| Mar 23 @ 11:19 AM |
Why do parents act this way?
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luneib
Posts: 732
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My mom had phoned me yesterday, she tends to live in the past, well...she is in her early 90s. Out of the blue she starts talking about my ex husband, I've been divorced 4 years, I'm trying to move on with my life, you can't move on if you are thinking about that person, but my Mom brings up his name just about every time she phones me. He is remarried, she said that he is not, I said I know he is because a supervisor I worked for was in his Accounting class at college and he told her, plus, I met his new wife and she said they were married, ok, so then she says to me in a whiney way "Oh, she has everything now" meaning the house I used to live in with him, the guy with the great incomes. I could care less about the house, I'm not the materialistic type. When I was married to the guy she didn't care much for him, now she talks about him like he is a Saint. She said to me "You really hurt him by divorcing him, he was so hurt". Nice guilt trip, she does that alot to me, grrrrrr.  I'm wondering, what did she want me to do, live with the guy 'cause he had a great job and a house because she would then have bragging rights about how her daughter lived in a great town in a great house and her husband makes alot of money? I just don't see the point staying with someone if you're not happy, but....she apparently doesn't see it that way, grrrrr. I said to her what really irked me is that my ex married just 1 month after our divorce. Now....the way I see things, if someone says they love you, yet you still get a divorce, why in the world would they marry 1 month after the divorce?  That just makes no sense to me at all. My mom said she thinks he did it because it was his way of not letting me back into the house to be with him. Kind of like a spite thing I guess. Who marries for spite??? Geeeez.  Anyhoo, it's always a challenge talking with my mom, you have no idea. 
Then my mom brought up a past boyfriend of mine. She said to me "You divorced me and your father years ago", I was like huh? What are you talking about? She said you moved out into an apartment without discussing it with us. Now, mind you, she is the judgemental type and everything has to be HER way or the highway, believe me, I know, I lived with my parents for 23 years. I thought, ok, I'm 23, time to move out, get some independence. What is so wrong with that? My mom made me sign some paper, signing over some money to her, I guess money she was going to give me if I had stayed living in the house I grew up in, but....since I was moving out, I had to sign the paper or I couldn't go. Yes, can you say controlling?  Ok, then she mentioned when I moved out that her phone bill would be higher, since I had worked for the phone company at the time and got her a discount. So....I'm supposed to stay home so her phone bill is cheaper?
She mentioned yesterday on the phone that my past bf's sister was saying stuff about me and her brother, I'm not sure what, but anyways, my mom said it was all over town. First off, his sister was a loose woman if you get the picture, not a nice girl at all. My mom chose to believe what she was saying, grrrrrrr. I couldn't believe she brought up my past bf yesterday, I dated him in my 20s, what the heck! She said to me "You moved out into that apartment so that you could be with John". I told her, John was just a friend. Well....you don't call someone a bf in front of her if she doesn't like the person and she didn't, I didn't want the shit to hit the fan as the old saying goes.
Anyhoo, so by the time I got off the phone with her, I was all keyed up, my nerves were a bit shot.  Then she says "You should call me sometime ok"? Now...I do get it, daughters are supposed to phone their moms, but my mom drives me nuts.  She is in her 90s otherwise I'd say something to her staighten her out, but I don't since she is on heart pills. Hell no, I don't want to be responsible for her having a heart attack, just what I need. So....life goes on, my mom still controls my sister, tells her election time who to vote for, even picked out my sister's house, would not give her the money towards the house my sister and hubby actually wanted, would only help out if it was the house in the neighborhood my mom had picked out for them.
Now on a good note, growing up I did have some wonderful vacations with my family, but as you guessed it, they were all planned by my mom, she controlled everything. We went to Europe, to Paris when I was just 15, wonderful memories.
I just wish sometimes that my mom would get over the past, stop dwelling on it it drives me nuts. She doesn't seem to realize how much it hurts me talking about my divorce. It's difficult enough getting through a divorce, even when you are divorced, it does take awhile to get over that, especially when you lived with a person for 21 years, yeh, that long.
I'm glad to have found my bf, he treats me so well. His mom is so different from mine, she never criticizes anything, she is so supportive of me. How I wish my mom was that way. My mom says she loves me, just has a funny way of showing it. 
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| Mar 23 @ 1:48 PM |
Why do parents act this way? |
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luneib
Posts: 732
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Ok, so...today is a new day  my Mom phones me again, I'm thinking, ok, maybe something is wrong, no everything is ok, she just called with a job idea even 'though I am not looking , she know I have my own business. She also called to brag about how my sister was just offered a job at the bank and wasn't even looking for a job, and to brag about the job she was offered last year at the AAA and wasn't even looking. They are laying off like crazy where my sister works, she works retail. She turned down the bank job, also turned down the AAA job, hmmmmm. Anyhoo, I think she should have at least considered one or the other seeing how the economy is and seeing that her new boss said he has hundreds of people waiting to take their jobs, he's not a nice guy. He said it doesn't matter how long you have worked there, your job is not safe. Yeh, that'll make the people want to come to work in the morning. Anyhoo, that's how my day has started so far. Hope yours was better.
Right now I'm cleaning drip pans on my stove lol. Yeh, life doesn't get any more exciting than that lol. 
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| Mar 23 @ 6:10 PM |
Why do parents act this way?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,628
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Ok, right off the bat, I want you to know that I lost my mother 3 and a half years ago. She was 71.
Your mother is 90. I wish mine had lived that long.
Deal with, the day will come when you won't have to any more.
Sorry if I am not giving you what you want to hear.
