| Jan 3, 2006 @ 10:28 AM |
marriage myths
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lecriveuse
Posts: 1,865
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these would hold true about any romantic relationship. i'm even guilty of one of two. eek 
http://marriage.about.com/cs/myths/qt/myths.htm
Loneliness will end with marriage.
Spouses should be able to read one another's minds.
Men like and need sex more than women. 
If a couple truly loves one another, they won't have problems.
Marriage makes a person a complete human being.
Married couples should do everything together.
Everyone should be married.
Having money will solve all problems.
People who abuse their spouses can't control their anger.
Romance is never ending in a marriage.
Marriage makes people happy.
Children can hold a family together.  the biggest lie ever!
A person's family background has no effect on their marriage.
Married people don't masturbate.
Arguing destroys a marriage.
He/she will change after marriage. 
Sex lessens as a couple grows older.
There is only one person in the world for each of us.
hope it helps someone. 
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| Jan 3, 2006 @ 10:57 AM |
marriage myths |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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Loneliness will end with marriage.
The loneliest point in my life was when I was with my wife and her 3 kids.
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| Jan 3, 2006 @ 12:01 PM |
marriage myths
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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Not only do abusive spouses control their anger...they choose who they are going to release their anger towards and that person is usually their spouse or their children.
My anger and frustration is directed at the heads of nails these days. Most people who know me from the past are pretty amazed at the change in me over the last few years. I was never a terribly violent person but I trashed a lot of things. These days I build.
I also have other means of calming myself. Gardening and photography seem to give me a certain degree of serinity.
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| Jan 3, 2006 @ 12:45 PM |
marriage myths |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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Yes Spongecakes,
I agree. Gardening is VERY therapeutic.
I'm guilty of believing things would get better once we were married. BIG mistake.
If anything, it gets worse. MUCH, MUCH worse.
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| Jan 3, 2006 @ 1:36 PM |
marriage myths
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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Men like and need sex more than women
That's not MYTH it's FACT
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| Jan 4, 2006 @ 3:08 PM |
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 13,047
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That's not MYTH it's FACT
Always.......I see you've been meeting the wrong women!!!!!! 
Marriage makes a person a complete human being.
This comment makes it quite clear to me why there are so many unhappy and dissatisfied people in the world....they think they are inferior until they get a written document. Pffftttt!!!!
Married couples should do everything together.
I don't care what anyone says, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip. There are still TWO individuals involved and unless you're dating/married to your clone, there will be varying degrees of interests in some things. If one partner feels they are giving up something because the other one isn't interested, that can eventually lead up to resentment. Give each other some space and breathing room. Then enjoy hearing about each other's day!!!
Everyone should be married.
That's like saying everyone should be a parent......NOT!!!
[Edited on 1/4/2006 3:09 PM]
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| Jan 4, 2006 @ 4:11 PM |
marriage myths
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kaden69
Posts: 529
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Always.......I see you've been meeting the wrong women!!!!!! ,...... yes i sooooo agree
marriage iz not for many,..... nobody takes marriage seriously anymore,.... you're lucky if most last beyond 6mos
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| Jan 4, 2006 @ 4:20 PM |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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I got married knowing that I didn't want to be with her but I didn't want to hurt her.
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| Jan 4, 2006 @ 5:55 PM |
marriage myths
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kaden69
Posts: 529
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In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.
Robert Anderson
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| Jan 4, 2006 @ 6:38 PM |
marriage myths |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.
We couldn't stand the sight of each other, does that count?
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| Jan 4, 2006 @ 6:42 PM |
marriage myths
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,628
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Spouses should be able to read one another's minds.
A, this happens alot in our marriage!
Romance is never ending in a marriage 
Marriage makes people happy. Hm, works for me...
Men like and need sex more than women
Sex lessens as a couple grows older. MYTH!!!!!!
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| Jan 4, 2006 @ 8:31 PM |
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RareQuestor
Posts: 2,652
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There is only one person in the world for each of us.
In my experience, this is the most prevalent or widespread myth of all. I have seen hundreds of ads here seeking some variation of this myth. "I am seeking my soulmate", "I want a one woman only man", "I hope to meet the love of my life", et cetera. I have also read hundreds of posts here containing a variation of "There is somebody for everybody and you just have to find him or her." I would wager that most of us certainly do believe that there is only one person in the world for each of us.
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| Jan 4, 2006 @ 9:45 PM |
marriage myths
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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Arguing destroys a marriage.
It certainly didn't do my marriage any good. I would have to say this one is not a myth.
