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nightlady1967
Posts: 343
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heck with mister right, just give a mister right for the here and now . sometimes you just want someone to share time with .
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| Aug 2 @ 12:15 PM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,360
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Mister right, Mister right now...we just have to keep on keeping on and learn our lessons as we go along.
Funny - I went to a shrink after my marriage broke up. I'd resumed dating a guy who'd asked me to marry me, but I'd said no and married my ex instead. The shrink asked me one question - are you having fun? I thought that was pretty shallow at the time, but in hindsight it was right on the money. If it's fun, enjoy it. If it's not, ditch it.
p.s. Believe it or not, he (the rejected suitor) still sends me birthday cards, 35 years later. Maybe I'll send him one this year. But no, the relationship wasn't fun, it was always serious and analytical...I can do that too, but I need a lot of fun to counterbalance it. Dark and somber isn't for me.
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| Aug 2 @ 12:38 PM |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 12,083
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Dark and somber isn't for me. definitely not you Heaven  you are so much fun 
whats funny is MOM is right .. when you are content with yourself.. then others will find you appealing..and BOOM outta the blue it happens... I know  and sheesh yer a youngin at 40 to be so sad  NEVER give up ya might put the serach on the back burner for a while ..but keep going on.. 
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| Aug 2 @ 1:32 PM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,360
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whats funny is MOM is right .. when you are content with yourself.. then others will find you appealing..and BOOM outta the blue it happens..
Yep, you got it Becks. And that includes when you can genuinely enjoy other peoples' happiness. If you can do that, you're inviting your own, if that makes any sense. If you're mingy, dog in the manger, jealous and resentful that other people have found what you haven't, you're blocking it away from yourself.
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| Aug 5 @ 4:55 PM |
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Nightowl001
Posts: 4,143
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If you're mingy, dog in the manger, jealous and resentful that other people have found what you haven't, you're blocking it away from yourself. Sometimes that is awfully hard to get around, though, Heaven. I'm not sure how common the experience is of wishing a particular someone would be (as) attracted to us (as we are to them), only to watch them hook up with someone else while we sit by asking "WTF do they see in THEM?!?" It happens a few times in a row and before you know it, you have accepted that there is something "wrong" with you. You ask your friends what you're doing wrong, and they come back with that well-intentioned crap of effectively saying "Hey, you're a great person, and anybody would be lucky to have you... but no, I don't wanna sleep with you either." Then you start thinking, "Ah, so I am doing something wrong, and I can't even get anybody to tell me so I can change things." By the time you've hit that point, you're in a vicious circle. It doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself there's nothing wrong with you, everything you've experienced is telling you that there is something wrong with you, but you don't have a clue. And this goes beyond personal relationships. It can happen with anything you try. The story you wrote that your creative writing teacher liked and the people in your writing group liked and the professional writers you know said it's great, but it comes back from it's 5th rejection, and you KNOW it's better than some of the crap they published last month. Your band is known all over the state where you are, and you have standing gigs at a half-dozen clubs 'cause they know you're a draw, and you've already got a New Year's gig lined up and it's only June, but you just got your demo back with a form rejection, and you're inspecting the CD case to try to tell if they even opened it. And asking yourself what you're doing wrong. You ask yourself if there is some "rule" you don't know about, and until you find out about it, you're never going to get beyond where you are. And then you start looking at that list of things you always wanted to do, and you know that there are things on there that you are never going to do now. And you think of all those people who told you when you were little that you could do anything you put your mind to, and you worked soo hard, and didn't manage it. So, there must be something wrong with you, right? And you know you should be happy for those people who have managed to achieve their dreams, but underneath it all, there is an undercurrent of jelousy and resentment, because, damn it, you deserved something!
Sometimes, it's just real hard to actually feel happy for someone else, when you feel like you've been denied. When you feel like "something's missing."