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| Mar 23 @ 6:10 PM |
Why do parents act this way? |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,628
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Whoops double post
[Edited on 3/23/2009 6:29 PM]
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| Mar 23 @ 6:18 PM |
Why do parents act this way?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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Especially at her age, they grew up in a different time.
Heck-my Mom is 20 years younger, and just started saying "I love you."
She brings up my ex sometimes, too. I have just told her if I have been the best Mom I could, the biggest house on the block shouldn't matter.
Gently sit down and talk to her, Hug her. Tell her how much you love her
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| Mar 23 @ 6:29 PM |
Why do parents act this way? |
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signme
Posts: 12,586
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I lost my mom 8 years ago. She was 75. Not a day goes by that I don't wish she was still around. I had to live with her for 8 months after my hip surgery. That got a bit old really fast! LOL A few weeks after I moved home, she went into the hospital for 7 weeks. She never came home. I wouldn't care how controlling she was, I just would love to have her back.
I can understand what you're saying Lune, but after all, it is just a phone call. You did get out and made your own way. Before long, she won't be around to bug you and then you'll realize that you really do miss those calls.
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| Mar 23 @ 7:29 PM |
Why do parents act this way?
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daisy315
Posts: 4,946
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my mother gets on my nerves also with her topics of conversation. And alot of times she says things that hurt my feelings. but I still call her almost every single day or go by to visit.. She's my mom and she's been like that my entire life.. she's not gonna change now.
you couldn't leave her house without signing a paper?.. You were 23 yrs old.. you can do anything you want at that age.. you weren't a minor.
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| Mar 23 @ 7:53 PM |
Why do parents act this way? |
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,059
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You were 23 yrs old.. you can do anything you want at that age.. you weren't a minor.
Someone can only control you if you let them.
My mom tries. 
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| Mar 23 @ 8:01 PM |
Why do parents act this way?
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Jankia
Posts: 11,900
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My moms not quite 90 but she occasionally doesnt even know who is visiting her...including her sons.
Just be glad that your mom still does and can still use the phone. 
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| Mar 23 @ 8:48 PM |
Why do parents act this way? |
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Jalon
Posts: 1,611
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To be quite honest, my mom drives me apesh!t quite frequently, and she's only 64! However, after nearly losing her a few years back, I have grown to cherish everyday I still get with her. Yes, she still gets on my last nerve at times but she is the only mom I have. She is who she is. It's up to me to accept that.
*Edited to add: my mother has accepted me...all the crappy parts, so I think I owe her the same.*
[Edited on 3/23/2009 9:01 PM]
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| Mar 23 @ 9:18 PM |
Why do parents act this way?
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missliss78
Posts: 5,190
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My mom will soon be 75. We live together & frankly, I am so thankful to be with her at this point in both of our lives. With that said, here's a thought...perhaps if you'd be in touch with her more often...just to say "Hi, Mom..how are ya?," maybe she wouldn't get quite so wound up & annoy you so much.
Just a thought.
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| Mar 23 @ 9:49 PM |
Why do parents act this way? |
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JenRNinOhio
Posts: 4,161
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Lost my mom 6 1/2 years ago & I miss her every day. She was only 69.
She & I had our differences. She was so very opinionated it was funny. Hard headed. Bossy. Held my tongue to avoid fights many, many times. There were arguments. Times I avoided her. Periods of time when we didn't speak.
It didn't make sense that she wanted to treat me like a child when I was in my 40's with 5 kids of my own........ But she was Mom & I was her child.
I miss her.
So very much.
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| Mar 23 @ 10:16 PM |
Why do parents act this way?
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luneib
Posts: 732
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My mom means well, I guess I'm too sensitive for her words sometimes. I do phone her, but she always finds something negative to say. Yes, she grew up in another time period so I guess I should consider that and just let things flow off my back. I do appreciate having her around still.
Thanx for sharing your stories, I didn't realize how similar people's Moms are, it must be a generational thing.
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| Mar 24 @ 8:43 PM |
Why do parents act this way? |
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daisy315
Posts: 4,946
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for years and years, all Sis and I heard was "the minute you turn 18, you're outta the house".. she cut us some slack, we left when we were 19.
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| Mar 24 @ 8:49 PM |
Why do parents act this way?
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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i lost my mother in October- she was 94- she died doing what she loved- camping in the rv-i still miss her-
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| Mar 25 @ 12:39 AM |
Why do parents act this way? |
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thor22
Posts: 3,350
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well, the first thing you need to do about "mom" is to get her physcoanalized by a shrink...who, by the way it sounds about dear "mom", will indeed, have her to be declared imcompetent...which is exactly what you want...then you grab power of attorney of her bank account and telephone...and finally, have her sent off to a comfortable asylumn...
mind you, I did not say nursing home/death camp...
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| Mar 25 @ 12:55 AM |
Why do parents act this way?
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Lune sometimes all that the elderly can remember is past times.. current ones slip by them... Just smile and let her speak..then remind her that you love her but you are an adult and are now in the position of caring for yourself... so that she doesn't have to worry about you anymore....it is your turn to worry about her... I to this day wish my mother would have been more of a bitch.. then I wouldn't miss her so damn much every friggin day .... 
[Edited on 3/25/2009 2:47 AM]
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| Mar 25 @ 7:50 PM |
Why do parents act this way? |
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1RockinDude
Posts: 9,130
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I am lucky I have one cool mother..She will be 67 this year..loves Kid Rock..haha
She beat cancer three times..one tough woman !! and a great friend. Always thinks of others, then herself.
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| Mar 27 @ 9:00 AM |
Why do parents act this way?
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mystery2u888
Posts: 18,025
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