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 1:18 AM |
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PerhapsLove
Posts: 643
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Why am I not surprised that the "Guidance Counselor of the Forums" so graciously posts a thread than is intended to be helpful for all?
I daresay most here - the VAST majority and, thus, the vast majority who will read that - are half the remains of a failed marriage. I know I am.
And, if you are divorced, REGARDLESS of the reason or "who" was at fault, you TOO have failed in marriage.
Therefore, many here have probably experienced more than one of those myths. I have.
One that I did not experience was "change." I did not try to change my bride - nor did my former spouse try to change me.
Why some do is beyond me but the reason for failure of a marriage where change is attempted is so, so obvious.
You meet. You like. You love. You decide to be together.
One, or both, feels the need to get the other to "change."
In order to "please," changes occur.
Suddenly, what has happened? The person liked and loved is no longer the same person. He or she has "changed" to please the other and the attraction has dissipated. It marks the beginning of the end.
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 9:39 AM |
marriage myths
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lecriveuse
Posts: 1,865
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oh no, perhaps! i'd never suggest that someone "failed" at a marriage because one person can't preserve a union made for two. 
i know it's easy to think of yourself as a failure (it's crossed my mind), but that's so cruel and false. we can't make other people love and stay with us; period (i wouldn't want someone who didn't want me either).
as far back as my class in the 80s, i know people have some strange ideas about marriage/relationships. i only meant to post this to remind us all that we're human, complete with the stellar behavior and foibles that make us unique. one person's grounds for divorce is just an endearing quality for another.
i hope the threads i've posted about relationships are accepted in the helpful spirit they were given.
[Edited on 1/5/2006 9:46 AM]
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 10:42 AM |
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PerhapsLove
Posts: 643
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threads i've posted about relationships are accepted in the helpful spirit
I hope so too, Lec.
Those I have read certainly illustrate thoughtfullness.
Re: Pass or Fail
If a marriage does not survive, it has failed.
Thus, both parties have failed at the attempt.
Think of it in terms of the Titanic.
The postings (originated, by the way, by David Sarnoff) did not state:
Catholic survivors
Protestant survivors
Jewish survivors
Black survivors
White survivors... or so on
The list said simply: Lost - Saved
If a passing score is 70 and you achieve 68, you fail; just as surely as the person who scores 58 or 48...
If a marriage exists until death they do part, it has survived.
If not, it has failed.
Remember? Johnny dislikes the catcher.
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 11:20 AM |
marriage myths
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 13,047
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In this context, I DESPISE the word "fail(ed)"!!!!!!!!! It is so negative. Just because a relationship is no longer in existance, doesn't mean that someone failed.
Isn't it possible that over the course of time, circumstances or individual events changed and one or both people grew from these changes?? And, isn't it possible that with this growth the couple discover that through no one's fault, they have found they are no longer the person they used to be?
In the voice of "experience", we try to tell young people that perhaps they should wait until they get a little older to get married. Sometimes, they don't "listen" to the sagely advise and then if the marriage doesn't survive, they are told they are failures. No wonder so many people are on anti-depressants!!!
It makes me wonder about the people that are distributing the guilt trips and repacking the baggage.....are they transferring their "failures" on to others??!?!
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 11:40 AM |
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PerhapsLove
Posts: 643
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Eyes...
Failure is not necessarily a bad thing.
The following are probably not incuded but you might add to your dictionary and thesaurus:
1. Bartlett's
2. Famous First Lines
Some goals are so worthy, it's glorious even to fail.
I'd rather do something and fail than do nothing and succeed!
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 3:29 PM |
marriage myths
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 13,047
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Failure is not necessarily a bad thing.
I totally agree!!! (And thank you for the reference book selection recommendation...already had them.) As Samuel Smiles said, "We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery."
Perhaps, you missed what I said:
In this context, I DESPISE the word "fail(ed)"!!!!!!!!! It is so negative. Just because a relationship is no longer in existance, doesn't mean that someone failed.
I feel the connotation of failure in conjunction with marriage is negative and disheartening.
[Edited on 1/5/2006 3:31 PM]
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 3:46 PM |
marriage myths |
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lecriveuse
Posts: 1,865
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connotation of failure in conjunction with marriage is negative and disheartening.
it could be an outright lie! if someone is cheating or beating up on someone, how is the affected spouse a failure? people do change. i only walk in my shoes. i know i wouldn't stay in a relationship where someone has changed adversely and to my detriment. i would have failed myself for not taking better care of me.
divorce is catastrophic enough. let people move on with their lives. if you have baggage, put it on a railroad tie outside of your house. you will have failed yourself if past baggage impedes your potential for a happy future whether you choose to remain single or get involved again. 
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