themselves and maybe they were not able to recognize their real problems
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| May 7, 2008 @ 4:30 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 11,182
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they either ignore everything offered or get mad because you won't support them in their crying.
Oh yeah, definitely. That one chick I was talking about in my post would sob to me on the phone for hours and then ask for my advice. I'd give it to her, but I never kissed her ass...I told her what I thought she NEEDED to hear, not what she WANTED to hear. Apparently, this was an issue because she used to ignore everything I said completely and go to a million other people in search of the people who would coddle her and tell her what she wanted to hear. I don't have time for that kind of bullshit.
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| May 7, 2008 @ 5:04 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 25,657
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Sensual said:
...That was good Loreli, as family is family and although we try not to enable negativity, may not get along on a daily basis, we have to be there for them if needed.
...Personally, I have an Aunt that has had "two" hysterectomies...
...If anyone is with me and she is around, I tell them right up front, if they ask her how she is doing... I will come back and pick them up in a couple of hours; it is going to take awhile to hear it all.
Right! I totally get that. I had 'friends' like that as well and some family that USED to do it. Now, I have rules...HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. I demand that if they have sorrow, sure, I will be there for you but BY GOD, you better call me up and tell me about the GOOD shit you have happening or I am NOT going to listen to the crap anymore. After all, it is all about BALANCE.
People that rag on and on about their misery not only are poisoning themselves with their self defeating talk but it hurts the listener as well. I am there for those I love but feed me the good stuff so I can continue to be there for you. Otherwise, I CRINGE when they call. Hey, I have caller ID. I am SO not going to answer when I can't handle another load of misery and that is all you dish out.
Please, I love you but stop killing me. Feed me some love. I will do the same for you! I love you and KNOW some wonderful thing has happened to you at some time today so tell me about that! I don't care how tiny it was. Let's PUSH the positives.
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| May 7, 2008 @ 5:52 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators
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missliss78
Posts: 5,679
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This is a great thread!
I don't have time right now to type about all the times I've allowed myself to be used/abused by manipulators. But one thing is for sure, I've tried to learn from my experiences!
But come on now Becks & G_H...gotta quit trying to draw a line between bloggers & forum posters! Some of us participate the whole way around ya know? Or well, at least we try!
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| May 7, 2008 @ 6:01 PM |
Users, Abusers and Manipulators |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,006
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I know Miss i wasn't drawing a line hon just showing some examples its done in the forums too tho 
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| May 7, 2008 @ 6:01 PM |
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BandTMom
Posts: 39,522
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The last time I allowed myself to be manipulated and used.....dare I say even abused?....I at least got my boy out of the deal.
Not only did I receive a precious gift, but I learned to recognize this type of person.
Bad experience, but I grew and learned from it.
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| May 7, 2008 @ 6:05 PM |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 25,657
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Yeah, MissLiss! We all have a LONG list of Oops, did I really do that's? But the education is priceless. It creates an awareness we never had before. How many times have we wondered what we were getting from all these bad relationships other than lack of trust?
 Mom, you and I think so much alike!
How about we look at it a bit differently? How about, instead of losing trust, we GAIN awareness and consciousness. I mean, instead of walking around with our eyes closed and unconscious (our heads up our butts?) and on autopilot, we learn to live consciously and LOOK and LISTEN with more than our eyes and ears.
KATT, ladyfriend. Where are ya! You are one of the people in here that reads between the words. We need to USE our brains. Remember those silly mistakes people make that don't add up. Everytime something FEELS funny, what do you think it is? It is your subconscious saying ...'Hello????? Something does not add up.'
Your subconscious mind remembers EVERYTHING! The conscious mind is not so great but let your subconscious talk to your conscious mind. Then act. Think. Listen. Make people wait. Oh, I am a BAD one about that. I hate to wait therefore hate to make someone else wait. I practically PANIC over making others wait. But I am working on that. It is definitely a self esteem issue.
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