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| Aug 5 @ 5:13 PM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,360
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Night, I know what you mean, but that doesn't change what I said. It really seems to be a law of nature (Law of Attraction, whatever you call it). I never said it was easy, but it IS possible, cuz a lot of people have done it. When you start wondering, well what do they see in THEM - remember that there is something, even if you can't see it. Then try as hard as you can to empathize with the object of your affections (attraction, lust, whatever it is or was) and try to experience it vicariously (which is pretty much what empathy is). Weird as it seems, even to me and I've been doing this kind of visualization for decades, you'll find that you're not only feeling better, but good things start happening to you that continue to make you feel better. On the other hand, when you're mingy and resentful of good things that happen to other people, it makes you feel bad, and you find even more bad things happening to you.
My 'rabbi' (a friend indeed), taught me the mantra of "YCYOR" - you create your own reality, and I've found it to be true. YMMV, but believe me, it's worth a try.
p.s. Don't ever believe there's something wrong with you...it's not you, it's where you're looking. If you feel bad, you're looking at the dark side of life and bringing it to you, if you feel happy, it's the opposite.
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| Aug 5 @ 5:26 PM |
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Nightowl001
Posts: 4,143
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Heaven, I wasn't saying you weren't right. I was just saying sometimes it's hard. I guess as a matter of what I can personally identify with, it's easier for me to understand where those people are coming from who do feel like something is missing and who feel like no matter what they try, it'll never be what they want. It may be an unfortunate circumstance that many people have a hard time empathizing with successes because they had so few from such an early age that they have to reach awfully deep to empathize with someone who has achieved a success. Some people may even need therapy to help them find those successes so that they are capable of empathy for those who succeed. I know you frequent the political forums too. Look at how many people on there crow over the perceived losses of the opposition candidate, as opposed to those who post good news about the successes of their candidate. I've mentioned before that I think it is sad so many of them find joy in someone else's failings, rather than in someone's successes.
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| Aug 5 @ 5:29 PM |
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,494
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desire causes us to choose to strive towards things, action is the only way things happen,
because if you are truly satisfied, you don't need or want extra outside involvement...
but if you are growing, searching and exploring then the opportunity is there...
when you truly stop looking, there is nothing to find... you don't look, and you become self contained...
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| Aug 5 @ 5:35 PM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,360
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I see what you mean, but I was just trying to explain where I was coming from with my own experiences...for what it's worth, I still feel I owe most of the successes I've encountered in my life to the man that taught me about creating my own reality. I went from a totally depressed victim (and yes, I fully believe that we're the only ones who can allow ourselves to be victims - we share in the responsibiity for it) to someone who's been living a pretty good life for some time. Not necessarily everything I'd like in my life, but then again you can't always get what you want.
Yep, I'm a Poli person too, but my thoughts there are too mixed for me to rejoice or grieve over anyone's victory or defeat. I have to agree though, that it's sad when people's greatest joy is seeing someone trip and fall, even more than seeing someone they respect succeed in accomplishing somethng.
action is the only way things happen
Actually, for me, inaction has changed my life most. I was given the choice to continue with the same company I'd been with forever or not. I stayed, and next thing I knew I was driving the convertible I'd wanted, had the pool I'd salivated over in magazines, and ended up with a guy who's more what I needed than I'd ever been able to even picture. I'm not the 'action' type as much as go with the flow. This just happens to be where the flow took me, and I'm still overwhemed with gratitude for it.
[Edited on 8/5/2008 5:41 PM]
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| Aug 5 @ 8:56 PM |
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 17,010
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I am telling you, it is past life stuff. When you get the blocks cleared, good shit happens. Each time you find something you want and feel the gratitude, it gets better and better. Yeah, so some of it sucks but when you can work thru it to the feeling good again, then the world revolves around your energy.
Either way actually. Your inner energy WILL express itself in your life. So, when I am pissy, all hell breaks loose.
When I am ecstatically happy, the whole world glows! Nothing better.
The trick is to maintain it by working on the issues AS they come up. Not ignoring them and thinking it will just go away. Ignoring it is a bad habit of mine that tends to blow the fk up in my face. Ah, well.   
I still enjoy my life, tons!
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| Aug 7 @ 6:51 PM |
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nightlady1967
Posts: 343
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so many things are more fun when shared
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